Kapitel 14: Trip Down To Memory Lane

...AUSTIN POV...

I have just punched a man, not just anyone; it is Raymond Young. I have wanting to put a hand full of knuckles in his face for quite some time now. The man is nothing better than a foul mouth pig, mostly towards women. The second I heard him say that he is going to ride Summer like a pony, something just snapped inside of me. I did not even hesitate to connect my fist to his face. Now to say that the punch did not hurt like a bitch would be a lie, for I gave it all I had.

And it is with satisfaction on my face that I watch him stumble and fall against the wall. It takes all off me not to punch the asshole again. So I just leave him with a friendly warning.

"Next time, I break your jaw."

Before he can say another word, I disappear inside the shop to fetch my things. In little less than a minute, I find myself sitting in my truck, trying to calm my racing heart down.

The moment my fist connected with Raymond's face, I realized that I have a problem. Apart from possibly landing myself into jail, I have had to admit to myself that I like summer a bit more than I really should. But in saying that, did she only flirt with me to be just that, a flirt, or does she perhaps feel the same way that I do feel about her. Whichever it is, I can not wish the time faster away until I am hopefully going to see her tomorrow again.

But even if she feels the same way as me, how do I even begin to deal with that? I am a broken man who does not allow a woman to come near my heart. I am afraid that I shall just push her away if she comes too close to me. So this is why I find my way to Diana's flower shop. Today I am not sending the flowers; today, I am taking them myself. I have not done this in a long while; I have always been too scared to do it myself.

So it is with a somewhat trembling body that I hug Diana.

"Morning, Diana."

"Morning, Austin. You are early?"

"I thought of stopping by there myself."

"Are you sure that you are ready for this?"

"I cannot keep hiding; I need to find some sort of closure."

"Then I shall make you an extra special one today."

While Diana goes to the back to put a bouquet together, I stand and think of all the reasons why I should not be going. But I need to do this. I have always been able to clear my head when I talk to her. And I know the minute I get there, it shall bring peace of mind. I shall find that part of me that will allow me to let go and feel love again. I am not saying that it is what I shall find in Summer, but I want to explore the possibility of what there can be between us.

After the longest ten minutes of trying to convince myself of all the reasons I should not be going, Diana brings the most beautiful bouquet that I have ever seen her make before.

"You have really outdone yourself this time; this is gorgeous."

"Only the best for you, Austin; you are truly a man with a heart of gold."

"Now that you mention this silly heart of mine, please charge my regular payment to The Haven to my card today."

With everything settled, I make my way to my truck. With each stride, I prepare myself for the long drive to the city. I have not taken this road in a long while, but I think that the time has come for myself to bring closure. And as I turn to leave town, I feel as if a dark cloud starts to set in over my heart.

As I edge each mile closer to my destination, I am reminded of that day and all the days after that and all the reasons I left. And all the reasons why I shall never return, well apart from today. Maybe I have been wrong for not wanting to come this way, but each man has his reasons for not wanting to face a time in his life that he would rather forget.

And as I look at the bouquet of spring flowers, I am reminded that they are her favorite. I remember the joy that they bring to her face. I remember the happiness that she brings to my life until this very day still. And with this, a slight wink of a smile appears on my face.

So while the hours drag past and the minutes bring me closer to my destination, I am reminded of how damn crazy this idea was in the first place. But as I turn the final corner and I drive up the long and winding road, I am starting to feel a lot less afraid. This was needed; it was going to have to come soon.

Then as I step from my truck onto the gravel, I make the winding pathway towards the small gate. And as I lay my hand on top and start pulling it open, the first emotion hits me. I feel a crippling fear grab hold of my heart and start to squeeze it gently. My breathing starts to increase rapidly, and the world around me becomes blurry.

And as I come only but a few footsteps away, the ball in my throat starts to suffocate me. I feel as if I cannot breathe; I am beginning to feel dizzy. As I try to tell myself that I will survive this, I can not help but feel the tears build up in the corners of my strained eyes.

With that, I come to stand right in front of her; I can't remember it being so peaceful here. But do not let that fool you, for the peace is soon broken but what appears to be my own crying. The flood gates have burst open and given way for a waterfall that is streaming down my cheeks. I am brought to my knees as I can only utter three words.

"Please forgive me."

And it is an immediate answer that I get, well as close as what I think she would say.

"Don't be sorry, Austin."

As her voice runs circles through my mind, I gently lay the flowers down, and I can feel the big smile that is on her face now. After several moments I finally find the courage to speak.

"Mom, I am sorry it has taken so long to come; my heart could not take it."

Then I hear the voice of another that I have neglected just as much.

"Son, what matters is that you came."

And if I thought I was not crying before, then I am for sure doing it now. I can feel the tears trickle down my face and soaking the collar of my black shirt as it runs down my neck.

It takes me several moments before I can tell her what I came here to ask her to help me with.

"Mom, I have met a girl. She is so beautiful; I love the way she makes me feel. But I am scared that I am too broken."

"My son, follow your heart. The pain will go away; you will never forget."

Then my father says one of the wisest things I have ever heard him say before.

"Austin, let her take your pain away."

I slowly raise my head again from where I am sitting on my knees. I knew that I shall get that closure that I have been seeking if I come here today. And for the next hour, I remain where I am in silence; the love I feel for my parents are running thick through my veins.

Once my tears have run dry, and my heart feels at peace again, I raise to my feet. I rest my hands on their tombstones and whisper to myself.

"I love you."