Kapitel 87: Amelia's Past
Shakky grappled with the concept, trying to articulate the chaos of her thoughts into coherent sentences. "Why does it hurt?" she asked quietly, her eyes holding a mixture of confusion and frustration. "I appreciate many things in life. The strength of the sea, the power of the women of our island, my own strength...but none of these things cause this...this pain." She clutched her chest, as if trying to physically grasp the feeling. "Why is it different with Jack? Is it because he's a man?"
Amelia couldn't help but laugh at Shakky's earnestness, her giggles echoing in the quiet. "Well, you could say that, I suppose." The words seemed to fluster Shakky, causing her to frown. "Our elders always warned us about men, told us not to be fooled by them," Shakky muttered, almost to herself.
"Shakky," Amelia hastened to correct her, her voice a gentle chiding. "What you're feeling isn't just because Jack is a man, but because of who he is as an individual. Not all men hold the same power over you. I'm sure you've met plenty before, right?"
Shakky gave a distracted nod, her mind clearly elsewhere. After a pause, she turned to Amelia, her gaze intense, "Are you in love with Jack?"
Amelia sighed, the sound heavy and filled with emotion. "Very much so," she admitted, her words barely above a whisper.
Shakky's eyes studied Amelia's face, seemingly searching for something. "Does it hurt?" she asked, her voice a whisper.
Amelia shook her head, her eyes still trained on Shakky's. "No," she responded, her voice barely audible.
"Is it because he loves you back?" Shakky asked, a hint of hope in her voice.
At this, Amelia's face twisted into a grimace. "Yes," she confessed. Shakky seemed to ponder on Amelia's words, her eyes filled with a certain determination as she continued, "If so, why is he with Olvia and not you? It hurts me to see him with Olvia... are you okay with it?"
Amelia paused, taking a deep breath as she tried to formulate a response. It was a complicated situation, one that Amelia herself was still trying to navigate. She looked at Shakky, saw the desperation for understanding in her eyes and took a moment to collect her thoughts.
"Jack is... complicated," she began, her gaze fixed on the distant horizon. "His heart has room for many, and he cares deeply for each one of us. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt sometimes, but we all understand and accept it. Love is not a competition, Shakky. It's not about who gets the most attention or affection. It's about sharing in someone's life, in their joy and sorrow, their victories and defeats."
Shakky tilted her head, her gaze taking in Amelia's face, her eyes clouded with complex emotions. "You look sad," she said, her voice just above a whisper.
Amelia took a deep breath, the ghost of a smile tugging at her lips. She watched the rolling waves for a moment before turning back to Shakky, "There's a lot to be sad about, Shakky. Life isn't always fair."
"Fair? Is it about Jack? Are you sad because of him?" Shakky asked, her face betraying her confusion.
Amelia chuckled lightly at the question, "No, Shakky. It's not Jack's fault. I'm sad because of the choices I made, the path I chose to walk."
"Choices?" Shakky echoed, her curiosity piqued. Amelia simply nodded, a distant look in her eyes.
"I forced myself onto Jack," she admitted, her voice small. Shakky watched as Amelia's gaze hardened, a heavy sigh escaping her lips. "We were in a precarious situation at the time. He wasn't as strong or free as he is now. He didn't want to risk a piece of himself in such a harsh world, but I... I couldn't wait."
Shakky blinked in surprise, her gaze softening with understanding. "You were afraid he would leave you?"
Amelia nodded, a sad smile on her face. "I was young, impulsive. I thought that the only way to keep him with me was to... take advantage of him. So, I did something I'm not proud of. I drugged him, and forced myself on him."
There was silence as Shakky processed Amelia's confession. She looked at Amelia, her gaze full of sympathy and understanding. "Did it work? Did he stay with you?"
Amelia shook her head, her smile turning bitter. "Not in the way I wanted. He stayed, yes, but he was distant, cold. It wasn't until later, when he gained the ability to transport us to a safe place within his body, that he finally felt safe enough to... let us in."
"Does it still hurt?" Shakky asked, her voice barely a whisper.
Amelia was quiet for a moment before finally responding, "Sometimes. The past has a way of creeping up on you when you least expect it."
Shakky nodded slowly, her gaze focused on Amelia. "Is that why you're sad now? Because of the past?"
Amelia shrugged, a rueful smile playing on her lips. "The past, the present, the future. It's all the same, isn't it? Just a constant cycle of joy and sorrow, victory and defeat."
"But... isn't that what life is about?" Shakky asked, her brow furrowed in confusion. "Experiencing all the emotions, all the ups and downs?"
Amelia chuckled, her gaze softening as she looked at Shakky. "Yes, it is. And despite all the pain, all the sorrow, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Because, in the end, it's all worth it."
"Because you love him?" Shakky guessed, her gaze intense.
Amelia's response was a soft smile, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "Yes, Shakky," she confirmed, her voice a mere whisper. "Because I love him."
For a moment, the only sound was the crashing of waves against the shoreline, the salty breeze carrying their whispered secrets out to the sea. Shakky looked at Amelia, her eyes filled with a newfound understanding. Love, she realized, was not a disease, nor a curse. It was an experience, a journey filled with ups and downs, joy and sorrow. And while it may hurt at times, it was also the source of immense happiness.
"Thank you, Amelia," Shakky said, her voice filled with gratitude. "For explaining to me what love is."
Amelia smiled, her eyes crinkling with amusement. "I'm not sure if I did a good job at it, Shakky. Love is... complicated. But it's a journey worth embarking on."
Shakky nodded, her gaze thoughtful as she stared out at the sea. She had a lot to think about, a lot to process. But for the first time since she realized her feelings for Jack, she felt hopeful. She wasn't sick or cursed. She was simply in love.
And that, she decided, wasn't a bad thing at all.
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