Su Yan silently nodded to himself, feeling more than satisfied with what he had written until now. This definitely showed a lot about his protagonist and the world he lived in and there definitely were lots of hints about the future developments in there! In fact, it was probably an understatement to call them hints. Wasn't this directly insinuating what would happen in future chapters?
And he hadn't just implemented the system's suggestions but also started to do what the readers had wanted. Well, alright, there wasn't a sword fight just yet but Dou Fang Hai and Jin Bao Fu were already butting heads. It was just a question of time when the first sword fight would happen.
Mn, as soon as Dou Fang Hai learned from Ziju An how to wield a sword he'd find an opportunity to incite a fight between him and Jin Bao Fu again. It shouldn't be that difficult to do that considering how angry and humiliated Jin Bao Fu would be after losing this first competition.
In a happy mood, Su Yan went back to write this so-called competition. Naturally, Dou Fang Hai would be the one to win. After all, while the prince had learned martial arts and gotten exposure to weapons from an early age Dou Fang Hai had lived as a normal child in the city. Most of his days had been spent playing with other children. Throwing stones and scoring a hit definitely wasn't difficult for him.
Just when Su Yan had detailed how the boys made their first two attempts someone knocked on the table next to him. Su Yan winced and looked up only to find his boyfriend standing there smiling with a bag of food in his hand.
"May I take a bit of your time or is it bad right now?"
"Eh, the food arrived already? Didn't I just write a few minutes?"
"Darling, there was some problem with the order. It's nearly been an hour." Nie Chang put the bag down and started to unpack. "So, how did it go? Did you look at the comments already?"
Su Yan stared at him, his face blank.
"What? Were the comments not good?" Nie Chang stopped with what he was doing and stepped closer to Su Yan. "Don't worry about it. Whoever said something bad about your story just doesn't have good taste!" He ruffled Su Yan's hair and wanted to go in for a hug when Su Yan finally moved again.
"That's not it! I … I forgot." He tightened his lips and averted his eyes.
"You … You mean you forgot to look at your comments?"
Su Yan nodded hurriedly.
"That …" Nie Chang sighed and patted Su Yan's head. What was he even supposed to say to that? "Do you want to look now or wait until after you've eaten?"
Su Yan looked from Nie Chang to the food and finally to his notebook. Thinking of the comments he might have gotten he suddenly didn't feel like eating at all …
Nie Chang sighed when he saw his boyfriend's expression. "Alright, go look at your comments first. I'll bring the food for Old Lao and Gong Gong to the back."
"Mn." Su Yan hurriedly opened the website and navigated to his new story.
This time he was more or less prepared so he wasn't as shocked when he saw that there had already been several hundred views and that a few people had already written reviews. He ignored the reviews for now and instead clicked on the story to get to the first chapter.
The comments … Su Yan still gaped. How were there nearly a hundred comments? He took a closer look and noticed that it was the usual suspects that were responsible for this.
Master's favorite disciple: [Eh? Are these two the main characters this time? So it's really not two disciples of the same sect this time! It's actually about the sect master and his senior martial brother! (O∆O)]
Let me kiss you, little junior: [Wait! Doesn't this mean it's still about two disciples of the same sect? ། ﹒︣ ‸ ﹒︣ ། I mean they were disciples once …]
Transmigrated ML waiting for his shou: [If they are, the sect master is clearly the shou! (¬‿¬) Just look at how his senior martial brother treats him!]
Let me kiss you, little junior: [En, that's for sure! Ah, I guess he'll be one of those cold-faced gongs then.]
Rotten things smell sweet: [Cold-faced gong? Me like! (●♡∀♡)]
Fujo with glasses: [What are the few of you even talking about? Has nobody read the synopsis Lao Gong Says I'm The Best provided? It's clearly stated there that it's about a disciple and his master.]
Rotten things smell sweet: [Whoa! Wasn't that what you predicted, Fujo with glasses?! Be honest with us! Is Lao Gong Says I'm The Best another account of yours?! ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )]
Master's favorite disciple: [Talking about cold faces … Has anyone seen Cold-faced CEO? Didn't he notice that Lao Gong Says I'm The Best uploaded another story?]
Let me kiss you, little junior: [Don't worry about that guy, little junior! He's probably busy with some CEO stuff and will hurry over as soon as he's finished. So let's not talk about him and get to know each other better instead! (*^▽^*) This big brother could help teach you sword arts … ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]
Su Yan frowned. What were these guys doing? Had they even read the chapter? And was that Let me kiss you, little junior flirting in the comments section?! What was going on here?!
He hurriedly shook his head and scrolled further down to find some more normal comments. Unfortunately, he was bound to be disappointed. There were some normal readers who commented on the content of the first chapter but as soon as one of the other guys came along everything derailed and ended in completely different conversations.
Su Yan shook his head again and went back to the main page of the project. These were comments. It was expected for them to get a little off-topic sometimes. He'd just go and take a look at the reviews instead! Certainly, the reviews would be more normal, wouldn't they?
Su Yan took one look at the reviews and closed his notebook, turning to the food Nie Chang had brought instead. Never mind, he'd much rather spend some time with his boyfriend instead of seeing what those few people had done again. Speaking of that … Where was his boyfriend even?
Su Yan looked around but couldn't see him. Instead, he only saw the customers browsing through the store. Uh … It probably wasn't too good to spend so much time writing. He hadn't kept an eye on the store at all. Everyone of them could have taken something and just went outside and he wouldn't even have noticed!
Su Yan straightened up and nodded to himself. Starting from after his lunch break he would pay more attention! This was his boyfriend's store, after all. He had to make sure that Nie Chang wouldn't incur any losses!
When Nie Chang came back from the back room he found a suspiciously motivated Su Yan at the counter. He froze and observed this strange phenomenon for a bit. Just what had happened? Hadn't he only been gone for like … five minutes?
Nie Chang carefully stepped closer and sat down next to Su Yan. "So? How did it look?"
"Mn?" Su Yan turned around and jerked. "Nobody stole anything!"
Nie Chang's brows raised. Why did this sound as if somebody had stolen from his store? He turned away, took out his own notebook and looked through the footage of the surveillance camera from the last few minutes. Nothing. It was the same as usual.
Confused, Nie Chang turned back to his boyfriend. "Nobody stole anything."
"That's what I said!"
Nie Chang blinked. "Then why did you look so … caught?"
"Caught?" Su Yan's gaze flitted through the room before coming back to Nie Chang's face. "What are you even talking about? Don't just go and accuse people of something! Let's eat!"
"Alright …" Nie Chang just shook his head and started eating. He couldn't help but take another glance at his boyfriend though. Why was Su Yan looking around so conspicuously? This seemed more and more as if something was wrong.
Well, he would probably tell him later on. For now, he only had to make sure that Su Yan wouldn't scare their customers off. He had to divert his attention somehow.
"So … in the end, what did they comment on the first chapter? You already had a look, hadn't you?"
Su Yan turned around and pursed his lips. "Don't even talk about it. It was all a big mess. I also don't understand why." Su Yan frowned and stared at his noodles with a disgruntled expression. "At first everything was normal but then they suddenly started flirting. In my comment section!" Su Yan looked up with righteous indignation written in his eyes, startling Nie Chang into almost dropping his food.
"They … flirted in your comments section?"
"Yes! Isn't that horrible? Why were they doing that to me? Wasn't my first chapter good enough?" Su Yan suddenly paused. "Eh? Seems like I forgot something …" Su Yan scratched his head.
It seemed he had only checked the system's feedback after writing his very first chapter? So in other words … He hadn't used that practice task-thingy he had unlocked previously?! Oh god! He was such an idiot!
Su Yan hurriedly put the food away and opened his notebook again, immediately clicking on the system again. Ah, thankfully, he had only posted one chapter up until now! He could still make changes to the other chapters if he needed to.
He hastily navigated to the practice task about the beginning of a story and this time chose [Upload an edited version of a beginning to get feedback]. He hurriedly copied all the chapters he had written until now and pasted them into the space the system had provided him with.
If he remembered correctly, then the system had said the beginning would be about a fifth of the whole novel. He had no idea how long the novel would get but this certainly couldn't be a fifth already. So, it should be alright to have the system judge everything.
Well, the system didn't mind everything and just started to display the same messages he had seen the last time already.
[Evaluating setting.]
[Evaluating characters.]
[Identifying main characters.]
[Evaluating style.]
[Evaluating incorporation of information (IncIn).]
[Evaluating probability of grabbing reader's attention (GRAP).]
[Identifying problems.]
[Compiling suggestions for improvement.]
[Appraising skill level.]
[Organizing results.]
[Setting: 5/5
Characters: 5/5
Style: 4/5
Incin: 4/5
GRAP: 5/5
Overall rating: 4.6/5
Evaluation: The host has managed to provide necessary information about the setting, characters, and development of the story. The potentially generated interest of readers is judged to be high. Please try implementing the following suggestions for further improvement.
1) Naming: With Jin Bao Fu, Xue Chang Fu, Dou Jin Fu and Yue Fu Gang as characters and Fu Yun peak as a place mentioned early on the character 'Fu' is judged to be used at a higher than average frequency. Consider changing the name of at least two characters to make them more easily distinguishable and thus more memorable for your readers.
2) IncIn: The reader is provided with necessary information about the story concerning the characters, setting, and future development of the story. Part of the information is conveyed through the interaction of characters while another part is told to the reader. Try to rely less heavily on the second variant and instead convey more through your characters and their actions.
3) Style: The beginning is well-planned and manages to grab the readers' attention through the plot. Besides a good story the beginning should also showcase your ability as a writer. Try to highlight your ability in the use of words.]
Su Yan blinked. This … This was probably the highest score the system had ever given him! In fact, this was nearly a perfect score! Ah, maybe he should have submitted this as the final version already!
Su Yan happily pushed his chair toward Nie Chang's side of the counter and clutched his arm. "Ah Chang, the system said that I'm a really great writer! You were right. I really am the best!"
A super late chapter that will be edited tomorrow morning
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