Kapitel 30: Aftermath
The three donned cloaks over their uniforms, moving quietly through the lively town. The further they went in, the closer they seemed to get to the site of the disaster, as there were less people in the open streets, those that remained talked to one another in hushed tones and parents quickly dragged their children behind them. As they continued on, a depressed air hung heavily in the streets, the villagers wearing more sombre expressions as they rushed about, some more frantically than others, some dragging their feet with empty sorrow in their eyes. Towards the corner of the town, they finally came across the area the landslide had hit. As the earth collapsed, it crashed over the unsuspecting village, caving in houses with its occupants still inside, burying those who hadn't ran fast enough. Some time had passed since the wave of earth had fallen, as such, the initial panic and hysteria had passed. Instead, what was left were those still digging through the rubble, perhaps with hope for survivors but at this point, it was more likely they were looking for bodies. Bodies that had already been dug up were lined up to the side, cloths laid over them to cover their unsightly states. Some poor souls who had already found their missing family members sat at the edges of the scene, some hollow with shock, others crying uncontrollably. One person in particular couldn't stand the reality of their loved one being dead, his body hunched over the covered corpse, crying sorrowfully as he held onto it.
The trio were silent as they looked over the scene, standing in the shadows of the still standing buildings surrounding the disaster site. Lu Qinyi's eyes fell on a small child who was wailing in distress, wandering himself in circles. He didn't have an adult accompanying him, it was likely he was lost. Or… Lu Qinyi's gaze flicked over to the line of bodies. Just as he was thinking this, the child stumbled into a stranger dressed in a dark cloak, their hood pulled up and their head bowed. The child clung tightly to the stranger, still crying so hard in his distress he didn't manage to utter a word. The stranger crouched down and must have been saying something quietly to the child as after a while, his wails turned to quiet sobs, responding with nods or head shakes to whatever the person was asking them. Finally, the stranger scooped the child up into his arms who responded by clinging to him tightly, straightening himself before looking around. As he did so, for a brief moment, Lu Qinyi got a glimpse of his face that was half hidden by his hood. He narrowed his eyes in suspicion.
Not long after, a young man stumbled over to the stranger and child, a look of relief on his face. The two exchanged some words before the stranger went to hand the child over. But the child started to wail again, tightly clinging to the stranger's clothes. The cloak shifted aside for even less than a moment before the stranger pulled the child close to him again. But for Lu Qinyi, who was watching closely, this was enough time for him to spot what was underneath that cloak. A soldier's uniform. The 'stranger' bent his head to speak to the child, managing to calm him enough that he was no longer sobbing. Eventually, the child slowly let go and was handed over to the young man, who bent at the waist to bow to the man sincerely, even with the child clutched in his arms. The stranger waved him off before he turned to keep walking toward the rubble.
Lu Qinyi moved to leave the shadows, anger burning in his eyes, but Zhao Mei caught his arm. "Where do you think you're going?"
He glared at her, pulling his arm back. "You spotted it too, didn't you? That's General Fei."
Something flashed in her eyes for a moment as her gaze shifted to the figure who was walking over the piles of rubble and loose earth with careful steps. "So what if it is?"
"So I'll kill that bastard here and now," he hissed back. His gaze fixed on Fei Li, his voice dropping dangerously low. "I never should have let him live. This was my mistake and now I need to fix it."
"Don't be stupid General Lu. We have no idea where his soldiers are and we're alone. Don't act rashly." Zhao Mei's voice had lowered considerably, containing a cold edge to it but her eyes fell back to Fei Li with that contemplative look of hers. But finally, she shook her head firmly. "Let's leave."
Yang Xun's gaze hadn't left Fei Li since Lu Qinyi revealed who it was. At this point, he spoke up, his voice dripping with hate "What's he doing here anyway?"
Lu Qinyi frowned. Now that he pointed it out, what exactly was the enemy general doing here? If Yang Xun couldn't guess at his purpose then Lu Qinyi really didn't have a chance at understanding. He glanced at Zhao Mei to see if she could think of a reason for it but she frowned slightly as well, clearly unable to think of anything either. The three exchanged glances before pulling their hoods further over their faces, moving quietly along the edges of the buildings as inconspicuously as they could manage.
Fei Li stepped his way through the wreckage, making his way back to the slight figure who sat slumped against a pile of rubble, staring hollowly ahead, her hand idly turning the wooden bead bracelet around her wrist. Fei Li crouched down beside her, holding out the freshly filled flask. She gave a shallow nod of thanks as she accepted it, sipping slowly. Fei Li's gaze fell back to the body that had been dug out of the debris. His limbs had been crushed by the building collapsing on him but his head was perfectly fine aside from the dirt across his face. It was likely he had suffocated to death, buried under the landslide. When Fei Li had been wandering around, inspecting the destruction he had caused, he had come across this young woman. Despite having been injured herself, having to limp and drag her leg behind her, she had been determinedly unburying the man's body. Irrespective of the fact her body was too weak for the task, she had continued to struggle without a word.
So Fei Li had stopped, helping to heave the stones aside and pull the mangled body free. The woman had looked at him with gratitude but so far, hadn't said a word, likely still in a state of emotional shock. So the first words said between them were by Fei Li's initiative. "Would you like him to be moved?" He asked quietly, looking from the body to where the other unfortunate victims were lined up. The woman raised her head, following his gaze before looking back to the dead man, reaching her hand out to tenderly stroke along his cheek. Finally, she nodded slightly. Fei Li bent over to pick the man up. Although the man was large and certainly not light, Fei Li was plenty strong enough to manage, shifting the body over his shoulder as he navigated to other bodies, carefully laying the man to rest while remaining mindful to keep his cloak close around himself. As he did, he noticed a bracelet that matched the young woman's around his wrist. The woman sat down beside the body, her gaze seeming a bit vacant and blank, as if she wasn't really seeing anything around her.
Fei Li gave her one last glance before he stood up leave, only to have the fabric of his cloak caught. "...Thanks." She managed to croak out, her voice still rough despite having had something to drink already. Fei Li only acknowledged her with a nod.
She held out the flask he had given her but he lifted a hand to refuse it. "I don't need it." Her hand dropped back into her lap, letting Fei Li continue on his way.
As Fei Li walked away, his gaze caught on one of the figures covered in cloth. Peaking out from under the fabric was a tiny hand, the child must have been even younger then the little lost boy who had clung to Fei Li earlier. Fei Li closed his eyes for a moment before he kept walking, one step at a time. There was a difference between mercilessness and brutality. Fei Li understood this well. And he understood that this time, his actions fell in the latter category. There was no excuse that could adequately justify it. His actions couldn't be forgiven.
Lu Qinyi and his lieutenants observed silently for a long while before finally, they turned to leave, their complicated feelings from what they observed remaining unspoken.
---
At some point, he had neared the gate out of the township. Xi Ming had returned to his side. When he had gone to sneak out from the camp to take a look, Xi Ming had insisted on following him. But as they went further into the town, they caught glimpses of the damage. Victims with injuries of various severities who had been pulled from the rubble, some dragging broken limbs, their peers supporting them to walk, others covered nearly completely in blood and dirt. Others still were crying in pain or grief.
Fei Li had turned around after they had passed the first few victims, ordering Xi Ming to 'keep lookout' at the gate. Xi Ming was reluctant but against Fei Li's stern gaze, he had no choice but to relent. Fei Li knew if he'd let him see the complete aftermath, he would take the responsibility for it onto himself. He was only a soldier, following Fei Li's orders. Fei Li had no wish for him to bear the guilt, the responsibility for this was his alone.
Xi Ming had guessed that Fei Li was sheltering him so he had suppressed his displeasure and simply waited. He remained quiet as he walked at Fei Li's side. He had planned to continue not to say anything but surprisingly, Fei Li spoke up. "Something is on your mind."
"It isn't anything important."
"Tell me anyway."
Xi Ming pursed his lips together, looking at the empty road ahead of them. "Did we do the right thing, General?"
There was a long silence. Fei Li's gaze became a little unfocused as those words stirred old memories.
"A-Xin, do you know what it takes to be a soldier?" His father had asked, calling him by his childhood name. Fei Li had still been a young child at the time, he was only just beginning to learn what a soldier was and yet he had already begun excitedly declaring that he would become one.
Fei Li had paused to think about it, his head tilting slightly before he confidently answered. "You have to be strong! Like you are, Dad. And you have to have skills. Mummy also says soldiers are clever too." He paused again before adding. "And you have to train reeaally hard!" He seemed pleased with his answer, looking at his father expectantly.
His father had ruffled his hair, a patient smile on his face. "Those are all true but you're still missing something."
Fei Li's brows had scrunched up at that, a frown forming on his small face as he tried hard to think of what he had missed. Finally, he couldn't think of it, looking up at his father with a confused look in his eyes.
His father had lightly pinched his cheek, seeming amused as he watched Fei Li's brows scrunch further, his pout becoming more pronounced. "Compassion. What separates a killer from a soldier…" He paused a moment, looking at the small and still too innocent child, knowing that he wouldn't be able to understand yet. So he followed with something he would understand. "A monster from a hero, is purpose... and compassion. You'll ultimately do the right thing when the time comes so long as you have those two things."
Fei Li seemed even more confused at that, voicing uncertainly "But... Mummy said compassion makes you weak."
His father had frowned at that, taking a moment to choose his words carefully. "Mummy forgets important things sometimes. It actually takes a lot of strength to be compassionate. You'll understand when you're older."
Fei Li certainly did understand all too well what his father had meant now. Compassion truly did take strength, to choose to fight a bitter, losing fight. To choose between the lives of your men and the lives of innocents. To choose between winning a war, and saving people. The line between heroes and monsters was blurry… and compassion was hard.
"No." He responded to Xi Ming honestly. "We did what we had to." Even Fei Li could feel how hollow a response this was. Xi Ming no longer talked and neither did Fei Li, continuing to quietly walk side by side amidst the fading light of the setting sun.
AUTORENGEDANKEN 
mehasacupcake
mehasacupcake I have no clue what kind of upload schedule I'll have since I'm writing these live (finally ran out of stored chapters lol) but it likely wont be anything consistent.
These chapters have also only passed through 1 round of editting (previous ones have passed through up to 3 rounds of proof reading and editting) so uh. Hopefully its fine!
I also can't stop drawing the Gay Boiz. My instagram is covered in my doodles of them. Send help.
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