Kapitel 43: Chapter 42
UNEDITED-
Anna POV-
"We should probably get back" Florence spoke softly.. I just nodded letting go of her, as soon as we parted I realised just how cold it was.
Or maybe how warm she makes me feel.
We began walking together.. After a minute or so of walking she took my hand interlocking our fingers.. it still surprises me how sweet she can be, I realise there is not much we know about each other.
"Florence, you remember that game we played?.. you ask a question, I ask a question?" I asked.. I know there is probably alot she wants to ask.. it might be good for us to talk about it.
"You want to play? Are you sure?" she asked visibly surprised at my offer.
"I'm sure.. you can ask me anything you want." I replied playfully.
"Anything?" She repeated cautiously as she looked at me.
"Flo if there is something on your mind.. I'd rather you just ask me about it. Don't let it fester, I can't imagine the answers you would come up with yourself." I replied sincerely, shaking my head..
There is still alot for us to talk about.
"Ok" she replied seemingly feeling a little more comfortable.
"The fire?" she asked almost in code.. I can't believe I forgot about this..
"I'm guessing you've never heard of the fae folk.".. I said as a statement.. she just looked at me waiting for me to actually answer.. I gave her a quick description of what they are..well I just told her what Leopold told me. About the light and dark fae.. what the dark fae did and that I'm one of them.
"Your not 'evil' Anna." She almost scoffed at my statement..
"You don't know me yet.." I smirked. "Besides, you can't say the facts are wrong.. you only just learned of this." I shrugged..
"I know you well enough. It seems I may even know you better than you know yourself.. Anyway its your turn to ask a question.." she replied changing the subject.
"How long did you know I was.." I couldn't say the last part I just glanced down to my stomach..
"Pregnant?" she asked, finishing my sentence.. After seeing me nod she looked forward and continued talking.. "I knew there was something different about you.. of course there was going to be.. but I didn't know what I was feeling until I knelt down next to you.. when Bea was saddling the horses.".. she explained..
"That's a long time to keep something like this inside." I sighed at realising she's been battling with this for a little longer than I have.. she sent me a questionable look but soon went back to her calm demeanor, I'm guessing she thinks I'm a hypocrite.
"I didn't know if I should tell you that I knew.. or if you even knew. I mean the little one has a strong heart but-".
"I know". I cut her off.. I know I said 'anything' but I don't want to be talking about 'the little one' right now.. "Your turn.".. I attempted a smile hoping she doesn't ask something else about the child.
"Who's... who did this to you?" she changed her wording.. looking to my stomach and back up to my eyes..
"The same person who sent hundreds of 'slaves' to chase after me." I sighed looking ahead, "I don't even know if he knows.." I shuddered at the thought of him.
As I spoke she gripped my hand tighter.. I can't imagine any of this is easy to hear, I couldn't even bring myself to look at her because I don't want to see her sad expression.
I heard her inhale a deep breath before speaking again.. "Your turn" she replied with an almost inaudible lump in her throat.
"Did you ever have any friends?" I asked curious as to her answer and eager to change the subject.. I never saw her with anyone, and I know how bad she is at socialising.
"Not really.. did you?" she asked swapping the focus from her. I left it alone for now..
"I mean.. you couldn't really call them friends.. more like pawns.." I surprised myself at my own brutal honesty.. maybe I have always been drawn to destruction.
"Like pawns?" she repeated.. clearly not understanding my statement.
"They are part of a game I used to play with my father, then the guards when he stopped playing.".. I relayed, reminiscing.
"What do you do with them?" she asked curiously..
"Whatever you want.." I replied..
"So your friends?" she asked..
"Like I said, you couldn't really call them friends." I answered nonchalantly.
"What were they like?" she asked still clearly intrigued.
"You know I have answered three questions.. and I am yet to ask one in return.." I smiled when she looked at me.
"Fine" she huffed.. "But you know what's coming." she smiled at her half victory.
I rolled my eyes and smiled again before thinking of my next question.. "How old are you?" I asked now wondering why I never did before.. I know she is older than me but I don't know how much older..
(NOTES-- I'm pretty sure I never added this part, correct me if I did)..
"Older than you.." she replied..
"I know that.. but how old?" I asked growing increasingly more curious.
"Older than Bea.." she chuckled nervously..
"You can tell me.. it never mattered in the first place.. do you think it will matter to me now?" I sighed rolling my eyes but still unable to hide a smile..
"I'm thirty-two.." she said in an uncomfortable tone.. "It's one of the main reasons I was unsure about you.. you are, considerably younger than me." she said as she raised her eyebrows..
"The way you were just acting I thought you were going to say a hundred or something.." I laughed causing her to laugh too..
"Hey I'm not that old.." she chuckled.
"So you thought that I was too young for you?.. and how did that turn out?".. I asked jokingly..
"Anna you were too young for me.. how old were you when we met.. 18?.. 19?.."
"17.." I corrected..
"Fucking hell Annabelle you were practically still a child.." she replied clearly shocked.. I laughed at her sudden revelation..
"I hadn't been a child for many years before I arrived here." I laughed again.
"No.. It really isn't funny.. I could have taken advantage of you.." The concern in her voice is endearing.
"Believe me.. if anything it would have been the other way around.." I replied trying to ease the tension in her voice.. "And anyway I'm older now so you don't have to feel like your stripping me of my innocence.." I said sarcastically.. mostly because I never really was innocent. She looked at me slightly shocked.. "My husband was going to be picked out on my eighteenth birthday, but when my father went missing they moved the date.. I was only one month from the ball.. two months away from signing my life to him.. whoever he might have been. Clearly no one cared about my age before.. anyway you certainly shouldn't feel guilty for something you could never do.. my innocence is already long gone"..
"Husband?.." she asked..
"Oh uh, it's like your mate.. except the Gods are not the ones that choose for you.. most people get to choose their own.. my parents were to choose mine.."
"That sounds barbaric Anna.. I'm sorry" Florence sighed, sadness etched on her face.. I'm not saying these things to make her sad.
"My life wasn't always sad.. there were rare moments I snuck away to enjoy other peoples company before I had to sign my body over."..
"So you've done it before?".. she asked nervously.. I wasn't even talking about what she's talking about, I'd like her to actually say what the 'it' is but no need to make her feel more uncomfortable..
"Yeah.. I mean no?.. kind of.." was my final answer..
"You have or you haven't?" she asked confusedly.
"I've been intimate with people.. but I never really let them be intimate with me.." I answered truthfully.
"Why not?" she asked another question but I let her have it..
"I didn't feel anything for them.." I replied.
"So why did you do it?" her voice still sounds very confused and slightly uncomfortable..
"To feel something other than loneliness.. the funny thing is, afterwards it always made me feel even more alone.." I sighed.. "And because when I was to come of age, I was going to be married off to whichever suitor my parents picked from the long list of men they had accumulated over the years.. I just wanted to be able to choose before they took my choices away."... I'd seemed to loose myself in the rant before I turned back to Florence who had been intently watching me.. "Does that make any sense?" I asked hoping it did.
"Your world sounds terrible.. why would they give their daughter away so easily?, and a princess at that." ..she asked as if she were hearing me tell a sad story..
"It's the way it goes.. All the King and Queen had was a daughter.. so they had to try to find a worthy man to rule for me." I paused thinking of how I could explain without getting too much into it and pissing myself off in the process.. "Women cook, and clean.. and make children, they don't lead.. all they wanted from me was a male heir so that our bloodline could continue to rule.".. it still stings to say out loud but I'm so used to it by now that I just brush it off as I go. I looked back to Florence who looked deep in thought with a pained expression on her face..
"What is it?" I asked tugging lightly on her hand that was still intertwined with mine.
"I didn't expect your life to be soo-.." she paused trying to find the right word.. "painful." she sighed finally finishing her sentence.. I was not expecting her to pick that word but I guess it's a good way to sum up my life..
"It sure has been a journey.." I laughed which earned a death stare from Florence..
"How can you be this way after everything you've been through?" she asked in a caring, concerned manner.
"I don't look at it like that.. I'm just being myself.. or trying not to be myself." I quickly corrected.
"You have no faith in yourself at all do you?" she asked in a defeated tone..
"I think its my turn.." I replied ignoring her question and practically answering it at the same time..
"Fine." she sighed lightly tapping me with the back of her arm..
"Have you ever been intimate with anyone?" I asked calmly.. I really want her to say no.. but also.. I can't expect anything when I've been intimate with other people..
"A little.." she replied unsure of her own answer.. I watched her cheeks blush as she realised she wasn't going to say anymore.
"You have to give me a little more than that at least.." I pleaded playfully, earning yet another death stare from Florence before her facade cracked and she smiled again. I want her to feel comfortable enough to tell me anything.
"I've been kissed before.. on a few occasions." her broken sentence only made it clearer how nervous this conversation made her.
"You've been kissed but you never initiated it?" I asked "I'm guessing they were men right?" I'm just curious..
"Yes, they were men." she replied seemingly relaxing into the flow of our conversation again.
"Did you feel attracted to them?" I asked..
"They were attractive.." she answered nonchalantly..
"No, were you attracted to them? Like.. did you want to have sex with them?" I asked soon realising how bluntly I worded things..
"No.." She replied straight away, she sounds almost disgusted.. Florence's eyes sprung to mine where they remained for a few seconds.. her face was stuck in a surprised expression until she looked away and was able to regain her composure..
"I should have changed the wording.. I'm sorry that I made you feel, uncomfortable." I said after a minute of silence had passed..
"It's okay, you wanted to know and now you do.." She sent me a reassuring smile as to say she understands why I asked..
"Do you want to carry on?" I asked.. we don't have long left to walk so I want to make the most of this..
"Can I ask about the people you knew?.. the pawns as you called them.." she asked, saying the word 'pawns' with slow emphasis.
"What do you want to know?" I asked not sure why she even wants to know about them...
"I want to know what they were like.. why you never made a real connection with any of them.." she seems genuinly interested even though none of it matters now.. "I just want to know more about your life, about what makes you who you are." she added.. I guess that is reasonable.
"They were greedy and selfish, just like their parents.. they thought that everyone around them was unintelligent and somehow owed them respect.. I would hear them whispering in the halls about me all the time.." I sighed like a moody teenager..
"What about?" she asked intently..
"Plenty of things.. I was the princess.. all the boys wanted to marry me, and all the girls wanted to be me. Most of them hated me because the boys wouldn't look at them when I was around. Or the girls would hate me because I hadn't shown them attention.. everyone wants to be close to you when your royalty it's exhausting.. I had better conversations with my servants than with those uptight noble assholes.." I grew sad thinking of how many friendly faces passed through the castle walls..
"Why didn't you make friends with any of the servants?" she asked still in a curious tone..
"I did.. I mean I tried to once." I paused contemplating whether I should tell the story or not.. I decided it can't hurt.. "I was eight years old.. there was a little girl from the orphanage that had somehow got a job to bring me water each morning.. Sammy was a little older than me, always wearing a maids outfit that was far too big. One morning I tried to show her my toys.. my mother walked in to collect me to get yet another dress fitted. She found me sharing my dolls with the 'servant girl'.. she didn't say anything to me.. she screamed at Sammy.. told her to leave and never come back. Once Sammy had left in tears, she turned to me and backhanded me across the face with a force that lifted me off the ground and put me on my arse.. she told me to think of my reputation.. I wasn't aloud to talk to the 'scum' that work for us anymore.. though I still did when I could." I never had the chance to tell anyone about that..
It feels nice to actually be able to talk to someone.. I didn't think I'd feel this comfortable with anyone, but I feel like I could tell her anything.
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NOTES---
So this chapter is pretty much finished.. I'm just going to carry it on in the next chapter as it is pretty late. I just wanted to post something as it motivates me to write more. If that makes sense.
I'm trying to put more time into character development.
Obviously I have an idea of what each character is like, but to be able to perfectly articulate every characteristic so that you can see each character clearly, is quite difficult.. Especially when I forget what I've already written.
Anyway I hope you like my writing.. Feel free to comment anything.. words.. an emoji.. literally anything.
(Thank you Randy_Rhodes for the power stones.. your support has meant alot to me throughout this journey!!)
P.S.- If anyone has messaged me on the Insta account... I'm not ignoring you, I've just been logged out and not able to log back in.
I doubt that anyone will have, I'm adding this just in case.. I'd hate for someone to feel ignored.
AUTORENGEDANKEN 
Twink_98
Twink_98 Its 04:50am and very much time to sleep.
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
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