Kapitel 62: 57th Move | Genius and Madness
AN: Even as I wrote this, I can predict that this chapter will be a bit controversial, but this counts as perhaps one of the most important chapters in terms of character development.
This chapter also serves as a greater thematic element in the story as well, one inspired partially by The Culture. That being, in the far future, when humanity has achieved post-scarcity status, suicide will likely be the greatest killer in such a civilization as their citizens can't find meaning in whatever they do even if they become hedonistic.
Also, I dropped hints that the stress is getting to Scientia for a while now.
_____________________________________________
"K-Kathy?"
I felt my heart skip several beats at the sight of my old world's sister here, the one that I failed to protect.
Unexpantly, the girl's face twisted into confusion, and so are everyone else at my words.
"Who's K-Kathy?" She snickered after mimicking my stuttering. Diablo had a death stare aimed toward the Purple Primordial.
Jeanne had a murderous look at Kathy.
*Boom*
With a single swipe of his hand that moved faster than most people can perceive, a sonic boom erupted from where Kathy used to stand as Diablo smashed her through several layers of specialized concrete walls.
I felt my heart shatter upon seeing the hole that Kathy made as she went through the wall. I was about to explode on Diablo for hitting Kathy, only to freeze in shock upon seeing a familiar face trying to repair the holes.
It was one of Guy's servants, the one with the blue hair.
"Apologies, Mistress Scientia, but it seems I have not instilled the proper manner inside her." He turned to me and kneeled, "I have not been able to find Blanc, only Violet, so to try and make up for what I'm missing, I acquired Primordial Bleu from Guy Crimson after she challenged me to a duel and failed. The only condition that Guy had placed was 'let me fuck her whenever I want, and that she is to be returned after her service with you is done'." Diablo gestured with air quotes, quoting Guy.
"What the fuck?" Words left my lips before I could even comprehend what the hell is even happening.
"Noir!" The snapping of air heralded the appearance of the other Primordial, "that was not nice! You promised we'll be fighting on the same side!"
Seeing someone look so similar to someone from my past made my heart ache so much it was almost unbearable, yet she's not her.
Ignoring Violet, Diablo continued, "my Lady, do not worry about a body or about the humans: while I was coming back from the Gate of Hell, I realized that there were some intruders on Tempest soil, so I thought to why not use their souls to craft Violet a new body?"
He then gestured at the purple Primordial, "and thus, there is no need for you to waste any resources."
Wait, "how many souls did you use?" I pointed at Violet.
Diablo cupped his chin in deep thought as if trying to remember something, "we killed the vanguard of this Eastern Empire, numbered about 100,000. I would've wanted more but I thought it prudent to tell you of my success, Mistress Scientia."
The sheer indifference and casualness Diablo is displaying about massacring humans is comparable to a Farmer talking about their harvest. Yet what's more concerning is how I couldn't care less about it.
I wonder, I truly want to know, just when did I become numb to the death of so many? When did the massacre of 100,000 people for the sole reason of saving me a small number of resources become justifiable? I was sure that had Diablo said that to me before Rimuru's departure to Ingrassia, I would've screamed at him, maybe even deemed him enough of an unhinged idiot to use only as a trump card. Nowadays, I didn't even blink when the Demon said that 100,000 hopes and dreams were snuffed out for no reason other than their interests became mutually exclusive with mine: they are an obstacle on my path to victory.
"Wait, so when did this happen?" Rimuru spoke up.
Primordial Violet replied with a shrug, apathy filling her tone, "eh, around a few minutes ago, it happened right before we teleported here."
"So does that mean the first wave of the invasion has been thwarted?"
"Yeah, you dumba—" Violet's jaw snapped shut when she realized the looks the other two Primordials are giving her, "—I mean, of course, President Rimuru." The Demon let out a sickeningly sweet fake smile.
Silenced descended into the room as everyone tried to process what just happened, palpitation and nervousness emanated from the newer Ministers once they realize the level of power they are dealing with. Can I really blame them though? Every day, most of these people live inside this bubble of modernity, where most people are (at least close to) equal and follow the laws of the nation.
But then you have these Demons who are older than written history and who take the laws of one nation about as seriously as a nonbeliever looks at religious customs...
The demons become a reality check.
Looking at Diablo and Jeanne, I'm once again reminded of what happened in Walpurgis, and how this war started because of my nature as a Perfect Homunculus and apparently the 'rust'.
As the origin point of Relentless' Rampage, the Eastern Empire was one of the worst-hit areas during the disaster 400 years ago. Their Imperial Pride was shattered when that Perfect Homunculus butchered almost every citizen of the Imperial Capital and humiliated their Emperor of that time. Their Pride was further demolished when, after the Rampage, they tried to subjugate Veldora since the True Dragon avoided Relentless at all costs, but failed.
Veldora annihilated the attacking force with a single attack. This act of successful defiance halted the Imperial War Machine, it was the last major war fought by the Eastern Empire ever since.
And now, it's here, the Eastern War Machine is active once again, right before the end of the System.
'Is Luminous in cahoots with the Eastern Empire? Are they in a secret coalition against me?'
[Contessa] is silent. I was too reliant on the Ultimate Skill, wasn't I? Now that it's gone, I've been caught with my metaphorical pants down.
The people in the room then started to argue and bicker once more, due to my attention being elsewhere, it sounds more like a sea of white noise. Listening in, I notice how everything is about either how to deal with Velgrynd or what to do with the Empire after its capitulation.
Very short-sighted and arrogant, but I guess I have no room to judge considering my space endeavors nor have I told anyone else about the End of the System yet. Originally, I had planned to release the information saying that the System was about to end, but it seems that's no longer the case.
I then took a moment to check up on the current progress of Project Mobius through the Noosphere. Looking at it now, I felt a sense of profound sadness, like that feeling how a parent would get when looking at their children who have all grown up, a sense of longing, of nostalgia for days long past.
This Project will be like my child, especially when it's costing me so much raw matter that I have to halt all other projects just to ensure it'll be completed in a proper time frame.
And it seems I'll need the child to mature even sooner. So, through the Noosphere, I ordered the disassembly and repurposing of all non-vital Space Structures.
Throughout a radius of several billion lightyears, countless space stations orbiting their parent stars disassemble and rearrange themselves into a single drill-like structure. The drill is a single modified Starbreaker that'll shoot out a thick orange beam almost invisible in the backdrop of a bright star.
That orange beam of coherent gravity will suck up the stellar matter. Over the course of less than a week, these harvesting stations will use a tiny percentage of the star's mass to create multiple superluminal drives that will push said star millions to billions of lightyears to the intergalactic void where Escape Hatch is being built, like trucks hauling freshly mined ores to foundries.
It makes sense to increase the output now that more materials are coming in, so I've ordered an expansion on the current Cosmic String production rate.
The escape hatch will be completed much earlier thanks to a surplus of multiple billions of stars in the very near future. Whole galaxies will shine dimmer or even disappear by the time I'm done.
I think I can classify myself— and subsequently the Noosphere— as a Type-V civilization based on industrial capacity alone.
Not that it'll matter after the System's End.
I had to crack a small smile at it, this is almost like Noah's Ark all over again, only, I get to decide who lives and who gets left behind.
Noah's Ark...
Ark...
"—!"
(AN: this track sets the tone of the following really well. Play: Tsukihime -A piece of blue glass moon- Track #14)
My smile suddenly disappeared.
Noah's Ark...
I'm creating an Ark, and was warned by someone connected to Veldanava... "ha..." I let out a small, almost inaudible chuckle as I realize something.
The parallels...
My eyes get super blurry for a second. Am I a puppet? I felt a migraine from how fast my mind is moving, trying to comprehend it all.
"ha...ha...ha...ha" that chuckle grows in volume, before becoming a laugh, a laugh drenched in despair, "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha"
I clutch my head as my mind struggles to comprehend everything, how with just one reincarnation, I'll be working on something that'll save and preserve the last remnant of God's project.
[Psychology] once said that people have many ways to deal with earth-shattering revelations, the more religious people see it as an act of God, others try and ignore it to preserve the predictable status quo, but there are some who'll experience a mental breakdown, and either come out stronger than ever or be driven insane.
"hahahahahahahahahaha— HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA—" The laughter soon evolved into something more maniac as I dive straight into that rabbit hole, uncaring that I'm making a scene.
Everyone is staring at me.
Am I a joke...? No, really, what am I if not a joke? My ambition, my everything— Did God make me specifically for this purpose? To save a sliver of Creation like Noah? Did I even have any free will? Or is this predestined like the Many World Interpretation of Quantum Mechanics? Am I like the dumb AIs I made to serve a singular purpose?
"Boss?"
My fist clenched in anger, my fingernails pressing hard enough on my palm to leave a lasting mark before [Limitless Regeneration] kicks in and irons all defects.
[Psychology] is diagnosing me with a severe case of existential crisis and the beginning of a nervous breakdown, but I can't find it in myself to care. The voice of that specialty was drowned out by my questions without answers.
Did I matter in the end?
Does anything matter? Does my choice matter? Is all my effort for naught?
I looked at everyone that gathered. Then at the long table, then at the three demons, the Ministers, before ending with Rimuru.
Am I supposed to play the role of a shepherd? Guiding Creation down a specific path? Like how I'm guiding alien life right now?
That seemed to be a certainty.
Can I escape it? No, I can't.
I can't escape it.
It's determinism at its finest.
No, of course not, it should've been obvious.
'Time Travel'
It should've been obvious when I can't time travel like Hot Tub Time Machine or Back to the Future;
Legit time travel, known more scientifically as a Closed Timelike Curve, must stay self-consistent. The Universe itself will limit free will to attain self-consistency— it's one of the reasons why I never went too deep into that field beyond basic stopping, speeding up/down of time.
It's essentially Harry Potter's Time Turner; I can't change jack as everything is already set in stone.
And if that isn't enough, there's still the Quantum Variation Field...
In my old world, the biggest roadblock to true determinism (in this case, the classical mechanic's Laplace's demon) is the random fluctuations that exist on the quantum scale, but if there exists a System where such concepts like 'probability' could be controlled, then who's to say this System— the supposed source of all— isn't guiding us along a fixed path?
Like characters following a script, the System manipulates these particle fluctuations on a macro scale to force us to choose certain choices.
Or what about [Contessa]? If I could achieve victory over my goals 100% of the time just by following a set of steps... isn't that exactly determinism?
I'm trapped. I feel like I can't breathe.
I can't escape it.
Who's to say if this decision isn't already thought out and I'm merely going through the illusion of having a choice?
I can't escape it.
It's maddening. It's absolutely maddening.
I can't escape it.
Is this breakdown already planned out?
I can't escape it. I can't escape it. I can't escape it.
I can't escape it. I can't escape it. I can't escape it. I can't escape it. I can't escape it. I can't escape it.
I can't escape. I can't escape. I can't escape. I can't escape. I can't escape. I can't escape. I can't escape. I can't escape. I can't escape. I can't escape.
I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.
I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I— I—
I can't escape it. I can only resign myself to this fate.
——no—
(AN: End OST)
No no no no no no—
——No, I refuse.
Even if it's illogical— I refuse.
Despite facing such odds, in my heart lies a flicker of defiance, and that tiny flicker quickly turned into a raging inferno of rebellion.
I refuse to dance to the tune of a dead god. I refuse to play the role of a shepherd any longer. I REFUSE to follow the script set out by a System about to fail.
My teeth started to grind themselves hard enough that it's actually starting to hurt.
So, at that moment, despite massive protests and red flags waved by [Psychology] about how my mental state is not the best and I should calm down to think about everything, I used [Planning] to create a workable plan.
[Silenced Emotion: 100%]
—My eyes became glazed over, the inferno of rebellion extinguished to make way for cold logic.
Never have I ever felt closer to a machine than I am right now. It's funny really, in my past life, I've always been somewhat aligned with transhumanism; a belief that the flesh is weak. Now, the only personal upgrade that [Inspired Inventor] has given me is the implant inside my hand that allows me to shoot out knots of space-time in the form of strings like Spiderman.
Like using a razor, turning [Silenced Emotion] up to 100% had cut away any doubts or other emotional attachments, letting me see the truth that I so desperately attempted to suppress during my earlier days to still be somewhat human;
'We live on a placid island of ignorance midst the black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far.'
Scientifically speaking, Nihilism is the ultimate philosophy. Religion was created as an evolutionary byproduct of our effort to create assurances and comfort in a chaotic world. We find comfort in the fact that our neighbors dying because of a natural disaster was all part of some 'greater plan', and we perform the proper burial rituals because it makes the passing easier. Most likely, religion was made when a father tried to comfort their children by telling them stories to help them conceptualize and comprehend the unknown.
We create unseen demons for harmful phenomena that we don't know. We made the concept of 'karma' to encourage good and social behavior. We made the Devil so we can pin the source of all evil on them. We created the concept of the afterlife with the same effect to try and mitigate our fear of death. In essence, religion and culture were created so we have some kind of control in our lives, to fool ourselves into thinking that we are important, that the universe has an order to things, and isn't just a chaotic mess that's spiraling towards maximum entropy.
Of course, there's nothing wrong with that, but with science comes knowledge, and that knowledge changes people. Every scientific discovery we made... every scientific discovery that I've made has knocked mortal standings down a peg. Whether it's discovering the vastness of the universe, that we orbit around the sun, just how easy it is to create life, or the existence of the Great Beyond— every time we lift the veil of reality even further we discover just how insignificant we are in the grand scheme of things.
This world, this Tolkien knockoff world that has magic and such— the same still applies.
'God is dead'.
Everything I've done, everything I have, everything I am, everything I experienced, everything I've built... even if I have free will, it is all meaningless. The issue with infinity is that through random chance alone, there must exist an equally infinite alternate version of me out there in the Great Beyond, an infinite number of Veldanavas who made their own bulwark against the Great Beyond, and an equally large number that didn't.
It's like being blind your whole life and being able to see again, you see just vast everything is, you see how wonderful everything is, you see how horrible everything is— truly, ignorance is bliss.
I saw everyone giving me looks of concern, while others, of disturbed. Even without [Contessa], I can still execute complex and intricate plans created from other more esoteric specialties.
Many dictators in history preach about the necessity of utilitarianism while being entirely unwilling to sacrifice themselves for the greater good.
"I will give myself up to the enemy, it is the only logical decision," I said with absolute seriousness, to the complete surprise of everyone else. [Actor] allowed me to control every aspect of myself down to the cellular level, controlling everything from sweat to the movement of micro-expression, down to how many chemicals are swirling about in my brain.
Seeing them all rendered speechless, I pressed on and preemptively silenced Diablo before he could voice his objection, "before you object, hear my reasons at least..." I looked around, taking in the expressions before continuing, "I need to get this off my chest before I start..." I look towards a wide-eyed Rimuru, we made eye contact, and he nodded, giving me the go-ahead.
"I and Rimuru used to be humans. We are reincarnations of people from other worlds. He used to be an office worker at a contractor firm while I am— I was an executive of a company, an assistant VP to be exact, set to be promoted the day I died. What you see outside—" I pointed a thumb towards a random spot behind me, "—is a snapshot from my world that had no magic nor any Great Tenma Wars; we lived in a place where science ruled, where concepts like 'magic', 'demon', and 'dragons' were at best works of literature, not real life stuff. It is a world where civilizations that believed in science and rationality ruled supreme while those who believed in mysticism and religion were cast aside and rendered obsolete."
I let them draw the connections between my reluctance to use magic compared to science.
My fingers crisscross each other in a business-like fashion, and my mouth forms into a small, satisfying smile as I'm reminded of the fact that I popularized this gesture in the Republic after using it multiple times during the Congressional Hearing on the Limitation of Weapons of Mass Destruction back during the end of the Orc Invasion.
God, that invasion felt like a lifetime ago after everything that happened despite being mere months.
I was so different back then, the Citadel wasn't finished, and I hadn't even reached beyond the current star system...
Taking in a deep breath, I let the bombshell drop: "The System is dying."
Many including Rimuru had looks of confusion, and I don't blame them.
Diablo perked up, "Lady Scientia, are you sure—?!"
"Oy, it's her decision, ya bloody cunt." Jeanne interjected.
All the while Violet had a scandalous look mixed with a face that someone would use if they had just heard something blasphemous.
"Hold on, what the fuck do you mean the Voice of the World is dying?! How the hell is the Voice of the World— the literal source of all that is— DYING?!" She yelled out as the Purple Primordial teleported next to me and used a bit of flying magic to grab my shoulder, taking advantage of the momentary lapse in Diablo's judgment.
My mouth was slightly agape. That wasn't part of the plan, I'm flabbergasted at hearing how one of the strongest Demons in existence didn't know a detail as crucial as this.
"I thought you'd have known this."
"Wait wait wait wait wait, time-out, time-out— TIME OUT!" Rimuru suddenly perked up with one of his hands up and the other flat over it— a T-sign, "what is this about the Voice of the World dying?" Rimuru asked what was on everyone else's mind.
I let a long sigh and contemplated how I'm going to tell them this, Diablo yanked Violet off of me, "I had originally planned to reveal this at a more appropriate time, but... during Walpurgis, after the Ten Great Demon Lords were changed into Qliphoth, Guy decided to finally reveal why he had agreed to the Demon Lord's banquet."
"It was about how, after Veldanava— the Creator of the System— died, said System started to accumulate errors without an administrator to do the maintenance, 'the machine started to rust', Guy said, and from that 'rust' is how a Perfect Homunculus is born. The Demon Lord also said how the System will eventually accumulate enough error that it fails, however, what he didn't say was what would happen if it failed, whether it results in the End of Everything as we know it, or would it jettison us into the Great Beyond, I don't know."
"This is probably why the Eastern Empire is attacking, one of the other Demon Lords must've told them of what transpired during Walpurgis and how I'm responsible for the breakdown of the System. However, before you start panicking like a normal person, know that I have a plan in place."
I then projected a ring and a featureless white sphere into the middle of a self-repairing table currently reassembling itself.
"I specifically told Diablo and Jeanne to keep what transpired in Walpurgis a secret, since it would cause panic if revealed to the rest of the world." I then pointed towards the new hologram, "and I needed time to complete this: Project Mobius, it is my plan on how we can survive the End of the System."
If I could not fight against a problem, then I'll escape it, run from it, and evacuate the premise.
I let it sink in. Looking around, I saw how some people had faraway looks in their eyes, some looked disturbed, and some were baffled. There were a few, namely Rubedo and Ririna, who looked determined.
The ring enlarged itself.
"The Ring is the gate, made from weaving almost innumerable loops of Cosmic Strings together. Its diameter is the size of an entire solar system and it currently has the mass of 150 billion stars and counting. At the center of this Ring is an Extra-Dimensional Bore anchored gravitationally using Starbreakers to an enlarged naked Ringularity— basically a rotating singularity— roughly the size of a planet. When activated, the Ring will start spinning just a fraction of a billionth of a percentage under the speed of light. Due to the sheer mass involved, the rotation of such a dense object will exacerbate the Kerr Metric around the Naked Ringularity, which will result in a tear in the Universe itself at the center of the Ringularity. Afterward, the Extra-Dimensional Bore will then stabilize the tear into a wormhole connecting to the Great Beyond. The Ring is connected to a veritable fleet of Jupiter Brains that scans 30 tridecillion universes a minute trying to find as many viable candidates for escape as possible."
I paused for a moment for it to sink in.
"The Ring is... almost complete, all that's missing is a viable destination within the spectrum of universes in the Great Beyond."
I intentionally left out how it needed more stars.
Well, it's not like that will be the case soon enough.
Next, the sphere came into focus, "this is the Ark: the Encyclopedia Universalis, an almost complete Record of Creation itself. Within it contains all the knowledge that a Type-V civilization should have save for a working Multiversal Theory of Everything, everything from backups of entire alien civilizations, to esoteric maths dealing with higher dimensions are contained within it. This will be the life raft used to traverse the Great Beyond. Made from only the finest of technology [Inspired Inventor] can produce, the Ark is embedded into unraveled higher dimensions of spacetime, its presence within the universe is a moon-sized archive of pure power that can stand against pretty much anything that the Great Beyond will throw at you. This is the culmination of my life's work. The absolute peak of what I'm capable of."
Many strands of light coming from small opened Doorways coalesced into a fractal-like crystal in my hands, turning to face Rimuru, "desperate times call for desperate measure," and in more ways than one, "the enemy clearly wants me dead, so I will give myself up to stall for time. After I go, you will be the captain of the Encyclopedia Universalis." The crystal floated towards Rimuru, who probably didn't hear what I said since he was distracted by the beauty of the Key to the Ark, "within the Encyclopedia is a copy of my consciousness, so 'I' will always be there."
"..."
I then turned towards Rubedo, "Rubedo, you once asked me: 'how much is too much?'" I let out a nostalgic smile and sighed sadly, "now you have your answer, and as it turns out, the End of the World is too much even for me."
"Commander—"
"You know, I've changed." My eyes fell down to the table that is self-repairing in front of me, a faraway gaze in my eyes, "I think if it was me when I first reincarnated, I wouldn't have done this. I think at most I would've got Rimuru out of dodge before letting the rest of Creation die with the System. And now? I think I'm mostly tired. In less than a year in this world, I have accomplished most of the dreams of my old life, I feel completed you know? I've both seen and done too much." I spoke like a war veteran at the end of his life.
I turned towards my two Primordial underlings. As my most loyal subordinates, they'll obey everything I commanded even if I wished for the destruction of the world, "Diablo, I know how you joined me due to wanting to know the Truth of the World, I apologize for being unable to grant you your wish, instead, I'll give you the next best thing. Jeanne, should you escape outside the System, you'd likely lose all your Skills and Magicule, however, that doesn't mean there aren't any other ways of becoming stronger than you are right now in the Great Beyond... and likely stronger opponents as well."
I spoke in a formal tone devoid of any familiarity or emotions.
No turning back now.
Sensing my determination, Diablo looked hurt and Jeanne's body language practically screamed reluctance.
"If it is truly your wish, my Lady, then so be it, but I think someone else may object no matter what..."
"Hmm?" I tilted my head, who would he mean by?
*Boom*
The wall behind me suddenly exploded into chunks. I let out an embarrassingly loud shriek of surprise.
Despite what probability dictated, none of the chunks hit anyone.
"Sci~en~ti~aaaaa~"
[Silenced Emotion: Error]
A frighteningly innocent voice singed out, causing me to gulp.
"—!" Whipping my head around to face her, I saw Arcueid with her hands behind her back, standing in the hole as if nothing was wrong, on her face was a smile that promised pain. If one were to remove the hole and the smile, it would've been a rather cute pose.
"Arcueid—"
*Slap*
PAIN.
Faster than I could realize it, I was blinded by pain. When I came to my senses, I found myself lying on the floor with one side of my cheek stinging in pain. The pain felt like dozens of honey bees stinging a single area.
"You... slapped me?" My voice was filled with disbelief
Ow... rubbing the area, I was surprised at the fact that she can even hit me, how broken is her [Marble Phantasm] if it can cause the warp-space to fail?
"How...DARE YOU?!" Arcueid growled out as she grabbed my collar to face her. I was about to defend my choice—
*slap*
[Silenced Emotion—]
Using her free hand, Arcueid slapped my cheeks once more, only this time it was less forceful than before. Though comparing this slap to the one previously is like comparing the wealth of Jeff Bezos to Bill Gates', both are painful, just one is less so.
Using one hand, she threw me through the hole in the wall and into the other room.
"Argh!" I was lying on my back, groaning out in discomfort, wondering if it was time that I somehow figure out a way to deal with probability attacks.
Shifting my head so I'm looking at the hole, I saw that it was covered by a layer of ice, with Arcueid standing next to my waist.
Using a hand, she grabbed the collar of my military uniform once more and pulled me up to her level. Her grip was unbreakable, evidence of her otherworldly origin was emphasized by the fact that [Metaphysics] says certain rules seem to bend around her, like the favorite child of a strict parent, they are allowed to get away with more.
Bringing up a single hand—
*slap*
[Silenced Emot—
*slap*
[Silenced E—
*slap*
[Silence—
*slap*
[Sile—
*slap*
[Sil—
*slap*
[Silenced Emotion: Error]
My cheeks are flushed red, stinging from how hard she slapped me.
Still, after covering up most of the details at the Metropolis Bloodbath, I know she could do so much worse.
"Aaaaahhhhh! How dare you try and sacrifice yourself without my permission! How dare you try to die at all?! And how dare you keep such important secrets from me!" She quickly spoke before smashing her forehead with mine hard enough that I saw stars.
It took a while for me to recover, once I did, I saw I'm still hanging by my collar, currently being held by the True Ancestor.
"Ow... Arc, listen—"
She then suddenly hugged me deeply. [Biology] quietly observed that had we been human, then there's no way that Arcuied would be able to support the weight of both of us in this position.
"No! I won't listen to you justify killing yourself! If you're feeling tired we can take a break on the Ark after it has escaped!" She got out of the hug and began to fumble around with the bottom of her shirt, trying to take it off.
Needless to say, I quickly put a stop to that, "Arcueid what the hell are you doing?!" I hissed out.
"I can't stand the thought of you ending yourself! Do you have any idea of how much that'll HURT others? How much that'll hurt me...? Rimuru's over there not responding since you gave him a crystal that placed him under a trance. Diablo and Jeanne are your subordinates, loyal to you till the end even if you wish to die, and the others? They don't dare question your decision since they either see you as a 'God' if they're a member of your faith, or they're too scared of objecting to you!" She took a large breath before choking out the remaining in a volume barely audible to anyone standing 3 meters away, "I... I can't live without you..."
I was so surprised by her seriousness and out-of-character action that my mouth went into a cycle of opening and closing.
And her words...
She then embraced me once more, binding my arms together like a bundle of straws. Arcueid then placed her head on my left shoulder.
"I can't live without you. If you need a reason to live then I'll be your reason."
The blond held me tightly like a teddy bear, yet she was thoughtful enough that she isn't crushing me in her embrace. I cannot deny that it feels nice, nice enough that I finally hear the emotional exhaustion knocking on my door.
I felt a sense of deja vu as I'm taken back to my old life when I was just getting into University— when my mother held me as tightly as she did.
Despite having already chosen a university program, I still didn't know what to do with my life.
During those few years, I stood at a crossroads between either continuing with the logically sounder choice or pursuing my passion.
Eventually, I dumbed down my choice to either climb the corporate ladder and earn large amounts of money, or pursue my passion as a scientist. I scoffed at the idea of achieving anything in science and chose the more logical choice: to climb the corporate ladder. I became an Assistant VP in my 20s and was about to hit VP before I was shot down.
Looking back at it now, I wasn't happy at all, was I? I became cynical since it's practically needed in the business world. When I cast my gaze upon people, I see numbers, value— stats if you will.
I spent every waking hour working or researching for more data on how to (legally. I'm not willing to go outside the law unless I know I could get away with it scot-free) cut corners to earn more money. I worked every day with utter incompetence, enforcing the idea that other people are just numbers and that my co-worker's numbers are just lower.
I had no time for family, only sending back money or gifts every Christmas (sometimes video calling them).
I... pretty much cut off all contact with Kathy and my parents to fully commit to working, occasionally having a one-night stand with random women in the bar but that's the extent of my social life.
I was more or less a brutally efficient machine, ruthless, as when I saw people profiting off things like war and suffering, I don't feel disgusted. I feel jealous at how that could've been me that earned those millions.
I was content had I not reincarnated.
Now, I'm being given the same decision again, where I can choose to continue with my plan to stall for time so that Rimuru and the others could escape, dooming me and the West and East to die as the System collapses, or we'll fight against the Empire if we win, we can effectively demand the West for vassalization since, in their minds, the top dog had been dethroned.
Part of my mind wonders if all this is part of God's plan, did Veldanava orchestrate this?
Did the System plan this out?
Logically, I should go with the former, as it's the one with the highest chance of success and would grant me the sweet embrace of oblivion in this meaningless universe. Creation is dying, even if I save one universe, countless others within this 'fortress' that Veldanava has created would die nonetheless, including my old one so why bother saving a few googols more?
Just why in the world should I bother with more? Why is my heart aching for me to choose the latter despite my brain telling it no? Why should I go for the one that has less chance of success? Why should I attempt to fight against Velgrynd, a cosmological reversal machine? Effectively infinite power?
Of course, I could just use Veldora but from the records that Dwargon kept, Veldora always loses against Velgrynd.
"..."
So why...
I felt my vision blur as though someone had placed a filter over my eyes.
...Just why is it so hard to say it? Why can't I go with the logical option? Why can't I say it now that [Silence Emotion] is on cooldown? Why is it so hard to say 'I'm sorry Arcueid, but this is for the best; you've become too reliant on me' and let her go?
I had once used [Psychology] to create a diagnosis about my relationship with Arcueid, the result of that diagnosis was an 'unhealthy relationship', evidence being that I (at least subconsciously) see her as a crutch to maintain my emotional stability after Rimuru's resurrection and she has always seen me as the center of her world, the proverbial glue which holds her mind together in this foreign world.
With the aid of 90% of my specialties and my current understanding of the Universe as well as hers, I was able to postulate a workable theory that has the acceptance of [Contessa] before its demise.
Granted, the following would sound like a total crackpot to anyone who doesn't have at least a basic understanding of this Planetary Metaphysical Superorganism back in Arcueid's old world.
According to the laws of her old world, things made by man should not even be able to affect a True Ancestor unless it's a conceptual weapon (don't even get me started on manipulating concepts, [Inspired Inventor] is as stumped on that as I am).
However, when she crossed over, her origin was... tainted in a way that left her vulnerable to material attacks like mine. Her antibodies were unable to deal with a tinkertech weapon so alien it's on the level of the 'White Titan' apparently. Consequently, Arcueid's ego did shatter by the weapon. With her ego in pieces, the Princess of the True Ancestors was unable to form any coherent thoughts, thus, she was unable to reform herself and would've remained that way in a formless state until the End of the System.
Clearly, that didn't happen. Instead, what did happen was that Arcueid used an anchor point— AKA: me, her killer— to rebuild herself around, resulting in her seeing me as the literal center of her world.
Such a relationship built on obsessions cannot be healthy, after all just look at her response! Despite looking so normal on the surface before, the moment the center of her world was threatened, Arcueid goes full berserk! I shudder to imagine what would happen if I actually did reject her feelings. Her mind is fragile, like a house made out of glass, and all it would take to shatter it is my removal.
I attempt to speak, I open my mouth but no sounds come out. It's like asking a girl out for a date, after you call out her name, nothing comes out of your mouth even if you attempt to force it, and when it does come out it's all stuttering.
Why... why am I getting cold feet now?! Previously, I created this perfect scenario with [Planning], where I'll come and explain to them what's happened, and I'll take the burden off of their shoulders and place them on mine before the End. I had planned to get away from Arcueid so that she can become more independent.
Why is this so hard to actually carry it out?!?!
I looked at the desperate form of Arcueid clinging onto me with all her might to realize it:
I don't want to lose her.
I couldn't find it in myself to care whether or not I had free will, all I know is that I want to be with her all the time.
I truly, truly love her. More than I've ever known. More than anyone else.
My logical side would probably scoff at my short-sighted behavior right now, but I couldn't care less.
I want to be with her.
Her smile, her cheerfulness, her delightful moments of airheadedness, the way she can slip past all the walls I put up around my heart with ease— I want to be with Arcueid Brunestud.
For all of eternity. I couldn't imagine a life without her.
I... I never knew love could be so intense. Before I reincarnated, if I were forced to choose between either saving 5 strangers or my sister, I would always choose the utilitarian choice and choose the strangers. I love my sister, but in the grand scheme of things, I would always choose the one that saves the most lives.
I could easily imagine myself killing trillions just so Arcueid would survive.
How hypocritical of me.
I'm ready to sacrifice myself to save everyone I knew, yet now I can't. The words just won't even materialize in my mind.
I can be the most selfless and the most selfish person in the world.
How contradictory. I am so far from Perfect... I'm just so...
...human...
"Ha ha ha ha ha," I felt a continuous laugh. No matter how much I think I've advanced and changed, I'm still affected by 'love'. This feels like the plot of a romance film.
It's strange. I've never loved anyone as much as I do with her.
It's... it's a warm and fuzzy feeling, one that you'd wish would never end.
"Hah... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...ahhhh... Very well then," My hand moved up to Arcueid's hair and started to stroke it. Due to how she is hugging me, I can only move the joints in my elbow.
Her hair was soft, making my hands feel especially weak, as I can't seem to put any force into it as if it had fallen asleep, "I take back what I said, we shall beat back the Empire before negotiating with the West about the Ark."
Arc loosens the hug so she can face me. Her mouth forming into a sincere smile once again reminded me how just why I love her so much.
Ah love, such a quirk of evolution that afflicts even Perfection.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Hey, yeah this is nice and all—" Violet spoke up, leaning on the icy wall like it isn't -12 Celsius, "but can I ask why the fuck does she feel so alien?!" Violet yelled out as she pointed a finger at Arcueid, "she feels like a Primordial Spirit! No, the System itself can't make sense of her as if she's an Outsider."
Oh right... Primordial Violet.
In the end, I had to explain to her everything that happened. Afterward, Violet readily agreed to become my subordinate, if nothing but to massacre the Eastern Empire's soldiers. I barely managed to maintain my poker face using [Acting] throughout the entire time Violet gushed about how much she loved to kill and in gory details that caused the room to vacant, Diablo was not kidding when he said Violet is a cruel and sadistic Demon.
Seeing someone who looked so similar to my sister acts in such a fashion is jarring to say the very least.
Although, I also sensed she wishes to board the Ark as well, probably knowing the End of everything as we know it convinced her to latch onto the only source of escape.
"You shall be named... Kathy." Strands of magicule erupted from me and formed a cocoon around the newly named Kathy.
_____________________________________________
AN: You know, this chapter is arguably one I had to rewrite the most of. I had to perfect Scientia's mental breakdown so that it seems accurate and I tried to explain exactly how free will could still exist within a causal system where time travel is limited by the Novikov Self-Consistency Principle.
Then, I realized most people who read this ain't going to know what a causal loop, temporal order, Anthropic Principle, or light cone is so I pushed how causality within Inspired Inventor worked back by a lot.
I got the idea of the Ark from the 2015 Marvel Incursion events.
We see in this chapter that the stress of dealing with the End of the System, Existential Crisis, knowing God is both real and dead, dealing with a world war, and many other things have all overwhelmed Scientia into this one singular severe mental breakdown with the trigger being the phrase "Noah's Ark".
You all gotta remember that Scientia is still human despite being a Perfect Homunculus. And I would think that any normal human would feel EXTREMELY overwhelmed by the idea of combating the End of the World. Hell, comparatively speaking, people have had mental breakdowns for less (an example being Britney Spears' breakdown in the late 2000s).
I wonder how many of you guys got the hints I've laid out in the previous chapters, an off comment here, a curiosity there.
Fun fact: in the original script, this chapter would've been the one where Arcueid confessed and later on had coitus. I scrapped that idea since 1) it's not realistic to expect your confession to immediately result in coitus and 2)that would make the relationship look to be more of a physical nature rather than emotional.
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
-- Power-
Rangliste 
-- Power-
Stein