Kapitel 68: Unguarded and Heartbroken
After class I say goodbye to Liam and walk straight to the professor to explain my absences. He congratulates me know my internship and explains that he moved the syllabus around a little. I try to keep our conversation going until Harry exits the room.
I make my way back to my dorm and sit out all my notes and textbooks on my bed. I try to study but I am edge waiting for Steph, Harry or one of many other people who are always in and out of my room, to show up. I pack my study materials into my bag and head to my car. I will find a place to study off campus, maybe a coffee shop. I drive towards town and see a small library on the corner of a busy street, there are only a few cars in the lot so I pull in. I walk all the way to the back of the library and sit next to the window, I pull all of my books and notes out and get to work. For the first time, I can study in peace, no distractions. This will be my new sanctuary, the perfect place to study.
"Miss, we are closing in five minutes." The elderly librarian informs me. Closing? I look out the window and it is dark out, I didn't even notice sun going down. I will definitely have to come here more often.
"Okay, thank you." I reply and pack up my things. I have one new text from Zayn.
*I just wanted to tell you goodnight, I can't wait for Friday.*
*That is very sweet, thank you. I am looking forward to it as well* I reply.
Steph isn't in the room when I get back so I change into my pajamas and grab wuthering Heights. I fall asleep quicky, dreaming of Heathcliff and the moors.
Thursday goes smoothly and Harry ignored me during class and I do the same. I spend my evening at the library until it closes again and go to bed early, preparing for the bonfire Friday. I am really looking forward to meeting Liam's girlfriend tonight, and seeing Karen and Ken. I have grown quiet fond of them. When I wake up on Friday I have a text message from Liam telling me that he won't be on campus at all today because Danielle will be arriving earlier than he thought. skipping literature crosses my mind momentarily but I decide against it, I can't let Harry ruin anything else.
I take a little more time to get ready and braid the front of my hair back before curling it. The weather is supposed to be warm today so I wear a purple sleeveless fleece jacket and jeans. I still go to the coffee house before class, Louis is in front of me in line. Before I can walk away unnoticed, he turns around.
"Hey Tessa." he smiles.
"How are you?" I ask politely.
"I'm good, you coming tonight?"
"To the bonfire?" I ask.
"No, the party. The bonfire is going to be lame, it always is."
"Oh, I am going to the bonfire." I laugh lightly as he chuckles.
"Well if you're bored at the bonfire you can always come to the party." he offers and grabs his coffee.
I thank him as he walks away. I am relieved that Harry's grouo of friends seem to be uninterested in the bonfire which means I won't have to deal with any of them tonight. When it is time for Literature I walk right to my seat without a single glance in Harry's direction. The discussion continues on Wuthering Heights but thankfully Harry stays silent. I wish this ever present ache in my chest would go away, instead of shrinking it seems to get larger every moment of every day. I shouldn't have admitted to myself that I love him, if I would have kept ignoring the truth, maybe it would hurt less. As soon as we are dismissed, I gather my things and practically bolt to the door.
"Tessa!" I hear him call behind but I just walk faster. Without Liam here I feel more vulnerable. I feel a light touch on my arm. I know it's him from the way my skin tingles.
"What." I shout. He takes a step back and holds out a notebook.
"You dropped this." He tells me. Oh. Relief and disappointment battle inside me.
"Oh, thanks." I mumble and grab the notebook from him. His eyes catch mine and it takes me a few seconds to remember that we are standing on a crowded sidewalk, just staring at one another. He shakes his hair out and pushes it back before he turns and walk away.
Without going back to my room first, I head to my car and drive straight to Liam's. I wasn't going to go until five and it's only three but I can't sit in my room. I really have gone mental since Harry has come into my life.
When I arrive Karen answers the door with a huge smile and invites me in.
"It's only me here right now, Dani and Liam are at the store fetching a few things for me and Ken is still at work." She tells me and I follow her into the kitchen.
"That's okay, sorry coming so early."
"Oh, don't be sorry. You can help me cook." She laughs. She hands me a cutting board and a few onions and potatoes to chop and we talk about the weather and the upcoming winter.
"Did you still want to help me get the greenhouse going? It is climate controlled so we don't have to worry about winter." she tells me.
"Yes, of course! I would love to."
"Great, maybe tomorrow? Next weekend I will be busy." She laughs. Her wedding. I try to smile back at her.
"Yea, I'd say that" I laugh. I wish I would have been able to get Harry to agree to go, but it was impossible then and it's even more impossible now. She smiles and puts the chicken into the oven.
"Is Harry coming to dinner tonight?" She seems a little nervous when asking.
"No, he won't be coming." I tell her and look down.
"Are you guys okay? I don't mean to be nosy."
"It's okay." I might as well tell her. "I don't think we are okay."
"Oh, I am sorry to hear that. You two really had something, I thought. But I understand you can't be with someone who is afraid to show their feelings." She says. What?
"What do you mean?"
"Well I don't know Harry as well as I wish that I did, but I know he is very closed off, emotionally. Ken used to stay awake all night worrying about harry. He has always been an unhappy Child, he wouldn't even tell his mum he loved her." she says. her eyes glossy.
"What?" I say again.
"He just won't say it, I am not sure why. Ken can't recall a single time when Harry said he loved either of them. It's truly sad, for Harry as well." She blots her eyes. For someone who refuses to tell anyone, even his own parents that he loves them, he sure was quick to use the word against me in a hateful way.
"He is...he's very difficult to understand." Is all I can think of to say.
"Yes, yes he is. I hope you'll still come around if you two don't work things out."
"Of course." I tell her. Liam walks into the kitchen followed by a beautiful girl with curly hair. I knew she would be beautiful, but she is even more beautiful than I imagined.
"Hi, you must be Tessa" she smiles and hugs me. I immediately like her.
"I heard so much about you, it's nice to finally meet you." I tell her and she smiles again. Liam's eyes follow her as she walks past and takes a seat at the counter.
"We passed Ken on our way here, he was getting gas down the street so he should be here any minute." Liam tells Karen.
"Great, Tessa and I have already set the table." She tells the. I am beginning to wish I had invited Zayn even though it would have been extremely awkward, having dinner with two deeply in love couples may be worse. Liam put his arm around Danielle's waist as he leads her to the table. I take my seat across from them and glance over at the empty place setting next to me, in another life Harry would be sitting next to me, holding my hand the way Liam holds Danielle's, and I could lean into him without fear of being rejected. Ken enters, saving me from my thoughts. He walks over and kisses Karen on her cheek before sitting down.
"Dinner looks great honey." He tells her and places a napkin on his lap. "Danielle, you get more beautiful each time I see you." He smiles at her. "And Tessa, congratulations on your internship at Vance, Christian called me and told me. He really had a wonderful first impression on you."
"Thank you again for calling him, it's such an amazing opportunity." I smile and take a bite of chicken. It's delicious.
"Sorry I'm late." I hear from behind me and my fork falls out of my hand onto my plate.
"Harry, I didn't know you were coming!" Karen says nicely and looks at me. I look away. My pulse is already quickening.
"Yea, remember we talked about it last week Tessa?" He smiles his menacing smile and takes the seat next to me. What is wrong with him? Why can't he just leave me alone? I know it is partly my fault for letting him to get me, he enjoys playing cat and mouse with me.
Everyone's eyes are on me so I nod and pick my fork up. Danielle looks confused and Liam looks worried.
"You must be Delilah." Harry says to her.
"Danielle." She corrects him sweetly.
"Yea, Danielle. Same thing." he mutters and I kick him under the table.
Liam glares at him but Harry doesn't seem to notice. Ken and Karen go back into conversation, as well as Danielle and Liam. I stay focused on my food and think of an exit strategy.
"How's your evening so far?" Harry asks in a casual tone. He knows that I won't cause a scene so he is trying to annoy me.
"Fine." I answer quietly.
"You're not going to as me how mine is?" He smirks.
"Nope." I mumble and take another bite.
"Tessa, was that your car outside?" Ken asks and I nod.
"Yea, I finally got my own car." I laugh and Harry raises his eyebrow at me.
"When?" Harry asks.
"The other day." I answer. You know, the day that you told me you enjoyed the chase?
"Oh. Where did you get it?" He asks.
"A car lot." I answer. I see Danielle and Karen both are try to hide their smiles.
"So, Danielle, Liam told me you were thinking of going to New York for a ballet school?" I direct the attention off of me. She tells us all her plans to move to New York and Liam looks genuinely happy for her despite the distance that will stay between them.
"We should get going soon, we are going to the bonfire tonight." Liam announces.
"Okay, at least take some of the dessert with you." Karen asks. Liam nods and help her put some into a Tupperware containers.
"Are you going to ride with me?" Harry says. I look around to see who he is talking to. "I'm talking to you." he states.
"What? No, you're not going." I tell him.
"Yea, I am. You can't stop me from going so you might as well ride with me." he smiles and tries to put his hand on my thigh.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I say under my breath.
"Can we talk outside?" He asks and looks towards his father.
"No." I say quietly. Everytime Harry and I 'talk' I end up crying.
He stands up and grabs my hand, pulling me to my feet.
"We will be outside." Harry tells Liam and pulls me through the living room and out the front door.
"Stop touching me!" I say harshly as we step outside.
"Sorry, but you weren't going to come with me." he shrugs.
"Because I didn't want to." I spit.
"I am sorry. For everything, okay?" He says.
"You're sorry? you're not sorry Harry, you just want to mess with me. Just stop. I am exhausted and drained from fighting with you all the time. I can't do it anymore. Isn't there anyone else you can mess with? I will even help you find someone, some poor innocent girl for you to torture as long as it isn't me."
"That's not what I am doing. I know I am back and forth a lot with you, I don't know why I do it. But if you give me one chance, one more chance I will stop. I tried to stay away from you but I can't. I need you..." he says.
"Stop! Just stop. Aren't you tired of this? If you needed me you wouldn't treat me the way you do. You told me yourself it was all about the chase remember? You can't just show up here after everything and act like nothing happened" I keep my tears in check this time, he has seen them enough times.
"I didn't mean that, you know I didn't."
"So you admit you just said it to hurt me?"
"Yea..." he looks down. I'm so confused by him, he says he wants more then he kisses Molly, then he tells me he loves me and takes it back, and now he is apologizing again.
"One more chance? Please, Tess. I will explain everything to you." He pleas. I almost believe the pain in his eyes as he looks down at me.
"I cant, I have to go."
"Why can't I come with you?" He asks.
"Because...because I am meeting Zayn there." I admit. I watch as his expression changes and seems to crumble in front of me. It takes everything in me to not comfort him. He did this to himself. I'd he actually does care, it's too late.
"Zayn? So are you guys like... dating?" His tone is full of disgust.
"No, we haven't even talked about it. We are just...I don't know, spending time together I guess."
"You haven't talked about it? So if he asked you, you would?" He breaths.
"I don't know..." I honestly don't know if I would. "He is nice and polite and he treats me well." I don't know why I am explaining myself to Harry but I am.
"Tessa you don't even know him, you don't know..." He begins and the front door opens.
"Ready?" Liam asks and I nod. His eyes dart to Harry who for once, looks unguarded and even...heartbroken. I force my feet to my car and follow Liam as he pull out of the driveway. I try not to look back at Harry who is still on the porch, staring back at me, as I drive away.
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
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Rangliste 
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Stein