Kapitel 19: Little Lion Man

After being physically and verbally abused by these disgusting cult members, I was eventually allowed to eat. Carrot and the stick, I see. They are even trying to abuse me emotionally. As I said, I will not play their games.

I did get to finally eat the gruel that they gave me. I do need what ever subsistence I can get, I need it to fight them. I will not give up.

The table I was sent to, was the table that the other Unleashed that were not wearing a Collar. Which one of them is the mole? The one to work inside a small group that makes people stay isolated for other. While not sure if there was one, I assume there is at least one of this group that is the mole.

Three of the kids that I am sitting near are not that much older than me. They are at most a year or two older. Unlike me, they are entirely dead to the world. No emotions are shown on their faces. This is what this vile group wants me to be, a puppet for them to control. I refuse.

The other four sitting at the table have been completely indoctrinated. Three of them were in the middle of their teenage years. The other one was the same age as me. All four of them were allowed to converse with each other. They had become one with the cult, no longer dead to the world. They appeared content with their situation.

* * *

After the unfulfilling meal, that I was so graciously allowed, Otec, my minder, lead me to my next training. It was one of the buildings separated from the more public ones. Other than being alone among the rest, it was a well put together building, like all the rest of them, in this compound. It was around a hundred foot square building. Not tiny, but definitely not large, by any reckoning.

Inside the building there was only a set of stairs leading downwards into a basement. This is where Otec ushered me into, the cellar of the building. It was the most unadorned room I have ever been in. The walls, and ceiling, were covered in some type of gray plaster, with no corners to be seen. Instead of calling it a basement, it is more like an isolation cell. The only redeeming factor to this room, was that there was an opening near the top of the room, allowing light and air to come in.

"Rehor, you will be staying here until dinner. I don't care what you do in there, but don't bother me. I will be up here doing some doing some work, and I need some peace." (Otec)

The stairs, that led to the basement were not a stationary fixture. The lifted into the ceiling of the room, hiding themselves from view. This was truly an isolation cell.

* * *

I am not sure if Otec and his cronies were using this form of torture for anything in specific. It might have been used to keep me separate from all others, and let them do their own things while I was out of the way. Though I may be bored, this type of forced solitude will not help to break me. The chance to contemplate how I can keep my sense of self, is all that this gives me.

This isolation gives me the chance to let me hatred for these vile and disgusting humans, no, animals. They think torture will make me become one of their flock? They think I will eventually give into their persuasiveness? There is no way I will allow that to happen to me. I will not give up on my sense of self.

And so I will stew in my own anger at their injustices. When I am finally free, I will rip apart every inch of their existence. I will take from them, what they are trying to take from me.

* * *

Sometime in the night, all the bruises and wounds were healed on my body. I do not know who "cares" so much about me, that I would be healed, but I was physically taken care of. My mental wounds, I will not let heal. I will let them forever remain raw, open to the world to see.

Muceni, that bitch, knew what she willing sent me to. And she kept it hidden from me. She took me from my loving family, and dropped me into this pit of suffering. She is not a healer in any meaning of the word.

She wounded me and then made me believe that she was a trusting person. What she taught me, with the compress, was there to torment my travels to this place. She just wanted to soften me up for this despicable cult.

* * *

Day in and day out, I was awoken at random times. I am so physically tired, from my forced exercises, that I will embrace any chance to sleep. I am slowly improving my health and physical abilities, but emotionally….

Emotionally, I am a wreak. I know I will not get over their tortures, but it grates on me. I understand why the kids look dead. They have been stripped of there emotions. Trying to convert kids is deplorable. I apologize to all the animals that I compared them to, they are true monsters.

I will show them what they want to see. I will act as the meek little child. I will hide my emotions from them. I will not let them see the anger at their actions brewing inside of me. I will only do that when I wipe them out of being.

Other than during meals, I am kept away from all social interactions. The only one that I, unfortunately, am connected to in any way, is Otec, that hairless bastard. Nothing I do, is good enough for that filth.

I am human, at least for now. I do not want any punishment to be inflicted on my self. So, I try to follow his commands to the best of my ability. I am not giving into him.

This wrath I feel towards my situation keeps me strong. I feed on my anger, everyday. Any time in isolation lets me embrace my emotion of hatred. I need it to survive. My persistence is feed by my emotions. It lets me keep being me. I have not failed in my struggles yet, and I refuse to lose to them in the future.