Kapitel 41: CHAPTER 41
Genesis's POV
"GENNY!" Over the loud chatter of indistinguishable voices enfolding the hall, his cut across, like a stick through the sand, dire and desperate.
"Genny! Please stop." I couldn't. I just couldn't. "And hear me out." My mind wanted to but my legs paid no heed. I ran. It didn't matter where I ended up, as long as we were far away and I wouldn't have to face him. I ran as fast as I could through the hall thronged with people with their curiosity already aroused. They wanted to know. I could see it in the way their heads turned and their eyes gleamed.
My eyes bled and my heart shattered all over again. I pushed into my room and swung back to shove the door close but he was quick enough to slip his leg in first, stopping the door from meeting its hinges.
I twirled in the direction of the bathroom but his arms wound around my stomach and my feet lifted off the floor.
"Why did you run after me?"
His breath caught in his throat. "Genny, please. Listen to me."
"There's nothing to talk about." I choked back a sob. "You broke up with me, remember?"
"Look Genny...."
"It's Genesis. My name is Genesis."
His eyebrows lowered and pulled closely together and his mouth hung open loosely. I looked away because I couldn't keep on staring into the tears pooling in his eyes without breaking down completely. It felt like I had lost something I could never ever get back but it was a loss so big I couldn't even start to understand it.
"Genny...."
"I came to see you." I said quickly. My eyes dropped to the floor as more uncontrollable tears streamed down my face. "At your house. But you weren't there."
"I had no idea."
"You never called...or visited."
"Genny...."
"Because you were with her. You have been with her."
He took two steps towards me and I made two steps back.
"Genny...."
"It's Genesis, Keegan."
"Genny...that's what I'm gonna call you. You're Genny. That's what you are to me. Genny - My Genny."
Memories and old times surged through my head with a force I never deemed possible. The tears rushed like a river that had broken through a dam. A numb vacant feeling was all there was.
"Stop." My throat tightened with intense emotion. "Stop please."
"Look, what you saw...."
"I'm not mad Keegan." I half-yelled at him with fisted hands and tears racing down my cheeks. "Don't explain to me because I'm not even upset. I don't have any right to be. I'm just...It just hurt. It hurts so much that you have moved on from me and onto someone else so quickly and...and I'm left behind, still trying to get over you."
"I haven't moved on from you. Fuck, how would you even think that? How long has it been? What? Three days? Do you really think that's enough time to get over a first love? Because I'd need the whole of eternity and maybe more to get over you and what we had." He stopped to take a breath. "Genesis, I want you back."
"No." I shook my head with conviction.
His mouth dropped open in shock and his expression fell into hurt.
"Genesis, I need you back." He amended, coming closer. This time, I glued my feet to the ground.
"We - we can't."
"Why not?"
I looked away as my face turned red. "We just can't."
"Breaking up with you was a dumb move and I fucking regret it. I can't function without you, Genny. This past few days has been hell without you in it. I'm irrevocably and whole-heartedly in love with you. I can't get my mind off you."
A great sob escaped me and I covered my face with shaking hands.
"Genesis, you love me and I love you. I'm so fucking sorry for destroying what we had together and I feel so damn stupid for doing that. If only you could give me one more chance and I promise, I'd do things right."
"No." I wailed. "It's not you."
I swiped at the tears distorting my vision but they kept coming any way.
"I shouldn't have and I've got no excuse." He turned, scouring his hands through his hair. "Fuck. You wouldn't let me do anything with you. Asides kissing you. You wouldn't let me fuck you, make love to you."
"What?"
"Genesis, I wanted more. I needed more. I needed more than just kisses. I needed more than the hugs and smooches. Genesis, I needed to make love to you. I needed it like I needed the air to keep me breathing. But you wouldn't allow it and I didn't want to pressure you."
"Keegan, I don't - I don't understand. What do you mean? What - what are you saying?"
"I'm sorry."
I stared at him in sheer confusion. "For what?"
He stuttered and panicked, "I-I didn't mean to, I promise. I fucking regret every bit of it. I couldn't bear to look you in the eye after everything and felt like crap around you so I had to end things with you. Fuck, I couldn't tell you either cause I-I wasn't ready to lose you, cause I loved you and still love you but I lost you anyway cause I'm an idiot. Genesis, look I'm gonna make things right this time. I fucking promise. Just one more chance is all I need from you. You...you said you love me right?...."
In that moment, my heartbeat stopped and I froze. My stomach twisted and my breath leaked in short gasps. I gawked at him with wide, distant eyes as everything seemed to lose all identity, symbolism or meaning. I could see his lips moving, talking to me but I wasn't able to comprehend what it was he was saying to me. A feeling of lightheadedness struck me and I instantly felt like if I didn't find a place to sit soon enough, I'd fall down.
I felt someone wrap a pair of arms around my body and snuggle me closer. My mind was lodging in space and I couldn't think properly.
"Keegan, look I love you but you've got to go. No shit." The person said.
"Let her know how sorry I am please. I love her Lana. I really do."
"I would. But you've got to go."
"Please take care of her."
I sank onto the bed with Lana holding me close. Then reality suddenly slammed into me. I looked down at my hands to find my fingers ashen and vibrating and then to Lana who had concern written all over her face. She seemed worried for me.
"You gonna be okay?"
No response could escape.
"I heard and I'm very sorry but he loves you."
"None of that matters now."
"Why is that?"
I sighed and raced my hands down my face. "It's complicated Lana."
"What's so complicated about it? From what I can see, he fucking loves you and you obviously love him so what's the problem here?"
"It's more than just...that."
"You can't be in a relationship and expect it to be smooth-sailing. There's bound to be a set back or set backs. You know that right?"
"I'm not refuting that."
"So what's the problem then? Or is it because he cheated? Maybe once or twice? C'mon, we both know between you and him, there ain't any innocent."
I reared back and froze for a split second before turning my head to the side to look at her. "What do you mean?"
She shrugged, "Look, all I'm saying is that he was unfaithful. And so what? What matters most is that he loves you like hell and he's sorry. That's all that matters here. He cares so much about you Genesis so don't even think of throwing away a blissful relationship because of what the other did or might have done. Do you know how many girls on this campus wishes to be in your place? Dating my brother? Do you know how many has approached me to help them with just a quickie with him? But you. You. You are the one that effortlessly got him to surrender at your feet within a blink of an eye. Girl, they all wish they were you. You don't even realize how lucky you are so please be smart about it, okay? Else, good luck finding another hot and rich boyfriend that could measure up to Keegan." She stood up and strolled towards the bathroom but then stopped.
"And oh...your lip?" She winced. "I'm sorry about that."
***
I sat alone in a comfortable swing, watching the sun dip slowly beneath the horizon and the sky morph into a blaze of gorgeous pink and gold. It was towards evening and the campus was more crowded than it would have been on a weeknight. It seemed creepy but it felt calming watching students of the College go about their things and interacting with their peers.
Some of the noticeable things are how in groups of people, one person attempts to be the centre of attention at all times, yet there will always be one person who has the charisma and personality that brings them all together in the first place. All the others will at some point look at that person briefly to gauge what their reaction is to a given joke first before reacting themselves.
My favourite is when they smile when they talk to people with teeth. They can't return to neutral right away or that's taken to be a 'fake' smile or not honest and just ends up awkwardly, slowly returning to neutral. It's entertaining to watch.
In the next minute, I felt a strong presence beside me. Someone had just occupied the next swing. I reacted immediately by turning my head to see who had come to sit by me and was quite startled on realizing who it was. He stared ahead, almost distant and didn't return my gaze but I wasn't fooled in the slightest bit. Knowing him, I knew he was very much aware of my pinned eyes on him.
"How did you know I was here?"
He frowned, "I wasn't looking for you."
I paused, "Did you know?"
"It depends on what you think I might have found out."
I sighed and looked away, "You know, somehow, the guilt isn't like before anymore. I still feel bad about doing that but just finding out he did same, it - it feels less choked. It feels almost like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Is it wrong to feel this way? To feel relieved? It still hurts when I think about how we met and how we started all of these, how we started dating and the fact that I loved him and he loved me and now all of that's gone. Have you ever had your heart broken by someone you loved?"
"Yeah."
"Was she your girlfriend?"
He glanced at me, "No."
"But you were in love with her. Right?"
"I wasn't." He shifted uncomfortably. "Look, uh, I got to go."
He abruptly stood up, adjusting the hood on his head. I watched his back in silence as he trotted away.
But then he stopped and turned only slightly.
"Thanks for the snacks. They still taste the same."
***
I'm officially done with my exams and back to updating regularly. If you are still wondering about the drastic change in chapter length. It's less stressful this way and easier to update. Please don't forget to vote on this chapter and comment.
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
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