It became silent after Diego finally admitted to his wrongdoings. Lillian couldn't help but scoff at his bravery. What gall he has to admit that he whom she blindly believed like a family all these years had the nerve to commit a crime behind her back at the girl she was madly in love with and even spilled to confess soon.
Lillian's regretful gaze of questioning her trust in him wrecked Diego's pressing guilt. He walked away at once from her burning stare.
It was New Year's Eve, the night of new beginnings, and here two friends pursued the hidden secrets from each other a long time ago.
Every motion made him weaker, as Diego didn't see this happening. He could close his eyes for a while and then open them to his same old empty apartment without Lillian's visit or her sudden interrogation. Diego could simply believe it all to be a nasty nightmare, but that wasn't the reality. He looked back and saw Lillian still seated on his couch, staring at the same spot he had been before walking away. There was no life in her as she sat like a lifeless doll. It was scary to look at her like that. Diego wondered how things went downhill for him.
He had seen them completely ignoring everyone else at that party. He even secretly witnessed Lillian confessing to Giselle, and they adored each other without a worry in the world. If this was the aftermath to witness, Diego wished he could go back in time where he spied at their confession at Shane's party. The more he felt dreadful about his situation, the more he raked his mind. Maybe since Lillian confessed to her directly, Giselle chose to reveal the truth. Reveal everything that had happened to her because of him. Reveal Diego's feelings even without his consent.
'How can she do this to him?' Diego seethed to himself.
'How selfish can she be even after succeeding in getting Lillian to herself?'
Now that it has come down to this, Diego didn't want Lillian to see him as a villain. He had waited and hoped for the right moment for the past several years, which never came to his waiting. But regardless of his wishes, this is the moment for him to explain himself, for the better or worse.
"Lillian, I don't know how or who told you, but I have a reason for going up against Giselle!" Diego said to return.
"Is it because you have feelings for me?" Lillian returned timely at his appearance.
Diego stood frozen in his spot, meeting Lillian's gaze, hardly holding his composure. He had yearned for many years to say such words, but this was not how he wished Lillian to learn about his feelings.
He remained idle in fright. Before a word or two escaped from his mouth, Lillian ignored his presence completely to blame herself.
She didn't wish to look at him anymore except blame herself for being blinded all this time.
"To think I respected you as a dear friend?
Did you not know that I liked Giselle?
Is that why you pushed her away?
Is that why you never treated her well or accepted her as Anna did?
Why, Diego?"
"Can you imagine how I felt when I heard that you were the one to cause me this pain?"
It was the only place Lillian could let out her emotions after suppressing them for a while. She broke out, shifting the blame onto herself for believing Diego impulsively. Seeing her breakdown while their friendship was on the line, Diego moved at last. He intervened, physically approaching her where he kneeled in front of her.
"I pushed away Giselle because I liked you first, Lillian," he said with a heavy heart.
"I never imagined this to be the reality, but if you came to know this already, then I admit. It's true. I threatened Giselle several times behind your back. She left because I forced her to leave your side. Because- it took me some time to realize that I see you more than simply a friend. I can't let someone else take you away from me!"
Diego tried to comfort Lillian, but as soon as his hands came close to contact, Lillian slapped it right away, not wishing to let him any nearer.
"Lillian!" Diego recoiled in shock from seeing her pushing him away.
"Don't touch me! To even think that I leaned on you every time-"
"Lillian, I never meant to hurt you. You have to trust me. I did it because of you."
"Oh- should I be impressed?
Should I be impressed that you risked Giselle to leave me?
Even when you clearly knew how much I love her?
What were you expecting, Diego? That I should be glad that you separated me from Giselle. That I spent years in misery, overcoming her absence."
"How come you don't see my feelings? Is Giselle more important to you than me?" Diego cried.
"She always was! Don't you know it already?"
"Where will my feelings for you go then?"
Lillian realized that she had no say in how his feelings adjusted over time, but she didn't want him to play the victim in front of her.
"You have an answer already!" Lillian replied coldly.
"I have no such-" Before Lillian could strongly place her answer, Diego jumps in fear.
"Don't Lilly, please. You have never given me an opportunity. You've dated plenty. I never questioned because I knew they would all be futile. I- thought, over time- you will forget about her and would finally see my- affection. How- did this happen?" Diego quivered in shock.
"Diego, stop it! It's different."
"No. No. No. I won't accept it. No. Lillian Grey, you have to understand me- my- my feelings for you. I- I- I promise to take care of you. I'll treat you like a queen. We'll have fun, and we are already good friends. No one can say anything about you. I- I have- I promise to love you more than Giselle. No one is going to judge you if you choose me. She- Giselle- can't give everything. You can never be happy with her. I- I will make you happy and give you the world, Lilly. Please-"
"Diego, stop it!"
"I don't need the world or wish to be treated like a queen. I just want to love her and be happy with her. You can't give me what I want, so just accept the reality. And- I don't care what others are going to think. I can't sacrifice love for acceptance. It's okay if people judge us. I will be happy if I am with her."
"You can't."
"That's my personal, Diego. I don't want you interfering in my life anymore!"
"Personal! Haha- personal. Why? Did you ever not see me more than a friend?
Was I just a dumb friend to you all these years?
I always put you first. Didn't I make your heart skip a beat? Not even once?"
Lillian stood up to leave at once. She knew Diego wasn't in the state to process everything. Besides, it's best for both of them.
"I've had that doubt over the years. Seeing me in a wreck and fail every relationship. Often, I wondered about your kindness, thinking, does he see me more than a friend. But whenever such a thought crossed my mind, you always made sure that your kindness was as of a dear friendship. Your affection for me- I respect it. And I'm grateful that you always put me first. Just like that, such misconceptions disappear to my own guilt of disrespecting our friendship. I have always seen you as a dear friend, Diego, who stood by my side regardless. Nothing more. Nothing less."
"I'm sorry for giving you more space and rights in my life. Such privileges led you to change your feelings for me. Not that I am saying it's bad or that I'm disrespecting your feeling for me. As much as I appreciate it, you also know that I loved Giselle for a very long time. You've seen me broken down because of her. Just like you, I thought you would understand me one day- that my love for her is worthy and not some bluff you're misinterpreting. All the times when you said that our love isn't valid, I- always believed that one day, just one day, Diego will see through my heart."
Lillian chuckled sadly in discomfort.
"I didn't think that you have your own imagination running wild."
She looked at him, staring sincerely for the last time. Not any anger surfaced in her features except pity for both, including herself.
"I can't have you in my life anymore. Not after knowing what you did to Giselle. It's not fair for her. She had already endured all these years. She is still afraid to say a word because of our friendship. How can you do this to her? I don't care about your feelings, Diego. What you did is wrong. I'm controlling myself because of the respect I had for you. I was fuming to kill you myself tonight while driving here. I was so mad at you. Trust me! I could've punched you in your face. But it's that same face I believed all this time. Frankly, I can't do it anymore. I am very angry with you. But I can't move a muscle at you. Just remember that you lost my trust. I don't wish to see you anymore, even as a friend. This day, here, we'll go separate ways. What happens in my life is my personal, and I don't care about yours. I'll tell you for the millionth time. I love Giselle. She is the only one for me. And I wish to spend the rest of my life with her. That goes the same for Lia. They're both my family from now onwards. You're not anymore. So, don't you dare think of hurting my family again? Because I will not control myself next time. It's better this way. I won't know what I would do to you. Just get out of my life, Diego!"
Lillian's presence left the place, leaving Diego alone in his apartment as he wished. Diego kneeled in the same spot, shaken as a part of him always imagined this to be the result of his secret feelings for his friend.
Unable to move a muscle, his frozen figure drowned in regret. Shame and guilt overthrew his feelings for Lillian Grey. Under such great pain, he could finally see with his eyes open all the things he had done wrong, hoping it would all benefit him somehow.
His silence had lastly given him an answer.
(hah...)