Kapitel 293: The worst Birthday
'It is not right to hold such thoughts about your best friend, isn't it?'
***
One holds no power over their feelings. You cannot control the way your heart reacts to something. It's just plainly hopeless.
And that is why you should never listen to what your damn heart says. Act to its desires or give it an opportunity even to consider its opinion.
..
It felt like magic.
As if every inch of your being feels thankful for being born because of that moment. To set free of your seized heart. However, it was a terrifying risk to dare to try and make this decision. Ivy regretted the minute after leaning forward to kiss Bridgette.
A perfect moment when her lips touched, tasted sweet after years of yearning.
Imagining for how long she held those strange yet sensitive feelings to herself ever since realizing it. Asking herself several questions, and constantly worrying if such emotions were a sin, blaming herself for the unusual change in behavior.
As a student, possessing such thoughts always meant immoral. She convinced herself every time, telling lies and struggling to hide her truth.
Becoming an adult gave her the freedom to explore and expand her knowledge. Learning new things and being independent put her back to the misery of doubting herself again. Challenging the friendship with Bridgette and every possible theory landed on a single answer, love.
By this time, Ivy realized that she is, in fact, fallen in love with her close friend, Bridgette. Nonetheless, these new feelings are against society's standards. Owning it means you will be laughed at, judged, and disrespected all along in your life.
The things she learned while growing up differed from the way she ended up living.
It was all chaos.
Despite the strong resentment of possessing such thoughts, Ivy finally broke the wall today. When all seemed perfect, and her heart yearned to express itself, without considering what will happen next, she leaned to convey her feelings for once in a most tender way.
**
Breaking away the kiss suddenly, Ivy looked away. Bridgette still astounded from what happened, appeared speechless.
It doesn't seem to be a prank or a play to judge, because she saw Ivy's face sulk lower, refusing to look at her. Their best conversation turned to an absolute nightmare as the two sat next to each other, without uttering a word. The after credits of the movie finally played with subtle noises.
Bridgette did not feel anything inside. She plainly watched at Ivy, and the sound of a random advertisement broke in to alarm her.
Startled Bridgette, found Ivy still motionless. She couldn't feel any damn thing inside, and that bothered Bridgette more. Wishing at least to be angry, she wondered what to do in this situation.
Ivy's face went dark. It was her birthday, and Bridgette hoped to give her a pleasant time.
Seeing the look that completely defies that wish, Bridgette's hand reached out for Ivy naturally.
Ivy sensed the approaching aid. She was not ready to face this person now. Living through the consequence felt painful to endure. So, she stood up, abruptly rejecting the hand that was reaching out for her.
"I- I'm sorry."
Ivy wanted to say that it was a mistake, but somehow she couldn't whisper such severe words. So long did she suppress herself, living a lie, and when the first time she listened to her heart, it got scary. There was no more flame of love, but cold fear crawling inside of her. Building its base, and threatening every second, the alarm urged Ivy to run away.
"Thank you for the cake."
"Thank you for dinner."
She said to find her jacket and left the place without another word to follow.
Bridgette heard the door shut to her ears. Still dazed from what happened, she felt weak in heart. Her fatigue reacted to her current feeling, seizing the chance, and wearing her out last. She switched off the television and slipped on the couch, staring at the birthday cake, half-empty wine bottle, and the stained glasses with very little quantity of wine left, respectively.
She couldn't sleep despite the inevitable exhaustion. Simply laying there, she kept staring at the cake.
***
Ivy returned to their studio and found both guys already fallen asleep on the floor. Bethany alone remained on the same spot, watching movies. She noticed Ivy and looked at the time to see that it was three in the early morning.
"Welcome back," she greeted.
Ivy's face became sore and cold from staying out longer. The looming sadness behind the frozen skin and shivering limbs grew invisible to Bethany. She nodded in return and walked across the two dormant bodies to get to the couch.
"You're still watching movies!" Ivy said, sitting a few inches away from Bethany, removing the jacket and feeling the warmth from the heater to relieve the stinging cold.
"Yes. Parker gave up a little late than midnight. I think it's because of the alcohol. We were drinking way out of our league," Bethany replied.
Ivy glanced at Parker, who slept flat on his back and David's head resting on his belly.
"David and I continued to watch when he started to brag about old films, and I argued that today's cinema is also superior. We got into a heated conversation, and he eventually retired, taking his words to his sleep as well. Look at him, he fell far, and now he moved his way to use Parker's body as his pillow-" Bethany shrieked mutely, "creep," she shivered.
Ivy glanced at them again.
"As for me, I chose to watch an old film. Despite the debate, I still found myself agreeing to a few things David pointed out with film nowadays and in the past. I wanted to learn from it, so-" Bethany signaled at the TV, and Ivy saw the movie "It happened one night" with Claudette Colbert's famous hitchhiking scene.
"Do you know this film, Ivy?" Bethany asked out of curiosity.
Ivy nodded, recalling the time at the beginning of adulthood when she spent every night watching as many movies as she could. It was a part of her self-training to learn more about making good cinema.
"Hmm..." Bethany said and returned to watch the film.
It turned silent for the first time, and there were only two sounds echoed inside the room. One from the television and the other is David's deep haunting snores.
Ivy did not move a muscle but leaned back to rest as she did not care to spend a second, thinking about what happened with Bridgette. It was too hard to process, and it drained her natural confidence. Roaming a few hours outside to distract herself from worrying, she got caught in the October breeze and chose to return home at once.
"Were you able to reach on time today?" Bethany asked after a few minutes of silence.
"You said you had to be somewhere today," she added.
Ivy lifted her head to look at her, and she had her eyes fixed on the television.
"Yes. Yes, I did."
"Hmm... How did it go?" she asked again.
Ivy could not understand what Bethany meant, but the question affected her deeply.
"I made a stupid mistake!" Ivy replied, answering as if the question was about how things went with Bridgette.
Bethany may be young, but she was able to predict from the trembling hands, the possibility of Ivy roaming outside due to personal affair. Seeing the worn face, the young lady did not pry her anymore.
"It's natural that we make mistakes and- senior-" Bethany called in her unique nickname for Ivy.
The two exchanged glances, "Don't worry about it. Things will work out in the end somehow- like in this movie!" Bethany said to comfort.
Ivy smiled momentarily, and they returned once again to watch the film.
Following a few seconds, Bethany quietly wished Ivy on her 30th Birthday.
"Are you genuinely wishing me or bragging about your youth?" Ivy asked.
"Both!" Bethany replied.
"Silly brat!"
'It may turn out to be the worst birthday ever!' - Ivy thought.
Bethany smirked as she watched the film, and Ivy shortly fell asleep as sinking back to the sofa, finally admitting to her exhaustion.
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
-- Power-
Rangliste 
-- Power-
Stein