" I'm not a child! So how about you wait for your little wife to give birth and you can have someone else to control. "
Okay, I normally wasn't the type of person to regret my words, but that might have been the first time I actually did. And the burning look he gave me confirmed that I had taken things a bit too far.
He wanted to hit me,there was no denying that. But he managed to control himself and stuck to the fierce and intimidating look.
" What on earth have you turned into?"
That ticking rage. He wasn't shouting when he asked me that. He kept his tone even, disappointment shining through every syllable he uttered. Then he shook his head and took a step back, his body language implied he didn't want to spend another second near me because he feared he might do something he'd regret.
" I've changed my mind, " he said afterwards, looking around my room and tucking a hand into his pocket. He didn't want to look me in the eye because his anger would rise once again. And I said nothing because my words often betrayed me and despite my inner regret I would most likely just end up saying something worse.
" Make it seven, every night starting tomorrow. "
" You can't do that!"
" I already have. "
I shook my head and stepped forward forward until we were face to face. My eyes dug into his with the seething rage on clear display.
" Want me to make it six?" He challenged. He seemed to be enjoying the entire situation and that only made things worse. When he used that tone I forgot that he was my father and all the respect I had for him disappeared. I wondered when we'd be able to make it through a week without arguing. It would probably never happen, especially now that he was trying to imprison me in his pretty wife's stupid mansion.
" Oh, you think you can just tell me what to do and I'll do it?" I chuckled humorlessly and hang my head. " Let's see how that goes. " I added before walking around him with the intention of leaving. It was my life's goal to defy him. But that was only because he always found ways to make my life a lot harder and there was no way I'd put up with any of it.
" Forgetting something?" He suddenly asked when I got to the door. I stopped, then I glanced at him over my shoulder and found him holding up my bike keys in his hand. I immediately let go of the knob and turned around. That was taking things too far. He knew how attached I was to that bike and if he dared to take it away then I wasn't going to be in control of how I chose to react.
" Give those back. " My tone was low, my eyes were fixed on the keys. He gave me a look before he put them in his pocket and crossed his arms.
" I'll give them back tomorrow, you'll go to school, then you'll come back here immediately after and do your homework--"
" Give them-"I cut in but he put his finger up and shushed me, shaking his head in a silent warning.
" Come back later than seven and the bike is gone. And don't think I won't find out simply because I won't be around. "
When he said that I thought about Khloe. And the hate for her which had died down rose back to life. She would certainly be the one to tell on me, because who else was there?
" Now study, your grades are bad enough as they are!"
" I don't care about the stupid grades! " I shouted when he attempted to walk out. That conversation wasn't going to end there.
" You'd better start then. If you fail your next test you'll have to survive without your phone. "
" What the actual fuck is wrong with you?!"
I must have been such a temperamental son throughout the years because none of what I said seemed to faze him much anymore. He'd act a bit shocked but there was no other reaction. He was used to it, and he was trying to get out of there as fast as he could because he knew better than anyone that staying was only going to make the situation much worse. I was starting to turn hostile, it was wrong but that dark voice in my head was asking me why I was still standing there instead of storming out and leaving. Or I could just let the situation turn physical.
So What if he was my dad?
He didn't act like he was.
" Just grow up already Austin, I don't have the time to argue with a spoilt teenager. "
" Give me back my keys and you won't have to worry about that!"
He neither did nor said anything. He just walked over to the door, opened it, then he asked me to get to my books before he walked out.
That entire argument had been baseless. There were a thousand different ways he could have told me all those things without having to turk it into an a fight. But he seemed to enjoy bickering with me too much.
I knew he wasn't joking about anything he said. And even though part of me still wanted to leave the house, I couldn't. And I wouldn't be able to go meet up with Miles because he had my bike keys and wouldn't be giving them back until the following day. The rebellious part of me usually won and took over in suck situations. A month earlier I wouldn't have been standing there after what had just gone down. But this time I felt as if I had someone to think of. I wasn't going to either study or do my homework, but for one night I decided to not act out. I took off the shoes I had just put on. Then I did the same with my jacket before I threw myself face first onto the bed. I stalled for a while before texting Miles and telling him I wouldn't be able to make it. I didn't give him any other details because it wasn't my obligation to do so. Closing my eyes, I wondered what I would do.
That was the only day I was going to do as he wanted. From the following day he'd have to get used to both yelling and feeling disappointed because those were the two emotions I excelled in making people feel most of the time.
I also knew that if I stayed up thinking about that entire situation I'd not get any sleep and I'd only end up angrier than I current was.
That wasn't going to be fun for anyone.
It was still pretty early, and despite how hard I tried I couldn't make the anger simmer down even a bit. So I decided to just go to sleep and handle everything the following day. I wasn't myself when angry.
⭐❄️⭐❄️⭐
I angrily parked my bike and stalled before getting off. Letting the helmet stay on because it had always provided me with a unique sort of safety. Knowing I could look at people but they couldn't do the same with me was the best feeling. But that morning I couldn't enjoy it.
My father had apparently not been satisfied with our little quarrel the previous night because he had started it up that morning as well. What had he been thinking, storming into my room at six to wake me up for school. Ensuring I left early and that reminding me of our previous discussion over and over.
I had snapped.
It had been inevitable and even he had seen it coming. I may or may not have called him a controlling and selfish bastard. Something instill didn't regret. And in return he had tried to take my bike away with zero success. And I had rode off, hearing him yell over and over. Saying that we weren't done talking and that I was going to have to learn how to act like a sane human being.
I was almost positive he'd be waiting for me when I got back home.
Fuck his seven o'clock curfew! I'd be going back when I felt like it.
I finally got off the bike, and after securing it in place I looked around in hopes of spotting Miles. But then I realized I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone so I stopped and just started heading for the bleachers. I wanted to be alone so that I could cool off before the lessons began. Otherwise I'd be in that mood throughout the day and it wasn't going to he any fun.
" Whoa! Slow down there. " Kyle's voice suddenly said. I stopped immediately, turning towards the source. Then I found him standing a few feet away. Talking to that boy he was always with, his arms crossed and a hoody covering his head. Plus he wasn't even carrying his bag so unless you knew for certain it was him, it would have been difficult to figure out from a distance.
I sighed.
Deep down I knew that if we need up talking, I'd definitely do or say something I'd regret. I knew what I was doing and why I was searching for a quiet place to blow off some steam.
" Morning, " I greeted him briefly, not looking him in the eye because they were like magnets, always trying to pull me in. And before I felt guilty and changed my mind, I kept on walking with the bleachers in mind.
He called my name. I couldn't not respond, I wasn't a jerk so there was no way I was going to let my anger take full control if Kyle was concerned. Stopping, I turned around, then I noticed he was walking over to me and I let out a shallow breath.
If my father really decided to keep up with the ' bad cop ' attitude I was going to prove to him that I wasn't a puppet. I didn't care what he did or said. And he was crazy if he thought I was going to go home straight after school. Actually, not going back at all didn't seem like such a bad idea.
Kyle got to where I was, and he darted his face across my features before reaching forward and fisting a hand in my hair.
" What the fuck!" I complained because I hadn't been expecting it, and he wasn't being gentle about it either. And without saying a word he used the grip on my hair to angle my head to the right, then to the left as he observed my features with a frown.
" What're you doing?"
" What's gotten you in such a mood?" he lightly asked before letting go and crossing his arms again. Then he looked past me and inclined his head to the direction I was heading to.
" Where're you going?"
" Was that really necessary?" I asked instead of replying. Combing my fingers through my hair and shaking my head. He ignored the question and turned to the kid he was with.
" Hey Max!.... I'll catch up with you later, cool?"
So Max was his name. I think I had actually known that, we were in the same history class...but it must have slipped my mind.
He nodded, looked at me with the weirdest look, then he turned on his heel as he put on his headphones and walked away. And for some strange reason I noted that he was wearing a different pair. I was used to seeing him with his usual blue ones, the ones he had on at the moment were red and white.
" I'd love to hang out but I have something to do, I'll catch up with you later though, " I told him. Hating the words immediately after because his company was something I always craved. And when it came freely offered I treasured it even more. He seemed taken aback by what I said. As kids, whenever I got super angry, I would either willingly go to him, or I'd retreat to somewhere quiet for a while before I went back to him. Unlike Kyle who always chose to hide away. And I wished this was one of those moments where I turned to him, but I didn't want him thinking I was still the same temperamental kid I had always been. And I didn't want to spend time with him while I wasn't myself.
" Are you chasing me off?"
" What? Of course not!"
In a way, I was. But I had my reasons.
" I just..." I rubbed a hand on my forehead. All I was thinking about was the different things I wanted to do to make my father regret having given me his unfair ultimatums. There were so many options. And they were all driven by the momentary anger which wouldn't disappear until I calmed down and gathered my thoughts. I had always been like that, even as a child. But after my mom died it had gotten much much worse, to the point where I had to see a shrink about it.
" Don't be mad, but I'll talk to you later. "
" You seem upset. "
" I'm not, I just have something to do. "
He looked at the direction I was heading to once more, then he narrowed his gaze and tilted his head to the side like he was thinking something through.
" Bleachers?" He asked afterwards. It wasn't a surprise that he had figured it out. It was either I was heading to the bleachers or to the soccer field.
He held my shoulder and started leading me that way. Dropping his hand a few seconds into the contact because in his pretty little mind, everyone was staring at us and jumping to conclusions. And he didn't want to have any of that even if those conclusions were true in their own way. I knew without a doubt that he wasn't going to ask me what was wrong. That wasn't how he operated. We got to the bleachers, and apart from two kids running on the track in the distance, no one else was around.
" Wanna sit on the steps or.." he let the statement trail off because he knew I'd know what the second option was. I had personally intended to just climb up the steps and sit alone at the one on the very top, but I changed my mind after he asked me.
" Let's go," I told him. Then I walked to the bottom of the bleachers and slowly made my way to that secret nook he had showed me the other day. It was darker than it had been the last time. Probably because it was still early and the sun wasn't property out yet.
Throwing my bag on the ground, I laid down on my back and brought one knee up, my hands behind my head as I closed my eyes. Then I waited to see what he'd do or to hear what he'd say. And I realized that having him there was way better than being by myself. And now that he was with me, alone, I had something else to concentrate on. I heard some movement, then I felt him next to me but didn't look to confirm anything. And even if I did look,all I'd see was his silhouette.
" I like your shoes, " were the first words he spoke. I lazily opened my eyes, then I glanced at my feet because I had actually momentarily forgotten which pair I had on.
" Thanks, "
He was looking straight at me. Darkness was Kyle's friend whenever the two of us were involved. Normal Kyle would have thought a thousand times over before sitting that close to me. And I wondered why he couldn't be the same way in the light.
" You okay?" He asked me afterwards. I chuckled softly.
" Yap. "
" You lying?"
" Yap. "
He returned to the silence after that. And I imagined he was thinking whether or not to ask me about it. Prying just wasn't in his nature, so I understood when he decided to let it be. But then I felt his hand on my cheek before he quickly withdrew. And I had assumed it was out of fear or discomfort, but then he spoke and I realized he felt neither of those things.
" I'm giving you one imaginary blue sticker, " he stated, his voice low as if he himself couldn't believe what he was saying. And in that moment neither could I. I half sat up, wishing more than ever that that place wasn't as dark, but still knowing that if it wasn't he would have never made such a move.
Back when we had been eleven, he had wanted us to go to this science fair. But I had refused because it wasn't my thing, and my dad was going to be free on that day so he had promised to take us to the mall. That to me sounded much more fun, and because Kyle didn't want to go to the fair alone, he had no choice but to join us at the mall. He had tried to get me to change my mind for two whole days.
He ended up missing the fare, and it wasn't until we were in the mall that I realized how truly bumped out he was, he had only been forcing himself to have fun because my dad was around and he didn't want to seem ungrateful. The entire thing had made me feel like an awful friend, I apologized,he forgave me because he was Kyle, but I still felt as if it wasn't enough. So I had reached into my pocket and taken out a couple of stickers which I had removed from a poster in the ice cream parlor. I had no clue what they were but they had seemed cool.
" What am I supposed to do with these? " He asked as I handed them to him. A puzzled look on his face. He reached out and unwillingly took them from me.
" Is this your way of making it up to me? With stolen stickers? " He rolled his eyes.
" It's okay, I'm not mad. "
He tried giving them back, but I refused.
" Those are your pass cards. "
He visibly frowned. We were seated at a food court and my dad was ordering at the counter.
" What?"
He studied them with the frown still in place. wondering whether they weren't actually stickers but something more valuable and he just didn't know it.
" As long as you have those, I'm going to give you two chances to ask for anything you want. And I'll give it to you. "
His eyes shot up. And he looked a bit suspicious of my offer, like he didn't believe I was being for real.
" Anything?"
" Anything. "
He had smiled and tucked them into his pocket. And now, after five years, I realized that he had only ever used one.
And he had used it to get me to study with him for an entire hour. And now he had given me the same free pass. I could ask him for absolutely anything and he was going to give it to me.
My mood lightened up instantly.
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