Kapitel 157: A Big Leap In Logic There?
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[-Continuation-]
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[-Yukinoshita Yukino's POV-]
"Well, is it yourself?"
The words slipped out before I could stop them, a reflex born from countless interactions with him.
Immediately, regret crept in.
Goodness. Really, Yukino?
Is this how you handle things now?
I quickly cast my gaze down to the ground, desperate to avoid his eyes.
But even with my eyes cast away, I could almost visualize his expression - a wide grin spreading across his typically composed face.
He must look so... Adorable.
Adorable? Seriously, what am I thinking?
How could I think of a grown man as something adorable? He is not even a cat or a panda, for heaven's sake.
A mental image of him sitting comfortably with a fluffy cat curled up on his lap while a smaller kitten playfully twitches its tail atop his head suddenly invaded my thoughts, causing my heart to skip a beat.
No, no, no! Focus, Yukino!
I risked a fleeting glance in his direction, hoping to verify my suspicion, hoping to verify my suspicion while simultaneously praying I was wrong.
Our eyes met for the briefest of moments - was that a sparkle of amusement I detected? - before I promptly averted my gaze again. The flush that had begun on my cheeks now spread, warming the tips of my ears.
This was ridiculous. He didn't even possess a single quality I had ever envisioned in a potential partner.
He was lazy, cynical, and had the emotional intelligence of a teaspoon.
So how, pray tell, did I end up here, feeling this way? My heart fluttering like a trapped bird whenever he was near?
Oh, Yukino. You have fallen, and fallen hard, haven't you?
And the worst part? A tiny, rebellious part of me didn't mind one bit.
Was it during that accident when our paths collided unexpectedly?
Or perhaps it was that moment in the club room when we faced each other directly.
Maybe it was that 'fake' date we had while shopping for a gift for Yui.
No, it must have started even earlier.
Further back, perhaps - before I even met him, before the accident, before our lives became intertwined in this strange and inevitable way.
The thought of how these feelings might have begun before I even realized it made me pause, reflecting on how deeply my perception had shifted over time.
….
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[Yukinoshita Yukino - Six Year Old POV]
I am Yukinoshita Yukino - the youngest of the Yukinoshita household, and at six years old.
…..and I was always acutely aware of my differences from other children my age.
I have a secret friend - a stuffed panda named Pan-san. She sits on my bed, always ready to listen to anything I say. I tell her about the books I have read and the big words I have learned. Pan-san never laughs at me or tells me I am weird for liking grown-up things.
Though I enjoy playing with Pan-san, I typically don't like toys.
While other children my age were revealed to play games outside, run around incoherently, and cry at the top of their lungs. It seems so... messy.
I would much rather sit under a tree and read books.
Is that strange? Pan-san doesn't think so.
I found comfort in quieter hobbies.
Naturally, thanks to this peculiar preference, I found it difficult to form friendships.
I found myself isolated, more content in the company of books than with other children.
One day, I sneaked into the kitchen late at night to get a cookie. I feel very sneaky and grown-up, like a cat burglar in one of my books.
But just as I was about to make my exit, a pang of guilt struck me. I quickly scribbled a little note that read, 'Sorry for the cookie' and left it next to the jar.
As I turned to leave, I overheard my older sister talking about something called a 'crush.'
It sounded rather painful, so I forgot about the half-eaten cookie in my hand and rushed over to her, asking if it was like when I accidentally dropped a book on my toe.
She laughed so hard! I don't understand.
It was also around that time when my elder sister tried to explain a concept called 'love' to me.
Of course, it wasn't about familial love, it was what she called 'romantic love.'
Regrettably(:unregrettably) I couldn't quite grasp it at that time.
Her explanations were convoluted and confusing, leaving me to dismiss the idea as something not worth pursuing.
I also love spending time in Daddy's big office.
It's so quiet and important-looking, with tall bookshelves and a big, shiny desk. Sometimes, I sit on the soft carpet and color while Dad works. He looks so grown-up and smart, typing on his computer and talking on the phone.
One day, I asked Dad if I could sit in his big chair.
He smiled and lifted me up, and suddenly I felt so tall!
I spun around once and giggled. Dad just winked at me and went back to his papers.
Mom can be a bit scary sometimes.
She always wants everything to be perfect, including my hair ribbons.
But Dad doesn't seem to be afraid of her at all. Sometimes he even makes jokes on her when she is not around.
Once, when Mom was being extra serious, Dad whispered to me.
"I have lived with that scary person for many years and survived, so I must be even greater."
I thought about that for a while. If Dad could handle Mom, he must be really, really brave and strong!
That thought was ….reassuringly admirable.
I told Dad. "That's cool! I want to marry someone like you when I grow up!"
I will spare you the details of my Dad's reaction to that comment.
Was that the wrong thing to say? Grown-ups are confusing sometimes.
I wonder what it's like to be married. Do you get to have sleepovers every night? Do you share your snacks and toys? It must be nice to have a best friend to live with forever.
….
Regardless, the declaration that was made is an innocent simplicity of childhood, from a fleeting notion.
So, as time passed and my understanding of family, relationships, and the complexities of life evolved, that childhood declaration faded into the background.
The world proved to be far more intricate and challenging than my young self had imagined.
In conclusion, the declaration was nothing but a moment of naive idealism, where the image of my father - whom I saw as an unassailable paragon of virtue - colored my childish perceptions of what a partner should be.
But that ideal was inevitably shattered when faced with the harsh realities of life, leaving behind a more complex understanding of what it truly means to love and be loved.
….
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[-Back To Present-]
However, that long-forgotten declaration finally resurfaced, like a seed that had been buried deep, waiting for the right moment to bloom.
And now, here I am - having finally met him…
The unexpected figure who seemed to be the love of my life.
Why… Why is my heart racing like this?
This can't be right. It must be a momentary lapse - just the cold evening air playing tricks on me.
Tomorrow, when I wake, he will probably turn out to be just like every other immature, bothersome guy I have encountered.
Lazy, self-centered, lacking in both ambition and basic human decency.
A fool, without a doubt.
That's what I thought initially, wasn't it?
But if this - this fluttering in my chest, this inexplicable warmth - is what my sister calls love…
Get a grip on yourself, Yukino.
My fingers nervously twisted the hem of my coat, betraying the inner turmoil I was desperately trying to control.
The silence between us grew, laden with an unfamiliar and heavy tension.
I dared another glance at him. There he was, seated with an untroubled posture, reclining back casually on the bench.
Idiot. Is it possible that I am the only one making a fuss over this? Am I the real fool here?
The awkward silence stretched on, feeling like an eternity, until Hikigaya finally broke it, his voice cutting through the stillness.
"Yukinoshita, do you ever think about the future?"
Hmm, was he trying to play it cool?
Regardless, it gave me the moment I needed to collect my thoughts.
"...." - "...."
Another silence fell between them.
I fiddled with a strand of hair, tucking it behind my ear as I attempted to regain my composure. The chill of the evening air made my cheeks feel warm, and I turned my gaze to the horizon, seeking something, anything, to ground me.
"The future? You mean like retirement plans and pension funds?" I asked, my tone light.
Normally, if someone else mentioned 'the future' and 'aspirations,' I wouldn't think of those things. But since it's Hikigaya we're talking about…
He rolled his eyes slightly, a flicker of irritation dancing across his face. "No, I mean... more like personal futures. Relationships, for instance?"
He added with a smirk. "You know, the one about future aspirations."
My eyebrow arched slightly. "Oh? I wasn't aware you had any aspirations beyond becoming a full-time layabout."
"H-haha…" He deadpanned, but there was a hint of nervousness in his voice.
Hikigaya began. "Actually, I have been reconsidering some things lately."
That's news to me…
"Really now?" I asked a little intrigued, giving him my full attention. "Do tell."
He shifted his eyes. "Well, you know how I have always said I wanted to be a house-husband?"
"It has been mentioned once or twice." I replied dryly. "Or perhaps a few hundred times."
"Right. So, I've been thinking that... maybe that goal is a bit shortsighted."
I wasn't sure where this conversation was headed, but it seemed like he had something important to say.
I leaned forward slightly, genuinely interested. "And this insight has brought you to...?"
"Well…" He began. "To be a house-husband, you need... a wife."
"Quite the revelation." I nodded, a faint smile playing on my lips.
A big leap in logic there?
Wasn't he supposed to start with finding a girlfriend first, rather than jumping straight to wife material?
The thought made me smile softly. But on second thought, it didn't sound half bad at all.
"So, what does this newfound clarity lead you to?" I asked, my voice softening with a mixture of curiosity and affection.
….
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[To be continued…]
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