Kapitel 42: Chapter 41: Lost
"Everything I loved became everything I lost"
*****
Eiffel's PoV
I was walking down alone to the busy street barefoot with my bleeding right hand. Pagkalingat ni Yaya Rossy I pulled off the dextrose attached on my wrist without hesitations, ramdam ko ang kirot pero di ko na lang pinapansin. Gamit ang daan na ako lamang ang nakakaalam ay umalis na ako at tumakas mula sa mansyon. Hindi ko alam kung saan ang patutunguhan ko at kung ilang oras na akong naglalakad.
Maraming mga tao ang naglalakad at mga sa tingin ko ay Lingo ngayon dahil sa mga pamilyang galing mula sa simbahan.
Napatingin ako sa maaliwalas na kalangitan. Hindi ko alam kung ilang araw na ng huling beses akong tumapak sa labas at nasinagan ng haring araw.
All I know is that my heart hurts that my whole body numb because of the pain.
I already cried a river but whenever I think of him, my tears just fall uncontrollably.
Naglalakad ako sa may park ng makarinig ako ng isang kanta na pinapatugtog sa malapit na establisyimento.
It was a song of Miley Cyrus. A very famous singer who like me was destroyed by the man she loved.
Well it's good to hear your voice
I hope you're doing fine
And if you ever wonder
I'm lonely here tonight
I'm lost not this moment
And time keeps slipping by
And if I could have just one wish
I'll have you by my side
Umupo ako sa isang bench na nasa lilim ng Acacia. I let the fresh wind blow my hair as I continue to listen to the song.
Ooh oh I miss you
Ooh oh I need you
I love you more than I did before
And if today I don't see your face
Nothing's changed, no one can take your place
It gets harder every day
Tears started to stream down to my face. Ilang araw na akong tulala at ngayon ako ulit umiyak. All I'm feeling right now is sadness.
Say you love me more than you did before
And I'm sorry it's this way
But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home
And if you ask me I will stay, I will stay
The song seems like speaking in my place. Lahat ng salita at sakto sa aking nararamdaman. How I miss him, how much I love him and how much I'm hurt right now.
Well I try to live without you
But tears fall from my eyes
I'm alone and I feel empty
God, I'm torn apart inside
I look up at the stars
Hoping you're doing the same
And somehow I feel closer and in can hear you say
Ooh oh I miss you
Ooh oh I need you
I start to wonder...
It was only me who assumed that he feels the exact same as I do towards him. Our memories kept on playing in my mind, and as I remembered correctly, he never said those three important words.
Kahit noong mga monthsaries naming, noong nangako siya sa akin sa Chapel. Even in our wedding ay hindi rin niya iyon sinabi. For those seven months I lived with him, he never said those words...
I Love You
I started to laugh while wiping my tears.
Bakit nga ba ngayon ko lang ito naisip?!
Masyado akong nagpakadelusyunada sa pinakita niyang mga kasinungalingan at hindi hinanap ang mga salitang yon sa kanya!
God! I'm so stupid!
I laughed and laughed until it was replaced by painful sobs.
Mag sakit sakit ng realization na ito.
Being this stupid is so ridiculous! I'm a girl with 180 IQ pero nagpakabobo sa pagmamahal and look right now! I'm here crying for countless times already!
I never wanted to lose you
And if I have to I would choose you
Oo, ayokong mawala siya.
So stay, please always stay
You're the one that I hold onto
'Cause my heart would stop without you
I would do everything para lang hindi niya ako iwan kasi hindi ko kakayaning mawala siya sa buhay ko.
I'd rather die than to live in this world without him...
Ano bang mali sa akin para itapon niya ako na tila isang basura? Ano bang maling nagawa ko para saktan niya ako ng ganito? Ano bang pagkukulang ko para ipalit niya ako sa ibang babae?
"Because she can give me what I want"
Nagecho sa isipan ko ang mga masakit na salitang iyon. Sobrang sakit na marinig iyon mula sa kanya. Siya na walang ginawa kundi iparamdam sa akin na importante ako at sapat na ako.
But the most painful part is that he doesn't need me the way I do...
That he doesn't love me the way I love him...
Napatigil ako sa paghikbi ng mapansin ko ang isang panyo na nasa harap ko. I looked at the girl who was handling it out towards me.
Nakatali ng magulo ang buhok niya at may makapal na salamin. Nakasuot din siya ng kupas na maong pants and a jacket while she was wearing old snikers.
But even if ganoon ang kasuotan niya ay I can see that she is a beautiful girl.
I accept the handkerchief without hesitations and she sat beside me.
"Why does it hurt loving someone?" I asked out. It's first time for me to talk to a stranger but I couldn't care less, I need someone to hear me out.
"Being hurt is inevitable when you love someone. It's either ikaw ang masasaktan o ikaw ang mananakit"
"Naalala ko ang isang batang babae na kilala ko sayo" saad nung babae at napatingin ako sa kanya.
"She was a girl who had a friend, she trusts her and loved her like her own sibling. Pero, kung sino pa ang minahal niya ay ang nanakit pa sa kanya ng sobra. Sa aspeto ng pagibig, kung sino ang mas nagmahal ay siyang talo"
"What did she do after being hurt?" Mabilis na tanong ko.
Tumingin siya sa akin at ngumiti showing her dimples.
"She became stronger"
"She didn't let that downfall become her weakness, she stood up once again but this time she forged her own walls which became imregnable"
I looked at her full of amazement pero agad din akong napayuko. "I can't do that... I'm so lost right now"
Hinawakan ng babae ang kamay ko. "Sure you can, all you have to do is to believe in yourself"
Bakit ang gaan ng loob ko sa kanya? Naalala ko tuloy sa kanya si Kuya Willam, katulad niya ay madalas din akong binibigyan ng advices ni Kuya Willam.
"Why don't you read a book?" she suggested.
"I always do. History books, Encyclopedias, Medicinal books, Law Documents, journals and other reference books" I answered.
Natawa naman yung babae "What I mean are books where you can relate, perhaps novelettes. Madami ang genres ng ibat ibang libro and for sure makakahanap ka ng kapareho ng sitwasyon mo"
"That's impossible" I blurted. Malabo ang magkaroon ako ng kapareho, I mean sana ka makakakita o makakarinig ng isang batang katulad ko na ikinasal na? People will laugh at me for sure 'cause they will never believe it.
"Then make your own story! Share your experience to others, para pag may isang katulad mo na naliligaw din ng landas ay matutulungan mo siya. Everyone has their own stories full of lessons, they just have voice it out" She said with an excited smile. Hindi ko napigilang ngumiti pabalik.
Ngayon ka ng ako ulit napangiti pagkatapos ng matagal na panahon.
But one thing is for sure, the pain will never go away.
""""
Pagkatapos palitan ng benda ang kanayang sugat ay iniwan na ni Manang Rossy si Eiffel. Pagbalik niya sa kanilang mansyon ay mabilis siyang niyakap ng kanyang ina at mga nagaalalang mga kasambahay.
They a were all in panic ng nawalang parang bula si Eiffel. Napuno ng takot ang kanyang ina at nagpatawag pa ng mga pulis is para hanapin siya. Pagkatapos niyang humingi ng tawad ay dinala na siya sa kuwarto para makapagpahinga.
She stared inside her parent's room. It's been seven months since the last time she entered it. Walang pinagbago at nakadisplay sa kanyang side table ang picture niya kasama ang mga magulang.
Kinuha niya ito at hinawakan ang mukha ng ama. She was so happy to have such a loving father.
"Do you miss your dad anak?" tanong ng kanyang ina na kakapasok lng ng kanyang kuwarto at may dalang tray.
Bahagyang tumango siya. Umupo sa kama ang ina at hinimas ang kanyang mahabang buhok.
Tinaas ni Eiffel ang dalawang paa at niyakap ang tuhod na tila natatakot
" I'm sure he also misses you" nakangiting sabi ng Mommy niya.
"And very disappointed at me as well" tugon ni Eiffel. Agad kumunot ang noo ng ina niya at hinawakan ang kamay niya.
"Of course not baby. He is so proud of you until his last breath. You are his most valued treasure, our treasure"
"I-I disappointed him mom... I couldn't be the best wife I promised him to be... Kuya Clyde l-left me..." and she looked at her mother. A small tear fell from her left eye.
"I'm so broke m-mom. I don't even know how to stand up anymore. K-Kuya Clyde was my world." Pinunsan ng Mommy niya ang luhang tumulo at hinalikan sa noo ang anak niya.
"It's ok anak, it's ok to cry when you're hurt. Its ok to scream when you can no longer hold it anymore. But in the end of the day, you have to stand up again. You have to live your life again. Because this is what your father wants. Your father only wished for your happiness..."
"I'm so sure he wants to hug and comfort you right now, tell you how much he loves you. But I'll do it in his place."
"Mom..." Eiffel hugged her mother. Like a five-year-old child again, afraid of the world.
"Let me help you pick up yourself again Eiffel." Her mom stated.
Eiffel looked at her, unsure of what her mother is saying.
"Go back to Britain and take over the position left to you by your father. Be the 16th Countess of Campbell."
"""""
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
-- Power-
Rangliste 
-- Power-
Stein