Kapitel 59: Chapter 58: Promises and Memories
"Wow … you're really more durable than a Dragon now with these defenses, you already beat me at speed, and at this rate, your offenses will be as strong as one's soon enough. Your defenses were only twice of the average Dragon's when I saw this yesterday, and with this 'Ogre's Muscles' ability, I see, I was wondering why you felt so much harder than you were before I woke you up," Ume says as she feels my arm and chest while looking at my status.
"Yeah … a loooot of stuff happened yesterday, didn't it?"
"Still, with these numbers, does that make you invincible?"
"Well, with this blade being made of Chaos Ore, said to cut through anything, I wonder …"
<"Jin-chan, you better not be thinking about hurting yourself for a stupid experiment or so help me …">
"Yes, Mom," I respond dutifully.
"Ack! I forgot you can see us! I'm not being rude touching your son like this, am I?!" Ume flusters.
Mom giggles. <"You're fine, sweetie. I'm just happy to finally see my son getting so lovey-dovey with a cute girl. Other than my friends who act as his 'aunts,' there were very few girls around Jin-chan's age who were intimate with him back home.">
"Wait, you had human girls who liked you and you didn't become mates with them?" Ume asks me in shock.
"They were close friends of mine and I thought I'd be happy enough with us just being that, but things got complicated … I admit that I was pretty stupid with my way of thinking when I was younger."
"You're in your 20's, right? You're still young."
<"Ah, that's right, you're probably much older than him in this case, are you, Mei-chan? Doesn't it bother you having such an age difference?"> Mom asks.
"Well, we Dragons mature at a slower rate along with our longer life-spans, but even with that in account, when you know there are races who live such shorter lives, especially Jin, I think the saying 'age is just a number' comes into play here when the difference is so vast."
<"Hmm, I see.">
"Um, Ms. Koto—I-I mean, Mom, these 'circumstances' that are preventing you to see us in person right now, are they also why you two are separated? If you want, I can help take Jin to where you are by flight."
<"That's sweet of you, Mei-chan, but the circumstances are more than just the distance between us that makes meeting each other impossible. Besides, it's impossible already since Jin-chan's deathly afraid of heights.">
"What?! He is?!"
"Mom! Don't blurt out my fears like that to other people!" I exclaim.
<"Jin-chan, the fear you have going on is nothing to be ashamed about. When I first heard how you fainted after being so high up, I thought I was going to lose it with my own fears. If Mei-chan's your wife now, she needs to know that much.">
"Ah, here it is, 'acrophobia,'" Ume says as she stares at some empty space, maybe a status screen only she could see? "'Severity: High. When faced under extreme conditions, the subject will succumb into the 'distressed' ailment that includes heart palpitations, lack of breath, and loss of strength in the body before he blacks out into a 'FAINTED' status if not attended to immediately …' Jin, I had no idea it would be so severe, going by what I'm finding with my 'Diagnosis' skill, anyway."
{Wow, that skill tells a lot more than I'm not even sure is morally sound. Still, there's a 'distressed' ailment like there is for 'poisoned' and 'paralyzed?' This is getting too real here.}
<"One of his aunts tried to help find ways to relieve his episodes after she finished, um … a school for healing, the best she could, and while it worked, I'm afraid getting rid of his fears is another story altogether,"> Mom says, trying to explain in a way that 'nursing school' would fit with this world's setting.
"… I don't think anyone could ever get rid of their fears, whatever shape or form. I have yet to hear of anyone ever mastering their 'Fear Resistance' skill to evolve into something like 'Fear Nullification,' but even if that were the case, I feel like there are ways we could still sense it somehow. It's just what's ingrained in our instincts in order to survive, to live in this world, or they'd be killed off with their blissful ignorance, otherwise." Ume then interlocks her reptilian hand in mind. "If it makes you feel any better, Jin, I'm actually terrified of the dark."
"<"Really?">" Nyra and I ask at once.
"It's really more like I'm afraid of what I can't see in the dark, but I like to think it's the same. While it's possible to gain 'Night Vision,' I for some reason cannot learn it, and so I can't go off going anywhere without a light, making me very grateful to be able to wield 'Holy Magic' where I can make my own, and unless we're in dire need to recover, Dragons usually sleep more out of luxury instead of necessity. I've had so many sleepless nights since I didn't know what would happen if I closed my eyes by myself that I eventually gained the 'Sleep Nullification' skill that I hid when I showed you my status yesterday."
{Was that why Ume seemed so awake this morning?} "But you were fine when you slept last night … were you? Actually, Eugus even bored you to sleep yesterday at our adventurer's orientation."
"If I was with my family and close friend nearby, I would sleep fine, and of course, it was the best when I did it with you around. I fell asleep more from being comfortable holding you than listening to that lecture, and I was especially at peace when we slept the way we did last night. Having such a nice smell that wasn't the Lovander's doing, getting all warm and fuzzy as I held you in my arms and I could faintly feel your heart beating while our bare bodies were touching … I knew then that as long as I'm with you, not even the blackest darkness would scare me."
"Ume …"
"That's just my anxiety about the dark, though. Your acrophobia's severe enough to bring you into the 'distress' ailment along with other physical conditions. Even if I guarantee your safety, I don't think it'd be enough to relieve your fears. It can't be helped, so I guess we'll have to find some other form of fast travel like [Portal] when we need it … there goes our flight date of chasing the sunset, though," Ume mutters to herself before smiling sadly, but I heard it clearly enough that I felt serious pain in my chest. She was likely thinking of letting me ride her back in Dragon Form while she flies us in the sun's direction, prolonging the 'dusk' as long as possible while we watch it together.
I've underestimated Ume's romantic imagination, because even 'I' would want to get in on that now that I've heard it, despite my fears being challenged.
{She may be right that I can't get rid of my fears, but I don't want them to control how I live, though. It doesn't have to be immediately, but I have to find a way to not let that phobia get the better of me, even if I have to fly myself to do it.}
<"Yep, that's my crazy son, all right,"> Mom says before giggling.
"Huh? Did I miss something?" Ume asks. It seems our thoughts aren't connected like Mom's, Ms. Obina's, and Nyra's voices are with us, so I was relieved she didn't hear what I was thinking.
<"It's nothing, Mei-chan. I should be letting you two off soon so you can go prepare for your big quest tomorrow, right? Do you mind if I have a moment alone with my son?">
"Oh, no, of course not! Please, take as much time as you need, I'll just take a look around the place and watch for intruders while I wait. Let me know when you're done, Jin."
"Thanks, Ume," I say before she kisses me on the lips and goes about her little exploration.
I then sit comfortably with my eyes closed to focus entirely on my thoughts. {Mom … I never got the chance to say it with how crazy things have gotten earlier, but you have no idea how happy I am to hear your voice again.}
<"I'm happy to speak with you, too, Jin-chan, but before we go any further, Nyra-chan, you've been quiet for an awfully long while. Is there something you want to say?">
<"H-Huh?! N-No, that's, I mean, even if you wanted me out of your mom-son talk, I can't really block out what I can hear, you know?!"> Nyra exclaims, out of character and strangely a little flustered.
<"I figured that might be the case, so I'll cut right to the chase. Knowing you're able to see into one's memories, you've probably looked into a good chunk of my son's by now. What you have seen there is the truth. Jin-chan and I are from another world, and we both died, with me going out first before he followed 4 months later in Earth's time, meeting Obina after his death and was given the second chance to live in this new world instead.">
<"S-So that is the case, huh? G-Goddess Obina, does this mean … all of the Champions who've made history were brought here by you and the other Immortals after their first deaths?">
<"That is the case, yes,"> Ms. Obina answers.
{Nyra, are you feeling all right?}
<"I think I might finally be experiencing my existential crisis if I haven't already.">
<"I understand this new knowledge is overwhelming, Nyra, but I assure you, in our own way, we Immortals care for the world of Raiza and its inhabitants that we created, same goes for the Champions that we brought here after settling on our deal with the gods from their own world.">
{Wait, so there 'were' gods who watched over Earth? I ask in my mind.}
<"I'd rather not go over the complications over there for the sake of those who might be watching in, but the point is, we have our own realms and worlds we govern, and Raiza will always be our top priority. We only wish for its inhabitants to live their lives accordingly with what assistance we can give them while keeping watch on anything that might come to disrupt it.">
<"So … there was nothing wrong with what Jinma and I did that brought us to where we are right now?"> Nyra asks.
<"The morals of what's right and wrong were created by the inhabitants themselves after centuries of conflicts and agreements. We Immortals, who were made and shaped based on who knows what, have no right and place to dictate that.">
<"I see … I can kind of get it and kind of don't at the same time, but I guess that's just how it is, huh?">
<"That's just how it is.">
{I feel I'm listening in on something I shouldn't, and hold on, Ms. Obina, what did you mean by 'for the sake of those who might be watching in?'}
<"Anyway, Mikan, was there something else you wanted to say to Nyra?"> Ms. Obina asks, not even acknowledging my question.
<"I just wanted to point out what was true so she won't get confused and blow up on Jin-chan later from what we're discussing. Now, Jin-chan, do you remember the message I left with Obina before you came here?">
{Um … that because there are more dangerous people than the coworker who stabbed me—not that the other guys who were sent to kill me were any different—I should just deal with them as I see fit when they assault me, which includes killing them? But for the most part, I should try to live a decent life however I can in this new world?} I feel like it's been so long since I heard her message that I'm pretty sure I glossed over some important points somewhere.
<"I'll call it passable. Anyway, from the first day since you came to Raiza, I've observed how many people you've saved and killed. What do you feel right now as you look back in those moments?">
I open up my eyes and unsheathe Nyra, observing the blade as it reflects light, looking stationary, but really vibrating in such hypersonic speeds with the ore it's made from that makes it impossible to see, even with my 'Hyper Perception' at full power to slow everything down. I think back to all of the moments I ended one's life with this blade and all of the blood that splattered on it as well as myself.
{It's strange. Even though this is a new world with its own laws, I felt off when I went against all of what was ingrained in me from Earth multiple times. It still feels off now as I look back on them, and in this world, the act of taking what is considered 'precious' to us is somehow making us stronger more quickly than just by conditioning my body and honing my skills alone. Even when I was torturing them like that guy yesterday when he threatened to kill Ume, while I had my 'Sadistic Smile' on my face, I had mixed feelings underneath it, and Nyra getting off on that in my head only made them more complicated.
{I'm still questionable to whether taking one's life is right or wrong, I'm not sure if I would say I 'liked' making that guy suffer by my hand, and that especially goes to when I took all of those lives, man and woman, but … I don't think I regret making those choices. With my mind aligned with my heart, I judged all of those people, who also valued their own lives as precious, to be total trash for myself and everyone here if they thought they can reach 'paradise' by joining some fucking bigot orgy of a cult and making other people's lives suffer just because they're different.
{I didn't take their lives for the sake of 'justice,' and protecting what I love only played some part in my biased judgment. I just wanted to get rid of the wastes of space that piss me off if they think they can commit such heinous acts for stupid reasons and get away with it. I don't think even imprisoning them for god knows how long would be enough for them to realize what they've been doing was 'wrong.' Hell, I think everyone wants to be put in the 'right' in some way no matter how pathetic their actions might've been, but whether we're human, demi, or demon, it's like what Ms. Obina said earlier, we're the ones to who made the morals that decide what's right and wrong.
{Crazy as it sounds, those bastards I killed might even be considered 'heroes' to the friends and families who supported them to 'fight for what's right,' those who've also seen them as precious in their lives that they don't want anything bad happening to them. By taking their lives, I became the 'villain,' the 'evil' they so despise and wish to destroy without even considering my side of things.
{In the end, we both have our reasons for fighting, and even if their friends and families somehow track me down for revenge, I doubt they'd even listen to my reasons for why I did what I had to do. I'll judge them accordingly just like I did with those bastards I killed, and if they even try to make a move to attack me, well … if they turn out to be as bad as their fallen loved ones, I won't hesitate to kill again. What do you think, Mom?} I finish off while sheathing Nyra.
<"Jinma …"> Nyra mutters first.
<"If anything, Jin-chan, I'm very happy you managed to think all of that through on your own. It's enough to show that you're still a living being with a heart and soul and not some emotionless tool used for killing. I admit I was concerned for how different you stood out from other kids when you were younger, but with that aside, know that I couldn't be any prouder as a mother to see how far you've come and I will always be on your side no matter what happens.
<"In the meantime, promise me that you won't try to ignore the feelings you're having now or numb yourself down when you do have to take lives. Acknowledge your opponents as living beings like yourself, judge them and their values as you have been, be they man or woman, fight, and live with all of your heart that you wish to share with Mei-chan and the other girls while doing what it is that you want to do. There will be more people in this world who'll recognize your convictions and follow you for it, while at the same time those who'll wish to take advantage of your capabilities. When that happens, judge them as you have with your opponents and deal with them accordingly. Can you promise me that much, Jin-chan?">
"Yes, Mom," I say out loud with eyes closed. I couldn't let such an answer just be spoken in my mind.
<"You've grown to be a fine young man, Jin-chan, and I know that you'll do great things in this new world. I know this because you're my son, a part of my family, after all, and I will always love you for it.">
"I'll always love you, too, Mom …" I trail off before realizing what Mom said there sounded familiar.
Then, something rings in my mind.
{"You're gonna do great things, kids, I just know it. You three a part of this splendid family of mine, after all."}
{There it is, again … who was that?}
<"Hm? Did you say something?">
{O-Oh, it's nothing, Mom, I might've just been hearing things, but can I just ask one last thing?}
<"Anything you like, sweetheart.">
{Are you really okay with me … having multiple wives and concubines? Isn't that usually out of the norm for us Japanese?}
<"Oh, Jin-chan, you should know as well as I do that our 'family' is anything 'but' in the norm among the other Japanese. I was even wondering if you were to work something out with Hyoko-chan and Komi-chan before 'that' happened.">
"WHAT?! N-No way, that just can't … I mean, for some reason I could see Komi being all right with it, but it would definitely be impossible for Hyo-chan, especially with her dad being one of the higher-ups of the fucking police!"
<"Oh, you wouldn't need to worry about him. Even with him in his position, he knew what I was capable of to put him in his place, and he'd wish that'd be the worst of it if he ever did anything to you or his own daughter.">
Listening to Mom talk, I couldn't help but feel cold shivers down my spine. Back in her yankee days, she wasn't called the Scarlet Queen of the Crimson Butterflies Gang for nothing, if all of the stories told by my aunts, Mom's friends who were also in that same gang were anything to go by. Hell, I caught a glimpse of it firsthand when I was a kid getting bullied by delinquent high-schoolers and she put them 'in their place.'
Seeing those guys prostrating to her by the end of that, she was definitely one hell of a 'matriarch.'
<"Still, it was a shame for how he and his wife had died in the end there. The loss of their daughter really hit it harder on them than I would've thought,"> Mom continues.
"Oh, yeah, do you know anything about what happened to them after that? What about you, Ms. Obina? What about Komi's parents? I've never really seen them since she never introduced me."
<"I believe I said it before that those who committed suicide don't have much of a choice on what's in store for them after the deed was done. Anyway, we aren't allowed to disclose any information about other people, even if they were related to you in some way,"> Ms. Obina says.
<"And I can't say anything on what I know on that matter, either. Sorry about that, Jin-chan,"> Mom apologizes.
I sigh. "Well, if you can't, then it can't be helped. Will I ever get to talk to you again, Mom?"
<"I wish that were possible, but I was only allowed to be able to talk with you under these special circumstances. With that said, Obina, could you let me have a girl-to-girl talk with Mei-chan for a brief moment before we end things here?">
<"… I have a feeling this is not just a 'request' you're making right now, is it?"> Ms. Obina dreads.
<"I'm glad that you know me well enough that I don't need to clarify that.">
Ms. Obina sighs. <"Jinma, have Umeiyon wear your bracelet for a bit and I'll take care of things from there.">
"Um … sure." I remember Ms. Obina saying how Mom gave her a hard time when they first talked. Going by their brief exchange there, it seems even Immortals can feel threatened at times depending on who it is they're dealing with.
To even make a celestial being take caution, yep, that's just like Mom, all right.
<"I'll be checking in on how you're doing from time to time, but other than that, keep enjoying your new life as you have been, Jin-chan! Love you~!">
"Love you, too, Mom. I'll pass you off to Ume, now. Hey, Ume!"
"Yes?"
"Augh!" I didn't realize Ume was standing right next to me, so I jump in surprise. "How long have you been there?!"
"Quite a while. I was curious when you made that outburst earlier, so I couldn't help but try and listen in. Oh, and I found this feather while I was looking around." Ume then pulls out a large feather that doesn't look like it would come from any regular bird I've seen from Earth, having such a light-blonde sheen that one might see in foreign women's hair. "I don't think this lone feather would be of much value to us, but I thought you might like it as a keepsake or something, so I cast [Clean] on it for you."
"I would like to keep this feather, thank you, Ume. Also, it seems Mom wanted to talk to you before she leaves."
"Really?" she asks in shock.
We trade items and I instruct her to wear my IEB to communicate, and so she steps aside and has her girl talk with Mom in her mind while I inspect the feather.
"What do you think this feather came from, Nyra?" I ask her.
<"Well, there are Harpies in Dondegarm, maybe one was flying by? I wish I could say more, but as a Blacksmith, I only have an appraisal skill that lets me examine weapons, armors, and materials that could be used to make them.">
"Ah, that makes sense, but a Harpy feather, huh? I don't think I saw one in town with this kind of color, must be from someone outside of it."
<"Yeah … hey, Jinma?">
"Hm?" I answer while putting the feather away in my MIB.
<"Your home from another world, the country of Japan, was it? Even with everything you've been through there, do you miss it?">
"Ah … well, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. It may have been a crazy shithole, but it was the crazy shithole I grew up in, you know? I still got family over there, too."
<"Yeah, I hear ya.">
"It's not much different here right now with the fights I got into, but this is the third day I've been here and I'm already having a blast. Even if it was possible to get back, I don't think I'd want to go back so soon, more so if I can't take you or the others with me."
<"That's good to hear, at least.">
"Are you feeling all right after having such a world-changing secret exposed to you?"
<"I'm still trying to reel that in, but I think I'll get over it soon enough. I'm honestly more interested in your memories.">
"What about them?"
<"It's normal for one to have a harder time remembering parts of their past as they get older if they don't do it often enough, it's like maintaining a sword to keep it from rusting, but if I had to describe yours … not only were there some that were harder for me to look into being so fragmented, but there seems to be a large jump from one time to another that leaves me concerned.">
"A jump?"
<"As in, how much time has passed from one point to another that a person can't recall on their own. It'd make sense if some parts in a 'jump' are blurry in some places, but if it's completely blank and black, totally devoid of any memories at all, that usually means the person in question was put into a 'COMA' status at one point.">
"'COMA' status?"
<"They may not be put in risk of a 'DEATH' status, but it's more serious than 'FAINTED' that they can't get back up after the usual length of time, and if they don't get the nutrition they need to live, then they will be put to death under the lack of it. Do you know anything about this? It's still in its repairable stages, but I tried showing you some of it through your dreams last night.">
So, that's what that was. "I'm … not sure. Other than the few memories that stood out to me, I don't remember a lot from my childhood, and even having it shown through my dreams, I can't remember everything that happened in them, you know?" I ask while holding my head.
<"Well, if you'd like, I can try to see what else I can scrounge up to help you remember them more. I'm capable of doing this much with my mastery in 'Psyche Magic.' I'm most especially interested in the time right before you were put in the 'COMA' status. Sentient beings have ways to subconsciously block out past memories they don't want to recall for their own health and safety, and yours in this case definitely doesn't want to be revealed.">
"… Can you keep them hidden away from me until I want them to show?"
<"Sure, but once it's out there, there's no going back, you won't be able to forget them no matter how much you want to. I've seen some Pixies back in my day going absolutely mad remembering their past traumas when they weren't mentally prepared to take them on, and getting them recovered was an even more grueling task.">
"…" Looking back in my early life now, I do feel like I might've changed at an unusual pace at one point, but of course, I can't remember as to why. If what Nyra said was true and I was put in a coma for some time, then maybe whatever caused it had also changed me that way, too. If remembering one's locked away past was so vivid as she described, then it'd make sense to worry about how I'd be once I do remember.
Mom would certainly know what was going on, but even if I was given the chance again, I don't think she'd tell me if I ask her. Sure, I'm a grown man now, but maybe she thought there were things I was better off not knowing if it didn't have anything to do with me.
I may not need to know, but it's still a part of my life I can't remember though, and like the scars I wear on my body, I don't want to just forget things and risk repeating past mistakes.
"I want to know what happened in those times if I can. Can you see what you can do in our off times when we're not busy and just keep what you found on hold until you tell me?"
<"I'll see what I can do. I do my best when their minds are resting while the body sleeps, so I'll get to work then. It would help if you also recall the earliest memory you can remember before falling asleep to get me to our destination quicker.">
"All right, I can do that, no problem."
<"There is just one thing I wanted to know about while we're on this subject,"> Nyra then says. I can't help but notice the hint of mischief in her tone and I'm already not liking where this is going.
"What is it?"
<"… Yes, yes! I can feel it! The chaos! More! Bring me more! Bring me more chaos, O Goddess Eris! Yes! I'm growing mad with POWER!">
The moment she said those cringey lines, my stomach dropped. "No … Nyra, stop, please."
<"Serving under the Great Lord Beelzebub as my contractor, blessed by the Goddess Eris, may my powers granted by the embodiment of chaos send fear and madness to my enemies' very bones! With the strength of 10 Hercules'! The fires of Hephaestus! And the darkness of Scotus! I will reign supreme!">
"Nyra, I beg of you, stop …" I trail off as I shrink into a fetal position.
<"Foolish humans, beware, for if you so much as lay a hand on my precious Demonic Princess Hyoko, you will not go unpunished, for I am …">
"Nyra, for the love of Obina, please …"
<"Merus Seressu! The Demon of Black Madness! FWAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAA!">
{AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!} I scream internally in anguish as I curl myself into a ball.
My dark past … the one thing I don't want to recall from my 'studies' in magic and witchcraft back home, especially that horrid name I came up with on the fly. Thinking back on it now, some kind of weird game of telephone must've taken place if 'Merus Seressu, the Demon of Black Madness,' changed into the 'Merciless Demon' over time in my delinquent rep. Nyra just reenacted the cringey introduction of my 'demon self' right down to the maniacal laughter.
And 'Demonic Princess Hyoko' … I internally beg forgiveness to Hyo-chan's soul in the afterlife a thousand times for pulling her into such a ridiculous role when we were kids.
<"S-Seriously! Where the hell did you come up with that ridiculous speech?! I feel like you mixed a bunch of stuff together to make that 'chaotic' nonsense!"> Nyra exclaims between laughs.
{I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE COOL AT THE TIIIIIIIIME!}
"Jin? What are you doing looking like a defenseless egg?" Ume asks from above, sounding like she finished her talk with Mom not too long ago.
"Just … give me five minutes to gather the pieces of my remaining shattered pride."
"… Okay? But, when you're done, Goddess Obina needed to speak with you about a few other matters privately."
"All right. How was your talk with Mom?"
"O-Oh, you know … just what you might expect from your new in-laws, not that I would know a lot about it, but she's … definitely an amazing female for a human," she answers with a slight shake in her voice.
"… She threatened you should something happen to me, did she?"
"What was frightening was that … even though I haven't seen her in person, I could actually feel her power from there as she spoke, and if this is your mother we're talking about … no matter how insane her statement was, I have the dreadful feeling that she could make it happen. If I didn't know it already after seeing you, then I have certainly learned now that there are powerful individuals that live in this world … some that could possibly erase us Dragons out of existence, if they wanted to …"
<"My god, this may be the first I've ever felt so much fear from Scalybutt! What did your mom even say to her, man?!">
{Whatever it was, I just know that's definitely like Mom to be like that, especially now since she saw how I died the first time by a woman's hands.}
The Scarlet Queen … it seems nobody can ever stand above her, even if they were a Dragon or an Immortal.
AUTORENGEDANKEN 
Orange_Rain
Orange_Rain Just remember, 'Merus Seressu' is pronounced as 'meh-loos seh-less-oo' in weeb engrish speak. This is very important.
Also, I think I'll try to update regularly on Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays for now to test the waters and see how well that works.
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
-- Power-
Rangliste 
-- Power-
Stein