Kapitel 23: Her Children’s Bond is Growing

I was tired. Dead tired.

A week had passed since Duncan left for SK. The video calls between the kids and him were becoming a routine that cannot be missed.

I have yet to enroll Claude and Nicole in a formal school, so before they do their home school work, they would talk to him.

As for me, I have gotten used to the sound of the three of them talking. My kids were never like this to their biological father. Not once.

I could not help but remember the past.

I grew up knowing that I needed to take care of my mom. My father died when I was twenty-one and as the eldest, it was my duty and obligation to provide for the family.

It was part of the culture. After all, one of the reasons why some families have many children was for the kids to help their parents. So that they can be out of the poverty line. It sounded nice. Having a lot of children, and knowing that one of those kids, will be successful and take you out of the place you have grown up.

But it was not.

I sigh. Who was I kidding? Myself, obviously. I wanted to help. Wanted my family to live a comfortable life. We were not living in the slum area, but to be able to buy the things we want, was what I always wanted.

Then I got pregnant.

It was ironic really. I, who doesn't know true happiness had tried to equate it to sex. Stupid? Yes. Sex and love can never mix. My past mistakes taught me so much. And now that Duncan was wooing me, I have mixed emotions.

Should I even call it wooing?

The kids' dad was okay at first. Attentive, caring, the usual starting emotions. However, when problems start knocking at our door, things begin to change.

Marriage, like any other relationship, is a two-way street. You have to understand everything and accept everything from each other. But then again, words are just that, words. If one person kept promising something but did nothing to make that promise come true, what was the point of everything then?

No matter how much you wanted to be with that person, no matter how much you accepted that person's faults. Everybody has limits. Sadly, I have reached mine.

The love I had for that man faded. Before, I thought it would be okay just to be friends. To stay the way we were. To stay together for the sake of the kids. Was the marriage falling apart? For others, who don't see any fault, it's not. But inside?

As the years passed by, I gradually understood what I wanted. It was not to be with a man who made me lose what I am. Being married to a man, that caused you to lose every self-respecting confidence that you have. Making you question the very existence of your being.

At the same time, questioning your belief in the deity that has always been there for you.

"Mommy?" I was snapped out of my thoughts when Nicole called me.

My daughter has this uncanny ability that she could sense when it comes to what I'm feeling. She knows when I'm down. She knows when I'm ok I'm happy. And she definitely feels when I am revisiting the past.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I miss Uncle Duncan."

That simple statement made something inside me crack. Nicole never said those words before. Wait, she did, it was when she was missing her grandma. But to a man? Nope. She didn't even say those words to her father.

"Me, to mommy," Claude also said.

The crack widened, making the wall less fortified. Making me more vulnerable. I smiled at them and then said, "You have been talking to each other over the phone these past few days. How can you miss him?"

"It feels different, mommy," Claude said. "It feels like he also wanted to be here but he had things to do." The way he added those words made me think of the first time Duncan called me.

There was something in his voice that spoke of loneliness. That he was trying to dispel something.

Nicole was nodding, "Yes, mommy," she said, agreeing with what her brother was talking about. "It was like uncle Duncan wanted just to stay here will us."

Ah, my sweet children. My innocent children. It was a good thing that Duncan was straightforward. That he had laid all his cards on the table. His interest, his desires, and his needs. And he was not shy in showing the public what I was to him.

I pat the empty seat on the sofa. It made them scramble from the floor where they were playing to run to my side. When both had their arms around me, I, too, hugged them and kissed their foreheads.

Fall moved forward and put his head on my lap demanding attention. Instead of pushing him away, I dislodge my arms around Claude and gave Fall his well-deserved pat.

"Why not ask him when he will be back?" I asked them.

"He needs to deal with some people at work, mommy, Uncle Duncan said so. You heard him too." Claude replied. The look on his face made me laugh.

It was the "Whut mom?" look.

My eldest was the observant one. He was right. I have heard Duncan say those words. I do not know what work he does other than he was a hotelier. Other than that, I have no idea who this man was.

Well, he is the Laird. He is Jane's only nephew. He was also a man that liked to cook and chop firewood.

He was an enigma. He was an enigma that was slowly unraveling himself to me.

"So, both of you miss him, you can tell him that. It would make him feel less lonely."

"We did mom," It was my turn to look at Claude. For him to be so direct to ask a man was baffling. He was never this brave, Duncan must have rubbed off him.

Was it good? Maybe, having a man in their life was slowly changing them. I just hope that the outcome will be favorable for us.

I cannot let my children get hurt. Not again. Because I knew that the pain they felt before would be tenfold.

And I cannot pick up their broken hearts if that happens…