Kapitel 4: Flubber
That evening, I stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror with a gaze like a comb pulling through every single detail of my face and figure as I tie the bakery's forest green apron around a waist that looks small and fit, but only I know it's not. I take a deep breath in sucking in my stomach, watching it transform into what looks to me like an even smaller and nicer waist, and turn to the side. I don't like my body. Tugging at my jeans, I make a face. I hate these jeans. They make me look fat. You can see that I have fat thighs. Usually people say they're fine, but they look fat to me, because they're not fit-looking. Someone once told me that guys like thick girls, but that means you have to have a butt. I'm not totally flat, but I don't have "that butt." I wonder whether Pierce is the kind of guy who likes "thick" girls or skinny girls. Gosh, either way, I hate the way my body looks.
Asad is the one who works out in the house. We both love to eat--for him it's a good thing since that means he can get bigger, but for me it's a bad thing because then I just gain more weight. I want my little tummy to go away. I lift my legs, watching it in the mirror. I want this fat on my thighs to go away. I clap my hands to my face, pressing my chipmunk cheeks. I don't mind them, but sometimes I wonder if it would be better if I lost the chubbiness in my face too. On top of that, my skin is so ugly too. Stupid acne. Ugh, it's so ugly. Does Pierce notice it? I wonder. If he even ever notices me in the first place, I think miserably. When I'd come back from the "bathroom" during lunch, he was back at his own table laughing with his friends. Chloe had scolded me, telling me she was trying to give me a chance to talk to him. And in that moment, I admired her and her social personality. Her pretty, makeup-free face. Petite figure. She can easily talk to boys, while I have the hardest time because I shut people down when they do talk to me. It's not that I mean to, but my brain suddenly blanks. I just don't have that personality that would make people want to try to talk to me unless they need to. So if I can't even talk to people, then how am I supposed to "save" Pierce and Seojun? I don't even know where to start. How do I approach them? I can't do it.
Sighing, I come out of the staff bathroom and join Blaire--the blonde girl from yesterday, and Seojun in the kitchen.
"Hey!" Blaire says, looking up from her phone. "Okay, now that you're here, I'm gonna go up as cashier today. Tammi said you put that you can bake on your application, so Seo here is gonna show you how everything in the kitchen works, and you guys will prep any orders."
"Ok," I say with a nod and a smile. Blaire's eyes trail down to my fidgeting hands.
"Loosen up a little," she says with a grin. "Everyone here is chill. The atmosphere here is laid back, so try to get comfortable, ok?" I nod, watching her go. My gaze finds themselves on Seojun, who's taking something out of the oven.
"Today we're not really going to make anything new," he tells me over his shoulder. "That was the last of what needs to be taken out, I'll just put this up front, and then we have to wash the dishes then do a full kitchen clean, since it's the end of the day."
"Ok," I say with another nod. "I'll start the dishes."
"On the weekend you'll finally get to bake though," he says with a smile. "You like baking, right?" I nod eagerly.
"Yup. The whole process is the best part. Also..." I smile guiltily. "I like eating the batter too." He laughs.
"Me too." I watch him walk out of the kitchen, again thinking about that hooded person and the letter. I wonder if I should just tell him about the letter and then ask him if he knows what it means. But... won't it sound weird? Seriously, what kind of weird situation is this? What if he thinks I was the one who takes those picures? What if their lives are in danger? But if they were then why would someone ask for my help? That doesn't make any sense because this isn't some magic superhero story, it's real life. And I'm literally so weak and can't even speak up, so I can't do anything except tell the cops. Even then, with what's going in the world thinking about going to the cops makes me shudder. Even though there probably are some good ones, I can only think of the ones who are so cruel and terrible and just complete trash. My eyes start to water. I blink hard, trying to see through my blurry gaze as I scrub the dishes. Seriously, how can people be so thoughtless and cruel? Their job is to protect people, yet they don't hesitate to put others in pain. They don't hesitate to take a life. A tear slides down my cheek. They're so cruel.
"Mishal?" A shadow lingers over me, and a hand rests on my shoulder.
"Eep!" I squeak, startled, suddenly yanked out of my thoughts.
"Sorry," Seojun says, moving his hand and taking a step back. "Are you ok?"
"Hmm?" I look at him in confusion, and then my eyes widen. "OH." I smile. "Yeah, I'm ok. I just got something in my eye." I use my sleeve to rub my streak of tears dry. He looks at me hesitantly.
"Are you sure?"
"Mhmm." I nod, turning back to the dishes.
"Hmm." He leans back against the counter, eyeing me with furrowed brows. For a moment, he's quiet, but then his face brightens.
"Hey, do you like cupcakes?"
"Yeah," I say. "I love desserts. Sweet things make me really happy," I tell him with a small laugh. And fat, I think to myself miserably. He smiles michievously.
"So... do want cupcakes then?"
"Ummmmm." A slow smile spread across my lips. "Yeah?" Seojun grins.
"Okayyy, I'll be right back." He leaves the kitchen, then comes back a minute later with a grocery bag in one hand and a large plastic container in another. He carefully puts them down on the island counter as I finish the last dish and dry my hands. "Alright, come here. There's chocolate and vanilla." I watch him open the container, revealing a dozen cupcakes with rainbow sprinkles on them. My heart starts to race a little in excitement as my sugar craving goes up. Seojun looks up at me with an amused sparkle in his eye. "Go ahead, take one." I hesitate.
"Aren't you going to take one too?" I'd feel awkward eating it all by myself.
"Sure, but you pick one first."
"Okay." I grab a pink frosted up and begin to peel the wrapper. I finish it in literally two seconds, it's so good and lifts my mood up a whole lot. Seojun smiles.
"You can take another one. I brought them hoping they'll finish."
"Did you make them?" I ask.
"Yeah," he says, folding his cupcake wrapper. Wow, he can really bake, I think to myself as I finish my second.
"It's really good," I tell him.
"Thank you." He smiles again, then makes an expression I can't read. I steal a glance at the cupcakes, hating myself for wanting more. "Take all you want. You can bring some home too, since I don't think Blaire will."
"Nah, I'm gonna get fa--uh, never mind," I catch myself, feeling my face heat up. God that's so embarrassing to actually express how insecure I am. "W-we should start cleaning the kitchen." I move to go to the closet, but his hand gently touches mine, stopping mine. I turn and meet his soft glaze, unsure of what to do.
"I don't think you're fat," he tells me. I laugh a little. What does he know? People can see underneath my usual hoodies or sweatpants or athletic clothing or over-sized t-shirts. Sure I'm not overweight or obese, but that doesn't mean my body is pretty.
"Yeah, I know I'm not fat." I look away quickly.
"You're not," he says again, this time more firmly. His gaze stays on me for a long moment, before sighing. "I knew someone who passed away because she stopped eating properly and over exercised to the point where her body couldn't handle it anymore. It all started with, 'I'm so fat,' then turned into 'I'm not skinny enough.' And then... she was gone just like that. I hated myself for not even noticing it at all, and I don't want anyone else to go through anything like that at all. Even if it's only a tiny bit of what she went through, it's still not okay. You seem like a really nice person from the little time that I've known you so far, so I don't want you to feel like that either, okay?" My heart skips a beat, warmed by his words. It makes me feel a little better too.
"Thanks." I smile. "I don't want to be skinny though. I just want to get rid of a little flubber and have a fit figure. My brother says I'm a chipmunk because all I do is stuff my chubby face with food. See?" I press my face with my hands, squishing my cheeks. "Imma chipmunk. With some flubber that gotta go." Seojun laughs.
"Flubber? That makes it sound like you're a seal."
"Seals are adorable and have silky tight-lookins skin," I tell him. "They don't have any flubber."
"Okay," he says, laughing again. He pauses for a moment, then laughs again. "Flubber. Flubberflubberflubber. Flubberrrrrrrr." He starts to laugh even more. "I love this word now. Flubb--"
"Seo, what the hell are you going on about?" Blaire stands in the doorway with her hands on her hands, looking really confused. I look at her with a grin after sharing a glance with Seojun.
"Flubber," I say, and we both burst out laughing.
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
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Rangliste 
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Stein