Kapitel 57: Lover Number 8.3
Li Jie had paid a steep price to reach this pivotal juncture in his life, and his innocence was perhaps the cheapest cost among them.
He still recalled the words of his teacher, who had once preached that "forgiving would feel better than revenge." However, nothing could quell the fiery vengeance that consumed him from the inside.
"Recall all the troops," Li Jie exhaled, his voice heavy with the weight of his decisions. "Instruct them to assume their positions, surrounding the imperial palace. They are to remain in silent observation until I give the signal to attack."
Alfredo couldn't hide his trepidation. "What about the emperor's shadow guards, Your Highness? What should we do about them?"
"Shi He commands them, correct?" Li Jie's mind was already crafting a plan at an astonishing pace. "I believe I can handle him. So, please, follow my instructions."
Alfredo, despite his unease, remained steadfast. "Your Highness, I don't want to—"
Li Jie interjected with a reassuring smile, not wishing for his loyal servant to carry any more burdens. "I know. I won't let a situation like Valerian's happen again."
However, as a new concern weighed on Alfredo's heart, he hesitated to voice it. "But what about... the new consort, tomorrow?"
Li Jie met his gaze, his smile unwavering. "I can handle it. As long as things proceed favorably on your end, we shall have nothing to worry about."
The twins, having received their orders, bowed in agreement and left Li Jie's chambers, the weight of their upcoming rebellion hanging in the air.
Shortly afterward, a shadowy figure silently infiltrated the room. Hong Tao observed Li Jie thoughtfully, his eyes filled with a mix of curiosity and admiration.
"Your plan is quite remarkable," he commented, impressed. "I never thought you were devoid of a plan, but the depth of your strategy has taken me by surprise."
Li Jie offered a candid response, "Time is a luxury I don't possess anymore. You understand this, don't you?"
Hong Tao nodded, acknowledging the urgency of the situation. "Indeed. Am I going to stay here tonight?"
Li Jie confirmed, "Yes, for appearances' sake."
Curiosity lingered in Hong Tao's eyes as he inquired, "How did the consorts who came before me sleep? On the bed or the ground?"
Li Jie, taking a moment to reflect, recounted, "The first consort, Michael, defied expectations. He was remarkably innocent." He settled on the edge of the bed. "Our conversation feels far more comfortable than those with others."
Indeed, there were limits to what he could reveal to the Huang siblings and Han Yasheng, for their experiences hadn't equipped them to understand certain feelings. Li Jie had yearned for someone who could truly empathize with him, and in Hong Tao, he seemed to find that connection.
Hong Tao, preparing a bedroll on the floor, expressed his skepticism: "I find it difficult to think of anyone from a noble household as truly innocent. Caution, especially within the harem, would be prudent."
Li Jie chuckled, thinking of Michael's endearing, puppy-like qualities. "I suppose 'naïve' might be a more fitting term."
Hong Tao mused, "Well, I suppose that is possible. I, too, was naive for quite a long time. But nonetheless, caution is advisable."
"Very well," Li Jie began, a faint chuckle escaping his lips. It was a rare moment of levity in the midst of the heavy burdens he carried. "But nothing transpired between us. He sensed the barriers I had built, and it felt more like dealing with a child. You know how children can see through your lies?"
Hong Tao couldn't help but share in the amusement, his laughter mingling with Li Jie's.
It was like a breath of fresh air to converse with someone who understood the complexities of his situation.
"He seems... intriguing," Hong Tao mused. "I can speak with him, if you wish. Try to discern more about his character. After all, he's a foreigner compelled to journey to a distant land to become a prince's consort. It might be wise to investigate him further."
Li Jie's response was lighthearted but reflective. "Go right ahead. Do what you think is best." It was as if, in this brief moment of respite, Hong Tao had lightened the heavy load he carried, turning it into something more bearable.
But then, Hong Tao's inquiry shifted to another delicate subject. "And the second consort?"
Li Jie's sigh was heavy with the weight of memories he had sought to contain, to keep hidden. "We slept together."
Hong Tao was careful in his probing, recognizing the sensitivity of the topic. "I apologize for my bluntness, but did you consent to it willingly?"
Li Jie, unable to conceal the bitterness in his tone, confessed, "I didn't want it. But I allowed it to happen because..."
"The emperor?" Hong Tao's words hung heavily in the air, loaded with the weight of the unspeakable sins.
"The emperor," Li Jie confirmed. The admission, despite its frequency, remained a bitter pill to swallow. "But I consented, and I bear that sin."
Hong Tao, though he couldn't see Li Jie's expression, sensed the pain in the room intensify. He could feel the distress and anger in the very atmosphere.
"The emperor's crimes grow heavier," Hong Tao remarked. "However, the question that nags at me is how the consort, Valerian, failed to recognize his partner's discomfort."
"I didn't let him," Li Jie replied, an almost cynical chuckle escaping his lips. It was a cruel truth he had reconciled with over time. "How could he have known when I never revealed it?"
Hong Tao, with empathy in his voice, continued, "The first time is always the most challenging for the one on the receiving end. Every small movement, every shift, betrays their unease. It's a burden that's easily detectable, even if you don't know the person well. Do not be too hasty to absolve another of their sins. I know it's hard to fathom, but one can sense their partner's pain, even in the absence of familiarity."
Li Jie's emotions were a turbulent sea, a storm held in check but surging beneath the surface. "I don't know... In a way, I used him for my own gain. I don't know whom to blame."
Hong Tao's reasoning was gentle yet unyielding. "You were ready to do the same with the naive consort, were you not? He could have noticed if he wanted to. Perhaps he had even discerned it before the physical intimacies. You didn't have a choice, but he did. He could have chosen to be another Michael or Hong Tao, but he didn't. You mustn't shoulder that blame."
A lump formed in Li Jie's throat, causing his voice to waver, but he steadfastly held back his tears. "Hong Tao, thank you..."
Hong Tao's voice held warmth and sincerity as he reaffirmed their newfound friendship. "I genuinely meant it when I said I want to be your ally and your friend, Li Jie."
In the embrace of their unusual bond, in the midst of the darkness that enveloped their world, they bid each other goodnight.
As Li Jie drifted into slumber, a faint, genuine smile graced his lips.
AUTORENGEDANKEN 
SagharShirazi
SagharShirazi I wanted to write a chaotic and messy chapter but Isayama (AOT) has fucked me up so bad I think I need a break from chaos and angst so the new chapter will probably be fluffy Extras and then I'll pick up the main story once again... :)
Ah... anyway... what do you think of this chapter?
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