Kapitel 380: Chapter 377: The Day the World Trembled
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One. Two. Three. Four. 'What is death?'
Five. Six. Seven. Eight. 'Is it your body ceasing function?'
Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. 'Or is it your soul losing its connection to your body? If that's the case then what is that connection? How do I ensure that connection doesn't break? Is the connection maintained by me experiencing these memories?'
Every time my brain and body were obliterated, and I was forced to relive the same series of horrible memories, I asked those questions.
I was in limbo: an eternally echoing torture chamber, a state of consciousness where the soul replayed the most deep-seated memories of one's life, the things that were carved into the core of one's soul.
Perhaps for some, the memories would all be bright, and limbo would feel like heaven, but for me, it was hell...
Every time I died, the same memories would haunt me, and no matter how many times I relived them, they would hurt just as much as they did the first time, all those years ago.
But while it was an endless hell that looped with every reincarnation, the more I experienced it, the more I understood.
The memories I continually relived were my soul's attempt to record the most defining moments of my life into its core, to preserve them through my reincarnation.
That process, however, wasn't as simple as moving data around. -Because I kept reincarnating myself into the same body, my soul core strengthened itself in layers...- And because I always revived atop a reincarnation rune, other souls being cleansed in the rune viewed my body as something to reincarnate into, like a hatchling in an egg, they funneled straight into it, only to get absorbed.
Over time, it made my soul so strong that I could physically sense the connection I had with my body, and eventually even control mana in reality while I was still in limbo.
At first, that control was quite useless, as without a reserve, the volume of mana I had control of was next to nothing, but the more I died, the more control I gained, eventually using that minuscule control to guide my body's regeneration, and consequently adjust the genetic imprint that had been carved into my soul.
But even then it wasn't easy.
However, after a hundred years of constant reincarnations and self-experimentation, I did it.
*Vwoom* Finally waking up on the lunar surface, I found that my fur had turned black, my eyes had turned purple, and a glowing purple energy flowed out from beneath my fur.
It was space mana. The building block of reality, and the most basic particle of mana.
I didn't have the pleasure of giving it much thought though.
"IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH TO WAKE UP!" Dagr yelled in a complete and utter panic from close to five hundred kilometers away.
And as I looked up, I understood why.
There was no night sky, but this time, while it was endlessly dark, I could somehow see everything.
Looming over our heads was an endless mass of tiny tendrils that were woven together to form planet-sized tentacles lined with teeth that mimiced the body of something between a starfish and an octopus.
It was an abyss eater. The same that devoured my home.
But as I looked up into it's mouth completely filled with squirming tentacles, instead of fear, I felt simple disgust. -How does a creature like this even come into existence...-
"What are you standing in a daze for?!" Dagr quickly came up and used his aura to force me to look at him. "We need to get the hell out of here now!"
But I disagreed. "I need to verify that everything will work before we can leave. Don't stress it, we still have at least a month."
The issue was, that month passed in the literal blink of an eye.
*Vwoop* *CRRRRRUNCH* The first thing I remember when coming out of the void several weeks later was watching a web of tendrils the size of mountains swipe through the lunar surface like it was made of sand, while Dagr darted around, struggling to dodge them all.
"DAGR, HURRY! WE DON'T HAVE TIME!" Even though I had a month to simply verify my theories, I had run into more problems than solutions. -But it'll have to be enough...-
Turning on a dime and darting toward me, Dagr shredded the moon's surface with his wake, while I rushed to prepare a slough of spells.
But that was my mistake.
The moment I took my eyes off my surroundings, a huge tendril swiped past me, carving a chunk out of my side and hurling me up toward the abyss eater's mouth. *CRRRACK-WOOOOSH* "AGH-!" In an instant, I lost the feeling of one of my legs.
But it didn't stop me. *Vwoop* Gripping the fabric of space with my space mana, I slung myself back toward the lunar surface where Dagr was, and threw us both into the void.
"Hah... Hah... Hah..." The pain was excruciating. The ambient mana in the void flooded into my open wound and burned it like acid, but after pushing a steady flow of mana into my new attribute node, the pain eased. "Hooh..." Finally managing to catch my breath, I turned toward Dagr, not sure how to interpret his silence, but he simply floated there, still and frozen.
His expression, flexed muscle, and even the curl in his tail all remained the same, still and unwavering from the moment we entered the void.
And that's just how it was for a long.. long time...
Leaving me without company while traveling the endless expanse of the void, I put him in a gate and started the trek to the closest solar system we knew of.
The journey took eons, and even in memory, I felt the endless pain and loneliness of every second that seemed to pass.
I traveled through the void without end. If I were to put it in the perspective of time, it took nearly a thousand years just to get to the closest solar system I could find, but even when we got there and found a world to visit.. there was nothing...
Every world we traveled to was like that, dead and empty...
The solar systems were dry, devoid of mana or spark, and populated only by worlds where life couldn't exist.
So we continued on.. and on...
For eons...
Over time, Dagr slowly started being able to move in the void, but to me, he was always moving in slow motion, and even after tens of thousands of years of traveling between worlds, it never changed...
Hopping between solar systems, we passed an innumerable number of worlds, some with basic life, and others with nothing but desolate, superheated rocks.
But while the journey was endless and excruciating, my knowledge of space mana grew, and I learned how to use the void to create mana so that Dagr didn't starve while we were traveling between solar systems, letting us travel farther and farther through the void.
But it all came at the cost of my mind. The farther we traveled, the longer it took, and the more excruciating the loneliness became.
Eventually though, after traveling for an endless number of lifetimes, we found a world.
*Vwoom* As the vivid memory continued playing in front of my eyes, I found myself looking down at a planet I instantly recognized. -Delphi...- Filled with endless clouds, and oceans, the planet was simply gorgeous, like an oasis in an endless desert.
Even Dagr, regardless of not having experienced the endless eternity in the void like I did, could only gawk. "Woah..."
The mana in that solar system was thick, emitting from the sun like an endless waterfall, and on the planets surface it'd only be thicker. "This... This is it..." I didn't know what to think.
It was simply.. beautiful...
"This is our new home..." I wanted to cry...
But as we ventured down to the planet's surface, finally reaching salvation, my memories got fuzzier, and fuzzier.. until they ended... Returning my mind to the endless abyss within limbo.
*Woom* -Hm...- But it wasn't that there weren't defining moments, I could vaguely remember specific details, but they only ever felt as if they were on the tip of my tongue. -My soul must not have been able to log anything...- It meant that the next time I died, I died for real...
But no matter how deep into my memories I tried to dig.. there was nothing. -Tch...-
Not long after though, another set of memories began flooding my mind, memories of lives both human, and dragon even blurrier than those of my time on Delphi, but I instantly recognized them. -Bahamut...-
They were the lives of my closest friend, a human god from another world reborn as a dragon... The only person who could relate to the endless pain and loneliness that had etched itself into my soul as Nott. -R..right.. I ate him...-
Although it was his will, to ensure he was never lonely again, as his memories mixed with mine I felt my stomach churn. He was the closest thing I had to a true friend, and even though I didn't agree with the way he handled managing the dragons, I could understand why. -He hated violence more than anyone...-
To him, loneliness was scarier than anything else. If there was something he could do to preserve life, he would do it. -Even if it meant going against the desires of his race.. and throwing his life away...-
Although I couldn't remember how his death came about, my blood boiled at the thought of it.
However, before that rage could settle, I was interrupted by a new set of memories being added to the mix.
*Vwoom* This time, it was from the perspective of a seemingly ordinary human on Earth, with their distant, fuzzy memories suddenly regaining some clarity, reminding me of the times I spent as a child in that lifetime, growing up with the same fascinations I had when I was Nott.. the endless fascinations of explaining how the universe works.
But unlike my life as Nott, I wasn't blinded by magic and mana. Through that lifetime, I explored the ever-expanding realms of science without limit, slowly piecing together the other half of the universe's foundation.
That was the human I chose to use as my soul's foundation, the basis of my mind in the next lifetime, and the lens I would choose to view the world through.
With memories of science and technology, combined with my lives as Bahamut, and Nott, I was to be reborn under the name Vasilias Ragnarok.
A new being, separate from those that combined to make it; a new mind, a new body, and a new soul, now as one.
It was the realization of who I was. I wasn't any single person, nor was I only their combination.
I was something entirely new. My memories weren't someone else's, nor were my genetics.
They were all mine and mine alone.
And upon having that realization, the fog in my consciousness finally cleared.
Who I was, why I existed, and how I came to be were no longer questions that dwelled on my mind like a dense fog, clouding the rest of my thoughts.
Now, everything was suddenly clear. Excruciatingly so.
As the memories of my life as Vasilias finally started playing before my eyes, I felt my mind finally falling into a mold, morphing and blending before settling with a mix of determination and curiosity.
It was time for me to return to the life I began, this time as the being I was meant to be.
A god...
A monster...
A king...
And that was the moment I finally opened my eyes and made my announcement, not to the world, but to the universe itself. *VWOOOOOMMMMM*
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