Kapitel 36: A Big Choice

Penelope began to panic. She didn't want to cause more problems in someone else's marriage—hadn't that been why she was trying to keep her distance? That appeared to have backfired on her big time.

"I already said I was sorry," she said lamely, unsure what else to do.

"Are you really though?" Roman asked in a cold tone. "You always do whatever you want without consulting anybody and expect people to go along with you regardless of their feelings on the matter.

"I don't think you're recovered enough to go to that conference and not only did you make me lie to your boss, now I'm going to have to worry about you that entire week. Honestly, Penny! Is your job more important to you than I am?"

The horrible thing was that she didn't know for sure. Penelope Cross obviously loved her husband but she loved her job too. If she had to make a choice between them, it wasn't clear which one she would pick.

Tears sparked in her eyes. It wasn't fair that she was getting chewed out for someone else's crime. She may have set him off but this was clearly building up for a very, very long time.

This wasn't her business. She shouldn't even be here!

What was even more unfair about all of this was that if she truly was Roman Cross's wife and was forced to make a decision right now, she would choose him hands down. He was always so good to his wife and had compromised over and over.

He deserved to be put first for once. He deserved to be happy. Other Penelope had been horribly selfish and she wasn't much better, using him like that earlier to fulfil her own goals.

The accusation stung twice as much because she had never chosen her job over her family. Back home, she had sacrificed everything for the people she loved and never one put what she wanted first. What she wanted wasn't even on the list of her priorities.

Everything Penelope did had been for the people she loved and now she was being accused of the exact opposite. It wasn't fair. The tears she hadn't shed at lunch finally rolled down her face and she frantically tried to wipe them away before he saw.

Too late. Roman's fierce expression melted away in an instant, in shock at the sight of her tears. She had never been much of a crier. This might be unusual for him.

"Are you actually crying?" he asked in disbelief.

"No," Penelope said defiantly. "And even if I was, it's not because of what you think."

She was crying because of the life she had wasted for others without ever doing anything that would make her happy. The past six years of her life had been nothing but one sacrifice after another.

She had wasted her entire youth to keep her family together when it was falling apart and she hadn't even made much of a difference for them. And not one person cared.

Coming here had been terrible, like when you have a wonderful dream and then wake up depressed because it isn't real. Not knowing whether or not she would be stuck here forever caused a lot of anxiety.

What was she supposed to do? Treat this as a temporary vacation from reality and try to avoid making any waves or accept that there was no going back and live the way she wanted to?

Percy's threat made it so she couldn't leave Roman. And seeing how secretly miserable her other self had made him, she almost didn't want to anymore. She felt oddly responsible for his wife's actions and wanted him to be happy.

She was certain she could make that happen by pretending to be his Penelope more fully. Getting a pet. Having a better work-life balance so he didn't feel like he was playing second fiddle to her job. Trying to have a baby.

All things she could only do if she accepted her being here as an unchangeable fact. Even after so many days in this world, it still didn't feel real and she wasn't sure she wanted it to.

She didn't love him but if she stayed with him long enough and he kept spoiling her, she was sure her heart would cave in eventually. He was her type. Who could hold off with that kind of adoration indefinitely?

But there was no guarantee she would be happy accepting love in someone else's place forever. No one deserved to be a substitute. She might come to love him but he would always be in love with the woman he married.

These thoughts only made her cry harder. Penelope was so confused and had no idea what she was supposed to do about any of this.

"Penny…" Roman said helplessly, looking as if he was debating whether or not to hug her or continue scolding her.

"Just eat your food before it gets cold," she snapped.

Penelope needed to compose herself. She couldn't make such a big choice on the spot so she wasn't sure what to say to end this argument one way or the other.

What she needed was time and space. The conference would be the best way to get it, which was why she had used him to get there in the first place causing this whole mess. Everything felt like a never-ending line of dominoes falling down.

There was no stopping it. Like it or not, she was making waves in this world while trying to lay low. The question was whether or not she would own up to them or try and pretend like nothing was happening.

All the fire went out of Roman at the sight of her tears. He obediently and silently sat down at the table and began eating his now-cold jalapeño poppers.

Penelope decided she had done enough damage for today and went upstairs to take a shower and change out of her work clothes. It was only 6 PM but she wanted to go to bed. She wasn't hungry anyway.