Kapitel 61: 2.30

[Warning: emotionally triggering]

Seeing that wolfish glint in his eyes, knowing exactly what he was after. And yet still I asked, "Noah, are you okay?"

He strode over, picking me up at the hips, and lifting me to sit on the edge of the desk.

"What are you doing?" I grumbled, slapping away his paws, still feeling the anger from my dream and wary at just how roughly I'd been placed down, what if he hurt the baby?

His hands engulfed mine, fingers interlocking as he leaned and rested his forehead on mine.

"I'm struggling," he finally responded, his voice sounding torn and broken. I didn't need System to scan him to know this guy was mentally unstable right now.

"I promise I'll keep you safe," his hands squeezed mine tighter yet the strength in his legs faltered.

"Noah, I don't understand," I frowned, pulling my face away to see his. "We've only fucked a few times," I stopped, seeing his hurt expression.

His hands finally freed mine to cup my face, his rough calloused hands were itchy on my smooth skin.

"I should hate you," he finally spoke, his voice sounded soft, and his face looked so tenderly at me, that I was at a loss to comprehend his words.

"Why can't I hate you?" he asked no one in particular, then did not give me a chance to reply as he pressed his lips against mine. The kiss seemed hungry, desperate.

"Why?" I asked, wide-eyed as he moved to kiss my neck. Instead of replying he bit, hard, leaving a mark. My nails dug into his back, almost tearing through the thick material of his top. He then began to suck at where he bit, leaving another kind of mark.

"Noah," I growled, hitting my fist harder against his ribcage. He flinched but did not pull away, leaving me caged between his head on my shoulder and fists resting on either side of me on the desk.

"What have I done to make you want to hate me?" I asked, feeling a bit breathless despite having barely moved an inch, "I know it was stupid to lie like-" He pulled back, glancing up to meet my eyes, his eyes like an abyss swallowing me whole.

I gulped. Those were not the eyes of a man who was angry. More like the eyes of a man who had lost everything. So why was he blaming me, practically a stranger, for the pain he felt?

Racking my brain as we remained still in stagnant silence I could only come up with one explanation that made sense. He'd had the dream too or was this really some kind of time travel for Hannah and he had done the same?

Considering the fact that I was an immortal soul, inhabiting the body of a woman during a zombie apocalypse, anything was plausible at this rate.

"Noah," I gingerly reached out to his arms which looked tense and ready to swing, caressing them softly.

"Hmm?" he hummed, still in a trance.

"Do you remember Izzy?" Izzy was the nickname Hannah had given their daughter since Noah had named her Elizabeth after his mother's name and Hannah's middle name.

At the sound of her name, a fire burned in the abyss whilst his fists clenched so tight the knuckles turned white. I took that as a yes.

"You remember how she died?" My voice turned cold unintentionally, rage building up inside of me at the memory of something that had yet to occur. "Do you remember why she died?"

He pushed himself up with such force the desk scraped along the floor a few inches. Then paced to the door, then to the wall, finally letting out an anguished groan and slamming his fist into the wall.

My hand rested on my stomach, had I gone too far?

After all, it was not he who had killed her. Instead, he not only exposed her but failed to protect her, from monsters scarier than the dead.

Part of me was wishing the child inside my stomach was Alex's, at least then Elizabeth would never be born and suffer in this life.

Then selfishly I willed her to exist, just so I could just once kiss those rosy cheeks from my dream and gaze into those black eyes that matched her father's.

Why was I weeping for a child that was not even mine? A child whose only existence was in a long, feverlike dream.

"I'm sorry," Noah's voice was broken as he staggered towards me and dropped to his knees at my feet, "I'm so fucking sorry." Then he wept like a crazed man, head on the floor, fists pounding as I just stared there with a sick sense of satisfaction.

A knock at the door brought us both back to our senses.

"Everything alright in there?" It was Will's concerned voice calling us back to reality, to now, to this timeline.

I jumped off the desk, filled with guilt at how I'd responded to his apology. However, what was I to do?

The Hannah he needed to apologize to was dead now, having given up on a chance to change fate. She broke down after ending her nephew's misery, for the second time. I could only imagine the misery of her blocked-out thoughts when she slit her wrists.

As I passed him to head towards the door an arm outstretched, holding onto my leg stopping me.

"Noah, Han, answer me will ya?" Will called out again, the handle turning and failing due to the lock.

"He'll break the door down," I muttered low enough so only Noah could hear it. He let go, standing up to walk into the small bathroom, and closing the door behind him.

"Why weren't you answering me?" Will asked practically shoving me to come inside when I opened the door to greet him.

His eyes scanned the room resting on the hole in the wall. Then he turned to glare at my neck.

"Where is he?" he asked, fists clenched ready for a fight.

"Don't," I raised a hand to my forehead, feeling a migraine coming on. "Just leave him be, I'm in the wrong this time." The last thing we needed was for their relationship to falter in our time of need.

Without waiting to see if Will believed me, I stormed away, feeling my legs wobble, threatening to cave with each step. Eyes followed me everywhere as I staggered into the forest, continuing to walk until I was finally alone.

AUTORENGEDANKEN
Raychbunni

Luna's memories are not linear or clear, they're fuzzy and the original soul blocks out a lot of triggering things.

I hope I made it clear enough though. Hannah had reversed in time alongside Noah when they died. But she was unable to go through it all again, thus committing suicide and our FL entered. During her transitioning and System's meddling, she was then able to 'unlock' those memories, but only in a muddled dream.

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