Kapitel 20: Nineteen

And then he pulled away, just when I thought that he was going to kiss me. To say that I don't feel disappointed, is a major understatement. Is there something wrong with me? I brought a lock of my hair closer to my nose and smelled it. It still smells like lemon and my favourite flower. Geraniums. Is it my breath? Should I have brought a breath mint along with me? I sighed internally as I looked up at the magical display. Smiling up at the scenery in absolute awe. This moment could've been a thousand times better, if only he hadn't pulled away. Had I misinterpreted this entire situation? I really thought that we were going somewhere and that perhaps we could potentially date in the near future. Maybe it's just wishful thinking. Perhaps the Good Lord is punishing me for my father's actions. If that's indeed the case, I could just as well give in my retirement and go some place far away. On a permanent Hawaii vacation and throw myself to the sharks. Over dramatic much, Samantha Jones, I scolded myself mentally. The night breeze sends a whiff of his fragrance my way. My stomach topsy-turvy. My senses overwhelmed. I sighed, as I tugged the jacket closer towards my bare skin. I was so deep in thought that I haven't realized his standing figure. He offered me a hand and I excepted eagerly. On our drive back to my apartment, we sat in silence. My hands awkwardly upon my lap. I wanted to snake my fingers through his, like I've done so many times today, but am not sure what to make of this day. If he had enjoyed it as much as I had or even felt the spark that I had. Why had he pulled away? I breathed out another heavy sigh as I stared out of the window. Swallowing down a dry lump. I wish that this night would just come to an end. I want to crawl into bed and just allow this bubbling emotion to break me down. Lock myself in so that Abby won't ask me to many questions. I'm sure she has millions of those. My buckets are close to overflowing, and I wouldn't want to show any weakness. Especially not in front of him.