Kapitel 6: The power of dreams
"When would be a good time for you, Ki? Are you free this weekend?"
"I should be; we finished the last recording today."
Unless the president dislikes the recording for the final song, her schedule should be clear for a while.
At those words, Mamoru's expression brightened. "That's great! That means you can start preparing for your debut-"
Her expression darkened when she heard him say those words, and Mamoru immediately noticed.
"You still can't get on stage?"
"You know I can get on, but I pass out when I'm about to sing." Sumire pulled up a chair and sat down. She slumped her head on the table. "I wonder why I am like this. I thought I was getting better, but it's still hard for me."
"But they are still preparing?"
"Mmm. The president hasn't posted an official announcement yet, so it won't be anytime soon. The staff thinks if I see all the preparations complete, it will motivate me or something."
"Then isn't it okay? They aren't rushing you."
"That is the thing, Ru; maybe they ought to rush me. It is not like I am making this easy for them." Sumire trailed off. "I have already been in the company for a year, but I still haven't debuted because of my anxiety issues."
"Most trainees-"
"I've been training since I was young. I'm not a trainee anymore," Sumire interjected.
She cannot continue this way forever.
"Hmm then, Ki, do you like singing?"
"I love singing; songs have the power to give hope to people. It has the power to change people's lives. But." She trailed off. "There was something I was always unsure of."
"And that is?"
"There are thousands of people who like to sing, thousands of people with larger dreams, and thousands who can sing better. I am not confident that I can fulfill their expectations. No, I wonder if I am capable of it. Even if I love to sing, I know it is not enough to fulfill my dream."
Just having fun singing isn't enough.
"When I was in that company, I realized how small I viewed the entertainment world. I underestimated it. I can't just do jobs that require singing; it wouldn't be enough. I have to excel in the other fields too. So I worked extra hard to gain skills I needed, but I had a bad habit of overdoing things and ignoring the world around me."
"Right, there was a time you neglected your health so much."
"I gained the skills I needed, but at what cost? I woke up in a hospital run after that, and my manager was looking at me with disgusted eyes. She didn't even wait for the doctor to discharge me before packing my stuff. The first thing she said to me in the car were details about my next job."
"Just remembering that bothers me; they treated you badly."
"But it is undeniable that I caused issues for them."
"You always blame yourself, Ki. But you should know those people were wrong, and not you." Mamoru trailed off. "So summarizing everything you just said, you're afraid of messing up?"
"I suppose."
"Those emotions are normal; everybody has them."
"But-"
"It's normal Ki to worry and hesitate when it is to do with the future. However, at the end of the day." Mamoru walked over, picked up a box from the corner of the room, and placed it in front of her.
"These?"
"Read one."
Sumire sat up and hesitantly took one of the letters from the top of the box.
Dear Sumire-chan
Please continue doing your best.
I first heard your singing on a radio program.
It was just a small sample, but I immediately fell in love with your voice.
I am a sixth-grader from Tokyo.
Even though I am in the capital and there is so much life around me, I was hospitalized last spring. It turns out I have a serious heart condition, so I will be spending time in the hospital from now on.
Since I heard your singing, I did everything I could to get more information about you, but there was not a lot other than a few song samples.
It was risky, but I snuck out of the hospital one day and went to your company. I knew I wouldn't be able to meet you if I just asked, so I wandered around near the area. I saw you helping a young girl who just fell from the swing in the park.
When I saw your smile when you sang, I felt something I didn't before.
The desire to continue living. After I was diagnosed with a heart condition, I planned to spend the rest of my days lonely in the hospital. But when I saw you sing, when I heard your voice and saw your smile, it gave me hope.
I learned from my friends that you struggled a lot in your company. It strengthened my resolve even more. The next time we meet, I want to be healthy and tell you directly I love your songs. I will fight to hear you sing.
I don't know about your struggles in detail, but I want you to know that you have a fan out here who is fighting to hear you sing.
Please do not give up.
Love Kotone.
"This is a fan letter."
"So are these other ones." Mamoru pointed to several boxes in the corner.
"How?"
"Hmmm, your president managed to steal them from your last company. But he did not want to give it to you until you were ready. That letter is two years old. I am sure there are follow-ups."
So people are supporting her like this? People who actually want to hear her sing.
The truth is she already understood a long time ago. Those people in her last company were holding her back; they suppressed her potential. 'I still don't understand why they did that.' But there was no doubt that their words and actions affected her mental state.
'Just do what I say.'
'I was the one who picked you up.'
'You have nowhere else to go anyway.'
'You better be grateful.'
'You can always be replaced.'
Even now, when her mind wanders, she recalls the words of her manager.
Sumire clenched her fist as she looked at the letter in her hands. It is okay; many people out there support her, but does she truly deserve their support? This girl only saw her that one time. She does not know the real her, who is weak and insecure about everything she does.
But Sumire placed her hand on the letter. 'I can tell she put in a lot of effort writing this. She must have been unwell that time; her writing turns strange halfway.;
It does not matter if they do not know everything about her. That girl could tell right away what feelings she wanted to convey through her songs.
"Ki, you will be fine as long as you hold onto those feelings."
"What's with that, even though you don't know anything about music," Sumire mumbled.
"Hmm, it's true. I don't know much about it. But from watching you, I think I understand how you feel. Music has the power to make you feel better when you're hurting when you feel sad or lonely. It has the power to give hope to those who have lost it, give them a dream again, and make them fall in love with life again."
Geschenke
-- Geschenk
erhalten Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
-- Power-
Rangliste 
-- Power-
Stein