Kapitel 3: 1.3 FATED LOVE: Bitterness

Mo Yinan has brought fire to Liu Lianyu's grey world, coloring it all hues of red; from crimson to vermilion to ruby, rose and mahogany too.

Liu Lianyu's heart is racing. It doesn't stop, not even after he makes his rounds in the teacher's office, after he makes small talk with Teacher Chen and ducks out of Principal Hui's usual harassment. His beating heart follows him on the bus, where he watches a young alpha give up his seat for a pregnant omega.

Huh, that's cute. And it has nothing to do with him.

The thought is brief and flashing. Liu Lianyu has more interesting things to think about. And no, it's not Mo Yinan. He would gladly think about anything other than Mo Yinan, even if the youth's sudden appearance in his life has gifted him a boon. A boon of creativity.

When Liu Lianyu's skin feels heated and recalls the boy's sharp, knifing gaze, an explosion of words unfold in his mind. Liu Lianyu feels an insatiable itch to write. He hasn't felt this inspired in years.

But it seems that Mo Yinan's presence was equally a gift as it was a hindrance. Because Liu Lianyu, the fool that he is, only realizes that he's forgotten his bag with his laptop in it after he gets home.

Despair claws at him and he wants to scream at himself for his own folly.

He must have left it back in the classroom…too busy trying to run away from his soulmate that he wasn't even able to think for more than two consecutive seconds. What an embarrassment. Liu Lianyu wants to die from mortification.

He briefly considers booking it back to school, but that's another two hours minimum back and forth and it's just not worth it. Especially when it's relatively unlikely that his laptop would get stolen. With a dejected sigh, he returns to his hovel of a home.

Darkness greets him with the outline of trash. He should probably clean up but he feels so exhausted, desperately drained despite having done nothing but the usual today. There isn't even the heat to blame, for the weather has chilled back to its norm with autumn setting in just around the corner.

Liu Lianyu makes a beeline for his bed, almost tripping over some old discarded clothes. His laundry basket is full but he wants to lie down so he does.

Liu Lianyu considers just writing on his phone because his mind is bursting at the seams. Unfortunately, laziness is a poison he has no antidote to. He wants his laptop. He's a bit childish and a bit stubborn but—

The phone rings.

Liu Lianyu fishes it out of his pocket and holds it over his face. It's his mother. And Liu Lianyu hesitates, his finger ghosting over the answer button but before he can click on it, his fingers slip and the device falls, smacking him in the face. The call is canceled as he fumbles for it like an idiot. Liu Lianyu hisses at himself in disapproval.

He taps over his call history and…stops.

A heavy knot forms at the base of his throat and when he sighs, he trembles. Liu Lianyu doesn't want to call his mother back. He knows his mother worries and he knows that she cares but Liu Lianyu doesn't know if he has it in him to stomach hours of her ranting about his lack of a mate.

And worse now that he's met his soulmate…who happens to be his student of all things! How could he tell her? Would she be ashamed of him? Would she be angry? So he lies in bed, anxiously waiting for his mother to return the call but she doesn't.

She doesn't and Liu Lianyu can't say if he feels better or worse about it.

The doorbell chimes and snaps him out of his thoughts. Liu Lianyu sits up but there's a moment of anxiety that washes over him. He's uncertain. Who could be ringing up his door at this hour? He's not expecting.

Cautious, he fumbles for his phone again, trying to see if there's a message from his friend, Lin Jiaen, but there isn't.

"…" When was the last time she came over unannounced? It had to have been at least a month or two ago, right?

However, it's not completely out of her character to do as such, and in the past, she was a lot more spontaneous with her visits. That was before she started seeing her fiance.

Liu Lianyu still feels uncertain but the doorbell rings a second time and he's prompted to his feet. He tiptoes over to the door, careful as though to hide from the person locked out on the other side.

Liu Lianyu notices that his heart is palpating and he equates it to anxiety.

He's an idiot for not anticipating Mo Yinan's face when inching toward the peephole.

He's instantly startled, Liu Lianyu jumps back like a frightened cat with fur bristled.

Mo Yinan abandons the doorbell in favor of knocking. His voice drifts across the thin wall barrier, "Teacher Liu? Are you home…?"

A thousand and ten things race through Liu Lianyu's head and he doesn't know what he's thinking or feeling. Between the baseball bat that he hides behind the shoe rack and his phone, Liu Lianyu is in need of some sort of backup; be it physical or emotional. He's reaching for his phone again and curses at his own clumsiness when he's wrestling with the lock screen.

For a moment, Liu Lianyu considers calling authorities, but something in the pit of his stomach and he feels an odd concoction of fear, concern and shame. He's about to call Lin Jiaen instead but what Mo Yinan says next has Liu Lianyu's attention.

"Teacher Liu, I have your bag… I just wanted to give it back to you and I don't really feel comfortable leaving it outside your door. I think your laptop is inside?"

Well, that changes things. Liu Lianyu puts his phone away and slowly stalks up to the door. His hand is on the lock and there's still a sense of uncertainty that's slowly being overtaken by thrill. He leans towards the peephole and again and gets a better look.

Surely enough, Mo Yinan has his laptop. He's also out of his student uniform and sports a simple, yet extremely stylish outfit. From a fitted turtleneck to washed out jeans with a matching jean jacket, the boy looks like he just walked out of one of those cheap fashion pamphlets that kids are into these days.

He's a kid, Liu Lianyu reminds himself as he peels his eyes away from the door. It doesn't matter if Mo Yinan is legal because Liu Lianyu has more than a decade on the brat and not to mention is his teacher. It's all wrong on so many different levels and yet fate has little care for his moral integrity or human decency. Liu Lianyu almost turns Mo Yinan away but he's too attached to his laptop to walk away from the door.

He reaches for the doorknob and pauses, "You can just leave the bag there. I'll get it once you leave."

"Teacher Liu!" The voice on the other side reminds Liu Lianyu of an excited puppy and his heart lurches. He refuses to let himself get bewitched by his student though. His knuckles turn white from his iron grip on the door handle and the lock that he still refuses to turn.

"Hurry up," Liu Lianyu rasps, "I don't have all day."

"…" There's silence and what sounds like feet shuffling. Liu Lianyu has his ear pressed to the door, his breath suspended. "Can't we…talk? Teacher Liu…I want to know if I did something to upset you—"

"There's nothing to talk about." His response is cut and cuts through his vocal cords. Liu Lianyu begins to feel dizzy and he can only curse his biology and fate. It's hard enough living alone as an omega, he doesn't need this bullshit on top of everything else. Liu Lianuy despises complications.

"But…" Mo Yinan's voice is small, strained and pulls at Liu Lianyu's heart. "This is difficult for me too… Liu Lianyu." His name comes from Mo Yinan's lips like a prayer, a soft whisper that wasn't meant to reach his ears and Liu Lianyu is floored. He's so disorientated that it's hard to think and he has to curse reason and logic back into his brain.

"Mo Yinan," he says sternly. "When youth ebbs away, you will realize what folly our destiny is."

Mo Yinan laughs bitterly on the other side of the door, "I feel like you're using difficult words just to confuse me. But I'm sure that destiny exists for a reason and even if it doesn't make sense now… I refuse to give up on you!"

"You brat," Liu Lianyu abandons professionalism and curses past his door. But by then he can hear a set of fleeing footfalls. When he opens the door there is nothing but his backpack and the smell of charred pine wood on the other side.

Disappointment tastes insurmountably bitter.