Kapitel 12: Chapter Twelve: White Lie |Rosette|
I remember seeing in cartoons and comics where something embarrassing involving a girl's crush happens, and she responds to this in the most rational way possible: by rushing home and burying her face in her pillow.
Points for relatability if she screams into it and points for style if she rolls around in her bed too.
It was cute and funny the first few times, but after a while I came to see at it for what it was: an unrealistic overreaction.
No matter how embarrassing a situation was, I couldn't see myself, or anyone, reacting that way.
That was until Tyrone mistook me for Scott's girlfriend. The moment he asked: "So how long have you and Scottie been dating?" All I wanted to do was go home, throw myself onto my bed and—well—scream into my pillow.
And that's what I did.
My pillow grew warm as I listened to my own muffled screams. I wasn't sure if it was from my breath or from the heat coursing through my face. Probably the latter. At that point my face was definitely warm enough to be mistaken as a heating pad.
It wasn't being mistaken as Scott's girlfriend that flustered me, in fact I liked that idea. What bothered me was how I felt about Scott was so clear, an established player wouldn't flirt with me.
I found that realization so disturbing. If Tyrone could figure me out so quickly, it was only a matter of time before Scott did.
Ugh. And I didn't want to think about that.
I knew he didn't want me. He wanted Cecile.
Suddenly forcing him to choose between the two of us felt like invalidating his feelings. Like taking each one of those letters he wrote to her and setting them on fire.
I couldn't do that to him. I had no right to.
"Are you okay?" Cecile asked.
I hadn't noticed her sitting next to me. In fact I didn't know she was in the room when I walked in.
"Rosette. Are you okay?" She asked again
Cecile spoke in a hushed tone. It sounded low and sweet like a cello. Hearing her talk like that often calmed me down. This time however, it made me feel worse instead of better.
"Yeah. Why?"
"Because you've been screaming into your pillow from the moment you got home. At first I assumed you were playing around, but you're really staring to freak me out—what's going on?"
I took a deep breath and hid my face with the pillow. I'd been doing that a lot lately.
"I have a crush." I said.
Cecile's face lit up. A large smile appeared on her face, like she had got an A on a test she didn't study for.
"This is awesome. Thought you were having a mental breakdown or something."
Oh no I will... later though. One thing at a time.
"So who is it?"
I didn't answer right away. On one hand: telling someone about Scott would feel like taking a weight off my chest. However, if I told Cecile I liked Scott she'd never go out with him.
I'm ashamed to say it, but for a second I considered using that to my advantage. I wasn't nice enough to just let my sister have the guy I liked. At the same time I wasn't awful enough to take advantage of my sister's kindness and use her as a stepping stone to get what I want.
Being selfless and putting other people's happiness before your own is hard. It hurts even. That must be why most people don't do it.
"Scottie's... friend." I said.
"Tyrone."
I didn't hate Tyrone. The few minutes I spent with him were actually rather pleasant. He was sociable and fun to talk to, not as much as Scott, but I enjoyed his company.
In spite of this, saying his name left an unpleasant, dirty taste in my mouth. Like I'd licked a layer of grime of a counter.
"Have you told Scott?" Cecile asked.
I shook my head violently.
"I'll take that as a no—stop shaking your head you'll give yourself an aneurism."
"What should I do?" I asked.
Cecile thought for a moment.
"Well, feel things out and see if Tyrone likes you too—that goes without saying."
She paused again. Mauling over her nest words carefully.
"And Scott might want the three of you to be friends. Check with him, make sure he doesn't feel weird about it. When one person has feelings for someone else in a friendship, it ruins the whole dynamic."
My heart sink.
"Does it?"
"Oh yeah. That's what makes friendships implode. Relationships are delicate, always be careful of who you like and who you tell. Okay?"
I nodded.
Cecile pulled me into a side hug.
"That doesn't apply to me. You can tell me whatever."
I forced a smile.
"Yeah, yeah. I know."
Cecile went back to her side of the room. I laid on my back and looked up the ceiling.
A lump swelled in my throat and I felt feverish. For a moment I was convinced my body wanted to punish me for lying to my sister. It'd be right to do that, but in my defence lying was all I could do.
If I became vocal about likening someone else, no would think I liked Scott.
If I was lucky might trick myself too. That way it wouldn't hurt—much if at all—when Scott ends up with Cecile.
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