Kapitel 38: Middle Ground
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As I embraced mom, and patted her back gently, I… felt her pain. Because she, too, wanted to accomplish something in her life but unfortunately, it was too late for her. What she thought was her dream before, failed her. Her own passion betrayed her. She invested so much time, but all of it was for nothing. At the end, she failed altogether.
"Mom… tell me, what was your dream before?" I asked her as I sat down on the chair beside her. She was still crying so I continued patting her back, trying to calm her.
Mom looked at me and tried to smile. "I wanted to be… a fashion designer. Like what you want, it's related to art. And during my time, anything related to art and music were courses that only the rich could take. But I was stubborn. I knew I wanted it so I did, even without the blessings of my parents, only to fail at the end."
I see. I fell silent as I listened to mom's story. It was the first time I heard it.
"I tried very hard… to learn and save up so I could build my own boutique. I managed to do it and I was really happy at that time. I created lots of clothes—from gowns to casual wears, and paired them with other accessories. I would even put them up in the mannequins as sets so it would be easier for people to choose and buy. But the people in my time weren't very impressed. Eventually, I had to close down the shop. It was time to stop dreaming and face my reality."
My heart ached listening to mom. And I believe she felt pain in hers as well, as she reminisced about the awful past. Sadness. Disappointment. Hopelessness.
"Then I met dad. We fell in love, married, and had you," she smiled. "Don't get me wrong. I love you and you brother and I was very happy to be your mother. I enjoyed taking care of you both. But if I'd be honest, sometimes I wish that I could still do my dream."
"Why don't you? Is it really too late?"
Mom smiled bitterly. "Yes… it is too late. I need to help your dad manage the restaurants. If not, it will take a toll on him. And I have to take care of you both. You're still so young and need guidance, especially your little brother. I don't want to just leave you to your nannies just so I could focus on my career. If I do, you'd grow spoiled and not know the important things and lessons in life. I want you two to grow and be the best version of yourselves. I want you both to achieve dreams and be happy with it. That's why I'm suggesting you to be a doctor or lawyer. Because at least in those professions, even if you failed, you wouldn't be in too much pain. Since they're both very hard. Other people won't blame you or point fingers at you. You can still hold your head high. But if you succeed, even if it wasn't your dream at first, helping people out, would make it both satisfying and rewarding for you. It's like a safety net. I at least wanted a safe future for you. Something you won't regret later."
Truly, most parents just wanted the best for their children. And I didn't understand that part fully. I was so hung up at perceiving mom as an obstacle to my dreams so I failed to see her side of the story. She was right. Even after living for 30 years in my old life, I was still too naive. Age really couldn't dictate a person's level of maturity. I still have lots to learn.
"But mom… if I end up failing in life, you'd still be there for me, right?"
"Huh? Of course! I will! Always."
I smiled and tears started to fall from my eyes. Of course, she wouldn't abandon me. Maybe her parents did so for her, but she wouldn't do that to us. I'm so stupid.
"In that case, you better expect your first grandchild with my brother," I chuckled.
"What? What do you mean?"
"Writing. I still want to pursue writing. And it's ok, mom. Even if I fail, I won't be hurt too much since I'll have you and dad to support me. I won't be lonely. But I won't give up. I'll keep on trying over and over and over until I achieve what I want. It will take years of my life. And I might risk not building my family. But it's fine. I already have my family in you. And if all else fails, I'll just continue the restaurant. That should keep me busy, right? So please, let me do this. I'm prepared for whatever comes."
Mom snorted and sighed at the same time. "Still stubborn. You may have inherited that from me."
"Ha-ha-ha! Yes, I think I did," I laughed with her. Finally, our silent war ended.
"Alright. Do as you want. I guess I need to live for a really long time."
"Uh-huh! That, you really need to do."
And so, we gave each other the warmest hugs we could give. I finally reconciled with my mother. We finally understood each other and came to an agreement. Even in my past life, I never knew I had such great and supportive parents. I just didn't understand them fully before. But now, I know the whole truth. And I'm so happy to have them in my life. Truly, I am very blessed in both my family, and friends.
This time, I'd make sure to appreciate them and reciprocate the love back.
This time, not just my happiness… but their happiness as well.
This time, I wouldn't be too selfish because selfishness clouds the mind from the truth.
There's a middle ground we could settle… and I'd do my best to keep it balanced.
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