Kapitel 10: Madness And Me
[Quest: Genocide for The Greater Good!
Recommended Level: ???
Description: The God of Past Heroes has "requested" for you to exterminate a majority of the reincarnates on the planet. It is the only way to make sure that this world survives.
Task: Exterminate 80% of the reincarnates.
Reward: Curse of The Sleepless will be revoked, +696969696969696969696969696969696 EXP, One Wish of Your Choice
Punishment for failure: Possible Death, Never Sleep Again, Suffer the Wrath of the Original Hero]
I sit in silence as I peer upon the video-game like screen. It pops up once a day as if to let me know that he's watching and waiting for me to complete this task. I constantly debate with myself whether it's worth living in a world where my only pleasure has been stripped from me. It's no secret that I like to sleep. A good nights sleep to me is worth more than double my weight in gold.
-------------
In my past life,(wow it's cringe to say that) I had severe insomnia. I would go weeks at a time with no sleep, and as one could imagine, that's not exactly healthy. Extended periods of sleep deprivation is known to have certain...affects...on the mind. Going a day without sleep is the equivalent of being buzzed or slightly drunk even. Three days without sleep causes reality become warped; shadows start moving, seeing things that don't exist, hyper-awareness of the surroundings. After a week without sleep, delusions and reality are almost impossible to tell apart. These are just affects on the mind, but I won't get into the biological consequences as it will just make me more depressed.
I never told my parents about it as I thought it was normal to stay up for at least three days at a time before falling asleep for two hours and restarting the cycle. They were always busy with work, so they didn't take notice until much later. That's not to say that my parents didn't care about me, quite the opposite, they were very protective of me. I'm not some protagonist with a sad backstory.
Fast forward a few years to my pre-teens, and my parents notice that I have heavy, black eye bags decorating my face. At first, they thought I was doing it on purpose to spite them for not spending much time with me, so they started taking away anything that might keep me up late at night. Games, technology, books, or anything else I could amuse myself with was taken away. This turned out to be a mistake on their part...
I would lay in bed every night, staring at my ceiling, at the walls, the shadowy figures in the corner of my room, and anything else that would catch my attention. They continued to be angry that I was still staying up late in the night, so they decided it was a good idea to put a camera in my room. That didn't help so they started force feeding me sleeping meds. This seemed to work for awhile, so they told me that if I could go to sleep on time for a week, they would give me back all my things. However, that seemed to be impossible for me.
Every time I would attempt fall into a deep sleep, I would wake up from night terrors, screaming bloody murder. They didn't take too well to this either, so they started to put more restrictions on what I did; No more hanging out with friends, no more playing outside after school, and no more tv.
Strangely, I was never angry with them, I don't remember feeling much of anything at that point in my life. Then, finally, there was some good news. My mother was pregnant with my new little sibling! How exciting! Right? I didn't know, I couldn't feel anything.
During this period, my smiles had become less and less frequent. My pregnant mother didn't take well to this. 'Why aren't you smiling?' she asked. 'You should be more happy' she said. I couldn't have my mother be upset, so I started to practice my smile in the bathroom mirror. Over time, it became more natural, and seeing me smile would always make my mom happy. I would smile and laugh along with everyone else as a "good boy" should. I would smile when I was given a gift, or when they let me go outside and play. But...how do I keep them happy like this? I have to be better. No! I will do better!
Then I remembered that my mom would always cover up my eye bags with that stuff in her "don't touch" bag. I taught myself how to fool the camera by staying completely still in bed....alone, in the dark, but that was ok since they would be happy, right? So, before they woke up every morning, I would sneak into their bathroom and cover my eye bags with make-up. It looked sloppy at first but I got better at it after a few days. Mom and Dad were so happy that I was finally sleeping at night, and I couldn't be happier that they were proud of me again. They didn't need to know. I was a completely ordinary, happy child.
That is, until my little brother was born.
As any oldest child in a family would know, the youngest gets the best of everything. Mom and dad strictly adhered to this doctrine for their "perfect baby boy." He was born on New Years day with no complications whatsoever. Heck, he popped out of the whom before the anesthesiologist had a chance to administer an epidural. He was a "problem free" baby compared to me when I was that age. They made sure I knew that too since they felt the need to tell me every other day, but...they were happy so it's ok right?
While they for got my birthday this year, my baby brother was given a grand celebration. I asked why and the answer was, "Aren't you too old for that already?", or "Stop being a baby and grab me a dipper for your brother." But it's fine as long as their happy, right? Yeah.
Fast forward and I'm now fourteen, right in the middle of puberty. It was at this point that I was in my edgy phase. I would argue with my parents over any small thing and would often get grounded for it. I started working out and not telling anyone about it so I could hide my "power level." The voices I've always heard in my head became "the lost spirits" steer me towards a path of evil. In other words, I was cringy teenager.
I kept acting out in order to get any kind of attention from my parents. My grades in school started to drop because I refused to do my assignments, and I stopped hiding my eye bags after all the years I'd hidden them. I got into a big argument with my parents about my grades and my sleeplessness and they said...
"Why aren't you more like your little brother?!"
*Silence*
"Yeah, big bro, why don't you just listen to them?" he smirked.
???: 'Kill him.'
An unknown voice echoed
"What?" I say out loud.
Taking that as a que to keep talking, my little brother said, "Yeah, why don't you just bring your grades up and sleep at night like a normal person?"
???: 'Our parents will never love us with him around. Kill him!' the voice said, louder this time.
'He's right, Mom, Dad and I will never be happy with him around.'
I stared my little sibling in the eye, my vision started to go red. I envisioned every possible way I could kill him.
*Step*
I walked closer.
*Step*
Just one more stride and he'll be within melee range.
*Step*
Now!
I lunged at him with the all the speed I could muster, and I wrapped my hands around him....enveloping him in a strong hug.
'Now is not the time.'
???: 'Good choice. It's better to make it look like an accident.'
I just left my stunned family behind and went back to my room. I need to plan, and maybe I can take advice from my parents and "sweet" little brother. I should be more like him...I should be him. If they love him so much, I should be the one they love the most. I can figure out what that voice is later, now is the time to act. literally.
From then on, I started to observe my little brother more closely. I copied his facial expressions, demeanor, and his smile. I brought my grades up, made friends, told my parents about my "dream" to become a doctor...I became the perfect child. Now they would finally love me right? right?
???: 'What a pathetic display. We have to become another person just for them to love us...'
'But it must be done...what do I have if my own family rejects me?'
???: 'Is that what we really want?'
'Yes! Of course! It's...It's all I ever wanted...'
???: 'Ok, they tell us they are proud of us, so what? What does it matter that they're proud if they're not proud of the real thing?!;
"I don't know, OK!? I-I don't know...." I accidently say out loud.
"Mr. Sid, I hope you have a good reason to be interrupting my class?"
"Sorry Mrs. Banderbitch, I mean Mrs. Bandervitch!" I quickly correct myself.
"HAHAHAHAHA!" x20
The class laughed as the teacher became red in the face.
"Principals office! NOW!"
'Maybe getting love from other people wouldn't be so bad?'
From then on, I made lots of friends with different interests and hobbies. Me being me, I matched their interests with my own, and asked for recommendations. I picked up a lot of hobbies such as watching anime, learning about meme culture, music, science, philosophy, and many other things. It opened me up to a new world of experiences and perspectives, but then I realized something...I'm not normal. Normal people sleep eight hours a day, normal people have their own dreams and asperations, normal people have a life of their own!
I was also made aware that my parents weren't the best parents in the world. I was kind of happy that I wasn't the only one having parental issues, but it also taught me that I wasn't special and other people have problems too. Is this what it means to grow up? I don't know how to feel.
I continued to be puzzled about this until I turned eighteen. I told my girlfriend at the time everything about what happened in my childhood. She told me I needed therapy and then left me a week later. Seeing as that gave me yet another reason to try it, I went to therapy. After many tears and realizations, I was diagnosed as a high-functioning sociopath.
???: '*scoff* ok, and? What does that solve? We still don't have any goals and you used you're parents credit card to pay for these sessions so...now what?'
'Now? What does one do in this situation?'
???: 'I'd say the most pressing matter would be...'
'Money, right?'
"Hmm, what to do?" I mumble.
???: 'We could sell your brother into slavery or something.'
*pfft* 'As if anyone would want him.'
A few years later and I'm now twenty-two. I still don't have my life together but I now have a degree in business that will be useful...I hope. Apparently my little brother invested in crypto and became a millionaire. Oh, well. Not like I associate with them anymore.
I finally managed to get a job at a start up company and I managed to save up some money. We were doing really well and I even became a big stockholder in the company. Unfortunately, the owner of the company got involved with a big tax evasion scandal that completely tanked the stock prices over-night, effectively breaking me. Guess that will teach me to put all my eggs in one basket.
'Is it really worth it to try anymore? Here I am, at the ripe age of twenty-five, contemplating my suicide.'
*Knock**Knock*
I hear a knock at the door. I look through the peep hole in the door and found out that it was my brother who's now eighteen. I open the door, greet him, and let him in. No reason to be rude after all, that won't gain anything. He even had my favorite beer.
"I heard about what happened to the company, what are you going to do for work now?"
"Hell if I know, I heard stripping is paying well, maybe I'll give that a try?"
"HAHAHA, as if anyone wants to see you strip." we both laugh.
"Anyway, how are mom and dad?" I ask offhandedly, while opening a beer.
"Good as they can be I suppose, just enjoying retirement."
"That's good." I say, taking a sip.
"By the way, aren't you going to try and kill me again?" he says lightheartedly.
"Huh, what the hell are you on about?" I say confused.
"That day...when you had that argument with mom, I saw it in your eyes. You were going to kill me if we were alone that day." in the same upbeat tone.
"Seriously? Did you drink before coming here?" I say with a confused face.
"No, I'm perfectly sober, how else would I have made your company take the fall for that tax scandal?"
"H-huh?! You're kidding right? Why the hell would you do that?"
"Do you take me for a fool? You've hated me from the moment I was born. The way you looked at me with your empty, emotionless eyes? Although, it does make sense, given that you're a sociopath and all."
"How do you know about that?" my voice losing emotion and my eyes become cold.
"Money is a powerful tool you know? Your therapist wouldn't tell me anything about your sessions, but your ex-girlfriend was very receptive, especially all the ways you thought about making me have an 'accident' down a flight of stairs or having me accidentally fall back on the corner of a table." he said, his voice becoming more maddened as he spoke.
"I see. So, what about it?" I say indifferently.
"'So what' you ask? Well, you see, as I am a very rich individual. Whether it be in money or personality, I have it all, so I might forgive you. That is, if you beg for it. kukuku"
"Really now? What if I refuse?" I say inquisitively.
"Well, my dear brother, the poison in the beer you just drank will make you go into cardiac arrest. It will leave no trace and with your chronic insomnia, there is sufficient cause for it as well. What do you think? Is that creative enough for you?" he said, giddy.
"HA...HAHA...HAHAHAHAHAH! That's rich!"
He frowned, "What are you laughing about?"
"Let me get this straight. You came here alone, and planned to make me have a heart attack with poison?"
He just looks at me oddly as I continue, "I hope for your sake that you're joking." I say as I pull out a gun from in between the couch cushion.
My little brother's eyes became more serious, "Sid, you don't have to do that."
"Oh little Cade, maybe you're right. I shouldn't defend myself from a murderer." I say sarcastically.
My left side started to become more numb and I started to have chest pains. Maybe it was the poison or maybe it was the two and a half decades of getting six hours a sleep every week. I don't know and I don't care really. It was about time that my life ended anyway.
I point my gun at Cade one last time...
"Wait! Sid, we can talk about this!" he said, fear in his eyes.
"You poison my beer in an attempt to kill me, and now you're begging for your life? You entitled little bastard! You deserve what comes next!" I scream as I pull the trigger.
*Pop**Stick*
A nerf dart flew out from the gun and stuck to his forehead. I took my phone out of my pocket and took a picture of the stupid look on his face.
"kuku...haha...HAHAHAHAHAH! I can't, it's too much. I wish you could see the look on your face! Haaaaa, I needed that laugh." I say as I try to catch my breath from laughing so much or maybe the chest pains are to blame? Who knows?
"Why? I don't understand! I thought you hated me!?" he yelled hysterically as the nerf dart stuck on his head bobbed back and forth.
"Yeah, I did, when I was a dumb fourteen year old. Did you really think I hated you all this time?" I say, the pains in my chest becoming harder to ignore.
"But...back then..." he said, trailing off.
"I was definitely jealous of you for having all our parent's attention and love, but that was about it. I grew up and realized that there's more to life than the love of a couple of workaholics." my voice becomes quieter the more I speak.
Cade opened his mouth to speak, but the words didn't come out. For once in his sheltered life, he was speechless. Then, he came to a realization, and hurriedly took out his phone to call an ambulance.
"It's a little late for that don't you think?"
"Sid, I...I'm so sorry. What have I done?"
"Cade, take one piece of advice from your big brother for once, will you?"
"What advice?" he said, almost in tears at this point.
"There's three, actually: one, don't get caught; two, take responsibility for this decision; and last but not least, live your own life and don't let anyone get in your way." the pain in my chest is almost unbearable at this point.
"How do I not get caught and take responsibility for this? That doesn't make sense!"
"You'll figure it out." for the first time in my life, I feel myself falling in to a deep sleep.
"Hey! Don't fall asleep now! The ambulance is on the way, don't you dare die on me!"
"Goodnight, lil bro, I love you..."
-----------------
And that's where my life ended. Well, it was supposed to anyway. Now here I am, stuck in the same position I was in before I died. Wondering whether or not I even want to be alive. I just want to rest....
???: 'Hey there "me," it seem like we're having a rough time.'
"Oh hey, I was wondering when you were going to show up. So, how's life?"
???: 'Same old, same old. I was just enjoying a nice sleep in our subconscious when we were so rudely awakened by that "soon to be dead man." How about you?'
"Just debating on whether or not I want to use telekinesis to break my own neck or not. Nothing too fancy."
???: 'But we just got here?'
"So?"
???: '"So" you say? Oh well...by the way, good job with Cade, he's gonna live with the guilt of killing his brother for the rest of his miserable life. HAHAHAH!'
"Really? I get that you're my alter-ego and all but that's low."
???: 'Bah! Don't act all innocent now that the deed is done. I know us. We're a petty bastard that will hold grudges to our grave.'
"Yeah, but you don't have to say it out loud, jeez."
???: 'Yeah, yeah whatever. Now, seriously, what's the plan? We can't just sit here and mope.'
"Well, first of all, I need to become independent of this system. It's proved one to many times that it can be manipulated to go against my wishes."
???: 'That's a fair assessment. Then what?'
"I need information, everything I can find. I know I'm contradicting myself here, but I'll take advantage of the system for this."
???: 'Those are just trivial details, say what we really want to say!'
"Well, since that poor excuse of a god wants to steal my precious sleep away...I'll make the rest of his pathetic eternal existence more miserable than a man whore without a penis."
An eerie smile adjourns my face.
???: 'kukuku, then lets get to work...Partner.'
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