Vampire: the Masquerade - Nirvana

When reviewing, I always give each category one extra star to the score. First of all, I’d like to say that I haven’t played the tabletop RPG, but I did play and loved VTMB and I’m very excited for the sequel. So I came into the story very excited and I was not left disappointed. I mean, except for there not being more chapters for me to read. Writing Quality 5: At first glance, I gave this category a solid five stars. The prose is excellent, and it flows so well that it feels like a professional novel. But then I started to notice some mistakes, such as mixing past and present tenses on the same sentence, words capitalized for no reason or even missing entirely. It wasn’t enough to make the story difficult to understand but it was enough to somewhat take me out of the story. Like a smudge on a beautiful painting. But, once again, taking into account how well sone the prose is I decided to maintain the five stars. Stability of Updates 5: Personally, I don't like this category, as sometimes the writer needs more time to finish up a chapter, but may end up sacrificing the quality to keep the release rate, so I always give it a 5. Story Development 4: The story is well done, although it does feel rushed at some points, like in how quickly Leona decides to abandon her old life and getting turned into a vampire. After this, the story flows like at the start of the game with the judgment, the sire being executed and the childe (MC), being spared due to Nines’ intervention. Beyond that, I’d say it’s a bit hard to give a good judgment due to it still being in the initial parts. Character Design 5: Characters are well thought out and with personality. LaCroix seems like less of an asshole in here than in the game. The Sheriff seems to have been removed and in his place, there’s the new Veronica character who is either related or even married to LaCroix. World Background 4: I first considered giving three stars to this category, but considering that it’s a fan-fic, most readers should already be familiarized with it. Review score (5+5+4+5+4)/5 = 4.6 Score given = (5+5+5+5+5)/5 = 5

The writing quality is extremely good, especially your flow and descriptions. It's like I'm reading a book on amazon. However, I have to mention on your first chapter. Compared to your other chapters where it is easy to delve into, most of it was a little boring. Only at where the homeless guy appears, I felt like I was actually in the story. It's not bad since the surprise is there, but perhaps you can improve on it somehow? I can see that the characters have some personality. They're not 2d. However, jit might be better to add some introduction. For example, Alice in chapter 2. They talk about Dr. Sexy and you can see her personality come through, but it'd be nice for the flow and just to ease the readers in for a quick intro. You can simply say "Alice was Leona's long-time friend from high school something something ". The only info I got was from chapter 1 that she was a genuine friend. Anyways, I have to commend your writing (especially when in action.) Though this novel is personally not for me, your writing skills are really good. Your pacing is quite nice as well. You also made it easy for people who haven't played the game to understand. :D

"Next Saturday I'll introduce you to the other players," said the GM. This review is part of a review swap and valid as of chapter eight. First off I need to state that I'm more than merely familiar with WoD 1.0. That would be World of Darkness version one for those of you who didn't spend dark evenings enacting fantactic creatures in a dark mirror of our own world during the nineties. As in this RPG was very popular among role playing geeks some twenty five years ago. Dice and a table, plus character sheets were the components needed, and the GM, the Game Master, usually went thrugh a background solo player scenario with each player before grouping them together. These eight first chapters are very much such a solo scenario but presented as a story. Hence it should be clear we've not even started the story. The main character has been thoroughly introduced to the world, and no, I didn't get that wrong. Of course the reader has as well, but in this case it really is a case of introducing the female lead to the world. That's also about it. One character and a horde of secondary characters including the roles they play. It should be noted that for anyone familiar with the WoD the first eight chapters mostly serve as one long info dump with some action and drama interspersed. For other readers the sheer amount of information will be bewildering. My main problem with the start is that they're doing a bloody ****ty job of keeping up the masquerade. This is also the main weakness with the story telling here. We're served huge chunks of information barely hidden as dialogue or in the worst case plain info dumping. And it's not nearly enough if you're not already familiar with the setting. Our main character is thoroughly presented to us, and she'll serve as a reader proxy for at least another dozen of chapters. Apart from the hamhanded exposition she does that job pretty well. Now for the stars. Writing: Five stars, including the one star handicap I apply to this site. It's clear that the author isn't native to English, and the writing is a lot better than the English used. A fair vocabulary helps hiding some of the more glaring errors. Sloppy PoV-handling and some misuse of tenses detract from the overall experience. Updates: Five stars. Only eight chapters. I'm just going to hand out the full five stars. Story: Four stars. There's a lot of action and info dumping, but there honestly isn't much in the way of story yet. It doesn't have to be. This is fan fiction of sorts, and this early it's more important to flesh out characters and setting than getting any major plot running. Character: Five stars. We're introduced to three of them, out of which one is the main character. They're fairly well fleshed out. I'm wavering between four and five stars here, but I'll apply the benefit of doubt in this case. Oh, there are dozens of spear carriers introduced as well, but they really are secondary this early. World: Five stars. This is for me. I'm familiar with the world. Observe that this is a three star world for readers totally new to the setting. The reason it reads like a game is because it is indeed a game. It honestly is supposed to be this clunky. The high drama is very much a part of the WoD. Lastly: I recommend any reader to at least familiarise themselves with the World of Darkness (version one) before diving too deep into this one. You'll need at least a fleeting knowledge of the intricate political machinations as well as some game mechanics to fully enjoy this story.

Interesting classic style and fan fiction. It is rather an oxymoron. But the main thing is the text itself, the eternal question and dilemma, what is more important, what comes first - the form of the text or its content. The ability to give text, know styles and genres, be able to create two or three-axis composition. Comply with the literary language, write smoothly, without text roughness. The content may be so-so or, on the contrary, brilliant. But this is offtopic. The world is not calm now, fake news, hybrid warfare, hauling of the ropes of the polar poles of forces, opposition of ideas and empires, infecting hydra of neo-imperialism, neocolonialism. Different approaches, different formats, two dimensional standards to the same problems but for different countries. The brilliant Russian scholar Vernadsky hoped that the 21st century would be the century of the "Noosphere" ... BUT ... alas ... the 21st century is far from the era of Renaissance ... Judging by the synoptic and the first three chapters, this short story covers the current topic of the modern world. From the first lines. felt "classic style", literary processing, knowledge of the composition of the construction of the text: Prologue, Exposure, Outline of Action, Main Action, Climax, Decoupling, Epilogue, Lyrical Digression ... This is evident in the text !!!! This is not similar to the usual text of the novels, your work, similar to the old fiction of the 20th century! Easy to read, interesting plot. Probably read will be even more interesting, worth the story, those who really loves high classical fiction. Successes to the author in his difficult work. Strength and fortitude, to be able to write a novel so that its end is not merged, as is often the case in modern novels. Classical literature - knows when to stop, so that the end is interesting, making you think and not regret that you spent so much time on this story to read the merged end. Thank you for the pleasure delivered in reading such an exquisite text, I have not read this for a long time. Respectfully,