Kapitel 29: Leap or Push

There did show to be some improvement as Ash looked over her results from the questionnaires but there were some days that had shown certain patterns once her mood had started to fluctuate more or had been better.

It showed some slight improvement on days that she was busy with other things and had little contact with others due to her being too distracted and not having to face certain uncomfortable situations and triggers.

When it was too noisy or she was in a more crowded place was usually when she had become much more irritable and had a lower mood.

Hiding herself away and keeping herself busy was a way to distract herself from her own issues but it was not the most effective way of dealing with it.

When she was confronted with a problematic encounter later, her bottled up feelings could come back up all at once so it was not healthy to keep doing that.

Ash was gradually learning different techniques but she needed to look more into the triggers and causes for her reactions and behaviours in order to understand herself.

If she had left her home to do something then it was more likely that she could encounter something unpleasant or was more vigilant of her surroundings so she would enter a fight or flight state.

The adrenaline in her body would keep her alert and ready to take action and that would be active for a lot of the time outside.

By the time that she got back home or to somewhere that she considered safe then she would be able to relax a little.

The main problem with that was that by the time she had got back home, she was already greatly mentally and physically exhausted so her mood would be affected further.

A little more time had passed and Ash had started to make some more progress with what she had been learning and practicing.

Repetition was the best way for her to get a better grasp over the different movements and her own abilities.

Her understanding of dark spells and basic spells had been increased while she had been able to cast more than the warding spell that she had used much earlier.

The time that had passed had gradually decreased the time before her vision of the future had started to go into more details about the person connected to it along with the beginning of their journey.

Less time was available for Ash to prepare for the coming days where the world would be thrown into chaos.

The person that was a part of her prophetic vision had already gained experiences of their own while growing up so Ash was still very far behind.

she knew that there was no time to waste but she could find the right direction to take in order to gain experience and increase her own power.

Ash may have harmed others but they were not innocents and they had been those who had harmed her physically or emotionally.

She did not have plans to harm innocents but it was an inevitable outcome that they may die in the future anyways.

The temptation to use them to increase her own power was very high and the increased anxiety towards the future had further increased the amount of times such an idea had popped up in her mind.

There were locations that Ash had noted down for the future since she was aware of some key locations of some spirits but many of them were far too dangerous for the current her.

Some minor locations were considered that had been identified as less dangerous but she had not yet felt that she could handle something that even that person could handle with ease.

That person had the support of others and had experience so no matter how easy it seemed for them to handle certain situations, it would not be the same for her who was alone, weaker and had less experience than them.

There were days where Ash just could not leave the house so it was difficult to find the motivation to go in search of ways to improve herself.

It took courage to be able to jump head first into those types of dangers and the unknown was still very scary for her.

The unknown was unpredictable and was scary to Ash.

The unknown was just another reminder of how many things were out of her control.

The feeling of having no control was just another reminder of her days where she was at the mercy of others.

That pain, helplessness and weakness would all come flooding back which would heighten her fear.

It required a leap of faith or a push to be able to take the first step forward but Ash had not been quite ready yet to do so with full confidence.

Even visiting locations around her that may have been safer during the time when she lacked the sight to see into and interact with the supernatural world, there could have been some hidden threats that she could not predict so it was better to stay in more populated places.

Ash had occasionally looked around the village she was staying in for any abnormalities but there were only tiny spirits that were mostly harmless floating around.

It had shown signs that a lot of dangerous spirits had been dealt with or had been kept out so there had to be some Watchers or Balancers that maintained or watched over the village.

If there were Watchers then they would report issues to request aid from a Balancer unless a Balancer had lived in the village and protected it.

She had looked around for any other signs of people who had noticed the spirits too but she had yet to come across any.