Kapitel 7: Imagine
"But we are free!! We have food and the freedom to live wherever we please throughout the country! How much more freedom do we really need?" He looked at me a little dumbstruck like I just said something unbelievable.
Maybe to him, you did.
How though? I don't understand what other freedoms my mother could be fighting for.
Ask him.
But I—
"Those riots you see on the broadcasts all of the time are people that are trying to leave the country. They all know things written in this book, but have never known if it was all true or not." He held my shoulders and stared straight towards me in all seriousness and spoke, "each day they're killed for asking these questions about whether or not any of these stories are real." He let go of my shoulders and moved close to the window peering over the sill.
Suddenly he got up and swung the curtains open, "lay down and don't get up until I return."
He grabbed the book and ran out of the room. After he left three stern knocks were heard against the wooden front door to our home.
Did they hear us talking just now?
No of course not! He made sure no one was there!
They could've come in the middle of the conversation...
No! We would've heard them!
I laid in bed waiting for him to open the door. "Coming!" He swung open the door apologizing for coming so late, "I had to clean up from dinner with my daughter...I assume you're here to search the house?"
There was a pause then, "no, actually just to deliver this letter of second stage maturity to this daughter of yours." There was a type of seductive drip of perversion in the man's voice and with that, the door slammed shut.
Silence. Nothing, not even my father's footsteps after the men left.
Should I go out there?
No! He told you to wait until he came for you, so just wait.
But he's just standing there...
*Riiiiiiiip*
The sound of paper being split apart invaded my ears. I sprung up from my mat and raced into the room to see him tearing the paper into shreds. "Papa! If I don't learn about my ceremony I could get in trouble, what are you doing?!" He looked up from his sudden burst of rage with a single tear sliding down his face.
Collapsing to the floor he sniffles out, "please Azami...find your mother. I don't want you to live a condensed life like mine and my father before me." He scooched forward still on his knees until he was directly in front of me, "there are horrible things that our dictator hides from us every day that I can't tell you about right now but..." He pulled a piece of paper out of his pants pocket and handed it to me. "If you're willing to fight for the freedom that your generation deserves, you'll learn for yourself everything that has been taken from you."
I stared at the paper then back to him. He had an earnest look in his eyes that made all of my protest about our dictator stop halfway down my throat.
You're going through with this, aren't you?
How can I not? I mean, yeah it sounds a little far-fetched and fairy tale like. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised at all if I was even still dreaming!
I looked back at papa one more time before unfolding the scrappy piece of paper he handed me. As I scan it, mostly because I can't entirely read most maybe even all of the words, papa begins to explain what I'm holding. "This is the map to your mother's organization. There are pictures drawn next to each of the steps so that there are checkpoints for you to look for." He stood up and leaned over my shoulders to point the landmarks out to me, "This is the Asahi river that is just outside of town and this next one is the mountain of Kritanta..." He kept explaining all of the landmarks, as he did I didn't look at the pictures, but the strange markings next to them.
So this is what letters look like.
Maybe this is a good idea. I mean you don't have the freedom to learn how to read or write, maybe that's what your mother wants to show the whole country.
No...this seems bigger than not being able to write some weird symbols down.
Whatever you say...
I listened diligently to what Papa was saying so that I could rehearse it tonight to myself so I didn't forget.
Wow...I'm going through with this, but how will Papa be able to leave with me? If he doesn't show up to the farm tomorrow people will be sent to search for him!
Suddenly, a tiny spark in the back of my head lead to my whole realizations to light up. "Papa...I-I can't do this. Not without you, I won't!" I threw the map to the ground and turned around to hug him.
I heard a deep sigh from above me followed with, "I knew you'd realize this before I could tell you." He stroked my hair while closely embracing me speaking softly, "I know this will be hard for you, but the whole exposing our dictator thing aside...I think it's time that your mother and you had a reunion." He pulled away to look down into my eyes, "every time she writes to me she asks about you."
S-she asks about me?
Stepping back he slowly turns and opens the door to his bedroom but pauses to say, "it's still up to you...I'll packs you some rations to leave tomorrow night if you still decline..." His head dipped down slightly, with his back still turned to me, "you're still my little girl, I love you no matter what you choose to do."
And with that, he slowly closed the door to his bedroom without another sound.
I looked at the ground to see the book from the floor next to the crumpled up map papa had given me before.
'I love you no matter what...'
Somehow, I feel like it would never be the same.
I pick up the map and book and head straight for the kitchen. Sitting at the kitchen table, next to me are some leftover wooden planks I found at the bottom of my closet while cleaning on the left and the right is a brown crotchet satchel Hama made for me.
If I don't go, I know Papa wouldn't be able to act the same around me ever again, but if I chose to leave...
Memories of my life here in town flash before my eyes. Haru, Hama, Papa...I'd never get to see you again, I'd be a fugitive running from our dictator's rules.
After thinking over both sides and counting the pros and cons of each, I stood up and grabbed the few planks of wood I found the grabbed the book and map and walked into my room.
I'm mom and dad... I just can't leave everything behind to chase something that may not even be real.
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
-- Power-
Rangliste 
-- Power-
Stein