Kapitel 3: Chapter 3: KELLY

Now I've awakened here in the belly of a dark, dank container, and every depraved act man had perpetrated against man since the beginning of time played itself out in my head.

That's the flip side to having a daddy who protects you from everything and tries his best to give you all the tools you'll need to stay safe. Some day he'll have to tell you just what the hell it is he's keeping you safe from. My daddy, being who he is, never sugar coated shit for his only daughter.

I wanted to scream, throw up and go back to sleep so I could wake up from this nightmare, but there was no shying away from reality. This shit is happening in real time and if I don't come up with something, my life is never going to be the same again. I know the odds though, and they're not good.

Is this it then? Is this the end of the line for me? But why? Isn't there supposed to be some kind of logic to life? Why should these people, complete strangers no less, get to decide what course my life takes?

This isn't fair; I refuse to let this happen, to be a victim. I will not be a victim. DADDY! I screamed for him in my head as tears of frustration gathered in my eyes when I tried once more to free my hands and legs that were tied, without success. I hate these zippy tie things, they seem so innocuous but they sure are very fucking useful at doing this shit.

To think that I'm going to die because of something that cost less than a freaking quarter. I rubbed my skin raw against the hard plastic before slamming my heels into the steel bottom of the container in abject frustration.

Life isn't meant to be interrupted like this. People don't have the right to fuck with you just because. I used my usual mantra to keep that rage of fire burning as I tried fruitlessly to free myself.

Once I'd tired myself out with my efforts and could no longer hold myself upright, I slumped against the side of my prison and fought back whimpers. I swallowed around the lump in my throat which was raw from my earlier screams, and willed my useless tears away.

I needed to preserve my energy anyways for whatever was going to come next and tears are very exhausting. Suck it up little girl. What's done can't be undone and this is your new reality. Some asshole has thrown you in the back of a metal coffin like he owns you. What're you gonna do about it?

My mind was full of all the shit I could do to an opponent, if my hands weren't tied. In my head I wreaked all manner of vengeance against my enemies, but really I'd like to be home raiding the refrigerator and being a regular pain in the ass as I'm fondly known around my house.

Do my parents even know that I'm gone yet? How long have I been here? There was no way to gauge the time from within the deep darkness and my hands were tied behind my back so looking at my watch if it was still there was out of the question.

The thought of my parents and what I was leaving behind had the tinny sickening taste of fear returning. I vacillated between bouts of adult rage and back to the scared little girl who just wanted her mommy and daddy to keep her safe.

One minute I wanted so badly to crawl into a ball and cry my heart out, but in the next I knew that wouldn't get me out of here. Think, Kelly, think. I kept telling myself over and over while fear nipped at my heels and clawed its way up my throat.

I did my best to push it aside, and try to remember everything I'd ever read, or heard about abductions and the best way to react. Over the years daddy had drilled into my head everything I needed to do if such a thing should occur.

I'd always felt that I was prepared for anything from all his teachings, but now realized that the mind and body doesn't necessarily work that way when you're in actual danger. What a time to learn this shit.

***

In between the bouts of fear that burned a hole in my gut, my mind wandered to all the things I had put off doing. All the things I'd been too afraid to try or told myself there was plenty of time to try later; so many lost opportunities.

I'd watched my friends over the years, starting in middle school, through high school and now college, take risks, spread their young wings and try new things, while I always stayed in the shadows.

Because of who my daddy is it was hard for me to get away with half the shit my pals did, and I learned at a very young age not to even try. The one constant in my life from my earliest memory to this, is my need to make daddy proud of me in all things. My behavior has always been exemplary where it counts.

So while the others were being wild, untamed teens, I'd relied on my wild overactive imagination, and had enjoyed many an adventure there in the recesses of my mind. But not once have I ever had the courage to try, to dip my toe in the waters of rebellion. Now it may be too late.

My heart raced sickeningly in my chest at the thought, and the bitter taste of bile lingered on my palette. I wanted to rage at the unfairness of it all. What had been the point?

Weren't good little girls supposed to be absolved from things like this? Doesn't it say that if you live your life a certain way you will never face some of life's more horrible atrocities? What a load of crap.

All those years of being the good girl had led me here. All those times I'd been overly cautious and bore the brunt of my friend's jokes when I was once again the voice of reason, trying to talk them out of whatever hijinks they were plotting to get up to.

And tonight they were all at home, safe in their beds, while I was the one in the clutches of who knows what.

My mind shifted to thoughts of my family again, my mom and daddy, aunts, uncles, cousins. And the fact that I may never see them again. Tears streamed freely down my cheeks as I saw my mother's face in my mind's eye.

Will I ever see it again in this life? Will my daddy ever tease me, pull my hair and call me pumpkin again in that way he has that always made me feel safe and loved?

It's amazing what you think about when your life is in imminent danger. But I think those are the things I would miss if I never get back to them. Like hell I won't see them again, I will not let them take my life.

I forced myself to think positively, not to give in so easily to despair. Whoever my captors were they're still just men. Men can be bested if you use your head. More of daddy's tenets.

I tried to boost my spirits, telling myself that I will find a way out of this once I got rid of the shakes and could think clearly again.

I psyched myself up and told myself to fight whatever this is with all I've got and not just give in.

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