Kapitel 180: Ch180. Jirayia in Uzushio 4
'So comfortable...'
Jiraiya woke up to feeling a euphoric sensation as his body sank into the soft mattress, unwilling to open his eyes and lose the sluggish enjoyment of being on the edge of the dreamland. He didn't feel this good for months and was quite reluctant to let it go. Slowly getting a feel to his hand, Jiraiya's lips stretched into a lazy smile as he recognized what he was touching through experience alone.
A warm and tender body of a woman. The most pleasant thing he ever got to know.
Taking a deep breath, Jiraiya's nose was instantly assaulted by the air filled with the smell of sex, reassuring him that yes, yesterday he scored. If it was possible, Jiraiya's lips would stretch even into a bigger smile as his still half-asleep mind slowly gathered the facts.
His hand slowly crept up, dragging itself on the skin of the woman... the more it explored, the more Jiraiya's smile started changing into a frown and his brows started furrowing.
'What is this? Squishy?' Jiraiya's mind slowly woke up, making the spymaster's brain work as his fingers sank into...
Jiraiya abruptly opened his eyes, freezing at the sight in front of him.
Horror crept through Jiraiya's body as he saw the pile of pure fat lying next to him, taking up three-quarters of the whole bed. She was at the very least a head taller than him and thrice as wide, causing Jiraiya's eyes to almost pop out of their sockets. His body shivered as he realized what he thought to be breasts was actually her double chin causing him to retract his hand at a speed even Raikage would praise.
Just as Jiraiya's mind was close to finally rebooting, a loud farting noise resounded through the room, causing Jiraiya to scrunch his nose and realize that... the smell of sex, was only in his head and dreams. What he really smelt was more... putrid than anything else.
Needless to say, Jiraiya's horror only increased. He would have nightmares of this morning for months to come, he was sure of it.
So scary was his waking experience that he completely forgot to think about how he got into this situation and what he was doing yesterday. These things were not at the forefront of his thoughts when he had such a disastrous situation at hand. After all, waking up next to a pretty lady was quite common in his life of debauchery. Waking up next to... whatever it was that laid next to him... now that was something he never wanted to experience again.
'I couldn't be drunk enough to do... this, could I?' Jiraiya yet again shivered as he carefully stood up from the bed, looking for his clothes, as quietly as possible in order to not wake up the whale on the bed
As Jiraiya was half-way to putting his pants back on, the door suddenly opened, "So you are finally awake." A gruff old voice said, not sounding very pleased with the situation but also having a bit of resignation in its tone.
Jiraiya... didn't expect to be discovered. Hearing the voice was a big surprise for him, causing him to trip on the pants that were around his knees, sending him face-first into the stomach of the whale of a woman, abruptly waking her up and hugging him in reflex as if he was an overstuffed teddy bear.
The woman blinked off the sleep before sweeping her brown hair from her blue eyes with her stubby hand. It took her a few seconds to realize where she was, causing her to flush while Jiraiya's hands desperately flailed around, trying to get him away from her because of the acute lack of oxygen his face deep in her fat folds was currently experiencing.
"Oh, papa?" The woman yet again blinked.
"Good morning, Tsuname." The man who opened the door greeted, "I see you slept well." He added, a smirk creeping up his lips at the suffocating Jiraiya.
"Huh?" Tsuname tilted her head before she finally realized she was embracing somebody. The second her eyes fell on Jiraiya, they lit up like stars in the night sky, full of happiness. "Yes! Meet my hubby, papa!"
Jiraiya at long last managed to get hold of some of his strength and push himself away from what he now feared as the fatball of suffocating doom. Coughing, half due to his earlier predicament and a half because of what he just heard, he exclaimed, "Hubby!? What? I didn't agree! No way! I swore to be single for life! Yeah!" He desperately shook his head and tried to pull away from Tsuname. "You can't force me to... ah?"
Jiraiya suddenly stilled as his eyes finally landed on the face of the man in the door and his complexion turned paler than Orochimaru.
'Ah, shit.' He thought, recognizing the man who was frowning at him. Jiraiya's face then robotically turned towards the massive woman who called that exact man papa and Jiraiya felt despair embrace him as he realized the situation. 'Ah, double shit.' His eyes then strayed down, onto the sheets where a small patch of dry blood was located and Jiraiya's mind almost stilled to halt. 'Ah, triple SHIT! This time I really did it!'
"I see you finally realize what you did yesterday and its consequences, Jiraiya of the Sannin..." The man, Kazuhiro Iwako, stated. He was the brother of the Daimyo of the Land of Earth and one of the three most important nobles of his country. His tone then changed to utter discontent as he added, "My new son-in-law."
Jiraiya could only faint in horror.
...
"Was it necessary?" Kaya asked the smirking Pakura who sipped on her tea. "It was simply down-right cruel."
"Ah, Kaya, it was the most beneficial choice for us. Killing Jiraiya is simply dumb since Konoha knew he went here to investigate. But Konoha also knows what a horndog he is, you see." Pakura snickered. "You know that each country has its own customs and it just so happens that one of the five greatest nobles of the Land of Earth where taking the virginity of a willing daughter of a noble is as good as marriage was visiting Uzushio. The fact his ugly daughter couldn't get engaged to anyone no matter how good of a deal he offered is just making the entire thing better!" She smugly explained, "The poor old perv had no chance from the start."
Kaya facepalmed, "And it just so happens this whole thing will either make Konoha and Iwagakure who hate each other's guts a bit closer, preventing any possible spark of war." Kaya was a bit unwilling to admit it but the plan was well thought out. "With Suna being preoccupied with the feud between the Kazekage and the Daimyo, Kirigakure being on the brink of the civil war, and Kumogakure being the sole threatening existence... yeah, if Iwagakure and Konoha show the common front, no matter how frail and false it would be, Kumogakure would not dare start anything big."
"Or..." Pakura uncaringly shrugged, "Jiraiya will act like a dumbass and run which would actually start a war between Konoha and Iwagakure, weakening them even further which in turn would probably make Kumogakure join. In the end, the Biri-Biri company would make more profit for the time being. I don't see any loss here. Both options mean the focus on Uzushio will significantly reduce which would decrease your workload by a lot."
Kaya couldn't believe what she was hearing. Yes, she knew this was a do-or-die kind of deal. Either Jiraiya is smart, stops his life of debauchery, and suffers a marriage with the oh-so-noble oversized girl, or he runs... starting a war.
Honestly, in no way was Konoha able to afford a war at the moment. It was weakened due to Kyuubi and then even its economy suffered because of the debacle with Yukigakure. As much as the Third Hokage likes Jiraiya, this was a mess he could not clear up for his pupil. One man's happiness simply wasn't worth the continued existence of the entire village.
In short, Jiraiya damn well knew what the answer would be if he asked Konoha for help.
Kaya shuddered at the cruelty of Pakura's revenge for wasting her time. Damned if do, damned if don't. 'But to think Pakura thought about how her actions would benefit Uzushio before doing something that would change the entire political climate of the Elemental Nations... I see, this is why she is Rei's Jonin Commander, huh?'
Kapitel 181: Ch181. Vengeance 1
'Clang'
Rei parried yet another slash from Yugito who was swinging Samehada at him. It was years since he held a sword and his wrists made this fact clearly obvious to him as they painfully protested every time Rei's and Yugito's swords clashed.
In the past years, Rei was far too preoccupied to train so he mostly depended on his shadow clones. That, however, had its bright and dark spots. In things like Sealing, Ninjutsu, and generally, anything to do with knowledge and energy manipulation, he got infinitely better than he was before. The physical aspect, though, suffered.
It was not that he lost his muscles. They were nourished by nature energy and could not shrink or diminish. It was his muscle memory that became a problem. Funny thing... shadow clones could train muscle memory and to some effect, even transfer it to the user but Rei found out it was not reliable because the muscles of his clones were, in the end, not his and therefore his own muscles didn't learn anything.
Ergo the situation with his wrists and some other joints...
When Rei previously blocked with his sword, he always minisculely turned his wrist which would ease the power behind the clash. He did these things instinctively. Now, however... Rei had a really painful time after the first half-hour of the spar when he realized he forgot to do this and his wrists were screaming at him in pain for it. Jinchuuriki-powered Samehada was no joke to block, after all.
It was then Rei noticed his entire body moved somewhat off. It all laid in small details. His hips didn't lean to the appropriate side while he was slashing. His ankles didn't ease up to be more flexible and prepared to jump to either side. His abdominal muscles were a bit more tightened than necessary. His form was simply a mess.
'Well, not that anyone other than probably Tsunade and Konan noticed.' Rei thought as he deflected a downward cleave from the massive Samehada without even moving a half-step. The force behind Rei's deflection caused Yugito's body to fly back a few feet before she landed and slid on the ground to a halt, making her end up on one of her knees as she panted, trying to regain her breath.
Fortunately for Rei, Ringo was far too engrossed in her new forging project so nobody bothered to inform her there will be a sword fight. Something Rei was sure she would throw a fit at a later date. As long as she didn't see his atrocious form though, it was a win-win for him. He knew he would never hear the end of it.
"Being a bit less straightforward would help you a lot, Yugito." Rei said, causing Yugito to groan as the exact same words Ringo tells her when she trains her came out of his mouth. Rei, not really caring about her outburst, continued, "Samehada might be a bit too big and it surely prevents you from utilizing your max speed and numbness but that's just because you are too focused on a fighting style based on the type of your weapon. Yes, you have a two-handed cleaver in your grasp but you are Nibi Jinchuuriki with the natural grace, nimbleness, and speed of a cat. Use it. Samehada doesn't need more than a touch to injure anyway."
Yugito's eyes lit up. Ringo never explained what exactly she meant with those words so when Rei elaborated, Yugito was very grateful. She stood up, still somewhat shakily, and channeled her chakra into her body to prepare for another clash as a new plan formed in her mind.
Yugito dashed at Rei, hurling Samehada through the air towards Rei's right side. Obviously, her strike was easily deflected. Despite the massive size of Samehada, Rei could simply overpower her strike before she could get anywhere close to his body. Considering he didn't use chakra on his blade because of knowing Samehada would just eat it... yeah, Yugito was very resigned since be it Ringo, Rei, or whoever from Yozora, they had their own way of completely negating the biggest advantage of Samehada.
This time, however, Yugito gambled and her gamble clearly paid off. She used the force of Rei's deflection to spin her body in the air alongside Samehada, sending a kick at Rei's head, making him duck, and slightly disrupting his balance. The force carried her body and Samehada, making it spin and suddenly the blade that came at Rei from the right side was rushing at him from left with a momentum Yugito would never be able to create alone.
Rei's eyes widened at Yugito's plan as he realized he used too much power to deflect the strike. Depending on the power of the opponent's deflection to set up a follow-up attack was foolish because experienced swordsmen could simply alter the force behind their deflection, disrupting these plans. That most often than not ended with the idiot who tried impaled through his chest or head. But...
'The girl has the natural balance of a cat!' Rei cursed. Even if he realized her plan and countered it, Yugito would simply use her cat-like balance and nimbleness to find a foothold. Rei had to admit the girl really came up with something ingenious this time.
For the first time during the spar, Rei was forced to step back from his starting spot as he impaled the tip of his sword into the earth, barely blocking Samehada. His entire sword trembled from the power behind the slash, passing the impact to his arm which also slightly shook.
Rei noticed Yugito's body was still in the air but before he could counter-attack, she channeled her chakra into Samehada, making the shark-skin blade enlargen. Samehada shocked Rei by twisting its tip with the mouth around the blade of his sword, clearly aiming to take a juicy bite out of his side.
Rei quickly recounted his losses and jumped back to avoid being munched on by Samehada. His sword, however, was plunged into the earth so he had to let it go. As he landed, Rei sighed and shook his head, before looking at Yugito whose eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, happiness almost radiating from her.
'Yeah... I guess this time she deserves it.' Rei chuckled and nodded, "You win. I guess, you passed my requirement," He said and before Yugito knew it, Rei's sword that was next to her sailed through the air into Rei's hand via almost invisible chakra string. After all, letting go of his sword was one thing, having no way to retrieve it another. "But... there is still Ringo's requirement." Rei sternly reminded the delighted girl, causing her to pout.
"Quite rusty, eh?" Konan's voice resounded from behind Rei and before he could react, he felt her lean on his back as her arms tightly embraced him. "I think we are due some... exercises, don't we?" She whispered into Rei's ear, causing his body to stiffen...
'Wham' Tsunade's hand light-heartedly slapped Konan's shoulder, breaking the intimate atmosphere between Rei and Konan.
"Rei... I, on the other hand, think we should talk about the unnecessary strain you put your body through during the fight." Tsunade slowly said, her tone low. Needless to say...
"I think I am going to visit Ringo, hehe..." Yugito quickly realized she didn't want to be present for this and left even before finishing the sentence, not leaving Tsunade a chance to stop her and berate her for hurting her body during the fight. Yugito could feel her hips hurting from the last twist in the air she did and she had no illusions that Tsunade didn't notice. Thankfully, as a jinchuuriki, she didn't need a healer for such trivial injuries.
Just like that, Rei was left alone, gaping at being so easily abandoned in the clutches of...
"You are NOT going to fight with a sword against opponents of Yugito's caliber before you regain your muscle-memory, am I clear?" Tsunade firmly spoke as her hands gently grasped Rei's cheeks, and locked his head in place so he could not avert his eyes.
Rei could only smile at the concern Tsunade was showing for him as he enjoyed her warm hands on his cheeks. All three of them knew she was exaggerating and overreacting but... that was simply Tsunade. For her, Rei, Konan, Mei, Ringo, and Pakura were family and so she took care of them the best she could. And they loved her for that.
"Yes. I won't put my body through strain that even chunin can handle." Rei said in an amused tone, causing Tsunade to click her tongue at him.
"Smartass." She leaned forward, affectionately kissing him on the lips. "I know Konan wants to talk about some reports with you so I will be with my apprentices if you will need me. See you tonight, Rei." She one last time caressed Rei's cheek with her thumb before turning around and leaving with a skip in her step.
"You are in for some healing and sex tonight, I see." Konan chuckled, letting go of Rei before stepping back.
"I am honestly surprised she didn't order me to lay down so she can heal me." Rei shrugged. "But... what report?" He changed the topic.
Rolling her eyes, Konan took out a few documents. "The date for signing the peace treaty between Kumo and Konoha was set." She smirked at him knowingly, "Is that why you let Yugito win? You said you won't let her go and have her revenge before she makes you move in sword-fight and pass Ringo's stealth training... and here we are."
"And here we are," Rei repeated in a light-hearted tone. "Honestly, she was strong enough a year ago but..."
"But you wanted to be certain nothing could go wrong." Konan nodded in understanding. Yugito grew on them during the years. In Konan's perspective, she was... well, not-really a daughter but a bit more than a pet. Officially, Konan would refer to her as Ringo's apprentice or Mei's friend though.
"Doesn't hurt that the situation is extremely favorable. If we play our cards right, we might even get some cash for her enacting her own revenge." Rei hummed before his eyes landed on one particular report which made him halt.
Konan naturally noticed the sudden shift in his posture and tilted her head before noticing what he was reading.
"So the Third Mizukage was assassinated, huh?" Rei finally said with a detached tone. He had a lot of memories of bickering with the man and while they didn't exactly like each other, it was still a nostalgic feeling to remember those times. "Guess the swirly bastard wasn't much impressed with his plans to manipulate Yagura getting delayed because of the Third."
"Not that you were impressed either. I distinctly remember you destroying half of your personal training ground with fire that day." Konan quipped.
"Eh... can't fault me for that. My plans got delayed by years, ya know?" Rei shrugged, "It still isn't best. By now, the civil war should have been starting but because of that single intervention, it will take years for us to be able to collect some desperate bloodline clans from the Land of Water."
"The reports say he was run through with a blade from behind without him even noticing. Ironic, really. An assassin was assassinated." Konan mocked in her deadpan tone.
In a way, she was right but Rei knew Obito had a cheat-like bull for his Mangekyo Sharingan and the Third Mizukage was a marvelous schemer, assassin, and strategist but a head-on fighter he was not. At least not in the leagues of the Kages of his generation. Yet another reason why Rei stacked seal after seal on his territory to prevent nuisances like Zetsu or Obito from entering. Honestly, any space-time ability would not work on the territory of his Other-sided Village without being keyed into the sealing barrier... or ten.
"On a happier note... up for a shower and lunch?" Konan asked while licking her lips as her eyes wandered on Rei's body.
Raising his eyebrow, Rei's lips twitched, "Now that is an offer I simply can't refuse, can I?" He chuckled, giving the documents back to her before he grasped her hand, his mind trailing towards the enticing girl in front of him.
'Now that she mentioned it... I can take a break for a shower. Few hours won't kill anybody, right?'
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