Kapitel 20: | Frightened Teenage Girl

Ava felt exposed as they shuffled slowly through the dark streets. Patience must have been in her sixties but she was walking faster than Jack could manage. He had to keep asking them to stop and rest. It was driving Ava mad.

And clichéd though she knew it was, she couldn't shake the feeling they were being watched.

One time, while Jack rested against a lamppost, still shivering and sweating, Patience sidled over to Ava. 'Listen, honey,' she said in a low voice. 'Your boy. He … He ain't using, is he?'

Ava blinked in surprise and found herself smiling. 'Jack? No way. He's so straight he'd get flashbacks from a strong cup of coffee.'

Patience looked relieved. 'Only I don't approve of that kind of thing. Drugs and all.' She looked up at Ava uncertainly, her usual jollity replaced by something more vulnerable. 'I can trust the pair of you, can't I?'

'Yes, you can,' Ava replied gently. 'How about we pay you what we can for board? I'm sure Jack will feel better after some sleep. We'll be out of your hair again first thing in the morning.'

Patience beamed again. 'No rush. And I'll drive you back to the terminal in my old Chevy.'

'Really, there's no need—'

'It'll be a pleasure,' Patience declared brightly as they all shuffled off again. 'A little spin will be good for it. The poor car's shut away out of sight most of the time … '

While the old woman chattered on, Ava lost herself in her thoughts. She was acting so cool in front of Jack, playing it like she was some tough bitch who knew just what she was doing. Luckily, he didn't seem to realize just how terrified she was.

How many times had she laid down in bed, alone in her room imagining this kind of freedom? But could she hack it in the real world? She'd spent most of the last three years avoiding other people's company, too scared to let anyone get too close to her, for fear of what her family might do to them. And Mark's fate, after he'd slipped through her radar, had proved her right. Back in her room, when she'd got tired of someone she just said 'Bye!' and turned them off, disconnected. So clean and simple. Now, suddenly, here she was cooped up for days, with a guy she barely knew in her face the whole time.

Not clean. Not simple. Sick Boy Jack was a mess – and so was she.

She shot a glance at him, shuffling and shaking along the pavement beside her like he had Parkinson's or something. Silver Blood or not, this wasn't running away. It was gliding through molasses. Ava felt a surge of panic, claustrophobia, and agoraphobia all mixed up together.

Jack caught her eyes on him. And after a moment, he straightened a little and forced a smile.

Ava looked away guiltily. Back when she'd thought he was leaving her all alone at the edge of the forest, in the aftermath of that awful, sickening violence, she'd wanted to scream for him to come back. Now she felt like screaming at him to leave her the hell alone. It wasn't fair and she knew it; just like all the horrible things he'd gone through weren't fair. But behind the tough bitch was a frightened teenage girl who felt like she was suffocating.

Ditch him, that part of her urged. Sneak out tonight while he's sleeping and disappear. Hideaway, where they'll never find you.

'I said, we're here, honey.' Patience looked at her oddly, then smiled. 'You seemed miles away.'

Ava gave Patience a weak smile back. only if you knew, she thought. Only if anyone knew really. Somehow, Ava knew that even a woman as advanced in age as Patience wouldn't be able to handle the things she was currently handling.

They were standing outside a dilapidated clapboard bungalow. Home sweet home. Jack clung onto the porch rail like he'd fall if he let go. Patience unlocked the door and gestured them inside. Jack muttered thank-yous as he went inside, but Ava paused on the threshold.

'You two fought?' Patience queried. 'You ain't hardly said a word back.'

'It's nothing, really,' said Ava, suddenly exhausted.

'Then I'd kiss and make up if I were you,' Patience advised sympathetically. 'Looks to me like that boy needs you right now, honey.'

Ava sighed. 'I guess maybe he does.'

Patience fed them and then went off to prepare her spare room.

Poor old Patience – well-named, Jack observed. She'd made some game stabs at conversation while they were eating, but with him shivering on the couch and Ava quiet and withdrawn in a chair, it was pretty hopeless.

After a few minutes, Patience had called them in, bid them sweet dreams, and then retired to her room.

Jack gratefully tugged the heavy drapes across the window, shutting out the moon's bald glare, and then surveyed their digs for the night.

He and Ava faced each other awkwardly over the single bed.

'I know we're almost married, but … ' Jack grinned. 'How about we go top to tail?'

'You have it,' Ava told him. 'I'll take the floor.'

'Doesn't seem very gallant of me,' Jack sighed in disappointment.

'It isn't.' She took a blanket from the bed. 'But you're sick and I'm saintly.'

'Too sick to argue, that's for sure.' He tugged absently at his shirt. 'I don't even have the strength to get changed for sleep.'

He waited for a smart remark or jokey put-down, but Ava stayed silent. She just kicked off her boots and flopped down on the blanket fully clothed.

Jack felt uneasy as he lay back on the bed. He knew Ava coped with the world by keeping it at arm's length and throwing sarcasm at it, but there was something kind of restless in her manner now. She couldn't look him in the eye.

He was still puzzling as sleep broke over him silently, like a black wave. Don't worry, he told his sleepy self, we can figure that out tomorrow.

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