Kapitel 19: I love you

Beau.

I feel my bones as the crack and bend. I feel the sweet pain as I turn into my true form. It is excruciating because a part of me is hurting. Once I fully turn I look to the distance and all I see are trees. I let out a loud howl, pouring my heart out with the scream.

It has been two weeks, two weeks of captivity. It is late at night. Sneaking out of the house was not easy. This decision took a lot from me. Father has had someone outside my door for two weeks. He has been keeping me, prisoner, because he knows I will never just stay away from Alanis on my own. He can tell me to but my heart will always pull me to him. it has felt like a part of my soul has been withering all these days.

I feel him inside me but I can't touch him, I can't talk to him.

I am supposed to be the next leader but father can't even trust me enough to make my own decisions. He chooses what I do with my life to the point that he is fighting against the deities. the pain of being without Alanis is worse than death itself. I haven't eaten, I haven't gone hunting. I am slowly dying and the hatred in fathers' heart is clouding him from seeing this.

I start running on all fours and I run till my limbs weaken. I run until the pain of missing him is covered by the pain from running. I run until I am no longer in the woods. I run until I am outside his house. The lights in his house are off, it seems like everyone is sleeping. I don't even know if vampires sleep but I stay outside watching and waiting.

I can feel him.

He is near me.

My heart thuds beneath my chest. I tread around the house, hoping he can feel me too. I want to see him; I need him so much. I continue until I see a light flicker in a window. I stop and wait, hoping desperately that he is the one. a shadow crawls around the room and I look hopefully at the window. I release a soft howl until the figure comes to view. He stares at me with wide eyes and I realise that he is probably shocked to see me in my true form.

This was the only way I could come to him. These past two weeks have been the worst. Being a prisoner in my house, unable to see the only person I want to. It hasn't been easy, and now looking at him even though the walls of the house is serving as a barrier to us, still feels better. He reaches for the window sill and my heart jumps, excited. The window opens and a smile creeps up to his face. He knows it's me. He is as excited to see me as I am to him. I watch him as he comes out of the window and jumps to the tree. That was a hard jump but he made it look pretty easy.

I watch him until he is in front of me and when he is, I take a couple of steps until he is in close proximity "I have missed you," he breathes out and my heart races

I have missed him too. He reaches for me and I don't stop him. His palm pats the fur on my head, closing my eyes; I feel him. I feel the connection that people want to cut. I am at home.

I slowly let go and with him still touching me, I turn to my human form. He lets go of me abruptly. I feel the chills, being naked isn't helping "Hi," I manage.

It must be the shock of seeing the transition. He looks terrified but I kinda wanted to show him the real me. I want him to get used to it because this is me and he is going to be a part of me. "Hi," he replies through his shock.

He is looking at my body, I see the lust in his eyes. He can't help himself. I have always been confident in my body but the things his stare is doing to me is not good for us. We can't have sex; I have to keep reminding myself. I will not do anything to ruin this relationship.

"You need clothes." he doesn't want for me and jumps up with so much force that he lands in his room. I look up and watch as he swings back down. He smiles and stretches his hands "Here you go" his clothes are in a tight grip in his hand.

"I never gave you the other ones" I remember the last clothes he gave me. He shrugs as I put on the shorts and vest. Once I am clothed "You wanna come in?"

I smile "Are we flying through the window?" I say jokingly.

He laughs "Depends....do I have to carry you in my arms" he takes another step towards me and I smell him. I take a deep breath to take him in. His scent travels into my nostrils and I want to just move a little bit closer and taste him.

"Where did you disappear to" he places his palm on my face and I close my eyes just grasping in all that he is. His hand slides down my face and rests on my chest. My heart is beating a mile a minute. I am suddenly nervous just from one-touch "Things didn't go as planned" I manage in between heavy breaths. I open my eyes and he is watching me sadly. He understands that it wasn't going to be so easy.

"Come up," he tells me and I feel his touch disappear. He jumps into the house and waits for me by the window. I climb the tree and into the window. In his room I smile, looking around. The walls are a plain beige colour. There are only a king-sized bed and a desk and chair. Minimal furniture, nothing in the room shows his character. Almost like he doesn't live here.

"No pictures?" I ask as I walk around.

He shrugs "Never had a reason to take pictures"

I look at him and he is watching me "Where is your phone?" he reaches for the bedside table and grabs his phone. I collect it from him and open the camera icon. "Come here" I pull him closer to me. He welcomes the contact as I rest his head on my shoulder "We should commemorate this by taking a selfie. Everyone does it" I smile as I look at our reflection on his face. The person I am staring at it unrecognizable. I never imagined looking this happy in all my life. Lanis, on the other hand, looks a little nervous. I like that I make him nervous and when I look at this picture in the future, I want to remember the feelings I have with him.

The shutter makes a click as I record the moment. I give him the phone and he smiles at the picture "You have beautiful eyes" he blurts out.

"My father didn't take it well" I sit down on the bed and he sits next to me. I grab his hands in my hands and he squeezes it softly "He says I am better without a mate. That's why I couldn't contact you" I explain.

Moving closer, he plants a soft kiss to my forehead. I grab his waist and pull him closer, wanting more than a peck. I smash my lips against him and he welcomes me. I go straight for the kiss and push him to the bed roughly. My hands are still gripping his waist cause I am terrified that If I let him go he will disappear. The kiss is rough, and fast with so much desperation. I can feel him against me. He is hard and begging for this as much as I am. I am not going to fuck him but I want to feel something.

he reaches for the hems of the vest I am wearing and it is over my head swiftly. Still kissing him, I feel his tongue as it dances erratically around my mouth. His kiss is electrifying and I am losing all the control I have. Now being the only one shirtless, I reach for the plaid shirt he is wearing. Unbuttoning them is a trick and one that I don't have patient for as I pull at it a little too rough. The buttons fall to the floor. He pulls away from me and there is an evil smile on his face "You just ruined my favourite shirt" he winks and sure enough, his shirt is ripped.

"Fuck your shirt" I push him back to the bed and kiss him again. Hot and heavy I pull the sleeves of his shirt and move from his lips to the crook of his neck. There is nothing slow about our kisses. i want to kiss him everywhere and it seems like there isn't enough time. I lay wet kisses all over him and he releases a loud moan. The sound is unexplainable, it is soft with a breathy sound. No girl has ever made me weak in the knees and that sound has me undone. "Fuck," I groan still placing kisses on him. His eyes are closed, it is almost like he is in another world. I like the reaction I am getting from him. It makes me want more, makes me want to have him completely.

I reach for the button of his jeans and he opens his eyes, almost like he is waking up from the trance "We can't have sex" he reminds me. I slide back up until I am staring at him. My hands are still fondling with his jeans. I want to get it off. I want to feel him so badly. "We're not having sex" I kiss him again and he doesn't question me again as I take off his jeans and his boxers. He grabs a pillow and I watch as he covers his face. I take the pillow from him because I want to see him. I want to try something and I need to see him as I do.

"I need to see you" I explain.

He nods as I look at his member for the first time. It springs up inviting me for a taste. This is the first time I am this close to another man's dick. I hoped that I wouldn't feel disgusted and a smile springs up to my face because I am excited for what I am about to do. I hold him in my hand and this gets another moan out of him. He closes his eyes and bites his lip softly. The view gets my member to twitch in excitement.

"You are fucking beautiful" I mutter still playing with his member. I can't count how many times I have jerked off. I know all the right moves. We are the same, I know what to do to make him cum but I don't want to jerk him off. I want to taste him. I want to so badly.

I start with a lick of the tip and he opens his eyes wide, watching me, his expression unreadable. He doesn't stop me, and my courage inflates. I take all of him in, and the feeling is blissful. It's a sweet-salty taste, suddenly going back from this moment will be impossible. It heightens all my other senses. I move in an up and down motion, and he pushes his waist upward in a way to take him all in. I keep at it, enjoying every bit of this feeling. Lanis cries out from the pleasure as I give it my all to get him the satisfaction he needs. I reach for my cock and it is hard. I stroke it in a slow rhythm because I want to get him there first. Looking at him he squeezes the sheets tightly and I know the look in his face. He is close. I go faster and he moans louder, everyone in the house can probably hear us but I don't care. I want to please him so badly. Watching him is turning me on. I can feel the pressure on my cock as I continuously stroke it.

"Fuck" he breathes ecstatically. He lets go of the sheets and grabs my hair in a tight grip. It doesn't hurt, it even makes this more pleasurable and I feel close to climaxing. "Don't stop" he moves my head to a faster pace. And I smile as I feel him stretch, I feel his toes curl beneath me. "I'm gonna cum" he warns me and tries to pull me off him but I stay on him with my mouth still holding unto his most sensitive organ. And as his fluid slides down my throat, I feel myself reach my peak.

"Fuck" I mutter from the pure bliss of the feeling. He looks at me with lust-filled eyes and I want more as I drink him in. The taste perfect. I will never forget. I look at the bed and the whitish substance is all over his sheets "I ruined your sheets" I tell him guiltily. I move away and he blushes from embarrassment. I stand up from the bed and my knees are weak.

I have never had an intense reaction to a blow job in my life. I can't tell how many girls I have fucked. Sex Is like breathing for me. It has never been a big deal but just one little intimate act with this man and I am completely messed up.

He is still lying in the same position, not moving, not saying anything. A panic arises in my head. I hope he doesn't regret this. He seems lost in thought. I go into the bathroom, not saying anything I check around for a towel. I find a bunch in the cupboard under the sink. I grab one and put it under the tap. Going back into the room, he is still lying down, still quiet and my heart is racing. Terrified to be on his bad side. I clean up my mess still watching him; unsure of what to say.

"I told everyone" he speaks up suddenly. I go to bed and kneel down on the edge, wondering where he is going with this. He looks at me and there are tears in his eyes. Fuck, he is crying. Why is he crying? I remain quiet, I don't know what to say.

"They all looked sad, sad for me. Sad for the plight I was dealt with. No one understands why" I can relate to this. He continues "Father said, he'd have to research on it. Research on my relationship with you" he laughs. I reach for him and he doesn't pull away. I wipe the tears from his face and he sniffs still talking "I love you" he blurts. My eyes open wide from the shock of his words. He is sad because he loves me? "I love you so much" the tears continue to fall "Why am I crying" he stands up from the bed. I stand up to match his height "I am sorry. I don't know what is happening. My mind is all over the place. My heart feels like it is about to explode. Too many emotions, I can't deal with them all" his breath is heavy, he is still crying and my heart can't take the sight. I pull him into my arms and he doesn't fight. His body stiffens in my arms as I hug him tightly. In a way telling him that I feel the same and I understand what he is going through. He is not alone in this.

We are in this together.