Nidhoggr

LV 11

ZephyrIsMe

I liked the story, but I am a bit bothered by the fact that this story has a harem tag, But what I know is that it is a story that has a lot of potentials. The writing quality is great, the story flows smoothly, and it's very easy to understand. Give it a chance if you like harem stories

While the very first few lines failed to entirely grasp my attention, I found the remainder of the first chapter to be entertaining and deeply engaging. I applaud your work with enthusiasm as I seldom read a story on webnovel that actually piques my interest and encourages me to read on. As there is only one chapter out, you can imagine my vexation. I am pleased to see that you are able to write with clear and appealing rhythm, once more something I scarcely ever encounter on webnovel. I applaud you and aim to read more of your work in the future.

LV 4

816D35

I just finiched reading the first chapter and I like the way the story is starting. I also find it refreching reading a web novel from the first person POV. That being said, I have some remarques that may perfect your writing: First, the MC uses diffecult and complicated words when he is supposed to be in a monologue, that means he has good education to learn all this vocabulary. Second, the MC is detached: it seems like he is a spectator and his life is the show

LV 4

Zyanide100

I got really interested in the book from the first chapter. It isn't the first time I've seen this concept but that doesn't mean its not good. It definitely is. There are somethings that are ... predictable, I would say. But they don't detract from the story. I liked how well-rounded the the chapters are. Every chapter seems like it can stand by itself, unlike a lot of books here that are so short they need 7-8 chapters to finish literally any event in the story. I'm getting more and more interested in character with each chapter. From what I've read so far, I wouldn't go as far as to call any them a personal favorite or anything but that may change soon enough, I do plan to keep reading it after all. Overall, I'm glad I started reading this. I see a lot of potential in it and it's a genuinely fun read. If my review has any value on the ones reading it, I do recommend people to give this a try. Keep up the good work, author!

LV 5

Azzack

Hello! Here to give my honest thoughts! Writing Quality : Above average. I was actually pleasantly surprised when I started reading. You have great usage of words, vocabulary, and grammar. I'm so used to reading half-baked grammar on webnovel that I got used to it. Especially when it came to first person. I hate reading first person, but yours wasn't difficult to get past at all. So writing was a breath of fresh air. That being said, my biggest problem is also the way you write the story. lol. I think you focus too much on building long paragraphs that you don't realize a clogging of long paragraphs together loses the impact of certain sentences and tires readers. Also, its best to separate paragraphs when the focus of it is two different people for better differentiation between the two. At one point I just got tired of reading because the long paragraphs were straining my eyes. If you want to put emphasis on certain situations, doing one liners, or shorter paragraphs helps a lot. For example, your first and second paragraph in chapter 1. The first paragraph has two different people being the focus, mainly the announcer and the ML. The second has a name, or sentence, you would like to put more impact on. This is how it would look if according to what I explained. :) "Carnal Nago! Come up on the stage!" A booming voice echoed through the grand hallway. I sighed. Why did they always give a grand party like this one whenever people went for their Marking? I adjusted my long coat and brushed my hair aside as I made my way over to the big stage in the middle of the hall. The marking ceremony. I’ve read about this event during the past years. But I never imagined they’d invite every single high official of the city to come and take a look at what marking would be linked to the soul of this year’s youth! Not that everyone got a Marking. :) So I separated the announcer and ML. It becomes less confusing. I also put an emphasis on the Ceremony and the last bit about not everyone getting a marking. It feels like it has more impact and not getting a marking is actually a serious thing. Unless its an explanation about something, you don't have to mind about making short sentences or paragraphs. Short sentences actually stick easier in someone's mind and leave a lasting effect. Most readers forget half of a sentence when it reaches over 10-15 words. Okay that was a long explanation. Next is your usage of the colon (:) Theres too much of them, and most of the time, they are unneeded. And other times, it is mistaken for the semicolon (;) instead. I explain below. For Colon (:)- He had to take four subjects: politics, science, magic, and pole dancing. For Semicolon (:)- taken from the novel The room behind the door was still the same; messy and disorganized. I don't know if you can see the difference, but it's there. haha. Stability of Updates : Dunno, but I'll take your word for it. Excellent Hope you keep it up! I can't cuz I have work irl. Story Development: Inconclusive This is hard to judge. The story is written quite well but there is something that is bothering me. I think it is because all chapters are just the continuation of each other. I think it would feel smoother if you cut the scenes, not just continuously write A to Z. Some things are unneeded and can be left out from the chapter in general. Like class time, or going to lunch or maybe even school in general. But there has been story progression going on to show the creature's abilities so I can't really tell you to cut scenes when something important actually happens in it. So I will leave this to you. It could be a personal preference but I do think it contributes to me getting tired of reading it. Long paragraphs/sentences while reading what the kid does the moment he wakes till the moment he goes to still does get pretty boring. Also, I think it is because it's first person view that it becomes limited to just the main character. We don't get to see other characters or know what they're thinking unless Carnal just happens to be there or is Telepathic. Character Design : Above average/Great Not bad at all. I'm enjoying the diversity and how you don't keep to the cutesy side of things. Really, a squid girl?? I love it!! World Background : Excellent! Keep up the good work! Can't wait to see where you go with it! The imagination you have is commendable and it really shows in the story. Hope you get better at capturing your readers into the world you created <3 Sorry for the long review! Your Snowflake, Azzack

LV 4

DonnEll

The writing quality is good and the start of the story is good. It's making me want to read the next chapter to know more about the world and the mc. Overall, it's pretty interesting for me at least.

LV 15

Ramen_H

I really loved the story, it pulled me in from the first chapter and I couldn't stop reading, The characters are all relatively fleshed out for it being so early in the story, the world concept is also interesting and original. Overall a goon story to read, cant wait to see how it goes.

LV 5

RenuKakkar

I have read the first chapter and the imagination is quite vivid. I can picture the story unfolding before my eyes. The writing quality is good, Stability of updates is equally good. The story is developing well. Character design is very good and will become even more as the story progresses. At present there are only two three characters including the red eyed thing. World background is well described. I am saving your novel to my library to read later. All the best for your success.

LV 3

Perizou

This is an amazing story. The setting is soo unique. The mc is relatable albeit a bit too chill at times, the characters are unique and just jump out of the page. It is hard to talk about the plot since for now it's more about world-building, but he author already proves that he can not only create an arc but clear up any weirdness with a simple yet tantalizing explanation. It's deffinitevily a read you wont regret!

LV 6

WidestGrin

This story has potential and would become a great read if done well. As it's a light novel, there is not much complexity which is good. There are a few misplaced commas, something that even I struggle with, but it will be fine after a round of edits by someone else. There are a few places where the paragraph breaks are confusing. Some examples are where the teacher speaks to the class in the earlier chapters. Another is when the students answer the teacher. I really liked that squid girl (she's so cute!). I do hope you will do her justice to her character and not let her become like those poorly written side characters who are overshadowed by the protagonist. I am not asking you to make her some Wonder woman in the future but just give her a good identity and naturalism.

LV 4

KENTARO12100

I liked the story, but I find it a bit difficult to feel identified with first-person novels but in these episodes, I could read I realize that it is a story that has a lot of potential, give it a chance if you trust this humble review