Kapitel 18: The Weight of the Broken Relationships

"We… cannot… be together," he stammered, desperately wishing it was a nightmare that would be over in some time. "You are right. You deserve someone better."

She closed her eyes at the statement that she had heard multiple times in their relationship. Wasn't that one of the reasons he had always doubted that she would leave him for someone better because he... believed... she deserved someone better… than him?

Sometimes, in life, you cannot drag the weight of the problems occurring in your relationship alone on your shoulders when your partner refuses to acknowledge them and work upon themselves to avoid them in the future.

Ayden had failed in understanding what Irene had to sacrifice to keep their relationship going.

Ayden had failed to realize that it had taken a lot inside Irene to keep assuring and motivating him about himself.

Most of the time, he was the one who needed consolation.

Most of the time, he was the one who needed assurance.

Most of the time, he was the one who needed and demanded attention, affection and adoration.

Where he went wrong was… he forgot that she… needed the same. Perhaps, she needed it more than he did. He would feel inferior just about his weight and dealing with it was not impossible. If tried, he could have lost his weight. It could have demanded years but at least that was realistic and possible whereas Irene's inferiority complex was far too deeper for her to be able to deal with.

Ayden had never realized how painfully tormenting it was for Irene to explain herself time and again for awfully small things at every other point in life and keep reminding him that he was the one she had lost her heart to and she would never leave him for any damn person in the world.

Being overweight could really affect one's self esteem but it was not the worst one could experience for there was still that could be done about it. Irene was not the most beautiful girl in the world either. She had her own excruciatingly painful scars that she had no clue what to do about.

Irene was not a perfect girl with no insecurities but she had made sure that they did not affect her relationships and the people in her present.

She had always kept aside her demons to fight off his.

"I should go."

She nodded as he stood up. His pale and hope-deprived face was torturing her already distressed heart. Silently watching him disappear from her sight, she clutched her heart that was already in pieces but she had somehow glued the broken pieces together but they were vulnerable enough to shatter again, at the slightest of triggers and...

things concerning Ayden definitely fell in the category of her triggers.

"Ayden," she called from behind and his steps came to a halt right at that moment as if he was waiting for her to stop him, tell him that she would not be able to live without him the way his heart could not bear even the mere thought of separating from her, and hold him closer like she always would after their fights.

"Maintain some distance from Ashton."

The faint smile that was beginning to brighten his face faded.

"He is not to be blamed for what has happened between us, Irene."

Irene shook her head, having already seen it coming. "Listen to me, Ayden and stay away from him. At least for a while." She had to wait before revealing about Effie's pregnancy to him. She barely had any details. 'Until I figure out what exactly Ashton is up to.' She added in her mind.

"I will not. I am sorry. He is my friend and I can't just abandon him for no reason." He refused and made his way out.

Bowing her head, she sighed deeply at his decision. Even though they had broken up, she had not expected to get dismissed just like that. Did he not know that there had to be some reason if she was asking him to do something?

"Ayden," she murmured, resting her head on the back of the chair.

"You really like sunsets, don't you?"

Irene hummed, letting her head fall on Ayden's shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her.

"Thank you for this surprise. I love it but you said you had work when we talked in the morning, no?" She tilted her head, questioning him with her curious gaze.

"This was my work," he said, holding the back of her head with his palm. Leaning in a little closer, he cupped her face with his one hand. As his warm lips lingered on her forehead, she closed her eyes and the duo sat there, savoring their intimate moments.

Once she was out of the pleasant memory that still made her smile, she could not help but wish to smack herself for the dreadful mess her mind was.

She had assured Ayden that they were done but was terribly failing to assure herself of the same.

Lifting her hand to her hair, she pulled the black scrunchie, and her violet black hair came cascading down her back.

She had got herself that hair color a couple of years ago. It was that time when she had decided to step on the road of healing. It was that time when she had decided that she would let her past be past and put her entire energy in shaping her present and past.

As she roamed her hands in her soft hair, she realized what a disappointment she had been throughout her life.

Sticking to her decisions had never come easy to her.

Every time she decided that she would no longer let her past affect her… she would do fine for a while but would end up curling in her bed, miserable, desperately wishing to change her past and bring back the people she loved.

Every time she decided that she would not let her scars affect her… some time would pass and she would end up staring at them for hours. Though they no longer caused her physical pain, her heart would split in pieces when the associated memories would crawl in her mind.

She had made up her mind not to go back to Ayden but her stupid heart was adamant about going back to him. Especially when she thought of all the good memories she had with him.

How was she even supposed to forget them?

The weight of broken relationships holds the capacity to leave you struggling to breathe. One moment, you feel you would be able to forget everything, get over and move on and another moment, you find yourself in a corner, trembling and shaking, breaking down all over again and mourning over the death of the relationship. And forgetting deaths is hardly possible. The pain of not having them anymore, the memories of the good time you have had once and the regret of having to let them go… stay with you for the rest of your life. Dealing with deaths had never been easy anyway.