Kapitel 45: Mirror of Erised
The Christmas holidays continued, and I paid heavy attention to Harry during the nights that followed since the little guy would run off to the Mirror of Erised one of these days. During the day I would exercise with Hermione, eat and study in the library before sitting on the cosy couch next to the fire and talk about trivial things.
These days were a welcome change and even Hermione found it very pleasant which was surprising since the nerd loved to study. On one fateful night, Harry decided to have a midnight stroll. I had put a tracking spell on him every night just in case and as soon as I realised that he was missing from bed I went after him.
I had been practicing a bunch of concealing spells so that I wouldn't be detected just for this little mission of mine. As I followed the marker that only I could see I soon arrived at a door that had a dilapidated look. Wood that seemed as old as the castle itself, metal reinforcements running across horizontally, it looked like a dungeon door, heavy and definitely hiding something.
As I opened the door silently, I saw Harry staring at the mirror which looked blank to me. Naturally I knew what he was seeing since I had read the books and watched the films. I felt sad for the boy, after all, we shared the same fate. I sat in the corner under the concealment spell and watched as Harry went through the full range of emotions capable in a human being.
From curiosity, to happiness, to confusion to sadness and finally disillusionment. After seeing him place his hand on his shoulder I knew it was almost over as he simply stood there dumbly for a few minutes before sighing with emotion and walking out after putting the cloak of invisibility over himself again.
Dumbledore being the old fucker that he is was probably hoping that Harry would come here since he gave him the cloak after all. I do have to commend the old goat; he played the hand masterfully during the first year. Completely manipulating Harry every step of the way like a puppet on strings. Even being able to play Voldemort like a child was very impressive.
Shaking my head, I made sure that Harry was gone before revealing myself in front of the Mirror. I would be lying if I said I wasn't anxious, I didn't know what I would see. As I gazed at the Mirror intensely, I saw figures start to form, it was hazy at first before making itself clear, but things would be added continuously and sometimes removed like it couldn't quite make its mind up.
There was only one constant, Theo my brother smiling dumbly, Nina my mother giving me the same loving gaze she always had and Lance my father with the same stern and cold face. His eyes were a giveaway as he had the soft warm look on his face the revealed the love for his son.
My chest tightened as the pain from all those years ago flood out once again like water out of a broken dam. My vision turned hazy and murky as I fell to my knees. The echoes of my crying could be heard throughout the room. I really envied Harry, I really did, the boy didn't have to experience seeing his parents die, sure he still felt pain but no where near comparable to what I felt.
The part of me that I tried so hard to bury crawled out from the depths of my psyche. The part of me that felt hollow, like something was missing presented itself like a badge of fucking honour, a trophy to take pride in making itself known and visible to everyone.
I clutched my chest as I had a hard time breathing.
[Kid, was it worth it to come here? Why re-live the pain?] he asked as confusion revealed itself through his tone.
I lifted my head up and looked at the mirror again to see their faces.
"Because I need to sear their faces into my memory, to remind myself of my goal, I have been happily enjoying my time for the past decade that their faces started to fade. How DARE I FORGET THEM AND THEIR SCARIFICE" I yelled as tears streamed down my cheeks.
[I see.] he said softly.
"I have been living a happy life I do not deserve to live, a life given to me at the cost of my family. This life is one meant for revenge, I cannot live a happy life if I do not take it, on Voldemort, and on the ministry of magic. They shall both burn under my fire." I said viciously.
[ Would your parents want you to go down th-]
"DON'T! Don't give me that shit Drak, my father said those words in order to prevent me from living a life full of hate and sadness, but he didn't take into account that I was conscious, that I craved a family only for it to be stripped away from me in front of my very own eyes. I must fulfill the goal I set, no matter the cost." I said adamantly.
[maybe your right, but is it worth giving them up? Giving HER up?] he said.
I lifted my head to stare at my family and at the ever-changing image where three new faces would come and go, never constant. I was silent for a while.
[You can't live in the past Tom, I understand your pain, and I will help you unleash wrath upon those who are deserving, but you must think about those you care about. Those around you, those who are LIVING,] he counselled.
"I should push them away, I can't have people I care about Drak, it will be a weakness I can't afford to have on my quest," I said hesitantly.
"They will be hurt, tortured and maybe even killed by those who oppose me or wish to do me harm," I continued.
[There will always be that possibility Tom, no matter what, if its not them then it will be me, there is always a way to hurt you, the answer is not to push those you care about away but to bring them closer to yourself. To use them as your tether to keep you from doing something you will regret, to keep you YOU. If you go down this path alone you will end up destroying yourself in your quest, and what will be the point of their sacrifice if you ended up losing yourself?] he said calmy.
I thought about his words for a long time as I stared at the Mirror. Would I be myself if I went down this road alone? I don't doubt I would succeed in my goal if I did so, but would I be successful in making my parents proud if I accomplished it alone, would I have become the man they wanted? The question plagued me as I stared at the mirror.
No! It wouldn't, I would end up being a shadow my myself, not a man, not a human, but a mere husk, hollow and empty. I cannot allow myself to end up in ruin, but I cannot give up my goal.
"Is there a middle ground?" I asked.
Drak answered as if he heard my thoughts in their entirety.
[There is child, you have been granted a second life for one reason or another, you have been put through this pain, for one reason or another, and you will be tested, for one reason or another. This must all happen for a reason; I believe that the choices you make will define whether you successfully avenge your parents or outright disappointed them. I will do my best to guide you down the best path, but ultimately it is up to you to choose. Use the need to protect your loved ones as fuel to motivate your growth, to push you to greater heights, this will work much better then tackling it alone,] he concluded.
I contemplated his words carefully before nodding in the end. I saw the Mirror solidify as if it had finally come to a decision, Nina, Lance, Theo, Luke, Diana and… Hermione appeared in the Mirror. In the background, a reformed ministry of magic, the death of Voldemort, and… me, happily smiling.
I seem to have found my deepest desire.
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
-- Power-
Rangliste 
-- Power-
Stein