Kapitel 5: Thoughts
Why did the first and last smile that graced Ferdinand's lips before he died, tug at her heart?
Didn't she loathe him so much to the point she plotted his death?
Arabella stared at her husband and wondered why he tried to protect her when Valeria fell.
'He escaped to go and save me?
Did he plan to run away with me?
Why would he care if I got slain by the enemy or got burned in the palace?
He never gave a damn about me or our child after I gave birth.'
From his bloodied clothes and staggering steps, she could tell he had a duel with King Icarus. And he barely escaped with his life.
And yet, Ferdinand fought with those who came to kill her and desperately tried to protect her, only to be killed instead.
Why did he do that?
* * *
Arabella gazed at her once again, young-looking husband.
He still looked so strong and fearsome now.
If she wasn't the one who caused his health to deteriorate, it was hard to believe he was the same person as the one who died in her arms.
With his alert and observant eyes, it was almost unbelievable he did not have a clue she was the one who plotted his downfall.
[She's staring at me. Is she daring me to come closer?]
Arabella tensed when Ferdinand walked in her direction.
[Ah, she looks beautiful and alluring in her nightgown. She looked so gorgeous in her wedding dress earlier too.]
'Huh? Are these really his thoughts? Impossible.'
Arabella wondered if she had gone crazy or was just being delusional.
What she was hearing may just be a creation of her own mind.
Her husband didn't know what was beautiful from what was not.
Or rather, he didn't care.
She already mistook him in her previous life to have liked her.
She would not repeat the same mistake again.
Now that she thought about it, tonight, their first time together as husband and wife, was what paved the way for her misunderstandings.
Because he took her gently, she just went and assumed he cared, when in fact, all he wanted was an heir.
And yet, twelve years after she gave birth, he changed his mind and poisoned their son because he didn't want his position to be challenged.
. . .
Ferdinand came even closer and scooped her up easily. He placed her at the center of the bed and hovered over her, ready to attack.
Arabella was wide-eyed as he bent down to kiss her without even saying a word.
What kind of husband would just go straight for the consummation without a single word?
'No! I can't let him have his way.'
In her previous life, counting the days since she got pregnant, her son was conceived on their first night together.
If she let Ferdinand have his way with her body tonight, she would get pregnant again.
'My beloved son, I'm so sorry.
I wanted to see you as soon as I can.
But I shall meet you after this life. Please wait for me just a bit more.'
She loved her son so much and would love to see him again.
Embrace his warm body, not a cold hard corpse.
Kiss his cheek and wait for him to kiss the back of her hand in response.
Tell him how much she loved him and see the bright smile on his face as he responds he loved her the most.
But she would rather not make him suffer his tragic fate again.
She hated the thought of her only child being killed by his own father in this life as well.
It was simply too terrible.
Too sad.
Too infuriating.
And so, Arabella turned away and pushed Ferdinand's chest lightly when he leaned in to kiss her.
"I'm sorry. I'm not ready for this yet," she acted all pitiful and scared, hoping he would play nice since he still needed to get an heir out of her.
She thought she succeeded when her husband paused and just eyed her.
But. . .
[She's so adorable even as she rejects me.
It's making me want to take her even more.
After all, how can I not catch my prey when it's right in front of my eyes?
I want to hold her and feel her in my arms.]
He just thought of those without a single change in his expression.
Arabella concluded she must truly be going crazy.
It must be her punishment to be able to hear such impossible thoughts.
Since when did her cold husband know the word adorable?
Never.
Such words never left his lips in her twenty-two years as his wife.
Hunting was a full yes. But thinking about something as adorable was not possible for someone like Ferdinand.
She tensed up when Ferdinand caught both of her wrists and held them tight above her head.
He began kissing her neck.
"No. Stop!"
Arabella tried to wriggle free but he was too strong. This was precisely why she had someone poison his daily meals to weaken him.
If King Icarus had attacked while Ferdinand was still in his best condition, they would not win the war against Valeria.
Ferdinand might still win no matter how many knights surrounded him. He was not called the "Dark Emperor" for nothing. He was truly too strong.
[Does she think I'm going to force her?
Are there also rumors about me forcing myself on women?
I just need to leave marks on her skin so the maids would think we consummated.
But if she keeps moving around like this, I might not be able to stop myself.
I'm getting turned on.
She smells so good too.]
Arabella instantly froze at such thoughts from him and did notdare make any movement.
She bit her lip when Ferdinand sucked at her skin. He even left a bite mark on her shoulder.
Once he was done, he stopped and just lay down beside her.
Arabella sighed in relief.
She thought she was doomed for sure.
Since she was just reborn, she still had to collect her thoughts and think about what she would do in this life.
She hoped Ferdinand would leave her room soon so she can focus on her own thoughts.
But it did not look like he would leave soon.
Arabella glanced at him and he was pretending to sleep. But she could hear his thoughts.
[I should stay here for a while.
If I go out as soon as I entered, they would know nothing really happened.
The knights on guard duty would see me.]
He was right.
If they were to pretend something happened, he should stay in her chambers for a bit.
'But it means I have to listen to his thoughts the whole time.'
Arabella was not looking at Ferdinand anymore, but she could still hear his thoughts.
She figured she must still be able to hear someone's thoughts without looking if the person was close enough.
[Haah.
How long should I stay here pretending to sleep?
Arabella's scent is too strong.
She smells so alluringly sweet.
If I keep inhaling her sweet scent, I might just turn around and strip her naked.
Her soft skin felt so good against my lips.
It tasted sweet too and smelled of flowers.
Weird...
Since when did I like flowers?
I do not like flowers or their scent that much.
Yet, since I met her, I can't seem to stop myself from craving more of her scent.
And I want to hold her tight against my body.]
Arabella was wide-eyed upon hearing his thoughts. He was getting tempted.
She quickly left the bed and retrieved another blanket for herself and stayed on the couch fully wrapped.
[Why did she leave the bed?
Is she thinking I would touch her once she's asleep?
I'm not that crazy.
But how long does she plan on making me wait?
I want to make her completely mine soon.
She's my wife now.
She's mine.
Doesn't she understand?]
'This crazy bastard. He had thoughts like this?'
But then again, she recalled he did lust for her body in her previous life.
But that was all it ever was.
Just her body.
She just went and concluded he liked her much more than that because she was young and naive.
'I won't fall for his warm touch again,' Arabella internally vowed.
She knew that he only wanted her body for some time.
She would not allow herself to fall for him again no matter how his eyes gleamed as he gazed at her.
[That damned prince.
It must be due to him.
How dare he, occupy her mind even now when she's already mine?
Maybe, I should have killed him.]
Ferdinand thought she was still attached to her former lover.
'It's been twenty-two years since my heart last ached for Andrew.
I almost forgot what he looked like.
And he was the one I endangered my life for, trying to elope with and run away from Ferdinand?'
Arabella had not even thought about Andrew for some time.
What worried her now was what she should do.
She wanted to get out of the room and away from Ferdinand.
But it would be too suspicious if she knew the palace layout when they had just gotten married.
Arabella gulped.
Ferdinand was still at his peak now. It would be so easy for him to kill her if he wanted to.
She reminded herself to act all weak and harmless so he would not notice anything amiss or think she was suspicious.
[I heard she eloped with that feminine prince but they were easily discovered.
Did she sleep with him?
She must be happy to give everything to him anytime since she liked him so much.
She even dared to run away from me.
Does she not know I could have just wiped out both their kingdoms off the map?]
'He knew about my attempt at eloping with Prince Andrew?!'
She thought Ferdinand did not hear about it since he never mentioned Andrew and did not do anything about him either.
[Why is she still longing for him when he betrayed her anyway?
I heard he wed another princess.
Is that why my wife was crying?
She's still hurting because of that bastard's betrayal?
Maybe I should attack Lahar, after all.
It's been a while since I fought. I'm aching for some action.]
Arabella was wide-eyed.
Her mother was right.
Ferdinand would have burnt down all of Lahar if she had broken the engagement with him.
No. As per his words, he would have wiped both of their kingdoms off the map.
. . .
Arabella's head hurt as Ferdinand's thoughts kept popping up in her mind for hours.
He thought in detail what he planned to do tomorrow from sparring with the knights and preparing them for war to doing some paperwork.
And just like in her previous life, he planned to visit her chambers again.
.
.
.
___________________
A/N:
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