Kapitel 3: It's Been A While
Hello it's me Jam.
- The girl known as a sad person LMAO.
-I have been not active for months,
How am I? Well I'm doing fine, that's what we all say right? Actually school just got finished and a lot of things are happening to our world, like the Virus named NCov. Good thing I don't have that.
Feb 11, 2020
I confessed to my crush.
First I said "Hey, I liked you" and he says he likes me too. I was so happy because he is so sweet, kind and loyal. But as time goes by I started to feel like I don't love him in a way like I want him to be my boyfriend or it's just my friend who is his ex likes him again. It's okay if my friend still likes him I guess? But problems starts to come again in my life, I failed my exams (actually I'm an Honor Student), my parents started to compare me again to my sisters and different people, I started to act bad again that's why I hated myself more and more, I avoid my crush until the time that I said I want him to be my friend only and he started to act like the way he used to (Silent and Sad inside), I wish I could tell him all my problems but I think telling him about how I feel will make him sad too so... I just hide it. Weeks passed and I started to talk to him again and became like the old days where we are so close and talking like everyday but still he didn't notice my pain every smile, every laugh that I showed to him.
Until the end of the school year came and he talked to me with his friends and says "Umm...Hey, wanna talk about your problems?", I was shocked and wanted to tell him everything but I don't want to tell everyone know about it so I just said "Hmm? I don't have any problems dude, Haha" and I said goodbye while I regret what I did.
He chatted me online and says sorry that he's with his friends and we can't talk alone together, he says he wanted to hug me but when he saw me he frozed, I say it's okay and he promised me that he will hug me when the next school year starts.
I still love him like as a crush but I'm scared he only think of me now as a friend so I just keep it inside, I haven't cut/slit my wrist for months now because I'm trying to avoid any self harm but as I keep the pain inside my attitude changes a lot until I feel nothing anymore. Well my family don't even care about me like they don't talk to me, and if they will it's only because it's needed.
It's okay though because I don't feel sadness anymore because I'm used to it.
I started to stay away from social media and other apps so that I could be more active like doing activities in home but until now all I do is sleep.
I download apps for depression chats but it doesn't work for me. Until I just gave up and just go with the flow in this world, Idk anymore.
Everyday before I sleep my Anxiety came back again.
The Feeling of fear of Dying.
Things popped up in my head like what will happen when I die? Will my world just turn into black? Am I going to see everyone? Can I still touch myself? Will I go to a peaceful place where I can find the peace in my self? Or will I be reincarnated and just forget my past life?
When I get old, can I still do lot of things? Will my children leave me or stay? Am I going to be alone or with my husband? Can I still meet my old friends and spend time together?
Idk. Nobody knows.
As I listen to a music "Lofi".
I sometimes felt calm, sad or lonely.
My crush starts to talk to me again and tell me a lot of happy things and I sometimes blushed secretly (in Chat) But today he came offline again and says to me that he will not be active for days... I miss him.
And I miss my old self too...
The Girl who is Active, always hyped, crazy, positive, always smile, always laugh and open to others.
I Miss Myself.
-Hello Everyone I will end this story for now because I have a lot of work to do Haha, but I'll still continue again to make stories.
I'm a newbie to writing but I'll try to restart again and be a better writer as time goes by.
Please Support me Uwu haha.
Thank you guys, I wish you a Good day and Positive life, let's all pray to those people who have NCov.
Stay safe, always wash hands and avoid close contact with others and most of all Stay Hydrated Luvs.
Wish you Good health and happy life.
Enjoy your life and everything in this world,
Always do your best because we only Live once Uwu.
Don't forget to pray and talk to God.
Be open to others that you know and trusted.
We make mistakes but don't worry because everyone made mistakes, if you can correct it then do it right and if you can't don't worry because that's just past, also don't lie to others because truth is for what happened in the past while lies are what's going to happen in the future.
I have watched a movie All The Brightest Places it is a good movie for those who felt loneliness or something, i recommend it and there is a lot of quotes there too which is one of my favourite things to do (read quotes)
The story tells different types of feelings that you might also feel too. Sounds good right?!
Watch it and let's talk how good that movie is Hehe.
One last thing.
I LOVE YOU ALL
"I'm Awake"
-T. F
AUTORENGEDANKEN 
TsunabeDaishi
TsunabeDaishi Hello This story is only a fiction. It is not real don't worry haha.
I hope you enjoy or relate to some of it?
Please message me if you have any experience of Anxiety/Depression /loneliness.
Let's talk about it or make it a story if you like.
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