Kapitel 49: [Laura] His true thoughts.
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*Sha-sha-sha*
*Scrub-scrub*
"Come on! Scrub harder! It's not going to clean itself!" Rachel points her fingers at various places. "I've always wanted to say that line."
This bitch! She is taking advantage of my compromise.
Good for you, Rachel. Good for you!
I look at Kurokawa and see that she is also glancing back. Can you see your results now, bookworm? We would have made C happy! Together! Your actions have brought the number of rivals from one to two!
Honestly!!
When Kurokawa jumped, pulled me down, and pinned me, I knew it was bad news. I never thought she would be on the same team as Rachel, which led to my loss at controlling the situation. Still, I did not want to kill her since C could be worried about Kurokawa. Given the chance and the time, I could not do it. If the situation were different, the outcome might have been different. Ten more minutes, and I could have killed her.
Also, that thieving cat, namely Rachel, seemed strange. Rather than being free with her own sentience, she had the aura of a winner. Her tone of voice was not that violent or wild. Instead, I felt she was satisfied with what was going on. Rachel was like an entirely new person.
Most significant of all was that she did not fight. She did not talk back. Not at all.
There was a drastic change before and after her freedom which did not occur to me.
What did you see...Rachel...
"Come on, Laura, staring at me will not get any work done. Chop chop!"
"..."
DAMN YOU!!!
Currently, under her instruction, we are cleaning the blood stains on the kitchen floor in the middle of the night.
[They really went nuts with the blood...]
"What kind of cuts splashes blood like this?" Curious, C asks.
"A big one!" Kurokawa answers vaguely.
"A bad one." I explain.
The less he knows, the better. I am not sure what the dream showed him, but just to be safe, I will keep the truth shut tight. Our fight should never be revealed, or C will never be within our grasp.
[Now, that did not help one bit...]
Sorry...There are things I must keep, C...
[As I glance over to see, Kurokawa is about to dunk her wounded arm into a bucket of water.]
"Wait! Kurokawa! You're gonna have an infection because of that. If you want to help, just take the covers off the pillows and bring them into the laundry room. Don't touch the water, okay?"
"...Okay!" That double-crossing bookworm replies with a smile. To which Rachel and I stare at her intensely.
Seriously, I could not care less about that bookworm. After so many times, there is no way I will place my trust in her lying ass. She deserves to die.
[The stares of the other two bring the temperature down. Even when their eyes are not directed at me, I can still feel the chilling gazes!]
Shoot! He is catching up fast!
"C, you know you don't have to help us, right?" Rachel comes close to my boyfriend.
I also want him to rest.
"Yeah, C. You should sit down. It has been a long day for you."
"This is my blood, so you don't have to clean it for me." Kurokawa is still focusing on C even though she is walking away. "Where is the laundry room, Rachel?"
"It's to your left. Further! Further! There." Rachel looks up and points at one room.
"Don't worry! I'd like to help out!" C smiles.
[Helping the girls does not hurt whether or not it is my responsibility. Guys, this is how you keep your girls around. You show them appreciation. Actual work. And take responsibilities!!]
Once again, he starts his narration.
[Responsibilities...]
But he repeats one particular word in his head.
[Yeah. I should clear things out with the girls...]
Looking over at his location, I notice C has put the cleaning supplies down.
[I am stupid. Yes. I am dense. Also, yes. But, my IQ would be as low as this floor if I did not realize the fuss.]
I do not think you are stupid or dense, C. You are perfect just the way you are. I could not ask for anything better.
[Laura is already my girlfriend. Rachel is...how should I put this...infatuated...in me...]
Someone is looking at me. That person is Rachel. In the aquamarine color of her eyes is an emotion that I can not quite understand. It is filled with what I think is selflessness.
Selflessness?
Rachel? Selflessness?
Those two should never exist at the same time. Yet there it is.
Really, she must know something that I do not.
[Do I need any proof? I do not think so. The best piece of evidence is the fact that I am still alive. The girls need a high level of affection for me that they somehow decide to let me live. Otherwise, my head would be rolling on the floor right now.]
When I came into that room, my heart was raging a fire. I almost fainted out of pure spite.
She was kissing him.
All the blood within my body was boiling beyond any kind of scale. I was hotter than the core of the sun itself!! C said it right. I had my fist clenched so tight that there were markings on my palms afterward. At that point, I remembered that Rachel had the knife in the kitchen.
Everything was simple. All I needed to do was to find the knife, kill Kurokawa, then cut Rachel's neck with her favorite weapon. With the help of a blade in my hand and a will, I could have done it.
But still...STILL...I had to let it slide...
Because he...would be hurt...
Nothing else matters if C hated me...
Nothing else matters if C thought of me as a monster... I could not fathom the mental anguish I would be if that happened. Even the thought of it brought me nausea. That would be worse than dying.
I could take it if C had another person in his life. I could even take it if Rachel stole C's first kiss.
However, I would kill myself if C were to run away from me because of my fit of rage.
Therefore, I had to put it aside. Who knew there would be any other chance for me to be by his side again. Even if there was, I would still not risk it.
[I still do not know how to explain the kiss to Laura. How should I begin? Should I start with an apology? Yeah, let's begin with that.]
"I'm sorry, Laura." There is a clear hint of shame in his soft voice.
"Why are you saying sorry?"
It was not his fault, never was, never will be.
It was Rachel's. Only one person I could direct that seemingly impossible amount of rage, and that was Rachel.
I lost once, but that did not mean I would be defeated again, bitch!!
[I am sorry because I kissed Rachel. Say it, C.]
"I..."
[Come on! Do it!]
"I'm sorry for..."
[My throat keeps bugging me. No...Not my throat...It is my conscience. The girls have been quiet to wait for me to speak. This is like a confession of a crime, and they are the judges of my mistakes. Well, in a sense, they are...Rachel may have been the instigator, but I came here and helped her rather than stayed at my place.]
Rachel, are you going to sit there and hear him belittle himself like this? I thought you would do anything for a loved one? Did I take you too highly? Speak up!!
"Laura, let me clear something up. Before, it was not C kissing me. It was me kissing him."
[Eh?]
Do not Eh, C. It is only fair for her to admit that. I would never see her as an opponent if she did not. In fact, I would never allow her to be around you if she did not even have the guts to acknowledge a mistake.
I lay everything in my hands down and sit next to him. Rachel also approaches.
"Don't apologize if it's not in your control, C."
"But...I kissed...Rachel..."
His voice is shaking, and it is breaking my heart.
"It was my fault, C. I wanted to let you know how much you meant to me."
[The reason is still unknown, but they are interested in me. Both Laura and Rachel are. And when the girls are interested in me, when I try to protect Kurokawa from infection, they get jealous. Seriously, I feel like I am walking on a string above a cliff. One misstep, and I am dead.]
C does not know what he has done for me, for us. Because of that, his sacrifices are even more valuable to me. How could I ever harm the guy who fought my battles when no one was there to help? Not to mention, he knew things would make no sense but still did everything to save me.
I wish I could tell him...
I wish I could let him know why I was obsessed with him...
[This is probably the first time I have ever seen Rachel not being the first love interest. It is technically Laura, then comes Rachel. Coincidentally, this is also the first time they do not want to be with Han...
More importantly, I betrayed Laura's trust. I am also missing a clear rejection for Rachel. I am not in a position that can make them both happy. I can not even make myself happy.]
*Guuuuu*
At the same time, Rachel and I both embrace C. While hugging my boyfriend, I pat him on the head.
"You did everything you could."
Rachel touches him on the face.
"It is us that is making this hard for you. Don't go home. Stay with us tonight."
[Did I really do everything I can? After my betrayal, am I still worthy?]
"C, my dear," I whisper in his ears. "You are worthy of being loved."
"Laura's right." She puts his face in the middle of her chest. "We can disagree on many things, but not on this, my savior."
[Savior? If only they knew how many times I have left them to die. If only they knew how I have forsaken their pleas for help to pursue my own mental sanity. I am not who they think I am...I am evidently not...]
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
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Rangliste 
-- Power-
Stein