Freedom is Hell

"…"

"You don't have to be so wary, Hiroshi. We're here to guard you. Not to dispose of you."

The day after our conversation, I was allowed to roam around the Imperial capital of Hitachi by the Shogun. He said that after this, I will be able to understand why my aspiration about freedom is wrong.

*Guu~!*

"…"

"Haah… I told you already. None of the food was poisoned or drugged earlier. Why are you so hard-headed and wary of us, Hiro-kun?"

"Do you really think I would believe you again, you traitors?"

"…Anyways, treat this as my own kindness. Let's go to that snacks shop so you can silence that growling tummy of yours. Kisho-kun and Yoichi-kun, you want some too?"

"Nah. I'm already full."

"If you two are going to eat, I'll be off to wander for a while. I'll be back quickly."

"Then I'll join you around, Yoichi-san!"

"Sure."

After the two young men left our group, Kameko-san gently pushed me inside a tea shop whose name is familiar to me.

"Is this a set-up? Why do you have to push me inside the tea shop owned by the Shogun himself?"

"Don't just assume that everyone will be sugarcoating the Shogun just because he owns the place. If you ask me, a public space like this where people of all walks of life can freely gather is the best way for you to know about his works, after all."

"…"

We entered the slightly large tea shop and I noticed that it looks a bit less traditional than I expected.

"Therefore, I conclude, gentlemen… that unlike our previous notion that the world is the center of the galaxy, given the calculations and the findings I showed during my speech, this is wrong. Instead, I would like to propose that the sun and not the earth is the center of the celestial system."

"Hmm… His calculations aren't wrong."

"Now that you say that… there do are cases of the other planets revolving back in the night sky…"

"Hmm… interesting…"

At one corner of the store is a small stage where a scholar presented a heliocentric model of the celestial system. To a modern person like me, this is common sense, but seeing these academics discuss it in the store was something I found amusing.

"So, the ship is still in Hanayuki province?"

"Yeah… it would take a while, but it will eventually come here."

"Good. The people of Mutsuki will surely need those relief goods after the rebellion. Aren't you quite the philanthropist for doing such a thing?"

"Hehe… this is just me sharing my blessings. After all, I came from that kind of life."

On one of the tables, rich-looking merchants were talking about the rebellion in Mutsuki province and the relief supplies they were donating there.

"But wouldn't that cause a problem for business owners, minister?"

"That's the thing, son. Listen, so long as they are following the proclaimed law of the Shogun regarding wages and worker benefits, any business can profit as much as they can. That profit made by the business owner is no longer something that the workers can poke around with."

"I see…"

And on one of the tables, a government official was talking to a group of workers casually.

"Take a seat. It's not always that there's an empty one in here."

"…"

Kameko-san and I sat at one of the corners of the store where I can see the entire store and all of its patrons.

"Quite a lively place, yes?"

"…"

"Come on, don't be so glum. If you keep being the short-sighted and "everyone except for me is a devil" guy, you will never be able to understand what the Shogun wanted you to see and realize."

"Shut up. I'm not changing my thoughts."

"…We'll see about that."

I don't want to listen to anyone of them. I know that I am right. I know that none of this is really how things should go under that tyrant's rule.

This peacefulness? This lack of discrimination? This lack of poverty and suffering? Hah! All of this is just a show. Just a way to fool me into believing their lie that-

"E-Excuse me… can I share a seat?"

"Huh?"

"S-S-Sorry! I really need a table right now!"

While I am in the middle of my inner monologue, someone approached out table while carrying a tall stack of books and scrolls.

"Come on, Hiro-kun. Spare her a seat and some space on the table."

"…Alright."

I moved to the next seat as this person gently placed the stack of books and scrolls to the table and only then did I notice something odd about them.

"A female… scholar?"

"Hm? Why do you look so confused, mister?"

"Why? Did you think that this idea doesn't belong in here, Hiro-kun?"

H-How? Why is there a woman who is dressed in a scholar's robe?

"Hup! Agh… I already told them to not call me all of a sudden in my day off…"

"Aren't all of them busy too, Chief Akebi?"

As the young woman sat down and complained about being given work during her day off, Kameko-san called her by her title and name, giving me a clue about her work.

"I know that, Meko-chan… I'm bummed out that I had to cut my vacation short, but as they say… Nn! Duty calls…"

"Hehe… Ever so punctual with that, huh?"

"I sure am! This is my work's pride after all…"

After their short exchange, I interjected while still being surprised about her being a scholar.

"Akebi-san… right?"

"Hm? Yeah. Chief Akebi of the Imperial Scholar Society. We're the lectors and archivists of the Imperial government."

"But aren't you-"

"A woman? Hah! Hey, Meko-chan… where did this backwater barbarian come from? Are you really dating this creep?"

"Hehe… Even if he looks a bit handsome, I'm not going to date him."

"B-Backwater-?!"

"Yup! Backwater… that's how I call old-fashioned creeps like you who treats female workers like me as if we are some kind of exotic and endangered animal."

"N-No, I did not! If all, I actually support working women!"

"Really? Then why do you look so surprised earlier when I showed up and you saw my uniform?"

"T-that…"

As she adjusted her eyeglasses and took out her fountain pen along with some of the books and scrolls, I found myself cornered because of my misjudgment earlier.

"It's alright, buddy. You'll get used to it while you're staying here in Hitachi or even at the provinces leading up to the northern islands."

"W-What do you mean?"

"I mean seeing commoners without family names and women who used to be banned from industry work or government positions working alongside nobles and men."

"…"

"Unlike the land where you probably came from that is so stuck in the backwater beliefs of making women stay at home or being uneducated, the lands conquered by Shogun Sora isn't like that…"

I was silenced instantly while she talked to me about him and his lands.

"Everyone has the opportunity to rise to their desired places by being educated and working towards it. Even a commoner girl like me who has no connections to any government elites became the chief of the Imperial scholars."

"…Is that so?"

"Yup. Why else do you think I came here with all of these books and scrolls? Massive changes are happening now that the Emperor has fully blessed Shogun Amanogawa to rule the lands, we have to record this properly so future people can look back in this day that will surely change our country."

"Chief Akebi! I finally found you!"

"-?!"

"Ah! You rascal! I thought you'll never show up!"

"S-sorry, chief… things were quite busy in the palace and- Wow! Master Miyazaki! I never expected to see you here of all places!"

After a young man entered the store and called out to the female scholar beside me, I recognized his face from somewhere.

"Wait… is that you, Sir Handa Ichizuka?"

"Yes! I'm with the Imperial scholars, you see."

I can't believe it… one of my clients is her subordinate?

"Anyways, let's take these books and scrolls back to the palace. You rascals handed these to me while I am walking around and I had to trouble the shop owner to let me use one of her tables!"

"Y-Yes… I'll take the books then."

"Alright. Let's make haste before we get swamped with reports again."

"Yes, ma'am!"

As the two left, I felt quite dumbfounded as I just sat there open-mouthed.

"A commoner woman who can freely order the son of an influential nobleman like he's just any other worker…"

"That is…"

"A little thing? Didn't you end up being the old-fashioned bigot that you expected us to be, Hiro-kun?"

"I just didn't… think that one through… It doesn't count."

"Really? You just sound like someone trying to find a convenient excuse out of a huge mistake, Hiro-kun."

"Shut up…"

Still heavy-hearted from my first mistake, my thoughts about them have not changed at all. He might have made them let go of that old-fashioned discriminatory thing, but that doesn't change the fact that he still rules like a dictator and would end up-

"Is that seat occupied, young man?"

"A-Ah… no, it's not."

"Well then, pardon my intrusion…"

My inner monologue was broken again as a grown-up man asked for the seat that has just become unoccupied and after my reply, sat there comfortably.

"Out on a walk again, former magistrate Iruka?"

"Haah… please stop calling me in that way, officer Kameko. It's been already three years since I left the government."

"Hehe! I just wanna tease you, sir."

After their short conversation, I looked at the man and noticed something with his clothes.

"You are a former magistrate, sir?"

"Yeah. I used to work for the imperial government until I resigned before it was melded with the Shogunate government. I did receive some retirement benefits, which made me and my family enjoy a satisfactory life."

"Then your clothes…"

"Oh? Does it look so shabby for a retired man like me?"

Being a former government worker, I expected him to be wearing something more extravagant or fitting to his status. Instead, what he is wearing is almost indistinguishable to the clothing of a commoner.

"I… had my own addictions when I was younger, you see."

"What kind of addictions?"

"Women."

"…"

"This area right here used to be the red-light district of Hitachi. Countless brothels and Oiran houses line these streets where you can buy their services for varying prices…"

After hearing that, I remembered that place that I secretly ordered to be attacked by bandits near Aoya village and the red-light district of Yamagata in Fuku province.

"Because of my job as an imperial magistrate, I always receive a huge sum of money as my salary and a lot more from my various under-the-table deals with corrupt fiefs, nobles and merchants… I used to be richer than anyone amongst my peers, but instead of using that wealth for those who should matter to me, I was swept by my lust and gave it to those who doesn't deserve it."

"Are those the paid women you are talking about?"

"…Yes."

He took out something from his chest pocket. It was a smoking pipe, but one that is quite popular to Geishas and Oiran women.

"How does it go again…? "We show the image of a perfect woman. Someone that your spouse will never be like. We will never speak against you and instead, tell you that you are right. We will never tire with entertaining you, whether it be by dance, song, poetry or in the bed. We will never let our beauty fade, for unlike they whom you married for an alliance or simply for convenience, our trade is our beauty and to lose it is our greatest shame"… Was that right, officer Kameko?"

"You're generally right. You're a prolific customer back then after all."

"About that… if this is the former red-light district, why does it look so… normal now?"

"Because of the Shogun's laws and orders."

Iruka-san had some kind of somber expression on his face after I asked that question. After placing the smoking pipe back into his pocket, he started to narrate a story.

"As I said before, I was a scum who tricked both his masters and the people to line his own pockets and use it to entertain himself using paid women… I was no stranger to many of them. I paid them to entertain us while I and my friends drink alcohol. I paid them to ease my nerves whenever I feel a bit of conscience for the corruption that I am getting myself into. I paid them so I can continue to fool myself that I am bedding the most perfect women in the world… completely disregarding the one that was always waiting for me in the doorway of our home."

"Lady Hinako, huh?"

"Is that your wife?"

After Kameko spoke that name, I asked Iruka-san and he nodded lightly to answer my question.

"Hinako and I came from former rival families. Because of a mutual agreement that it is time to set aside our families' long rivalry with each other, we had an arranged marriage that I disregarded a lot of the time… sometimes even calling her as just my personal servant who follows me around."

"You were ruthlessly arrogant back then."

"I only came to realize that after that day, Kameko-san…"

"That day, huh?"

"What is it about "that day" that you two are talking about?"

"You should be aware of it, Hiro-kun. The diseases brought over here by that bastard named Motoyasu Michi."

"Wait… is he-"

"Yes. He's asymptomatic to those diseases given the vaccines he received in our past world. But because he is a sex maniac there and here, he collected a lot of them and ended up making it spread to those he did the thing with."

"Then Iruka-san is…"

"Yeah. My lustful tendencies made me receive the same venereal diseases from those women… and when I came home one night, still drunk and raring to go… I did it with my wife and she…"

Even though he stopped talking midway, I understood what happened next and why he looked very hurt.

"It was during the war between the Shogunate and the Imperial forces when that epidemic took over the city and caused great distress to everyone. None of our medicines worked to relieve the pain, burning sensation and weakness in our bodies. Some people became disfigured from the diseases, some were left with pox marks and such that they hid in their houses until they died from the diseases or committed suicide."

"…"

"As for my wife, she continued to deteriorate alone in our home while I was out, trying to find anyone who can still give me some service… but as almost all of them died out or has decided to suspend their services, that was the time I snapped back to reality and began to regret letting my wife suffer from my own mistake and stupidity..."

"What did you do then, Iruka-san?"

"I ran to and fro, looking for anyone who can help save my spouse. All of those that I approached promised to rid her of her ailment. May it be folk healers, herbalists, magicians… even self-proclaimed monks and priests. All of them asked me for a large "donation" and did their rituals and odd concoctions that in the end, did nothing but sustain or even worsen her condition…"

"Iruka-san… if you don't want to talk about the rest-"

"No, Kameko… I have to constantly remember that day… or else, I fear that I will be swept away from this path that I now chose for my good."

"…"

The man sighed lightly before continuing his story.

"During many of her fever dreams, she kept on talking in her sleep… sometimes, she would say something about feeling disappointed of me whenever I come home drunk or limp from copulating with my women. Other times, she would cry and blame herself about what she lacks that I try to get from those women… but worse of all, there were times when she would talk as if she's crossing over to the land of the dead and say that she deserves it for not being a good wife to me…"

"…"

"I cannot deny that our marriage was simply to symbolize the cessation of hostilities between our families, but even if that is the case… even if we didn't marry from the start out of love… even if all of it was just to end a rivalry… even if we aren't the kind of couple who sees each other with love and care, it doesn't mean that things should remain like that."

"Unlike her, you didn't learn to accept your situation. Trying again and again to quickly acquire the things she lacked instead of conversing with her and changing each other to form a real bond."

"Yes… I only learned all of that when she's already in her death bed. Almost crossing to the other side… almost out of my reach when I learned that I really need her now."

"How much did you regret it back then, Iruka-san?"

"I said that if she dies, I will follow her too. I told her that since I was never able to be the husband that such a great woman like her deserves, I will follow her to the next life, find her again and by that time, be the man that she deserves. A man who will love and cherish her. A man who will never leave her side and find comfort with other women."

After he said those words, even I felt some tears well up on my eyes. It was simply too great of a show of love… even if it was already too late for them.

"But thankfully, you two didn't have to restart your lives… because he showed up, right?"

"Yes…"

"He?"

"Shogun Amanogawa… many didn't expect it, but he and his wife, Lady Chiasa, were doctors and helped a lot of us recover from our illnesses. One of them is my wife whom he personally treated and looked after."

"…"

"Though they didn't get to save those whose bodies somehow weakened greatly due to one of the diseases, those that they saved owed their lives to them. But then, we were surprised with the sudden thing that they asked for return."

"Let me guess… money?"

"Yes. A lot of it."

"Greedy son of a-"

"Shut your mouth, Hiro-kun."

"…"

I was about to insult him due to the blatant act of greed on his part, but Kameko suddenly stopped me and gave me a strict look.

"Listen to the whole thing first before you make your assumption. It's exactly because you only hear what you want to hear that you ended up like the wreck that you are right now."

"…Fine. Iruka-san, why did the Shogun and his wife asked for a large sum of money?"

"It was a lesson for all of us patrons of the red-light district."

"How so?"

"During our time of wealth and power, we showered these women with our riches… buying them exquisite jewelry, highly decorated clothes, the most vibrant and beautiful make-up sets and many more. But when we ask for their help in our times of need… none of them will even face you or bat an eye your way."

He took out that smoking pipe again and spoke with a pained tone.

"Hundreds of thousands of Kan… spent on them for temporary pleasures. And the best they can give back in your time of need when you are useless to them is a pipe that can only buy a portion of buckwheat…"

"…"

"What kind of fool were we when we thought that they are people who will be with us to the end… when we disregarded those who should truly matter to us?"

"Iruka-san… here."

"T-Thank you, Kameko…"

Kameko gave the man a handkerchief which he used to cover his face as he tried to not cry after that story. It took a while before she stopped and suddenly, the tea shop owner shouted from the doorway.

"Iruka-san! Your wife is here!"

"H-Hinako? Why are you out here?"

He stood up and walked towards a pale-skinned woman who has a thin smile on her face.

"I was bored with staying at home… And I knew where you will go at this kind of day, so I dressed up and followed you. Good thing I was right."

"I-I see… should we go back now, then?"

"Nn, nn… let's walk around and enjoy the day. Such a nice day like this is too good for us to just stay indoors anyway."

"Alright. It's a date, then."

"Ahaha! Yes, yes… a date would be great."

As the two walked out of the store, Kameko-san was the one who finished the man's story.

"To answer your question… All of it was just a test to make them understand their errors, Shogun Sora retracted his demands for money and treated most of the ill until they got back to their health. But that is the word… most."

"What are you trying to imply?"

"…I am saying that he treated the victims, but not its sources. The origins of those plagues were left to die. Either to their disease or the sanitation missions later on."

"I see… so in the end, he still killed them. He really is-"

"A slight correction, Hiro-kun. Unless you want me to call you a hypocrite until we get back to the palace."

"What are you talking about?"

"It seems like you have forgotten that unlike him, you did the same thing in the red-light district area outside of the village of Aoya when you came into power."

"…And what of it?"

"You did that state-sponsored terror attack under your own desires. It simply coincided that it was being used by the former lord of Shinka, Kusanagi Kenji, as a way to spy inside Kiko and weaken it internally during the Akizuki clan's reign and you used that coincidental reason to pacify your retainers and those who are aware of the plan, but deep inside, it's your own disgust of them that made you decide to secretly hire those bandits for your own ends."

"…"

"It's true that Shogun Sora has his own dispositions regarding sex workers, but unlike you who hid all of it under the wraps and reasons of "internal security" and "risk mitigation", he spoke all of it straightly to them that day…"

"Those who cannot let go of this trade, and those who will continue to do it in secret, will answer to the law of the land which I, the Shogun, has put into place."

Suddenly, the man from before who was talking to a bunch of workers approached us and continued what Kameko-san was talking about.

"Minister Doujima, it's a surprise to find you interjecting at a conversation."

"Ahahaha! I caught a whiff about your conversation and decided to see what it is for."

Without much reservations, he sat beside Kameko-san and joined in our talk.

"I guess this is that person, huh? The one that Uesama is trying to find?"

"Yes. He and Shogun-sama has been locked in an argument regarding their way of ruling. And Sora-sama asked us to guard him as he goes around the city to ask the townsfolk about their life under the Shogunate."

"I see… if you're discussing the cessation of the red-light district here, I still remember the speech spoken by Uesama back then. Do you wanna hear it?"

"…Let me."

Even though I still doubt that our reasons are the same, I decided to listen and maybe find a hole in his system of ruling.

"Three years ago, Shogun Amanogawa Sora spoke to the people right here in this place which used to be the district of brothels… from a podium, he spoke loudly to everyone, either they be commoners or nobles, all of them heard him say the following statements."

"…"

The elderly man cleared his throat and stood up, gaining the attention of everyone in the room. And once he opened his mouth to speak, he spoke the words that I didn't expect to come from that tyrant.

"I despise this trade! But I am aware that desperation and lack of knowledge about other types of work pushes them to do it… I am aware that to some of them, this is their only way to survive! This is the life they were born into! This is the only thing they can do until their beauty fades, and they fall from grace… But I am aware that not everyone of them desires to continue in this kind of life…"

Words not befitting of a self-centered tyrant or a dictator whose only concern is himself.

"Therefore, I request to all of you… all of you who are trapped in this vicious cycle of emptiness and desperation! Leave! Leave these houses who only see you as leasable dolls! Leave these brothels who ensnares you into a life of disgust and desolation! Leave this life that deep in your heart and soul, you solemnly hate and wish to erase from your mind!"

Words that… I never spoke when I did those things…

"To those who wish to change their lives! To those who wish to live a life far from this abhorrent trade of flesh! To those who has still hope in their hearts! I implore you! I beg of you! Take my hand! Take my promise! Take whatever would take you out of this life!"

"Shogun-sama's words…"

"It has been but a few years…"

"I can still barely believe it until now. All of those things back then…"

The other customers in the store mumbled some words after hearing that speech from the old man.

"Minister Doujima, I believe it's enough for our patrons to hear the first half."

"Please, Proprietress…"

"Officer Kameko…"

"Please, just for today, let him finish that speech."

The female owner of the tea shop asked the old man to cut the speech in half in order for the other customers to return to their previous conversations, but with Kameko's request, the old man continued onto the next part of the speech.

"And for those who do not wish to heed my words… If you own these brothels whose women, you sell for your own ends. If you deal with slave traders to acquire these women. If you even so much do this trade in the presence of my rule… Then in accordance to my responsibility to my people who has come under me to protect, nurture and lead them."

Suddenly, everyone in the room except for me spoke the same words at the same time.

"""I will be your enemy."""

"…"

"The Shogun sure kept his promise."

"Hey, minister Doujima! Can you tell us about that recent thing in the Imperial palace?"

"Oh yeah! I read that in the newspaper yesterday!"

"Alright, alright… let me tell you all about it."

As the old man left our table to converse with some of the patrons who called for him, I was left with Kameko again who asked me something.

"Do you understand it now? How the same thing that you two did differed in the end?"

"…I'm not wrong."

"What?"

"I said I'm not wrong! I did it for my people! I did all of it because Kiko's people are-"

"What are they to you, Lord of Kiko province and its people…?"

"-!"

"What does their leader have to say about them and why they were the reason for his choice to kill those rental women?"

"Tch!"

"Don't stop now, Hiro-kun… Answer me."

Even if I was seething in anger and frustrated after being forced to face my own hypocrisy and fragility as a person and as a leader, I can do nothing but shut my mouth for I can say nothing to justify any of it.

"I was instructed to do nothing but watch after you and make sure that you can observe this city so you can say nothing against him tomorrow when you converse again… but the more these people show and tell their stories which you didn't expect them to say freely or openly, the more you bury yourself into your mistaken notion that this is an exclusively dictatorial state."

"…"

"You fancy yourself as a righteous leader. You pride yourself on the wealth, development, culture and military might of your land… completely unaware that from the very start, you have been given everything that you needed to succeed in your rule by the very person you curse and abhor as a tyrant who is your polar opposite."

"Stop…"

"Let me tell you this, Iwasawa Hiroshi… I never cared about who you are. I don't care if we came from the same world. I don't care if we experienced the same things. I don't even care about your name and what you fight for in this new world… All that I care is for the person, whom I pledged to serve after he gave my new life a purpose, to succeed in saving this world from its rottenness."

"Stop…"

"How about you, Hiroshi? Has anyone else amongst your retainers and allies spoke the same thing for you?"

"I said stop!"

"…"

I slammed my hands on the table and shouted towards her to make her stop telling me everything that I felt so sorely insufficient of.

"I know all of it! I know that nothing ever since I became a Daimyo was real! All of it is a sham! A plan concocted by those whose only desire is to use me!"

"…"

"My revival was the Daigo clan's plan! My lordship was your master's plan! My land's development was your master's plan! My victories in battles were their plan! None of it can ever be placed on my name! I know it! I keep being reminded of it! I already know that none of this! None of the glory, honor or even love that I received was real!"

"S-Sir… please lower you voice."

"Are you happy now?! Are you satisfied after all of you tore my new identity and life apart?! Are you so joyous about it that you can't wait to stand up and dance in celebration?!"

"Kameko-san! What happened-"

"You! You! All of you!"

"Hiro-kun…"

All of my pent up feeling boiled over as I shouted again and again towards all of them.

"Please tell me that you're happy now so I can at least have something to thank for before I die again!"

That life and this life… I thought they were different, but in the end, when the truth is finally all revealed, none of it truly matters.

"TELL ME!!!"

In the end… this life and that life…

"Hik-! Please tell me…"

…all of it is meaningless.

"Tell me that you're happy now…"

All of my strength left me after my outburst as I fell down on my seat, feeling more powerless than I ever was before.

"Haah… Kisho, Yoichi…"

""Y-Yes, Kameko-san!""

"Help me bring him to that place."

Though I no longer had any strength nor push to continue on our trip today, the three still brought me around by lifting me to a carriage until we arrived at a familiar house outside of the city.

"Is that the kids I used to welcome here?"

"Good afternoon, Granny Risa."

"Well, well… Good afternoon too, dears. What brings you three little spies here in your previous headquarters? Do you have a new group to infiltrate already?"

"No… We're actually here to let him talk to you."

The three pulled me out of the carriage and caught me before I hit the ground. After seeing my face, I saw that the old woman's face frowned for a moment before she seemed to notice something and told us to come into her house.

"We're going to apologize to the tea house's people that we bothered earlier."

"I understand. Leave him to me."

"Thank you again for agreeing to this, Granny Risa."

"Mm. No problem, darling."

After the three left and the old lady closed the main door, she looked at me for a moment as I sat there motionlessly while leaning on a wall before going to a small stove at the corner of the room where she brewed some tea.

"Seeing from your powerless expression right now… I think you have been told about everything, yes?"

"…"

"…I see. You did hear all of it, but in the end, your prejudice and pride stops you from admitting it."

"What else do you want me to do, old lady?"

"…"

"After I heard that none of the achievements I prided myself on was from my own pure effort and judgement, how else can I pick up myself and say that I have done something remarkable…"

I sniffled lightly after speaking, trying my best not to let my tears leak out and make me look more pitiful than before.

"Well then, have you ever asked yourself what makes you as you?"

"Huh?"

"I am asking you right now since it seems like you haven't asked yourself that question yet before… What makes you as you right here and right now?"

The old woman's question was so vague to me. What does she mean with that question?

"Is the name Iwasawa Hiroshi the name of a famous and great person that I should revere or fear? Or is it just the name of a person that I can meet every day in my life?"

"…"

"It looks like you have a misconception regarding your own identity, kid… I think the Shogun really had no choice but to force you to become a leader when you are still a half-baked child who is prone to deluding himself with his own myth of glory and honor."

"What are you talking about, old lady?"

"I am talking about how you treat yourself in your mind and see yourself in the mirror of your heart. Let me tell it straight since you seem like you have no intention to actually tell it to yourself…"

She turned her head and after making eye contact with me, spoke with brutal honesty.

"You're a damn narc, kid."

"W-what…?"

"I have seen many youngsters like you while serving my clan's job of housing our summoned Otherworlders… You all assume that because you were summoned here that you are suddenly a hero and everyone else around you are some kind of one-dimensional being who has to bow down to your wishes or become a steppingstone to your success."

"Hold on, what are you trying to imply by saying that-"

"Isn't that the reason why you're so broken-hearted right now?"

"-!"

"Because in the first place, you never truly saw this world as a real world. This is just a show. A place where you have to play pretend. A world where you just have to show and say that you care, when in the end, you treat everything as disposable and bendable to your liking."

I was speechless… Without even much words from me, the old lady has already pried everything she needed to assume how I saw… or convinced myself to see this world as, from the very start.

"All of the youngsters like that who was summoned and given to us caretakers are horribly narcistic. They see themselves as above everyone else and if ever they did some kind of mistake, it is some other person's fault because "the hero can never make a mistake" or something like that."

"But I-"

"Sometimes, those kinds of brats will pretend that they do feel some kind of remorse so they can further manipulate those around them to see them as some kind of venerable leader… But I, who has been observing them all this time, knows who they really are…"

She took the pot of newly brewed tea and placed it in front of us before ending her statement.

"They are hypocrites. And when I first saw you and learned what you think you are fighting for, I knew that you belong with them…"

"…"

"Narcistic brats who think that they own the world and everyone who lives in it. And if ever they are forced to face their failures and mistakes, there is only three things they can do. Blame it on others, pretend that it didn't happen or-"

"…pretend that I cared…"

If that thing in the tea shop tore my heart, this talk with the old lady drained me of my soul.

"…Exactly. You pretended that you care."

"…"

Why am I like this?

Was it because I was suddenly forced to become a leader?

Was it because I was made to face all of these things that I am so clueless of?

"No…"

I knew it from the very start…

I knew it ever since I started my new life in here and thought that there is something more to it than just being a village doctor…

"I learned one thing after conversing with that young man who now holds almost every land in this country. Something that I never expected from anyone who came from the other world…"

"What… is it?"

"That the title of the hero… the admiration and love of the people around you… all of it is earned through wholehearted service and showing others your true self and what you live for."

The old lady held her teacup and I saw some kind of glint in her eyes.

"I have told you before, right? I lost my first and second sons after they ran away to a battle that will decide our "freedom". I lost my only daughter after she ran away and aspired to become a rental woman because it is within her "freedom". I lost my third son to people who called him a sacrifice for "freedom"…"

"…"

"But in the end, I never understood what that "freedom" is and why my children has to die for it… It was only after I met and talked to him that I was able to stop blaming myself for my children's sudden deaths and knew what that freedom they died for really is…"

"Granny…"

"All of us here in Hitachi… no, even outside of it. All around the country where he laid his eyes on and tamed with his force and words, all of us has suffered from people higher than us, telling us that we are fighting for freedom and all of the good thing it entails. But ask anyone who went through and lived after those fights and all of them will say the same thing…"

The old lady sighed lightly before speaking it.

"Freedom is hell."

"Why?"

"…Because if everyone are free to do as they wish, then what else would it be than utter hell and chaos?"

"…"

"The young Shogun has realized this even before he came here. He said that even though he died quite early in the past world than he wished it to be, it was still long enough for him to come to that conclusion. That a world that solemnly loves freedom, gives freedom and tolerates freedom to the point of fetishization, where nothing can stop it, is a world heading to the end that the past world went into."

"That kind of world should be alright…"

"You thought that he rules over us like a tyrant, giving us no freedom and doing nothing but oppress us. But never in history has such long lasting and meaningful peace been kept under someone's rule."

"…"

"Have you seen the workers in the city? They have let go of the works that are pushed onto them before and meaningfully does their crafts and passions wholeheartedly nowadays."

"…"

"Have you seen the commoners who sits beside nobles as if no societal walls separate them? How about the women who are both depended on and praised by their male subordinates and peers?"

"…"

"Ever noticed how none of the people has any bitter words for their leader even though they are fully aware that his rule started out through a bloody purge of those who will not come under his rule and those who continue the things he despises?"

"But…"

"All of you youngsters can delude yourselves by thinking that you are some kind of chosen hero or savior in this world, but in the end, I… no, everyone who has seen and been touched by that man's kindness and resolve can only call him as the one deserving of that title."

"Then the Shogun is…"

As the old woman spoke the end of her statement, I regained my desire to continue on, even though I have lost all my reason to even aspire to become anything else.

"Shogun Amanogawa Sora… wants to save this world."

Kapitel 124: Freedom is Hell

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Ephraim_Chronia

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Kapitel 124: Freedom is Hell

AUTORENGEDANKEN Ephraim_Chronia

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Ephraim_Chronia