Kapitel 68: All The "Sorry"'s I Never Said (8)

"Joon-woo! Honey! Soften your expression!" The photographer on set ushered.

Joon-woo complied. He hadn't realized he had even worn an expression like such in the first place.

"Beautiful! Adorable! Yes!" The photographer called in a heavy American accent. The camera flashed at his every word. "You're a natural, sweetheart, a natural!"

Really, Joon-woo held back his embarrassment. He knew how to control his expressions and make the necessary poses. As Ha-rin, brand shoots were something that happened often, so he could do these well.

"Really, model material there! Perfect! Perfect! And…– You're finished…" The photographer smiled brightly at Joon-woo.

The top five were currently getting their group and individual photos taken and it was just an hour or two after the rankings had been announced. Joon-woo shuffled out of the limelight of the too-fancy camera equipment and lights.

The other top five contestants were sitting getting make-up touched up for their shots. Joon-woo took a seat next to Mi Yong.

"You're a natural at photoshoots, Joonie-ah…" Mi Yong hummed, wincing at the brush rubbing under his eye. The make-up artist scolded him. "Really, I don't think I'll ever be able to get used to all those lights and the cameras and all."

Joon-woo looked at Mi Yong's slightly pout-y expression and tried to hold his wince at the cringy nickname. He wanted Mi Yong to be more confident in himself. His idol experience proved plenty. "You seem like a natural too, Hyung." He replied.

Mi Yong hummed, "I want to think that…" He spoke as if it was a far away dream. Joon-woo frowned. Was the lack of confidence stemming from his presumed 'failure' to lead Winner to success? As Ha-rin, it was a feeling that plagued her every word. What she could've done better. What she could've led her band members to do better.

"No. You are." Joon-woo spoke with confidence. "You aren't the most popular contestant for no reason, you know."

Mi Yong looked at Joon-woo, as if surprised– but his expression shifted into a smile. "Thank you.

Joon-woo figured that Mi Yong's drop in confidence was because of Bo Jaesang's elimination. They had yet to properly discuss it, and Joon-woo wasn't really sure he wanted to. He knew it would be beneficial, though, as it was something he didn't do enough as Ha-rin.

"Who's next… oh– my second favorite contestant! Mi Yong!" The photographer cooed.

Mi Yong's face slightly brightened at the words. He stood and walked onto the large white cloth with lights, cameras, and people manning each thing. He seemed to be a little less stiff than he just was. Joon-woo felt as if he had done something good for once.

–+–

Jung Hyun-Ok wiped away at his make-up, but little change was made in his appearance. If anything, he didn't need the make-up, but the make-up needed him. His sharper nose and higher-raised cheekbones shone nicely in any light. It was Jung Hyun-Ok's expression that downed the mood, though Joon-woo's wasn't much better.

The photoshoots and interviews were finished and the top five were dismissed to their dorms. Joon-woo couldn't imagine how awkward practically every dorm was, especially the ones that had a top five contestant and an eliminated contestant alike.

That was his and Jung Hyun-Ok's case, after all. Joon-woo found the process cruel, but expected no less from a production team of their sorts.

They both stopped at their door and stood awkwardly outside. What would they say to Bo Jaesang? What would they say to his best friend, Ryeo Hyun. They were all just mature enough to not yell or get angry at each other over such a predicament, but it was still tense.

Jung Hyun-Ok lightly squeezed at Joon-woo's hand. "He won't be mad. He won't." He reassured, though his expression read unsure of his own words.

Joon-woo nodded, though he figured the other needed to hear those words more. As an initiative, Joon-woo was the one to open the dorm door. A wave of heavy and intense air smacked the duo in their face.

In the room they saw Ryeo Hyun, the man as stoic as could be, stared at a sheetless mattress that once belonged to Bo Jaesang. Bo Jaesang's suitcase was gone and he himself– gone with the wind. It was like it was never there in the first place.

Ryeo Hyun turned to the two who still stood awkwardly at the doorway.

"He left. They all left." Ryeo Hyun informed on the obvious. There was a clear emotion in his tone, though unreadable to anyone who hadn't seen Ryeo Hyun on that day his scandal got resolved– Joon-woo knew it well.

Jung Hyun-Ok walked up and embraced Ryeo Hyun. Their small height difference was highlighted more than usual. It was awkward, seeing a man as buffed-up and tough being embraced by a man so pretty that Joon-woo knew for a fact locals would fawn over photos of him and say: "Is that not a girl?" Though Joon-woo found that thought a bit hypocritical considering his own appearance without make-up made people question if Joon-woo was a guy or not.

Joon-woo didn't hug or liked to be hugged, he barely knew how to comfort people with words. He stood at the now closed dorm door with a pitiful expression.

"I'm sorry Hyung, I knew you were the closest with Jaesang-ah…" Jung Hyun-Ok muttered in his ever-calming voice.

Ryeo Hyun didn't complete the hug. He stood there for a moment longer, before wriggling out with ease. "No. He was your guises friend too." He insisted.

Joon-woo thought the atmosphere to be grim, similar to that of a funeral.

"Did you tell him to stay in touch?" Joon-woo hesitantly asked. He wasn't one to message people– let alone reply, but he knew Reggie and Mi Yong messaged a lot in their freetime.

Ryeo Hyun pursed his lips, " I told him to. I told him to call me when he got home, but–"

"But?" Jung Hyun-Ok asked.

"Jaesang-ah, you know, he– he gets unstable." Ryeo Hyun softly informed.

Joon-woo stiffened. Wasn't that all too familiar? Ju Hae was the same way, falling apart at the revelation that career and ability to live normally would never be possible for her again. But Bo Jaesang was still 21. He still had a chance to walk, to live, to debut.

"This was his last chance– 'Xe' said. They said if he couldn't debut here, he wouldn't debut at all." Ryeo Hyun spoke low.

Joon-woo took a large breath at that. He knew Bo Jaesang wasn't particularly a monster at dancing or rapping or singing. He had the average trainee skill-set. Even his looks averaged out for a trainee. But for his journey to end so… harshly? Joon-woo huffed at the industry's familiar unfair nature.

"But he's– he's only 21..?" Jung Hyun-Ok spoke in disbelief.

Ryeo Hyun shook his head, "He's been a trainee for almost a decade already…"

"And he gets bad? What does that mean Hyung..?" Jung Hyun-Ok pried.

Ryeo Hyun avoided eye contact, "He has depression and… and it usually worsens when something like– like this happens." He explained, as cool-headed as he could.

Joon-woo stiffened. Depression was common among trainees and even more so idols. Ha-rin had diagnosed depression and popped pills every morning for it. Gim Mi-Cha and Ju Hae had depression with smaller doses.

The room was painted silent.

"And when it gets bad, he drinks. Jaesang-ah drinks." Ryeo Hyun dropped another bomb.

Joon-woo struggled to visualize the all-joy Bo Jaesang so… down. Though, Joon-woo knew Ryeo Hyun wasn't lying. The industry killed. The industry swung and swung until its victim was either submissive or dead. He knew it well, like the back of his hand.

"Hyung…" Joon-woo spoke after beats of silence. "Aren't we off this coming weekend? Let's visit. Let's make sure he's… okay." He suggested. Maybe he could help Bo Jaesang. Maybe the guilt of Ju Hae's situation would ease. Maybe.

Ryeo Hyun seemed surprised by the suggestion. It was Friday. They would be off tomorrow. He nodded after a moment.

"Yeah– yeah. That's a good idea." Ryeo Hyun nodded, tension visibly leaving his expression.