Kapitel 58: 58. On Repeat
Friday
My memory felt cloudy as I woke up but, as I looked from Hobi tucked beside my right side to Jimin sprawled out on the left I became hyper aware. Stuck between shy and happy, I couldn't decide which way I felt more. They spoilt me far too much, especially this week. The ache between my legs was no doubt from the unruly amount of sex I'd had this week…
Was it strange? I'm sure it wasn't a secret between them that we were all intimate. Even though we'd never really openly spoken about it as a collective, yet, there seemed to be a level of understanding. It made me wonder if they'd talked about it without me there and come to some sort of agreement… It could be worth asking Hobi about later, I'm sure he'll spill the beans.
I manage to slip out of bed, wiggling to the bottom as I'd done the other day when I'd been stuck between Tae and Jungkook. Neither of them had woken up yet so I went to take a shower and make some toast for breakfast.
Jimin and Hobi woke up shortly after that, both taking a shower and joining me to eat. We decided to head in to the agency together seeing as today I had work to do there and they had group dance practice.
The days were starting to cool down so I threw on a pair of ripped black jeans and a dark green knit jumper. When we got to the agency Jimin left first, Hoseok on the other hand offered to drop me at my office. It wasn't until we reached the door that the fun we had last night is mentioned.
"You're in a great mood, Jimin and I must've done a good job last night" Hoseok laughs before settling into a smug grin.
"Ahh. As embarrassing as it is to admit, yeah. Yeah, it was hot. And thinking about it is something I'm trying not to do right now so, Shh." I bit my lip, unable to hold back my smile.
"Right, so hot. I knew it would be when we started talking about it in the car the other day. Funnily enough, it wasn't who we'd originally planned on asking, though." He was right, initially it'd been Jungkook he'd wanted to proposition. A thought I'd had earlier this morning propped in my mind.
"Hoseok, can I ask you something?" He nodded so I went on. "Have you and the others ever… Talked openly about the relationship we all have? I just, I'm curious. It just seems like we all readily accepted that we were all…" I paused, trying to find the right words but Hoseok spoke up first.
"Well, yeah. It was a while ago, can't recall the exact time. But, we all sat down and had a group discussion. I remember how complicated it was, which, we collectively decided wasn't anyones fault. From there, we agreed the easiest way to move forward was to just let things happen naturally. For our sake and yours." He spoke plainly, I can't believe all of that happened without even knowing.
"I feel kind of, bad… I remember being so scared back then, but, everything happened so fast. Still, I should've been more proactive…" I swallowed thickly. But Hobi just smiled and pinched the tip of my nose.
"Don't sweat it, I know you never intended to hurt any one of us. They all know it and none of us ever thought for one second that you were in the wrong. Besides, this might sound corny but, the more I think about it, it may be fate. I mean, what are the chances of us all coming together. The bond we all have is special." Hoseok speaks so matter-of-factly, despite the topic.
"Yeah… It is incredible, how we all found each other…" I admitted, his thoughts and perspective on the topic were so interesting and insightful. Yet another amazing quality about Hoseok.
"Anyway, I should get going. The others will get annoyed if I'm late." Hoseok gave an affection pinch to my chin and a grin before backing away.
"Yeah, sure. Thanks for the chat. Goodluck with practise!" I call out after him. He gives a wave before turning and leaving me with these new thoughts.
I set myself up in my office at my desk and get busy with writing. But, for some reason the conversation Hoseok and I just had lingers. I grab my headphones and put them on, turning 2 Cool 4 Skool on and cranking up the volume. The rhythm effortlessly pulls me into the state of mind I need to be in, memories of crisis we'd had when their chance to debut came. It was around that time I'd learnt of their shady dealings.
Condemned by society. Yet, the view I have of them from the other side of the looking glass, made me question why it was wrong. Wasn't it just another case of being forced to conform to societies ideals. Others dreams. To hell with tradition. To hell with being captured in others expectations and ideals.
I started typing away frivolously as I captured my thoughts, feelings and outrage down. This was a good place to start.
Time carries on as I go, it was already 1 pm by the time I'd finished and looked to check the time. I sent two copies of my notes, one to P-Dog and the other to Joon. A minute later I got a text back from the second.
RM: Jia, have you eaten yet? We're taking our lunch break, wanna join us?
Jia: Haven't eaten yet, what're you guys having for lunch? 🤤
RM: ahah, come down to the restaurant on the ground floor and find out for yourself 😉
Jia: Okay, otw
I clicked my phone shut and stuffed it in my pocket before leaving my office. As soon as I reached the lobby and step out of the building I see Jin and Joon on the sidewalk, casually chatting out the front of the restaurant. Jin lights up as he spots me, Joon looks over too.
"Nice of you to join us, how's work?" Jin comes up to me, linking his arm with mine as he pulls me over.
"Great, actually. So, what's for lunch?" I giggle, thoughts of different delicious foods come to mind.
"We just order a bit of everything." Joon flashed a smile, opening the door of the restaurant which Jin pulls me through first. Joon follows behind, seeming to be in a really good mood.
"Yum, can't wait to-" I stop in my tracks, stomach dropping as I see everyone sitting around a table, including Yoongi.
"Can't wait to what? Eat? Yeah same. You're sitting with me by the way, no complaining" Jin may or may not have noticed but regardless he pulled me over to the table and down into the seat beside him and Joon. I was greeted with a round of smiles or waves from everyone.. Except Yoongi. From right to left around the table it was Jin, Jimin, Tae and Jungkook, then Hobi. Leaving Yoongi on the left at the end of the table beside Joon.
I greet them all too, pushing any feelings of awkwardness I felt away and acted like there was nothing wrong. Not a second later the Ajima who owns the shop comes and starts filling the table with lots of delicious food and everyone's attention is focused on digging in.
I take my time trying a few of the different dishes, everything as good as the next. Jin turns to me, that grin he had plastered on his face I knew too well.
"You have to try this, here" he doesn't give me a choice as he brings it to my lips so I open up, letting him pop the piece of beef in my mouth.
"Mmm. Super delicious. 100/10." I grin, nodding in approval as I chew. He laughs airily before reaching for a piece for himself.
I tried my best to zone out on the fact that it was hard to look at Yoongi. But, from where he sat I could feel him glaring daggers at me. I didn't know why, it's not like I was going to say anything to him. He'd made it apparent that he didn't want to talk to me…
I enjoyed eating with the boys as much as I could, just as we'd finished and were about to get back to work Joon asked if I could to his studio to discuss more about the Coffee lyrics. Upon learning he'd already started trying to put a song together from the idea I gladly went with him to work on it more.
I said bye to everyone, even giving a small wave in Yoongi's direction but he looked away, I didn't know if he was angry or just awkward. It was hard to tell with him. After that, Joon and I hauled ourselves up in his studio. It was a cosy size, table full of production equipment which included a keyboard, speakers, microphone, computer, laptop and some other things.
He pulled out a rolling stool brought it over to the desk for me to sit beside him.
"Okay, let me just pull up what I have so far" he began, reaching for the computer mouse and clicking through files.
The melody starts soft until an RnB kick comes in, it's easy on the ears and makes me want to sway from side to side and nod my head at the same time.
"I really like this, light but still has enough kick to rap over." I turn to Joon, bopping my head along. He smiles, then starts free styling over the beat. I join in, we take turns mucking around with the sound. Writing down anything we think we can use. But, with what had become so synonymous when we got in the studio together we ended up getting carried away.
Joon was on the mic, spittin all kinds of nonsensicle shit while I was half way on the ground clutching my stomach because it hurt from laughing so damn much. How we ever got any songs finished was beyond me. If anyone was to walk in and see this level of clownery they'd be left questioning which circus we escaped from.
Just then, as though I'd jinxed it we heard a knock on the door. The both of us scrambled to try and look like we weren't weird as hell with Joon hurriedly pushing the mic away and picking my dumb ass up of the floor.
"Omg, wait, I need a sec to breath" I wiped the tears from my eyes, still holding my stomach as I tried to compose myself.
"It's okay, take it easy" Joon cracked a grin before going over to unlock the door and see who it was. As he opened it, Tae was standing there eying us suspiciously.
"It sounded like someone was being tickle attacked so bad they were about to die. Is this one of your kinky fetishes or something?" Tae stared between the two of us as though he'd just asked a serious question.
"Ahhh. No, no. We were just-" I laughed awkwardly, Tae stepped in to the room.
"Nah, just messing around." Joon butts in, waving it off casually, "Anyway, what's up Tae?" He asks, coming over and sitting in the chair beside me.
"I came to get Jia, we have to go to the club." Tae wiggled his eyebrow suggestively, the playful side of him I knew well coming through.
"Ohh, wow. The day went by so fast." I reached for my phone and checked the screen only to confirm that it was in fact time for us to leave.
"Ah. Alright. Thanks for the help. If I have any more ideas I'll send them your way, and vice versa." Joon have a light sigh, I didn't want our fun to come to an end either but it couldn't be helped.
"Sure, sounds good to me. Let me know about the other stuff I sent you too, when you get the chance that is." I stood up and gave Joon a quick hug.
"Yeah, will do." He let me go, Tae was waiting patiently as he stood in the middle of the room.
"See ya~" I gave a small wave which he returned.
Tae and I made our way out of the building and hopped in to the backseat of the car that Yu and Koh were waiting in. After exchanging Hi's with the two I turned back to Tae.
We talked about a few random things including how working at the club was going for him. I'd asked because I was curious to know how he felt about it. Tae said one of his clients was an older lady and that she seemed lonely for the most part. That he didn't mind keeping her company and talking. But, the fact that he wasn't attracted to her in any other way felt like he was lying.
He wasn't wrong, but, I told him that thinking about it the same way you would fan-service makes it more justifiable. I mean, essentially it was, wasn't it?
Tae seemed to resonate with what I'd said which was good, despite the misconceptions and at the root of it there wasn't any real reason to feel bad. What's being sold is the illusion, nothing more. Soon enough we arrived.
The both of us headed up the elevator and went our seperate ways, promising to see each other later tonight. Once in the dressing room hair and makeup begins, Koh goes to check the schedule, coming back within five minutes to let me know it was Mr. Lee again.
As they put me together for the night it only became more and more extravagant. Maybe even overly so, which was saying a lot seeing as my standards were already fairly high.
The choice of dress being the icing on the cake. It was a dark red satin A-Line floor length evening gown, split front and princess V-neck to top it off. It was so soft on my skin, but I hardly recognised myself in the mirror.
Time was getting on so I discarded my thoughts and hurried along to go and see my client. We settled into conversation, drinking and exchanging pleasantries. It must've been nearing the end of my shift but I needed to use the restroom so I excused myself for a quick moment, leaving Mr. Lee and the twins behind.
As I turned the corner I spotted the restroom. So, being careful to hold the end of my dress up as to not fall over the material I made my way to the door. What I hadn't expected was for Reira to suddenly appear from around another corner at the other end of the hall. Before I could duck in he called out my name.
"Jia. What's this? Not sneaking away from Mr. Lee already, are we? He can't be that bad" Reira laughs, it's a mixture of cute and alluring. I really can't decide which.
"Oh no, he's fine. I was just…" I glanced over to the restroom, Reira followed my line of sight and picked up on my intentions.
"Ah, I see." He gave a light smile, but, as his gaze wondered down to my dress his demeanour shifted slightly.
"You look beautiful in red. But, you won't be able to undo the zipper on this dress by yourself."
"Hm?"
"Here, let me help you." His presence weighing heavy as he steps closer and carefully reaches around for the zip behind me.
"Oh, no, no-" I go to protest but he's so closely in front of me, I feel myself shrink.
"It's alright, just relax. You're in good hands. Promise." His voice as smooth as the satin of my dress. I feel the zip coming undone, I cling the front of it to my body so it doesn't fall down until eventually it's unzipped.
"I'll wait here, don't be too long," Reira steps back, faint but wickedly charming smile pursed on his lips. I take advantage of the space between us and duck in to the restroom, making sure to lock the door behind me.
Holy fuck. Why was that so intense, I can still feel myself shuddering just thinking about it. I quickly pee, but, as I try and muster the courage to go back out I'm overcome with a nervousness.
Unable to see any other escape I cling to my dress and slowly step back out in to the hall. Upon seeing me, Reira smoothly kicks off the wall he'd been leaning against and motions towards me.
"All done?" He asks, head tilting to the side. Seemingly innocent enough if it wasn't for the roguish glint in his eyes. My mouth was so dry, anxiety was building in my chest. I can't push out any words.
"Come closer." He coaxes, taking my silence as an invitation to reach around for my zip again. This time, he grips my hip. My heart rate picks up, the urgency in my chest builds.
As he pulls the zip up it feels like time has slowed down, the panic I feel brings me back to a dangerous time, one I was terrified of reliving.
Just as the zip finally reached an end I think my internal panic is about to overspill. It's done. He's done. Just back away. I pray that this is the end. But, I couldn't have been more wrong.
Reira catches my chin in his grip, the force he pushes his lips against mine is so calculated. ' paralysed, the fear seeping in is taking control. My mind is screaming but my body doesn't respond.
His touch trickles down from my collarbone to the curve of my breast, it slips seamlessly past the fabric, groping me. Please, no. Please, no.
With all the strength I can muster I pull away, knocking away his hold on me. My whole body trembles. Was it adrenaline now kicking in?
"No, I… Have to go." I don't give him another chance and leave as quickly as I can. I make it back to the safely of the room where I was being waited for. I didn't know if I was visibly shaken on my return or not but, no questions were asked.
It's not real. How could it be? No. That does not happen to me again.
And if it did? The boys would kill him. But that can't happen, it just can't. Not with so much on the line. So much at stake. No. It's not real. It didn't happen.
The end of the night can't come quickly enough. I change and go straight back to the car to wait for Tae. The twins sit in the front, one of them asking if I was okay. I smile, lie, and say I'm fine.
An inkling of relief washes over as I see Tae coming out of the elevator and towards the car. It isn't until he gets in and gives me an off glance that slither of relief is ripped away.
"Let's go." Tae says, the car starts and we exit the underground car park back on to the street. I feel nauseous the entire ride home. The only thing Tae says is that he's coming back to mine. I don't deny him.
The strange tension had built all the way up until we finally got back to the safely of my lounge room. That was when Tae breaks his silence.
"What's going on between you and Reira?" He confronts me. Gaze locked on mine. Almost accusingly.
"Nothing." I deny. Nothing happened. His eyes soften ever so slightly.
"Did… He force you?" Tae asks carefully. The ache in my throat hurts to swallow.
"No." I can't say that. I can't think clearly, I can't be careless. The ramifications, no.
"Why are you lying? I saw you kiss. How can you stand there and tell me that." I'd never in our entire time of knowing each other seen Tae look at me this way. So cold. So accusingly. It wrenches my insides.
"I don't know what you're talking about. I really don't." He cuts me off.
"Don't. Just hurry up and tell me which one it is. He either forced you, or you have something going on between you." Tae takes a step forward. I flinch.
No. Not again.
"Stay away" I gasp, on the verge of tears. Tae stops, I take a few steps back until I feel my calf's hit the coffee table.
"Leave. Please, just leave." I can't do this anymore. Tae hesitates for a moment. But, it's only a moment and then he's gone. A moments silence passes. I walk to my bedroom and sit on the edge of my bed.
Alone.
All of the anxiety, fear, hurt, confused and disbelief spills at once. I break down. It wasn't until I had no more tears left and the sheer fatigue of the stress caused me to pass out that I got rest.
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
-- Power-
Rangliste 
-- Power-
Stein