Kapitel 25: Continuous pattern
"Yoo K. Wake up", my manager says while shaking me. I yawn and ask him, "how long have I been asleep for". "12 hours", my manager says. "Oh! Where's Lil Dip shit", I ask him. "He left a while ago, and it's Dipset. Stop being an asshole", he tells me.
"Not my fault he can't take a joke. Well if there's nothing else for me to do, I'll be heading off", I tell my manager while getting up and stretching. "Where to now", he asks me. "I'm going out", I tell him. "Again! Didn't you just come from going out", he exclaims. "Yeah, hence the power nap. That was me resting up for another night of going out", I tell him.
"This new lifestyle of yours better not affect your music", my manager claims. "Nah it won't. In fact it will definitely define it", I tell him.
I walk out of the studio into the night.
Kill me softly with the drugs you kiss into my mouth. But never think I'll let you spend another night in this house.
It's late in the night and I have some random woman sitting on my lap blowing weed smoke into my mouth. I don't feel much cause everything feels so numb.
Might mask myself to self medicate my pain, feeling under the weather when I sometimes sip this purple rain.
Some days I sit at home just spending my days drinking lean.
Take a few shots cause I feel like risking it all. I have a lot of pain I can't ignore, So let me take drugs some more.
It's a continuous pattern of drugs and alcohol. And mostly the things I find myself doing with all my free time.
I only feel alive when I'm close to die. And I only get the hang of things when I hang onto my drug supply.
On one of the days I happen to bring a girl with me home after meeting her at the club. I hardly remember the names of these one night stands. And use them for my lonely comfort. Sometimes they come in pairs just to add a little more excitement onto the feel of things.
Why don't you lie to me that you love me, go down on your knees and say there's no one above me
Curse this name if you should, bite a little deeper if could.
Make all the bad in my life feel so damn good.
Might spend a million on your ass, hit it once and give it a pass. You may get hooked, but I ain't making you my catch.
Bring another one of your friends, I don't mind. I could fill them up, but that just leaves me an extra empty inside.
And eventually when this pattern reaches it's end, I'm left alone in my house crying and thinking about Catherine. Debating whether or not I should call her.
I don't have much to say, but let me speak into your situation to see if you're okay.
And when it's all quiet, I look at myself wondering, what the hell happened to me.
I only act now like the worst because good guys only finish last when falling in love first.
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
-- Power-
Rangliste 
-- Power-
Stein