Chapter 19: Our Little Secret
After that embarrassing night with Christian, (I wouldn't exactly say that night was embarrassing because I could have sworn I enjoyed the kiss, but I felt too ashamed to voice out that fact.) I haven't seen him ever since. It's like the repeat of the day we fought over that night over again.
I'd say this time it's mostly my fault. I did see Christian again. Our eyes did meet more times than I could count, but I was always the one who broke eye contact. I was the one who went the other way when he was coming. I was the one who ignored him when he tried to say hi or ask a question. I was the one who muted his calls and his messages so that I wouldn't get any of it.
I was the one who was running away from it.
Michael had even asked me if anything was wrong between us.
"Did you and Christian fight?" He asked one time over lunch.
"Why do you ask?" I asked him back.
"Well, it has been over a week now and I haven't seen you guys together. You don't get calls from him, or messages, I don't see him pop up from anywhere and you don't even complain about him anymore." He replies. "What exactly did you tell him that night?"
We kissed, and then you called, and I pushed him away and I've been avoiding him ever since.
"He's probably busy." I answered. "The midterms are coming up, so he's busy getting ready."
"I'm not sure if you know who we're talking about here." He sneered. "It's Christian Sinclair, Lesley. He never reads." He continues. "Maybe he's with some other girl wasting his life away with her." He snorted
"Or that." I muttered. I gently played with the straw of my drink.
"At least I'm glad he isn't disturbing anymore. I really can't stand him."
"Yeah."
There was a time when I couldn't stand him either. Like I hated being in the same space with him, but now, why do I find him tolerable? And why do I ache at the thought of him being with another girl?
"We have class in ten minutes, let's go." Michael stands up and I follow suit.
....
"It looks like it's going to rain today." Michael points out as we near the building.
I glance up at the clouds but it looks clear as day.
"Are you sure about that? I don't see signs."
"My throat gets itchy when it's about to rain."
"Are you sure you don't just have an itchy throat?" I ask him.
"Then why has my throat always been itchy right before rain falls?"
"Coincidence?" I ask as we settle down together in the class.
Immediately that word left my mouth, it suddenly started to drizzle. I turned to the window.
The soft shower turned into a downpour and I stared at it in astonishment.
"What were you saying about coincidence?" Michael asks and scoffs.
Our professor walks in and silences the class.
Two hours of teaching later and it was still raining outside.
The forecast didn't say it was going to rain today, so I didn't leave home prepared. And it was today of all days I decided to wear a sleeveless short gown.
"Thank God it's my last class of the day." I muttered as I watched the rain beat against the windows.
"You're lucky. I have to go and tutor off campus."
"You tutor?" I turned to him, surprised.
He nods. "I do. Need the extra cash."
"Wow."
After waiting another 20 minutes, the rain started to reduce and went back to a shower.
"I should be able to get a cab now." I stood up.
"You're going?" Michael asks.
"Yeah."
"But it's still raining."
"Just a little." I replied. "I'm not about to get stuck on campus. The rain can change any second. This is the perfect time to leave."
"Let me help in hailing a cab then."
We both walked outside, but my steps faltered when I saw Christian standing by the entrance of the building, and he was watching the rain and the people that went under it.
"Christian?" I called out softly.
He turned to me and gave me a little smile.
"What are you doing here?"
"I think I'm going to get back in." Michael says beside me and I smile at him.
"Sure. Thanks anyway."
"See you later."
I turned back to Christian.
"Well, it's literally pouring." He points to the rain. "And since it wasn't in the forecast that it was going to rain, I thought you wouldn't have an umbrella with you, so I brought one." He holds up the umbrella.
"Since when have you been here?" I ask him and he scratches the back of his hair.
"Right when the rain started." I furrowed my eyebrows.
What?
"Don't you have class?"
Because that's the only plausible explanation that would explain why he would come and wait here for me when it rained for over two hours.
"I do." He answers. "Well, I did."
"Then why are you here?" I ask again.
"Because you didn't have an umbrella and I didn't want you to go under the rain."
"You could have called to check. What if I had an umbrella with me or I never came to class."
"That would have sucked, and you weren't picking my calls." He reminds me.
Right. I muted him.
He takes a step forward. "You're here, it's raining, and I have an umbrella for you. Why don't you let me drop you off at home?"
"I-"
Honestly, I didn't want to leave with him. It would lead to discussions. And discussions would lead to us talking about that night. And I wasn't ready yet.
But it seemed like the rain wasn't going to stop anytime soon and I couldn't just wait here any longer. I was starting to get cold.
"Sure. Let's go." He nods and hands me an umbrella.
He also had his, and he led me to his car. By the time we entered, he turned on the heater and I slowly started to calm down.
Halfway through the ride home, Christian's phone rings. He answers and he puts it on speaker. Billie's voice filled the car.
"Hey douche. You home?"
"No." He answers her.
"Well I need you to go home."
"And why?"
"Because mom told me she left some of my books in your bag when you were coming here."
"Yeah. I saw them."
"Well, I need them now but I can't use them because they are at your place. So please could you stop by your house and grab them for me?" Christian glanced at me.
"Sure. Which book should I bring?"
"Just bring them all. I'll be expecting you. I'm at home. Byee." She hangs up.
"You wouldn't mind if I stopped by my place first would you?"
I shake my head. "At all. It's fine."
Why was I acting so formal with him?
He pulled up in front of his house in less than twenty minutes and we both got down.
We walked upstairs and to his house.
"I'll be right back." Christian walked into the room he stored things in and came back outside ten minutes later.
The books were in a box and he dropped in on the counter.
"She has this many books with you?"
"Seems like it." He sighed. "My mom gave them all to me to give it to her because she always kept calling her to send her books."
"Wow."
"Yeah." He pauses. "Want a glass of water?" He asks. "I'm thirsty."
"No, I'm fine." I declined and he nodded.
He walks to the fridge and brings out a jar of water. He takes out a cup from the cupboard and fills it with water.
He drains the cup in a single gulp and returns the jar in the fridge while he drops the cup in the sink.
He sighs and stares at me. "I'm sorry." He apologies suddenly.
"What for?" I found myself asking.
"I shouldn't have kissed you the other day. Because if I hadn't, we wouldn't be like this now."
I tilted my head a little. "How are we like?"
"There's this awkward air lingering around. I don't like it. I miss how we were always nagging at each other."
I don't say anything so he continues. "Can I be truthful with you?" He asks and I nod.
"I liked the kiss. Hell, I want more." He sputtered. "But I know you don't want it, and I know each time I want to kiss you, or I try to kiss you, I keep crossing the line. And I don't want that. Because you recline from me. You cut off any means of communication and you avoid me."
"And that seriously frustrates me. Because without you, my life's boring." I hadn't noticed when he had walked to me. I didn't know when he stood before me.
My lips felt so dry, I slowly licked them with my tongue, moistening them.
His gaze went to my lips and stayed there.
"Even right now, I'm holding back with all I have, I'm holding myself back from grabbing you right here, right now from kissing you." He didn't look away and unconsciously, I licked my lips again.
"Fuck it." He groaned.
The next thing I knew, Christian's lips were pushed up against mine. I automatically kissed him back before pulling away. But he grabbed my arm, pulling me back to him, pushing his lips onto mine once more.
This time, his tongue traced my lips gently. I separated my lips slightly allowing him to slip his tongue in.
My arms went around his neck pulling him closer.
Then again, I pulled away gasping for breath. "We shouldn't do this."
"Why?"
Is he seriously asking why?
"Because we're not supposed to do this." I replied. "You're Billie's brother and-"
"So?"
"It's wrong." I answered. "It's wrong in all ways. If she finds out that I'm sleeping with her brother, she'd be mad and-"
"Then she doesn't have to find out." He interrupts me. "She won't know if we don't tell her."
"I can't do that to her. I-"
"Lesley, listen." Christian holds my hands, staring at me intensely. "This is a matter for us. A matter between us. You want me as much as I want you. I can see it. I've wanted this for god knows how long. We've both wanted this."
"There's seriously nothing holding us back. If you don't want Billie to find out, fine she won't. We will just keep it a secret from her. She doesn't have to find out."
"A secret?" I ask him.
He nods. "Yeah. It'll be our little secret." He trails kisses up my neck. "No one seriously has to know."
I could hardly fathom what he was saying. The last thing I truly heard was keeping this a secret from Billie.
Although my mind was strongly against this, my body had other conflicting ideas.
Christian suddenly pulled away and stared at me in the eyes. His brown eyes suddenly became darker. "We good?" He asks.
"Yeah." I nod briskly. "I can keep a secret." I breathed out as I pulled his lips against mine.
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