Kapitel 60: [LIX] - Speechless Dream
Ever since that day at the mysterious chamber with the glowing reactor, I've been having dreams every day. It's such a weird feeling, knowing that every consecutive night, there is another reality awaiting for your arrival. Today was the first of those dreams. A beautiful scenery, of an emerald field filled to the brims with growing flowers, a sight never to be seen in the current times. But it didn't occur to me somehow as something strange. It was the opposite, as if I've been living in the nature for years. So calming.
"A place where the truth is being distorted from the things you know. But the most interesting thing is that human brain, somehow, doesn't recognize the surroundings as "unreal" first. You live in a dream, not realizing its origins. The world so similar, yet so different. It only shows how much a human brain is adaptive to new situation, and what's more, how much it melts the past memories to the point they don't connect with the present times. You just live with the moment of the dream timeline, not caring about its appearance, intruding your real life at all."
A low, sighing voice was faintly speaking in my mind. Coming from the edges of my serene land, I wondered about the so-called dream he was talking about.
But then a flick of realization came, and before I could force my world not to collapse, it dissolved. I focused my eyes on the grass strands, yet they were becoming more and more blurred and distant. Until all the colors vanished in the dark.
"Oh... Your consciousness is coming back..." — The voice was clearly coming from beside me.
My eyes opened slowly, getting used to the dark room, but lightened up by the bright screens of dozen monitors around. They all flickered in blue and green, with data falling down like a cascade. Numbers around were growing countlessly, with the entangling cords and wires pulsing in a faint shade of emerald, the same as the grass in my dream. In every free space, there was between the computers, lush leaves were hanging down, as a sign of the world balance. This room had a feeling of polar opposites somehow mixing well together, while not supposing to.
On the chair, right in the epicenter of the technological settings, was sitting a tall man, with his silhouette contrasting with the surroundings. His fluffy hair strands and a pair of glasses reflected all of the lights, making it the only things I could distinguish him from. A person I knew, yet never had an occasion to talk to.
"Is... Everything alright?" — Bellus asked me, turning his face towards me.
I...
...
"...How the fuck did I end at this place again?"
The unpleasant smell of the unventilated concrete, cold chill coming from the gray walls, a sight of a person from the sole organization I wanted to run away from.
My eyelids dropped down, and I sighed loudly, letting all of the air out from my lungs. Great. Am I even mad? After...
After I ended up, as I thought, deep in my consciousness, like a stray cat no one wants? With no place to stay, no one to take care of me, everywhere hostile as it could be.
I thought... I was nearly dead...
A heavy weight of despair flowed down my head. Everything I hoped for in the outside world, dissolved before my eyes. There is truly... Nothing for me to keep me safe there.
And I keep somehow landing back in here, a mysterious underground basement where everyone seems to want me.
Is it finally time... To accept... It?
That they won't let me go? That at least they are the ones who don't want to pierce a bullet through my neck? A bullet through my skin... Like...
Before...
Still... Ah...
My head was purged by a pulsing pain, eating all of the insides. Too many thoughts at once... I... Feel somehow... Stupid...
That it's here that I return to... After running away... It's them that keep me somehow alive...
"Does your thigh and arm hurt?" — He asked me, dodging my previous question.
I tried to focus on my whole body, but...
"Right now... The only thing hurting me like hell is my head." — I barely answered.
"There is nothing I can do about that... Kind of pain. Only time can fix it. You should rest more." — Sitting on a rotatable chair, he was observing me closely. His words sounded very similarly to the ones of the doctor. Time is the best healer.
"Why am I... With you?" — This question arose in my mind suddenly.
"Doctor said... That there should be someone with you, in case... something happens. Everyone else is away... anyways."
He spoke in a calm manner, too calm to be exact. His words appeared sluggish, with breaks every few words... It seemed as if this man didn't even have energy to speak. Yet, his posture and expression told otherwise.
"Why did you stay with me?"
"Ah... I rarely go for missions. I'm always here." — His answer seemed to have a slight disappointment. Yet, he corrected his tone immediately, after seeing my face. — "I'm the computer geek guy. I just... Prefer staying in the quarters and doing the work here."
Indeed, the room was telling it all. Filled to the brims with plenty of aparatures, screens and buzzing boxes. A huge watch-over room for a person indulged in the latest technology.
Bellus didn't seem like a person that would converse with me freely about all the things I wanted to know. It seemed even painful, asking him anything, as he would probably dodge the answer. There were so many things waiting to be asked about, but hearing his attitude...
I need to wait until the others come back.
But what if... They see me as an insane person. Running away like that, coming back anyways... Which time is it, anyways?
As if they all weren't crazy in the first place.
How did I even come back here? Who brought me... Back...
I expected not to get any answers from him. Maybe someone instructed him... To act like that...
Turning under the pleasant smelling blanket, my head was facing a gray wall. On its smooth surface, right in the crevice between the bed and the wall, I noticed weird marks left on. Like if... Someone wanted to dig in their nails in it... But... The concrete is harsh and hard.
What a strange feeling, lying in a bed that obviously belongs to someone else. Maybe he feels alienated too, having to keep an unknown wanderer in their room, in their own den. I wanted to ask him if it was okay for me to stay here.
Subconsciously, my running instinct was screaming to me. Run away. Do not face the consequences. Do not face the shame that comes with it. The old man... He will scold me for sure... Others will surely laugh about me running away... But I want to...
Still... Know...
"Did they ask you not to talk to me? Or you don't want to because... I keep rejecting to be here...?" — I mumbled to a wall opposite to my face.
"Huh?" — He acted surprised, as if he didn't understand my question. But I didn't care. I can't keep holding it inside.
I want to let it all... Out... The black spirals of doubts getting tangled with each other. He wouldn't answer me anyways... Right?
"Are you here because they are afraid I will run away again?" — I turned my body on the other side, towards him. — "They shouldn't worry. I won't. I've finally seen that there is no place for me anywhere. No familiar face. No safe corner. Not even here. But at least... You appear to give me purpose... Do you understand me? If you are here... Then it means you didn't have anything just like me... It hurts. Knowing that every decision of mine... Ends in nothing."
It felt better talking to a wall, even if I couldn't see his face clearly. His image was blurred behind the wall of growing tears inside of my eyes. Did he even listen to me...
Only the buzzing of the computers filled the room.
I felt bad for talking.
I felt bad for living. I just want to...
Hide...
The mattress I was lying on, suddenly weighed down under his body. I didn't notice when he stood up, and sat down right next to me. His uncalled-for, close presence, surprised me, which must have been visible on my face, as his glare just stared through it.
"..."
It seemed he wanted to say something, yet it was hard for him to find the right words. His bright eyes were filled with sorrow, I could finally see his face clearly. It was a definition of a stone mind. Unmoved skin, with no wrinkles, as if the muscles never moved. Eyebrows low above the eyes, never raised in concern. Lips turned downwards, expressing a neutral approach to life. The emerald green eyes were the only things attached to life on his face. Yet, being hidden behind a pair of glasses, they seemed locked away too.
"Why... Are you doubting yourself so much?"
...
Huh?
Why? Because...
"It won't make anything better. These thoughts... It's better to act as if they weren't true. Because it can only make you die quicker."
His words were...
Even if the meaning of them... Would have me agitated... Why is it that they calm me down?
His cold stare was making me sleepy.
Die... Quicker...
I realized that I tried to avoid it by all costs. To have my existence until now all go in vain. Even if... I really didn't contribute to anything at all...
Even if the demons in my head were pulling all of the metal strings, that can't be cut off, his words made me try to understand that it's not really them who make me suffer.
It's...
me.
"You should rest."
I've had difficulties with swallowing. It was so hard to breathe. Yet, under this blanket... In this bed...
I felt strangely calm. Why... Is his presence like that?
Closing my eyes, I drowned in the secluded space of someone's room, hoping that no one would ever come to me. That it will be only me and him, who never asks anything.
•••
The sound of silence was pleasant for his ears. He has gotten used to the buzzing of his equipment, the only thing he heard for hours, sitting alone in his room. The doctor says it's distressing and unhealthy, advising him music therapy and offering weekly conversations. Yet, it all seemed for him... Too much. He didn't need it, or he just thought like that. Some noises were unnecessary, that's what he thought. He hated noise, raised up voices, focusing which comes in conversation. A secluded, own world was much more welcoming. Never judging. Never offended. Never needy. Listening. His lips were sealed most of the time, it seemed as if his words weren't needed anyways. Even if some wanted him to open up more, it felt mundane.
Even if he wants to speak, there is always a wall before him. So thick and harsh, there can't be anything done to demolish it. Not with the strength he currently possesses. His ability is to control electricity and electromagnetic waves. Every so often, when he is connected to the system, he even forgets about his whole existence. One as whole, the ones, and zeroes, are the mark of his existence. Nothing else.
Right next to him, sleeping in his bed, was an unknown person, yet it seemed to him as if they have known themselves long. It didn't feel strange for him to lie and sleep calmly in his bed. The brown curls of his hair, scattered on the flat pillow, they were shining in the lights of the monitors. A mysterious newcomer, a one that he would tie to a true definition of a "rebel". He wondered, why is it that this person still has hopes. Why is he still looking out for a ray of light in this dark metropolis?
For Bellus, it was only loud darkness outside. The smell of old water, uncountable crowds, unpleasant glares, there was no hope between them. Only the digital world provided him with the answers he looked for. A whole another dimension, he wished he could melt with it, become one with the system. But...
He was human.
He was different.
"We both fight to keep our humanity." — He whispered, reaching his hand out to the one lying nearby.
He admired somehow that stubborn way of being, the constant battle that flows in one veins, erupting like a volcano. Even if the world is collapsing, even if one is pierced by tons of lead, they keep on going. They have a purpose. What is it? Is it as simple as... Just getting to know the truth?
He never wanted to, maybe because the things he has seen in his life, he wished he would never be a witness to them.
Just as he swirled the brown hair strands around his slim finger, with a current like feeling snapping around it, a quiet knocking to the door occurred.
He didn't answer, being paralyzed in the position he was in right now.
The door opened silently, with a dark silhouette of a person appearing in them.
The hand of the green-eyed man retreated swiftly.
A slender man, shorter than him by a bit. His thin legs and distinguished jaw were always a magnetizing feature, which first focused Bellus' attention. He arrived with a smell of the night's breeze, like he always did. The night surrounded his person.
They both caught eye contact, with the other one coming inside with light steps. It seems as if he understood really well that Bellus doesn't like noises. Yet, he over exaggerated in the others man opinion. If someone is a close friend, he actually doesn't mind it too much.
"Is... he asleep?" — The one that just came in asked cautiously, in a low tone.
Bellus just nodded. He is sure that the one is asleep, right next to his electromagnetic abilities, he discovered that he can make someone sleepy with his presence. Or maybe it was just the weight of the thoughts that speeded the process.
The other one sighed, grabbing his forehead in pain.
"I... Ah. Never mind. Thanks for staying with him. Doc will come soon, and there will be a mission report today at 12 am. Be sure to come..."
The person speaking, ended it abruptly, shifting his glare to the one lying in the bed. His cold eyes, staring down at the face of the sleeping, showed despair. Bellus tried to understand the meaning behind this gaze, an uncommon one for his friend, yet he only came down to an obvious, yet intriguing conclusion.
Asha was truly the one, who would finally change something. A catalyst to the everlasting waiting, a process waiting for ignition. Someone who builds unknown, long forgotten feelings. For Bellus, it was a voice coming out of a crumbled, deserted body. A song of a bird that keeps rejecting the cage which shelters it from the predators. The one that flies from one deathly snap to another, questioning its existence. Why is he still alive? Bellus wanted to know that.
For the other one, standing lifelessly by the door, the sight of the lying person was something entirely else.
A proof that the whole world is just a one big fraud.
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
-- Power-
Rangliste 
-- Power-
Stein