Kapitel 174: To survive and to protect

With my newly appointed doctor leaving the room, an extremely awkward situation arose as Ms. Turner opted to hang around for a bit. And if there wasn't something I truly wanted right now, it was to be alone.

However, a saint couldn't just throw away her good intentions, so I made an attempt to be a bit subtle about it, "Say, Ms. Turner, you don't have to stay here, you know? Don't you have to look over the other students? Though I do enjoy your company, there's no need to force yourself. I am fine!"

Taking a seat next to my bed, she just gently smiled at me, "Don't worry about the other students. I managed to convince Mr. Abbas to cover for me. Also, I want to make sure your body is... serviceable before I leave you."

'That man is going to take care of the freshmen? I don't know why, but I have a feeling that that can't be good. I guess they should have started their ordinary courses by now, so everyone wouldn't have him as their instructor. But still...'

In my head, I also wanted to believe that this was the reason why Stella hadn't returned for a visit, as she should have been busy with classes. Something that both felt incredibly relieving, while at the same time a bit disappointing.

Still, right now, I really needed a moment for myself. There was a lot I needed to try and work through, and as Zero wasn't the best at keeping his emotions in check, I didn't think it was a good idea to do so while our teacher was present.

So, in a bit of a panic, I pulled out a wild card.

"I see, that's good... But I can see just how much this hurts you, and I think you should at least take a break. It's not like I'm going to die as soon as you turn your eyes away. So, if not for your own sake, could you do it for me? Please?"

"Ah... Maybe you're right... I'm sorry, I didn't want to become yet another of your burdens. I'll... I'll be back, alright?"

'Finally...'

In the end, she didn't want to argue with a patient that was chronically ill, so she did as I suggested and left the room, leaving me alone with a lot of complicated thoughts to digest.

'So, if Zero is going to live, he has to abandon the mission he was given from Theia? Now, isn't that fucking tragic...'

No matter how much I knew that Zero wanted to live on, there was no way he would be willing to give up on the power he was given to do so. If he did, then what did he spend all those years locked up for?

Of course, it was hypocritical, especially after he had said that all life was precious, but neither of us cared. With that being said... there was another thing that I honestly needed to get my head around before I could make any sort of decisions regarding the tragic youth inside of me.

To some extent, I was happy that I wasn't fully James right now, because then I wouldn't have hesitated for a second to make my decision. But as the mixture of both Zero and James, I felt like I had a responsibility to think things through fully before I chose how I would proceed.

'Shit! These fucking gods... Theia, she knew all along, didn't she?'

****

[Sophie's Pov]

Friday had arrived, and our first semester as sophomores would officially start as soon as the weekend was over. Although I was excited to get back into the motions, the incident that had happened two days ago really put a damper on things.

No, it had opened my eyes to how insane I had been acting.

Walking around the academy grounds, I felt like my eyes had opened a bit. Almost as if the things I was looking at weren't quite as vibrant as before. 'This whole time... I thought I had matured a bit...'

There was honestly no excuse to give for my behavior. From the start, my way of thinking had been wrong, something that had subconsciously grown stronger the more time I spent in this world.

Just because I happened to like fighting, and I was quite strong, did that give me any excuse to make my own rules? Would a boxer or an MMA fighter on earth get away with doing whatever they wanted just because they were strong?

Somehow, I felt like the being inside me was also resonating with these feelings of shame, as if the dragon that gave me power also felt like we had been acting like a child. 'Why did I even want to become strong in the first place? Did I ever have a good reason?'

Now, I could somewhat understand just what James had been talking about during our first meeting.

'-I want to survive.'

It was such a simple ambition, but right now it just highlighted exactly how ignorant I had been.

In a world where people died every day, where monsters were always close by and you couldn't even trust your neighbor, wasn't that one of the greatest goals there was? To survive, to live on. Something not everyone would get the opportunity to do, no matter how they struggled.

"Uhm... Sophie, do you have a minute?"

Throwing me out of my thoughts, a blue-haired girl had come up to me, forcing me to tilt my head a bit to meet her eyes. Stress filled my soul as I began thinking about what I had done to the poor girl, and just as I was about to bow down and beg for forgiveness, her mouth opened again.

"No, I'm not here because I'm angry at you for the duel. I chose to challenge you, didn't I? But... there is another thing... I need to talk to you about..."

Giving her a slight nod as confirmation, we began walking to a place where I had a feeling we could talk in peace. We both let silence take its place as we paced forward, both probably thinking about how we should act with each other. Honestly, it was incredibly awkward.

Thankfully, it didn't take long until we were surrounded by some obviously planted trees, carefully guarding the glittering pond in the middle of the park. Just like I expected, there was no one here.

It was truly a shame, that even though this beautiful park existed right here for everyone to visit, everyone was too busy with their classes and making connections to come here. That was most often the same for me, but I still tried to make some time to come here every now and then when I needed to think.

And so, we both sat ourselves down by the pond, letting our sights rest on the water that glittered in the sun that was about to take its leave for this day. It was quite embarrassing, even though I was the older one, I couldn't make myself open my mouth.

In the end, she was the one who reignited the conversation. "You know, Sophie? I also love fighting. I don't know why, but there's something in me that just gets so excited when I get to let loose."

'Ah, how pitiful... A freshman having to cheer me up...'

*Slap!*

"Sophie?!"

"Ah! Now I feel so much better! Thank you, Stella, and... I apologize. No matter what, what I did during our duel is unforgivable. And I am truly sorry for doing that to you."

Bowing my head towards the girl in an attempt to show sincerity, she panicked a bit, "Ah..?! No, it's fine! Really, I'm totally fine! And that's not why I wanted to talk to you... it's actually about Zero..."

Slumping her head a bit, she got depressed as soon as she mentioned the boy who had struggled so hard against Arthur that he started bleeding from his every orifice. The boy stuck in a hospital bed I wanted to visit but was too cowardly to do so.

"You know, I didn't see anything that happened after I passed out, but... Ms. Turner told me everything. That he was so angry that I got hurt that he felt like he had to show everyone just how wrong it was."

'This girl...'

"It's weird, isn't it? My brain is telling me that he overreacted, but my heart feels like he spoke truer words than anyone. But then..."

Her fists tightened up as she was thinking of what happened.

"Zero, he... got hurt... b-because of me..."

"Stella... You..."

Then she turned her head to me, her face clearly showing the anger and frustration she was feeling, tears still silently pouring out from her eyes, "Sophie, please help me get stronger! Strong enough so no one will have to get hurt because of me! Strong enough so I can also be someone who protects!"

'How can you say that when you are already so strong? At least, so much stronger than me...'

AUTORENGEDANKEN
Antenz

I'm sorry... I thought I could make this chapter a bit more funny and lighthearted, but when I was correcting it, I just felt like it didn't fit. So I rewrote it completely, and now we are here. In depression city.

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