Kapitel 36: C36: Amethyst
[ Saturday, December 17 ]
The idea that Vaughn's first day of surgery that took almost twelve hours where they put titanium rods through his vertebrae, and the second day of surgery that took around six hours where the surgeons removed the tumor and installed a mesh cage to fuse the remaining sections of his spine still send shivers all over my body.
My heart won't stop beating like a drum, loud enough for it to make me go deaf for a couple of minutes – even hours. He stayed in the post-surgical unit for a couple of days and in the rehab for fourteen days – which is a total of three weeks being here in the hospital.
I'm supposed to feel better now and even confident and happy because he's getting better, but I can't stop worrying about the future. Even worse, I kept on imagining how the operation looked like. If I was in the operating room, watching the entire thing unfold – I believe I won't be far from being the next patient in the hospital. Vaughn kept on saying that he's okay, but knowing him, he can be a liar sometimes whenever it has something to do about making others happy.
He's always been a people-pleaser. The 'people first, before me' kind. I remember when he said that he was okay and I was too insensitive to see that seeing me who hardly gives time for him hurts him already. He kept on smiling even if deep inside, it's painful for him. I don't even know why I kept on crying whenever I see him. I can't figure out what my tears actually mean – are they tears of joy because the surgery's over and we can go home soon? Or those tears are there because I know that the tumor can reoccur over time?
Maybe both.
"Amethyst, how are you holding up?" Deborah, my future mother-in-law asked, with his husband Raphael next to her. She forced a smile as she put a hand on my shoulder – a smile full of exhaustion from everything that happened. It can also be seen from her eyes. It's been weeks since the surgeries happened but the three of us are like having hangovers from it.
"I … I don't know what exactly I'm feeling, Ma," I looked at her and broke an eye contact and fixed my eyes on my future father-in-law, Raphael. "Pa."
"Maybe, we should be happy that we can go home soon. The four of us can really use some rest. There's no other place like home, you see."
"Vaughn is home to me," I commented, nodding. "Seeing my home damaged breaks my heart. Now that I see him getting fixed, I feel a bit better, yet worry won't leave my heart. I'm not in total peace." I folded my hands together as if to pray as I leaned nose and lips on it.
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"Vaughn, our flight would be on Friday, December 23rd. It's a good schedule because we're almost in time for the family dinner and countdown before Christmas." Vaughn closed his eyes, the corners of his lips rising as he held my left hand. I tried to figure out what he's about to say next, but I can't predict it. I don't understand what was that for. Even if we're engaged, we don't often hold hands even before.
"I'll miss the winter here though," Vaughn said as he opened his eyes, which are now fixed on mine.
"It's been a long time and I'm just glad that we have no tumor to worry about for now. I somehow wanted to get out of here because …"
"Yeah, I get it. You've been in this hospital for long. I can imagine what you're feeling right now and –"
Vaughn looked at my left hand that he's holding and lifted it for us to take a closer look, and cut me off from my statement. "Who gave you this beautiful ring?"
He avoided my gaze and I pressed my lips together as I chuckle. I like how he broke the ice as his way of changing the endless topic about his surgery and anything related to that.
"The person I love," I replied, my cheeks feel warm even if the chilly temperature was supposed to make me shiver. We're standing outside the hospital, and it somehow embarrasses me that he's acting cheesy as if no one's watching.
"Oh," he fake-gasped, pretending that he has no idea about it. "Perhaps this is an engagement ring? Who's the lucky guy?"
"His name is Vaughn Alcantara, the one who's holding my left hand right now." I rolled my eyes after and looked away. Without any other word, Vaughn pulled me and wrapped his arms around me, securing me to a hug. I can feel the warmth of his breath on my ear as he spoke.
"Amethyst, you don't know how thankful I am for everything. You're here with me and you and your family supported the treatment that I needed. I can't be more thankful about that. It's like words are not enough. Those are certainly not enough. Knowing that I can't repay you with anything, I still have my moments where I'm wondering if I really deserve to have someone like you. Also –"
"Don't ever say anything like that again," I cut him off. "It's nothing. Your life is more important than all those money spent. I want you to stop worrying about that, got it? Don't even think about it. Even my family loves you and they'll say the same. Besides, we already discussed that I don't care about a person's social status, but their heart." My voice sounded like a plea and an order, which actually is. I hate sounding authoritative, but sometimes I have to.
He pulled away and gave me a small smile. "Yes, ma'am. I'll do as you wish."
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
-- Power-
Rangliste 
-- Power-
Stein