Kapitel 12: Just Watching

Karl, upon hearing from Kevin's revelation, got schocked and went back to his own house and lock himself in his bedroom all day and night. He switched off all the lights, but didn't really sleep.

In a daze, he was just sitting by his window looking at his neighbor's house Kevin's where Mj is at. When he heard Mj's weeping in the middle of the night, he knew that Kevin is dead. But he didn't show up to comfort Mj. He was just watching her from afar.

He was watching how a funeral parlor's car came and arranged for Kevin's cremation. He was basically just watching her, ensuring that she would be somewhat okay but won't be able to see him. He was just watching her at a distance....

And then he started singing softly the song "Why Can't It Be" by Kaye Cal...

"You came along, unexpectedly

I was doing fine in my little world

Oh baby please don't get me wrong

'Cause I'm not complaining

But you see, you got my mind spinning

Why can't it be

Why can't it be the two of us

Why can't we be lovers

Only friends

You came along

At a wrong place, at a wrong time

Or was it me

Baby I dream of you every minute

You're in my dreams

You're always in it

That's the only place I know

Where you could be mine

And I'm yours but only

Till I wake up

Why can't it be

Why can't it be the two of us

Why can't we be lovers

Only friends

You came along

At a wrong place, at a wrong time

Or was it me

That's the only place I know

Where you could be mine

And I'm yours but only

Till I wake up

Why can't it be

Why can't it be the two of us

Why can't we be lovers

Only friends

You came along

At a wrong place, at a wrong time

You came along

At a wrong place, at a wrong time

Or was it me

Why can't it be"

After singing, he went back to his pondering moments... With tears in his eyes he continued to contemplate...

Deep in his heart he knows that he loves Mj so much. And he knows that Mj loves him much too. But what can he do now?

"Aahhh" he scratched his head in great turmoil.

And he went back to being in a deep daze while scratching his head slightly from time to time... he battled within himself with mixed emotions and mixed thoughts...

In his mind and heart, he doesn't deserve Mj's love for him. Now that she's a widow of Kevin, he is sure that Kevin left all his wealth to her, so she's now a millionnaire. And what does he have compared to her? A very sad realization crept up on his mind. He's got nothing!

All he have saved up for almost 2 years before he met the car accident was gone, consumed by his hospitalizations and so later it was shouldered by his insurance. And now he is left with nothing, but only his house, his guitar and piano.

Confusions and questions bombarded his mind. What must he do? If he stays here, he wont be able to survive just being dependent on Mj's care for him.

He is the man, he should not be dependent on her. He should be the one providing for her. He loves her, yes, no doubt. But his ego as a man cannot allow him to be dependent on her.

And moreso, financially, he is ashame of himself now that he don't have anything to offer Mj. He couldn't even buy a ring for her as he promised to send her, before his accident. He couldn't even afford to buy her a wedding dress, if he wants to marry her at this moment. He couldn't even bring Mj to a date with him. He couldn't even feed himself for the next two weeks and onwards. He couldn't even.... he couldn't even....

Ah, this is too much! He must have to do something!

An idea came into his mind and so he decided to leave his house and go somewhere else.

"I must have to do something for myself to prove that I am worthy of Mj's love for me," he said to himself.

He started packing up some important things that he can just bring. His guitar, his piano and some clothes in a small luggage bag.

At the break of the dawn he has done packing up his things.

Making sure windows and doors of his house are securely locked. He then proceeded to get out of his house. He glanced for a moment at Mj's house, and then walked away fast on the streets without a trace.....