Kapitel 21: Be Honest To Each Other
She shook her head once more. "It wouldn't be healthy for either of us, honey. Your step father would hate me if he found out about our secret. And I'd lose respect for myself if I let myself get involved with you, my son, my own fresh my own blood. The fact remains that it would ruin our lives eventually. And that's something I'm afraid I just cannot allow myself to risk."
"But what happens if we don't let anyone know, we just keep it between the two of us. I will behave myself in front of anyone, even my stepdad." He asked.
She stared back at him blankly, unable to comprehend such an idea. After all these years, why did he suddenly come up with such an insane suggestion? "That may sound nice in theory, but reality doesn't always play along nicely." Wasn't he supposed to understand better than anyone else how dangerous their situation was? How easy would it be for someone to discover them? We shouldn't take any chances though. It might seem harmless now, but if word got out about our relationship, people would start thinking less of us. And trust me, they wouldn't hesitate to judge us harshly." She spoke.
As he stared at her, he realized that he didn't have an answer to her warning. He had no response to her argument, only looking at her sadly. "I understand your point," he finally replied. "But there has to be some kind of compromise here." He sighed deeply. "What if we could limit ourselves to just in this bedroom?" He asked, "Or maybe we can have secret rendezvous." He refused to give up his hope. He shook his head in disagreement. "What if we didn't let anyone know? What if we just kept it between ourselves? I've been doing a good job hiding it so far, you didn't even notice until I told you today. Why can't we keep it that way?" He pleaded, his cheeks flushing with the excitement of the idea.
But there were always risks involved, even if they kept their taboo affair a secret. Liz knew this better than anyone. The slightest mistake could reveal everything they were hiding and ruin their lives forever. Liz looked at him incredulously. "How long do you think we can keep it going? What if we got caught? Do you even think about the consequences beforehand? We could ruin everything we've worked so hard for." She said.
"I have thought about it…" He said firmly. "I just…I'm in love with you, mom. And I want to be with you." He took a deep breath. He knew he had to be careful not to push her too hard. He already pushed her boundaries twice tonight. He didn't want to lose her love, but he also couldn't bear to live without her.
She grabbed the blanket to cover herself first, and then put on her nightgown again. She believed her nature beauty stopped her son thinking straight. "If you do love me as you said, son, please respect me, respect my decision. You know I love you more than anything, but I also want you to grow up as a strong healthy man. Please prove your love to me, by respecting me as your mom."
Seeing Liz put on her nightgown again, Jay felt like he failed miserably tonight already. "I…I will prove I love you, mom. I will respect you, even if this is against my real feelings." He started sobbing again. He couldn't remember how many times he sobbed tonight already. He felt like he was losing her, losing his dear love mom.
Her emotions were a jumbled mess. She was touched and sad at the same time. It was hard for her to see her son heartbroken, but she knew deep down that this was the right decision. "Thank you, son. Thank you for understanding. This was very difficult for me, too..." She said softly, tears forming in her eyes too. "It's okay though, we'll get through this together. Your mother loves you very much. You are my only child, my pride and joy. Now come here, hug me tight." She pulled her boy in for a tight hug, trying to comfort him the best she could, feeling guilty for making him cry. "It's okay, baby boy. It'll all work out fine. Just remember..."she says softly, looking into his eyes lovingly "...you're still my precious little prince."
"Thanks mom." He hugged her tightly, and his tears wetted her shoulder. "Can I ask you one more thing? Can I still do what I did to you before? Peek at you, and use your feet to masturbate when you are sleeping?"
Her heart skipped a beat at the idea of her son still wanting her body that way. She squeezed him tight, feeling his body shudder against hers. "Son…I thought we agreed not to do that anymore. You know it's not proper…" She said, trying to hide her excitement at the thought of being spied on. "I know you love me unconditionally, but I can't have you crossing that line again. It's not healthy for either of us." She said, her voice wavering slightly.
"But mom, you and stepdad didn't notice anything before. If I continue doing what I did, you won't notice anything neither. I just try to be honest with you. I want to be open with you, and no more secret between you and me." He pleaded.
She looked into his eyes as he spoke. His words seemed sincere, even if they came out awkwardly. She knew he was just trying to be honest with her, but she also knew that it wasn't the right thing to do. He was still a child, albeit a very mature one, and he needed guidance and protection more than anything else. "Son… I know you want to be honest with me, I truly do. But what you're doing is wrong. You have a mother who loves you very much, and who wants to keep you safe and protected from the harsh realities of life. Please promise me that you'll never spy on me or peek into my room anymore." She asked, looking up at him pleadingly. "Promise me that you won't cross any lines like that ever again. Promise me that you'll always respect our boundaries as parents."
"But that wasn't what we agreed on... I just agree not to go any further today. When I peeked at you and use your body masturbated, you couldn't even notice... I can lie to you, but I choose not to..."
Her heart broke a little more at his response. She had been so careful to maintain clear boundaries with him, and now it seemed like she had failed at the one thing that was most important- protecting his trust. She knew that she couldn't force him to go along with her wishes, but she could certainly try to persuade him.
After thinking about it for a moment, she sighed heavily and then nodded slowly. "Alright then…if you're sure about this. But please promise me you won't ever peek at me without telling me first, or use my body when I was sleeping. Okay?"
"R…really? D…do you mean I can ask you to show me your body and ask you to help me masturbate?"
She flushed a bit in embarrassment at his question, but she nodded, trying to hide the desire that was starting to creep up on her heart. "Um, yeah, that could be arranged. But only after you promise me that you won't spy on me and use my body when I am sleeping next to your stepdad. This is too dangerous. You were just lucky, your stepdad didn't find out what you did before."
She paused a bit and added more. "And You won't tell anyone else about this, okay? Especially not your stepdad. This is just between us."
"Oh yea! Thanks mom, you are the best mom in the world." The young boy hugged his mother tightly and gave her a kiss on the lips before letting out a sigh of relief. It seemed like everything had been resolved. But Liz felt there was something off about how they were agrees…but what exactly?
She continued adding more. "And You need to be honest with me from now on. If you don't keep these promises, then I will take back all I said." She warned.
"I promised I will always be honest with you, never peek at you and never use your body masturbate without asking your permission first, mom."
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